I was wondering if anyone can give me advice when I want to watch a porno like DreamQuest or Flashpoint with my girlfriend, what's the way to go about asking her.
If she's your girlfriend you should have some idea about her feelings towards porn in general. If she's the sort who recoils in horror and disgust at the mere sight of a copy of "Penthouse" magazine, then chances are she'll not be into the idea.
If on the other hand she's more broad-minded, then just pick your moment and ask her, perhaps mentioning how much more fun it would be watching porn with her than just squirreling yourself away on your own and doing it.
If she's curious about the idea and says she's up for it, but it's her first exposure to porn, why not "break her in gently" and start off with some "couples" stuff, rather than heavy-duty "gaping gonzo" material?
Lots of couples watch porn together, it's not really a big deal. And a lot of women are at least mildly curious about it, at least in my experience.
Of course a relationship is based on a whole gamut of other things, but I'd even go as far as to say that if she's rabidly anti-porn, whereas you really enjoy your regular dose of smut, then maybe she's not your ideal partner in the first place? If I found myself involved with a woman who then proceeded to lecture me about the evils of porn and how disgusting it is, or one who indignantly came out with that old chestnut "why do you need porn when you have a real woman?", the alarm bells would start ringing big-time.
next time your in your local video store together with your girlfriend why not just go "accidently" into the corner where the porn is and than start talking about it?! worked for me and my former gf
I'm for honesty. Don't bother pretending you've never watched porn before. If you know her well enough for her to be a girlfriend, just ask if she'd like to see a sexy movie. Discuss it a bit. Then make sure it actually is a sexy one.
I have talked to a couple of guys who were sure that porn was some deep, dark, male secret. Once they got to watching with their wives, their wives ask them if they can go to the shop to get more porn.
You don't have to protect women from the idea of sex and porn. -------------------------------------------------------
I second Floraman's opinion - if your girlfriend doesn't even like the thought of you looking at a Penthouse, then watching a porn film together is going to be pretty difficult.
I for one never minded any of the guys in my life looking at girlie magazines; in fact, we used to do it together, for me it was fun. Plus, I thought it was a lot better than my guy chasing after a real-life woman, anyday.
If she does want to watch porn with you, I suggest you not sit and watch a film from start to finish, especially if she hasn't ever watched any before. Maybe just an hour or so, or she might go into sensory overload.
One other thing, for starters, stay away from anal sex or other non-conventional stuff, no matter how much you like it. Start slow, and watch something that you and she have already done together, it will be a lot more palatable for her.
Oh, lest I forget, whatever you watch together, make certain that the men are handsome, this is essential. You may not care what the actors look like, but believe me, she will be looking plenty hard at the guys, I have no doubt about this. Good Luck!
At the risk of being accused of shameless self-promotion, may I offer that Marie and Jack: A Hardcore Love Story is hard to beat as a first-time couples smut movie.
There is strong, sympathetic character development, the sex is explicit yet relatively tame, and it does a good job of masqarading as an "art film". By the time you realize it's smut, it's too late!
Once you've enjoyed the film, there are fun games couples can play with interactive features.
You know something that worked for me just a couple of weeks ago to start a brief and relatively positive conversation on porn between and and a female I'm simply friends with: the Fox TV show Skin. And specifically I brought up the fact they they were using as extras and occasionally as minor characters real current porn stars. "Sure. Why not?" she said. "Sounds like the thing to do to me."
Of course, this is a very different thing than trying to get your partner to watch porn with you, but it may get the porn-ball rolling.
If I remember correctly, the way I got my partner to watch porn with me for the first time (and we now do it regularly) was that I bought a few tapes (probably Andrew Blake's early stuff) and asked her one night after we'd had a few drinks "hey, want to watch some porn?" and she said "Sure. You got any?"
That was easy!
And as was mentioned before, you're probably safer assuming the woman you're with is curious about porn and will at least watch some of it with you. I know from years of experience that this fact continues to surprise men: that women are actually interested in seeing sex on film/video. Wow. Who knew?
Just be sure not to look too interested at the women on film and tell your lady that she looks and fucks better than the people you're watching. As my daddy always said: Never pass up an opportunity to give a woman a compliment, esp when watching porn.
The best advice I could give is to simply come right out and ask her, simplistic as that sounds.
When I first hooked up with my S/O, she had never seen a pornographic film before but had no moral objection to them. I let her know when we first started dating that I enjoyed porn, as I have done with every woman I've dated, because I promised myself ages ago I would never be one of those sad souls who has to hide their smut from their lovers. The first time I asked her if she wanted to check some out we had been drinking a bit and I just came out and asked like it was no big deal.
If she declines, try not to take it to heart (unless she's openly offended); maybe she's just not ready yet. Don't make a big deal out of it. If she says yes, make sure it's something fairly innocuous and female friendly ("Night Trips" was the first one I showed my S/O).
Yes I would say for myself that the criteria I would reccommend would be:
1. sex that is relatively "normal" for a woman or a couple to see together. mainly one on one or threesomes with passionate but enjoyable sex for both people and not 50 person gangbangs or DP's.
2. vids that have some nice looking guys eg. Andrew Youngman, Evan Stone, Mr. Marcus, Julian etc.
Edited by - Canadian GIrl on 11/11/2003 1:24:21 AM
I know some women who watch porn vids, but not the majority. When you say "bored", do you mean bored with routine sex in the relationship and a desire to see something different?
