|Posted - Aug 28 2007 : 9:27PM|
She just now posted this blog from her myspace. Sad day indeed.
"*sigh* Well, my plan WAS to fill you all in on my past week and a half of life. But, sometimes things change in an instant. I CAN tell you that a few weeks back, I was as high on life. I felt that there was nothing in the world that could bring me down. I was given permission, by my husband, to have sex with other men. When I was first told, I never thought for a second that I could actually ever go through with it, so I just teased him by telling him stories of me having sex with other men, and it was a lot of fun. I did mention to him that if I were ever to do it, it had to be someone I was extremely attracted to. Well, that day came along. I found the perfect man to share this experience with. I told this man that I wanted to have sex with him and that I would pay for him to get tested so that we could enjoy ourselves knowing that we were safe. I had been around this guy in the past and Herpes was brought up, but it was never a straight forward question, so my answer was that 99.9% of the porn industry has Herpes. I thought by saying that it was pretty clear, but I should never have assumed. I got the test results back from Aim Healthcare and his test was negative for everything, so we set a time and a place for our rendezvous and I went on about my merry way. I was in heaven, feeling like I was thirteen year old again and having my first kiss at Skateworld. I had so much desire for this man and didn't even know it until my husband told me of his fantasy. Well, I went to meet up with him and we shared some of the most incredible sex I've ever had. We began to talk about how responsible we felt for doing it this way and that people should do it like this more often. Get tested, get permission and totally enjoy yourselves. It didn't even take ANYTHING away from the excitement of it! In fact, it may have made it even better! Then we started talking about STDs and he brings up Herpes! He says, "You don't have that do you?" My heart almost hit the floor and my gut tightened up like a knot. It's a little late in the game to be asking this now, don't you think? It was as much his responsibility as it was mine, so I can't really place any blame. I really thought he knew since we had talked briefly about it before. NEVER ASSUME ANYTHING!!!! I couldn't even tell him the truth at that moment because I was so embarrassed. I just blurted out, "NO!" I kept thinking how am I going to tell him. This is a man who doesn't work in the adult industry, granted I don't know what he does in his personal life, but I should have said something before it was too late. I never said a word and left. I called Aiden right away and told him what happened and immediately after that I called "the other man" to tell him that I lied. I explained everything and told him how I felt and he was actually really calm and nice about it all. I took him to Aim Healthcare the next day to talk about it and told him I would pay to get him tested again and that I would take care of it for him. I am just crossing my fingers that I did not give him HSV-2 for life. Now you all know why I posted the Herpes blog because I went through a lot emotionally and got very stressed out over it all. I actually lost sleep and my appetite for awhile. Now everything is calmed down and I feel a lot better. My husband's fantasy is gone. And even it if it weren't I don't think I could have sex with anyone else at this point. I am fine with having sex with just my husband for the rest of my life. You don't have to ask me twice.
Anyway, here's the kicker. I started shooting the Vivid feature, The Devil in Miss Jones: Lost Paradise and everything was going well. I've been working 13 hour days and it's been challenging because I don't usually do these kinds of projects. I know that it's worth it to me though, because when I get to sit down and watch the finished product, I'll see all the hard work I put into it. The night of the 23rd, after my shower, I was putting some lotion on and felt what I thought was a rash on my upper butt cheek. I was like, what the hell is this? and kept trying to think of how I could have gotten it and from where, or was it a bug bite or something? I could not seem to pin point it. I left it alone and thought, well, it will be gone in a couple of days, no worries. But it has only gotten worse. I had to cancel my sex scenes for today and I went to the doctor, only to find that he thinks it Herpes. I am not 100% sure yet because the culture won't be back until Friday, but he loaded me up with medication. The thing is, it's not a normal sized breakout. It happens to be 2 inches in diameter and it's on my ass!!!!!!!! This isn't the worst thing that could happen. I am totally aware of that, but it is a big fucking deal to me considering the size and the placement! He even said it could very well leave a scar because of the size of it. I nearly cried! It's days like this that make my job suck. If there were one thing that I could name that would make me not want to have sex for a living it would be STDs! And that is why I am telling you all of this today. I will no longer be performing with other people. I'll still be doing solo scenes for extras on my movies and also directing, dancing and signings.
