An Anal Dilemma

Author	Post
Chris718 Member 153 Posts 6/02	Posted - Oct 4 2002 : 10:21AM Hi, all. I have tried to initiate anal sex with my girlfriend several time, but got shot down each and every time. She has her excuse like "It hurts" and "It's an exit only," but the last time she said "I will make you a deal you let me stick something up your ass and you can do it to me." Now between you, me and everyone else you reads this post, I am kinda into that. Now, I don't want a big ol' dildo slammed in my ass, but I do enjoy some anal simulation now and then, but she doesn't know this. If I were to say OK, she is the type of person that would be totally shocked and have serious doubt about my sexuality. What should I do? I always like to engage in a little butt lovin' with girlfriends in the past, but this opportunity seems to risky to ruin a good relationship. [Link]
DenverDon Benevolent Firmly Embedded in Depravity 5914 Posts 7/02	Posted - Oct 4 2002 : 10:46AM Chris, If she is the one that suggested the deal, then she shouldn't be totally shocked if you agree. Don't start out with the 'big 'ol dildo', but begin with fingers or something somewhat small and work up to it - together. DenverDon [Link]
Kimi Lixx Senior Member 2012 Posts 6/01	Posted - Oct 4 2002 : 12:59PM If I were your girlfriend I would insist that whatever I get to stick up your fanny is at least the same size as the penis you intend to stick up mine (hers), and that I get to thrust it in and out and up and down and around and around with at least that level of vigor that I expect you'd be using. If you're not ready for that - maybe you should rethink her position (no, I don't mean the one where she's on her knees with her behind in the air). [Link]
Planet Sex Deactivated User 1951 Posts 6/01	Posted - Oct 4 2002 : 1:43PM Chris718 wrote: Now, I don't want a big ol' dildo slammed in my ass, but I do enjoy some anal simulation now and then, but she doesn't know this. Click to expand It´s easy. Pretend it´s your first time. Pretend it hurts a little. [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Oct 4 2002 : 3:02PM Jack Morin's interview on anal pleasure is really good. I highly recommend that you read it and have your girlfriend read it. Should take the 'freak factor' out of the whole idea. Edited by - lindi on 3/18/2003 2:08:27 PM [Link]

P-Knuckle Member 309 Posts 11/01	Posted - Oct 4 2002 : 3:21PM This is a wierd situation; is sex all about 'tit for tat?' Its a fair thing she has suggested I guess. I have three opinions to this as I am a schizo, so here we go- ----------------------------- P-Knuckle as the Prick of the forum and 'he-man woman-hater' club president(its a reference from the Little rascals show.) "When you want a girl to give you a blowjob, you don't expect in return to be forced to suck a dildo and lick the fake balls. Same with cumshots. Should you blast in your own face every other time? "Ask her to not have an orgasm until after you. If her pussy EVER stops being wet during intercourse, ask her if shes impotent. For that matter, if you lick her nipples and they don't remain hard, blame her for not being able to 'get it up.' Also, take one week out of the month to be moody and annoying. But I digress... "Just do what every porn director seems to win with; use perks such as money. It seems to make em do anything (watch assworship for a glimpse of the dream.) Or go the 'Aurora Snow' route; she was hypnotized into being comfortable with anal sex. And then there's the muscle relaxer option." "If all this fails, me thinks you shall not visit the anal experience with this devoschka <clockwork orange lingo.>" --------------------------- Heres the middle man P-Knuckle talking now- "My question is this; does she let you lick her anal region? Can you put a finger in there? Does she do the same to you or is this off limits sexually so far? (These are questions you should discuss over dinner with her at a very loud pitch with lots of finger pointing, this should be done perferably at 'Dennys' as it seems to be the place for this behavior) --------------------------------------------------- Back to 'Liberal College' reality and my feminist side- "your shit out of luck unless you take it in the ass, buddy. Shes made a perfectly honest, legitmate and thorough point. Why should we men expect to blast ass and not get a little in return? Time to bend over and and play catcher. If she questions your sexuality, then you should sign up for that show 'change of heart.'" ----------------------------- Chris, my remarks are pretty tongue in cheek, but I understand your situation, heres my personal