Interesting study on outcome and benefits of monogamous relationships, and are they more satisfying than consensual non-monogamy by Conley and others. Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. writes a column for Psycology Today and has a series of articles based on Conley's research. Bottom line, monogamous relationships are not more satisfying than consensual non-monogamous ones. Article Link Second Article Link “Men reported that their open relationships accommodated their intimacy needs as well as their desires for sexual diversity. Moreover, the men in these partnerships often felt more intimate with their partner when they agreed to be non-monogamous. Just as monogamy can provide a sense of support and protection, consensual non-monogamy can provide the emotional support of a primary partnership while also allowing exploration of other sexual relationships.” About CNM relationships: “jealousy is more manageable in these relationships than in monogamous relationships and is experienced less noxiously.” Any thoughts on consensual non-monogamy?
Well, I think that your opening post is a little misleading. Still, my first two thoughts were:Why did they only poll males? And my second thought was that people who enter a consensual non-monogamous relationship (uncoerced--coerced would be different) would have a different personality type than those who do not. Hence, their satisfaction levels may reflect only their predispositions. Persons who wish to be auto mechanics will prove to be more satisfied with being an auto mechanic than persons who do not choose to be auto mechanics would be in their situation. So. On to actually checking out the articles.Okay. Well, now we know why we have only the opinions of men. And now we know from the article that all we have is the speculation of one author, and nothing much at all in the way of data. Well, we have a sort of tidbit of data if you are a gay male. So, I'm not drawing much in the way of conclusions from those articles.
Here's the third article in the series talking about the issues of children in CNM relationships. Third Article Link I assume this addresses the question about this just being a gay study.
I don't know about jealousy but as far as accomodating each other I think it might a very distinct difference whether the relationship was polyamory or simply an extramarital sexual relationship albeit with the consent of both of the parties. I really can't get my head around the whole "poly" thing but fronkly during both of my marriages I was engaged with others with the knowledge of my then husband. In one instance he embraced it and also engagegd in the same conduct with my full knowledge and in the other he was ambivilent about the whole thing. What both instances had in common was both of us knew the emotional attachment and yes the commitment we had for each other was still there and those sexual contacts had no bearing. My personal feeling is if these were "poly" relationships the dynamics would have been totally different and the possibility of increased jealousy would have been greatly increased.
There is a difference between poly and open marriage. I think in poly you tend to have more defined, long term type relationships. Sometimes the people involved will actually live together. I do have some friends that are poly. One couple has a girlfriend they have spent many years with. She lives in another town but comes to see them regularly. I also have some other friends that are a married couple with another guy involved. They actually live together but the boy friend is only involved with the wife. They would all be very offended if someone in the group just went out and fucked whoever they wanted. One of the couples does have children. The kid is a teen now and the parents carefully explained the situation to him. He doesn't seem to be bothered by it but he knows there are people that judge and it's not something he goes an brags about.
^ I think these types of relationships are not black and white, but are better looked at along a continuum. The terms we use to categorize them help us describe them.I think there are lots of gray areas whenever you get outside the very strict monogamous relationship. Some call themselves poly and participate in swinging type activities (I define that as non-emotionally connected forms of sex), and some swingers also have poly relationships. Very blended along the continuum. The MFMpoly group you described I would characterize as a woman with two husbands (one she's actually married to) where they don't have sex outside of this triad. Poly, but not open, and not CNM although some would probably argue that description. The flip side of sister-wives. I'm curious how long this triad has been together?
I've known the MFF family for about ten years and they have always been involved with just the one women. The MMF family for about sis years. R had always been a presence in M and L's lives either living with them or nearby. They have also had other male and female partners come and go in the family.
Yes they do both fall into that category.here were other issues that caused both marriages to fail. My point was since there was no deep emotional attachment with the other parties the purely sexual aspect was manageable. In a poly relationship I'm not so sure it would have been.
Interesting.....I consider both of those to be long term relationships, certainly longer than many monogamous marriages. Both families seem more poly with the other partners that 'come and go in the family'. Regardless of what you call it, they seem to make it work. I think adding a third increases the issues exponentially. Congrats to both groups. I assume all of these are primarily heterosexual.
With the MFF group, the male identifies as straight and the two females bi. In the MMF group, they all identify as pansexual. Edited by - sexshopgrl on 1/11/2013 4:07:18 PM
With the MFF group, the male identifies as straight and the two females bi. In the MMF group, they all identify as pansexual.
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The MFF doesn't surprise me, I think that's common and much more accepted in general, but the MMF does. Interesting that two guys identified as pansexual, both in a relationship with the same female and other males and females, wouldn't play together sexually also. Seems more like two families with a common female. Seems strange, but apparently it works.
^ Yep, I understand, still seems strange to be that diverse in your sexual preference and have two guys that are both attractive to the same female that live together and don't play even as a 3some. Just not how I would expect if I was in a triad. But, they seem to make it work and I haven't.