This is really a big decision for me and it hurts me in some ways, but the way I look at... it's time to let me body relax. I just don't want to risk getting Herpes all over my body, or in my eyes, or genital warts or even HIV Don't worry, I'm not leaving the business, I'm just not going to be performing in front of the camera anymore. I know that is why a lot of you are my fans, but I hope you continue to be a fan of my work directing and behind the camera in the years to come. I can't thank you all enough for supporting my career throughout the years! And I'll still be here telling you all about my adventures in life and all of the other really hot guys and girls I've been
Kimi Lixx,Julie Night,Tina Tyler and then everyone else.
Arrogant & Obnoxious Narcissist
|Posted - Aug 28 2007 : 10:42PM|
I like Belladonna-directed movies but honestly, I'm only interested in them if she's in'em, having some hot boy/girl sex like she did back in the day. Even her current "look" never bothered me.
That may be true but as far as I'm and a lot of her fans are concerned, that's the only part of the business we really, truly care about. Leaving peforming equals leaving the "business" in their eyes.
All good things come to an end. It's unfortunate how Bella reached her decision but no one stays around forever. I wish her the best.
|Posted - Aug 28 2007 : 10:46PM|
It takes A LOT of courage to come out and talk about STDs and what she may or may not have. She has give so much to the industry, that will respect her and remember her for a very long time to come. I can not blame her for the decision she's making, after reading the blog. Health comes first, before everything else. Thanks for always pushing the boundaries, and showing people what a female mind is capable of when it comes to porn.
GOOD LUCK BELLADONNA! You were an innovator, and will always be remembered as one.
Evil Angel DVD
Patience is a virtue, but who wants to be virtuous?
|Posted - Aug 28 2007 : 10:48PM|
She'll remain a part of the Evil Angel family as long as she chooses to. :)
love ya sweetie.
|Posted - Aug 28 2007 : 11:38PM|
I feel like a piece of shit for agreeing but CJ is 100% right...Its been a tough week, Belladonna, Jenna and Devon...kinda sucks.
It is what it is
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 12:26AM|
Tricia that is great news to hear. Belladonna is a rare act to replace and i feel her fans will continue to follow her career behind the camera just like in front. i know i will always be a fan of her and her work.
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 12:31AM|
yah i know i will.....whether she is on camera or not i will check out pretty much anything she is associated with.....i appreciate her unique character and presence in the industry.....but i do have to say i checked out manhandled #2 and i thought her scenes were the best ones on the whole DVD
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 8:47AM|
A veteran sex-worker quits her job because of a cold sore.
You can't make this stuff up.
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 9:25AM|
especially if you actually read what she wrote.
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 11:16AM|
Sobering. And quite distressing from a fan's POV. It's easy to pretend STDs don't happen in porn if you don't know exactly who has them. Most of us know herpes is pretty prevalent in porn but we don't really see it and more importantly, we don't have to live with it.
This is tough to reconcile. It's not like it's news, really. But it hits home when you actually read about the emotional and psychological toll.
Tastes so good...
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 12:01PM|
Wow. That took a lot of courage to write and post publicly. Bella was great to watch in front of the camera, but also did great work behind the camera. Although I'll miss seeing her in front of the camera, there's no way that this means I'm losing interest in her. If anything, I've just gained a lot more respect for her and it makes me want to support her all the more.
"I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 12:22PM|
As i said before i think that Bella is the best and most innovative female director, and i will continue to watch her movies. I will miss to see her performing in front of the cams because she always bring us great performances, but i support her decision to quit porn for health reasons!
I wish all the best for Bella and her family future!
Lea DeMae!!!! Simply the Best!!
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 12:31PM|
I loved her stuff from a few years ago, but since returning after her baby duty....she got real nasty.
If I read this right she had sex with someone that is not on camera....right. Just a thought. Oh well, hope she finds the right mix for her.
Jenna should retire, look at how she ruined herself, Devon I do not know. Bella will always be a favorite to me, good luck.
Official BlowBang Judge
Would you like my autograph?
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 1:35PM|
Who is Belladonna?
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 2:06PM|
Off course do i respect every performers wish to change their live. I still think she could perform in solo and/or masturbation stuff. I think our beloved Tricia could have done that too. I just don´t know how "strict" the laws are . Either way ... everything will change eventually ... and it´s not that "we" wouldn´t have enough stuff to enjoy , right ?