take- I have never been able to have anal sex with a woman who didn't initiate it. They either are all for it or its a worthless endeavor and its not something they will be up to in the long run without forcing them to do stuff they really don't enjoy (which is never a good option.) Imagine something you really don't like sexually (disgusts you.) Will the future change that and will you become game to it? Usually not. GOOD LUCK CHRIS718!!!! [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Oct 4 2002 : 11:34PM On these personal questions, it would help to know if she's seventeen and you're her first boyfriend, or if she's thirty five and been married three times. She may not be that experienced or set in her ways. The people replying don't have a feel for that. [Link]
dumblonde Senior Member 2352 Posts 7/00	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 12:17PM Hmm.. I've often had a moral dilemma, but I'm not sure what your 'anal dilemma' is here, though this question does come up often. She says no several times, this is ignored, guy wants to know what to do. To me, this leaves only 3 options: 1) Keep scoffing at her 'excuses' and keep up the pressure. She'll soon dump your ass, problem solved. 2) Dump HER ass, and find someone open to having casual anal sex. You might wanna run an ad to save time. 3) Spike her food with some knock-out drugs. Chris, this isn't directed at you as much as the many guys and gals out there also dealing with these 'anal dilemmas' that are cropping up with alarming frequency.. Anyone who thinks porn has no effect on society probably hasn't been on the dating scene lately, or reads the sex forums. From me, my friends, and many other girls I hear the same thing, so once again I'd like to give a big thank you to the porn industry, and say - QUIT PESTERING US ABOUT IT, PLEASE!!! Your badgering is getting tiresome, and life is not a porn movie. It also has the same effect as saying that we're not sexually satisfying you, when you should just be thankful you're getting any PUSSY. It's not that I'm totally opposed to it, but if and when I decide to give it up, it's going to be to someone real SPECIAL, and that precludes casual dates, temporary boyfriends, and anyone who bugs me about it. Thank you very much [Link]
HoustonDon Member Houston 561 Posts 11/99	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 12:46PM dumblonde wrote: Anyone who thinks porn has no effect on society probably hasn't been on the dating scene lately, or reads the sex forums. From me, my friends, and many other girls I hear the same thing, so once again I'd like to give a big thank you to the porn industry, and say - QUIT PESTERING US ABOUT IT, PLEASE!!! Your badgering is getting tiresome, and life is not a porn movie. It also has the same effect as saying that we're not sexually satisfying you, when you should just be thankful you're getting any PUSSY. Thank you very much Click to expand Hear hear! Words of wisdom from Smartblonde should be heeded with all due respect since she has a very valid point. No matter what you've "learned" from porn and a few cable shows, most women are not into anal sex. You can look at the studies, or just accept this from a guy who's been dating a LOT more now than he was last year. It's probably not going to help when you leave all your anal sex dvds out as examples of women who "love" anal either. By pressuring someone who has told you "no", you are showing her that you don't care about her opinions and don't respect her body. Her comments about you going first are likely to be met with her slamming your ass with a strap_on dildo, and then leaving it in with you tied to the bedpost before walking out of your life forever. You've indicated that you care enough for her that you don't want to screw up what you claim is otherwise a "good relationship". If you really need anal sex, either giving or receiving, to get off, just tell her about it. By laying all your cards on the table, you run the risk of losing her but if you aren't honest about it, you'll lose her anyway or, conversely, not be happy. So the decision is yours and only you know if anal sex is important enough to potentially screw up your relationship. Once again, I bow to Smartblonde's wisdom. (bows) [Link]
MLyons Senior Member 1617 Posts 8/02	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 12:49PM dumblonde wrote: Your badgering is getting tiresome, and life is not a porn movie. It also has the same effect as saying that we're not sexually satisfying you, when you should just be thankful you're getting any PUSSY. It's not that I'm totally opposed to it, but if and when I decide to give it up, it's going to be to someone real SPECIAL, and that precludes casual dates, temporary boyfriends, and anyone who bugs me about it. Thank you very much Click to expand Here here DB!! :) Although, maybe in antithesis to DB, I'll admit to liking anal in my porn. On the other hand, I'll second that life is not porn. My wife and I have talked about trying anal (both ways) for a long time now. Never done it, but it's an ongoing discussion, and she is more interested in it than I am, to be truthful. It might eventually happen, but it will take time to become mutually educated, and comfortable with the idea. The fact is that this kind of sexual acrobatics is not the important part of the relationship, at least not to me and my wife. If it IS that important to you , then DB gave you some great tongue in cheek advice. :) Failing that, either leave her alone about it, or go find someone else who's into it. Just my thoughts, for what they're worth. ML [Link]
DenverDon Benevolent Firmly Embedded in Depravity 5914 Posts 7/02	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 1:33PM and life is not a porn movie Click to expand I don’t think anything more needs to be said on this. but if and when I decide to give it up, it's going to be to someone real SPECIAL, and that precludes casual dates, temporary boyfriends, and anyone who bugs me about it. Click to expand Yeah, I’ve had anal sex. It was never a casual date, one-night stand, or a temporary relationship. It was always a longer term relationship where companionship, respect, and trust had been built up and established. Twice, it was her that initiated it. When it happened, it was special. Very, very special, and it made me feel special. Read SmartB’s response another two, three, four times. A lot of wisdom, insight, and good advice is in there. (For those that didn't do anal, it in no way detracted from the sex that we did have.) DenverDon Edited by - DenverDon on 10/7/2002 1:39:25 PM [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 1:40PM There's more to anal sex than penetration with a penis. I would hate for her to miss out on some great sensations just because some guy pressured her enough for her to close the door for good on anal stimulation. Please her. Forget about you. Let's hope you haven't got her so suspicious that she can't enjoy a wet finger gliding over her anus, or perhaps a tongue. Even when I was very young, I never hesitated to accept a delicious pinky finger up the ass when a guy was going down on me (well-trimmed nails and lots of spit, please). See what pleases her and do that. Period. Moratorium on what you want. Tease her nicely. Maybe someday she'll ask for more. Maybe not. I'll tell you what. My husband can do anything he wants with me, because every second of anything he does is done with my well-being in mind. In every little thing he's checking to see if I'm loving it. That's irresistable. [Link]
MLyons Senior Member 1617 Posts 8/02	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 2:29PM india wrote: I'll tell you what. My husband can do anything he wants with me, because every second of anything he does is done with my well-being in mind. In every little thing he's checking to see if I'm loving it. That's irresistable. Click to expand It may sound cocky or unbecoming, coming from me and not my wife, but my wife tells me this exact thing, practically daily--and she is the one who is initiating us exploring anal sex. ML [Link]
blklthrjkt Passionfruit Video Dallas 105 Posts 7/02	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 7:05PM Just another "Atta Girl" for Blondie! Also, if you insist on pestering her about it , get the tape "Bend Over Boyfriend". Might give her some ideas about what she can do to your ass. Trust me, a good strap on can really set you free! [Link]
dumblonde Senior Member 2352 Posts 7/00	Posted - Oct 8 2002 : 12:02PM Oh, I love you guys! You have restored my faith. Chris, at least you expressed a desire for it yourself, and I think that's great, but not on a quid pro quo basis. If you're sure that she would be shocked and question your sexuality if you took her up on her 'offer' then it's obvious she only said it in a desperate attempt to get you to quit bothering her. However, I don't know why she would question your sexuality, you might be surprised. I had a boyfriend who liked it too, and it was a turn on for me that he enjoyed it so much, so I don't think it's in any way gross or disgusting. writes MLyon: "Although, maybe in antithesis to DB, I'll admit to liking anal in my porn. " As far as porn goes, I'm basically indifferent to bored with it. I'd rather not see so much of it, because it has detracted from any specialness and nastiness it may once have had, but I realize that's what people wanna see. I just want to see people so turned on they forget about the cameras. <<<<[[[[ [Link]