Notable Legendary Icon
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 2:23PM|
I hope she'll still do some "fluffing" on those excellent BTS segments.
I'm more interested in her directing than more performances by her ... don't want to be critical in the slightest, but, alas, putting on my porn-critic hat: the weak point in a lot of her B/G scenes since she returned to B/G performing has been the male talent (though Rico Strong is pretty cool). I loved watching her take on the real great male performers (of the Rocco/Nacho/Lex/Brandon days), but so much of her casting of guys is second tier or worse. Sorry ... I know you gotta work with the available talent pool. It's just an unequal match, unless you're playing "female Rocco" (a la Annette Schwarz) and just setting up the stud puppets like bowling pins to be annihilated.
Luckily, Bella has amazing taste in female performers, and I look forward to more of her genuinely passionate pornographizing ...
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 4:18PM|
Lord of Lust
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 4:48PM|
It is very unfortunate that one of the hottest porn stars to ever work in the adult industry has decided to retire but I wish Bella all the best and will always treasure her awesome work.
If you don't break the rules, you'll never have any fun!
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 5:22PM|
I can't really think of anyone who I wanted to be more like in the adult business than Bella. I love the enthusiasm that she put in her scenes. I really loved the freedom that she gave herself to get into whatever she was doing. If you look into her eyes, you can see she's really into whatever it is that she's doing at the time. She's hot, and there's no question that she likes what she is doing. I'm sorry that she's chosen to make that decision, but I applaud the strength it took for her to tell that story and then step down. I certainly wish her the best.
And why am I NOT surprised that on some "other" place she is being torn to shreds and ridiculed.
Edited by - Mindee on 8/29/2007 5:24:25 PM
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 6:44PM|
Sorry to see Belladonna retire. She has been one of my faves. What oral skills!
I was surprised about the STD's. I don't work in the industry - I'm just a fan. But is herpes really widespread in the industry??? I've never heard that before. Is it kind of an unwritten rule that if you choose to work in porn you will get herpes and just have to deal with it? Or is it something that performers try to avoid (i.e. only working with other performers who are negative as well). Just curious.
And best of luck to Belladonna.
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 7:36PM|
I would have been pissed if I was that guy and she gave me Herpes.I have to give her props for owning up to it though. Even if it was later.
BTW - I highly doubt 99.9% of pornstars has Herpes. I think she just said that to give the idiot a hint.
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 7:55PM|
I don't agree at all. maybethat's just me.
I think Bella's movies are great, among the very best out there. But to be honest I was never really that turned on by her. I thinks she's an awesome sexual performer and really cool girl and i love the BTS that she does. She's also the only blog i'm subsribed to. But i won't miss her scenes.
Edited by - Tinaka on 8/29/2007 8:03:45 PM
Edited by - Tinaka on 8/29/2007 8:06:11 PM
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 10:18PM|
I predict that in 2009, Belladonna will be awarded "Comeback Performer of the Year" for her blistering performances in a series of Butt and Lesbian related flicks.
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 10:27PM|
It's kind of upsetting to see that more people don't care about Belladonna the person and everybody is just sorry she won't be making more porn.
I mean, yeah. It's kind of a given that porn stars will be exposed to some bad stuff and herpes is widespread. Imagine what the people who have it and know they have it are going through not being able to talk about it for fear that people won't want to watch their movies anymore.
How sexy would you feel if you were a porn star and you knew you had an STD and you knew porn was how you got it? Imagine how hard it must be for them to smile and pretend they're having a great time. I know these are unpopular things to say and I love porn as much as anyone but stuff like this really makes it tough to put it all out of my mind. Why do I feel guilty?
|Posted - Aug 29 2007 : 11:40PM|
Is that funny? I say yesssss.
Believe and you can Achieve
|Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 12:25AM|
I respect Bella's decision, and I wish her the very best. It's a credit that she performed for as long as she did. Not many performers last as long.
|Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 1:44AM|
|Le Duc de Blangis|
|Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 8:18AM|
i totally support her decision...
she is one of the best performer in porn industry.