Mythsong Member 306 Posts 8/02	Posted - Mar 18 2003 : 11:45PM I had a boyfriend who liked it too, and it was a turn on for me that he enjoyed it so much, so I don't think it's in any way gross or disgusting. Click to expand I have absolutely no idea where the double-standard came from that women should be "expected" to enjoy this, while it's "unnatural" for men to like it. (Even despite any continuing homophobia, there are far more things than just a penis that can be used for anal sex.) Both genders have essentially the same nerve ending in that part of the body (in fact, if anybody's more sensitive there, and prone to pleasurable feelings, it would be men because of the prostate gland), and should be on equal footing. Women have every right to pass on the subject, just as much as men have every right to enjoy the sensation without feeling "funny" about themselves. (Feeling "funny" should be reserved for NOT exploring things that might make you feel good.) [Link]
First Couple of Adult Member The Wild, Wild Midwest 145 Posts 5/01	Posted - Mar 18 2003 : 11:55PM Take it slow and easy. Discuss it every once in a while and see what happens. After ten years of marriage and knowing each other for over 19 years we wondered what to do next. We came up with our "lists" what what we'd like to do (or have done to us). There were some surprises on both ends, but everything is out in the open now and you never know when your wishes may come true. The excitement is in the stimulation, not the pressure that goes along with getting someone to do something they do not want to do. Ms Christine & JC, the first couple of adult review. [Link]
Sir Noel Plum Senior Studmuffin 1001 Posts 2/03	Posted - Mar 19 2003 : 3:07PM On the subject of this whole 'if you do it to me I can do it to you' ethos, I'd like to add the following. This is a personal bugbear of mine, the idea that you should 'see how you like it' has no place in anybodies sex life. Don't misunderstand me, I believe sexual openness and willingness to please SHOULD be reciprocated and if one partner is not prepared to put themselves out they should not expect much in return. To suggest that 'you fuck my ass and I'll fuck yours' is the same thing is wrong and I'll explain why. Chris wishes to penetrate his girlfriend anally for purely positive reasons and I'm sure he would love her to enjoy the experience. Contrast this to his girlfriend who wishes to dildo him for rather more dubious reasons and I've no doubt would hope that he finds it painful and unenjoyable. Chriss' girlfriend has every right to expect Chris to treat her desires positively IF she chooses to satisfy his but I don't think this is the same as vengefully slamming a dildo up his ass because she is not gaining sexual satisfaction from it, just levelling some imaginary score in her head. I realise this isn't strictly relevant to his case and if she really objects to anal she shouldn't do it but tit for tat pettyness is never the way forward. Sir Noel. Edited by - Sir Noel Plum on 3/19/2003 3:47:58 PM [Link]
dumblonde Senior Member 2352 Posts 7/00	Posted - Mar 19 2003 : 3:52PM Sir Noel, This is an old thread, but I'm afraid you misunderstood the situation. Since Chris stated that his girlfriend would be shocked and question his sexuality if he even asked her to play with his ass, it's obvious that she only said it in a desparate attempt to get him to quit pestering her about it. Even though sex acts performed on a quid pro quo basis are not that appealing, I think it's fair to ask the man who wants to penetrate his partner anally to go first. After all, it's much more pleasurable for the man anyway. Would you have a problem with that? [Link]
Sir Noel Plum Senior Studmuffin 1001 Posts 2/03	Posted - Mar 19 2003 : 4:18PM Ha ha, I hadn't misunderstood the original post, I just chose to answer the question I wanted to answer, not the question that was actually asked I agree with your surmisation entirely that this is a fob off on her part and not a genuine suggestion. I was responding more to Kimis' response than the original post. To answer your points: - I wouldn't have a problem with it at all, I'll do whatever turns her on. - even if I didn't particularly fancy a colon full of dildo I'd still do it for her IF she wanted to do it because it would turn her on and not to level a grudge. [Link]