I just hope she'll keep her sexual energy to direct great lesbian movies as she always did.
|Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 11:39AM|
Belladonna is one of the few pornstars that seems to love the stuff she was doing. I especially liked her in the early days and her early lesbian encounters. Her films where more erotic 5 years ago. Although I love the more extreme stuff and I love that she explored the boundaries of porn her stuff from the last two years where not erotic for me.
Jada... the best thing in porn
|Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 11:39AM|
Like most everyone, I completely support Belladonna's choice to stop performing. It is inspiring how forthcoming and candid she is revealing her personal rationale behind her decision. I feel naive not having considered that STDs are a prevalent and pervasive concern for performers, thinking that being tested for HIV safeguarded them completely! Personally, this is a wake up call raising my respect and esteem for all the talent, female and male, who put their bodies on the line doing something both they and fans enjoy and find liberating.
Bella, I've loved your work ever since I saw your colorful tats, punk blonde hair, and gap tooth smile in Silvera's Please (5?) - not to mention the birth of my love of ass. Truly, you have been, are, and will continue to be an asset to the industry, a spokeswoman for its integrity, and a pioneer for what this medium can be. Love ya doll!!
Edited by - MythMaker on 8/30/2007 11:40:45 AM
Edited by - MythMaker on 8/30/2007 11:41:40 AM
|Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 11:45AM|
If she is so concerned though about STD's in the adult industry shouldn't she stop making films? If that is the reason she is quitting seems to me like continuing to make movies at all is rathery hypocritical.
You Big Dummy
|Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 12:23PM|
You Big Dummy
|Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 12:25PM|
What is so funny about someone being sick. Maybe you're the sick one. Grow up
|Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 12:34PM|
Get a grip, man. 80% of the Americans has Herpes.
That's what makes this so ridiculous.
Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service.
|Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 12:44PM|
Because you have a conscience.
I'd say Belladonna has some of the biggest balls around, but that would probably lead to more 5yr old jokes. She's got guts. I respect her for that.
|ai no corrida|
|Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 3:00PM|
She posted a clarification/update video in response to the feedback from her original announcement. After watching that, I think I love her even more. I didn't think that was possible, but there you go.
|ai no corrida|
|Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 3:01PM|
Sorry, my linking skills aren't up to par:
|Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 5:43PM|
Who is the Jenna retiring?
|Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 6:09PM|
|Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 9:19PM|
She really should have disabled comments on that video. Ok so far though.
I rock, therefore I am!
|Posted - Aug 31 2007 : 3:29AM|
Realistically, I think the only reason that Belladonna came out and told everyone she had herpes is because someone else was going to out her. Happens all the time with "brave" and "courageous" celebrities coming out of the closet.
|Posted - Aug 31 2007 : 4:26AM|
i'm pretty sure bornyo was referring to the puns, since that's what he quoted. but, either way, i think he should be fucked hard in the ass.
Thanks for the mammaries.
|Posted - Aug 31 2007 : 10:59AM|
# 1 I wish Belladonna the best of everything.
#2 With all of the top shelf Women going into directing, a new direction porn may be on its way. New girls may feel more comfortable working w/ Female directors. Who knows what good things will come from it. I'm trying to look at the positive angles of all this.
|Posted - Aug 31 2007 : 12:34PM|
I was referring to the puns. Puns are funny. Herpes isn't funny. Finding an unintentional pun about herpes is funny.
I rock, therefore I am!
|Posted - Aug 31 2007 : 1:34PM|
Intentional or nonintentional puns are always funny, regardless of the subject.
Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service.
|Posted - Aug 31 2007 : 1:52PM|
Fester, she already talked about having herpes before this. If you're going to question her character at least take the time to read her blog post quoted above.
|Posted - Aug 31 2007 : 2:23PM|
Belladonna has courage and a conscience.
|Posted - Aug 31 2007 : 2:29PM|
She didn't quit her job, because she doesn't have a job. She works for herself and has a career. It's no less a career because it involves performing in sex scenes.
There's nothing absurd or ridiculous about her decision, but she doesn't owe you any explanations in the first place.
Do you think you're better than her? Cool enough to smirk at her? If so, please explain why.
|Posted - Aug 31 2007 : 2:30PM|
Edited by - Drew Black on 9/2/2007 5:09:36 PM
|Posted - Aug 31 2007 : 3:19PM|
Calm down Bob. It's only Belladonna.
|Posted - Aug 31 2007 : 3:47PM|
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