[don't you fucking look at me]

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On Doctor MaCock from Hustler:

Who Should Watch It : Anybody wanting fun setups with plenty of anal action

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody who wants a movie where people understand lighting

Tell it like it is astro!

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I've been thinking about this alot--not just from reading the thread, but over the past few years.

I've written a fair amount of in-depth reviews for ADT over the last 4-1/2 years. I've had a fair amount of pretty cool opportunities become available to me simply because of my reviews, and let me just be clear about this: I've taken advantage of, and been thankful for all of them.

In the past, I've written reviews with an eye primarily toward the consumer--my "honest" opinion, as best I can give it. But I've also had a secondary awareness that studios and directors might read them and, albeit only slightly, perhaps be influenced by them.

When I look at it now, though, I'm really not sure how beneficial reviews are. I mean, certainly there will be some consumers and producers alike who might find value to them, I suppose. On the other hand, there are a vast many more who won't. When you think about it, how does reading someone elses subjective reaction to a movie REALLY assist you in determining whether YOU will like it or not? Like Bill has said repeatedly over the years, technical elements, running times, and scene pairings are really the only definitive objective information you can provide in a review. Beyond that, it's all a matter of taste, mood, and the mystical alignment of stars that determines whether somone will like any given movie on any given day.

I'm busy with a lot of other things these days, but I'm sure I'll still be writing reviews now and then. I am torn about why I do it, though. Maybe it is just an egotistical exercise. I don't know. I like to write them because it's fun. I like to analyze and make fun of porn, its conventions, and myself all at the same time. I like to express my enjoyment of it, and my frustration with it. I like to come up with different ways to say exactly the same thing--and while I do all this and more in writing my own erotic stories, they require LOTS of thought and effort, whereas reviewing is far easier, and a nice break that still keeps my writing mechanics in practice.

That's why I write reviews now-a-days. In truth, it's why I've always written them. But as someone who has taken a break from them, and just sat back and ENJOYED PORN without analyzing it for a while, I can also say that my tastes as a reviewer, and my tastes as a consumer can be vastly different, and therein lies a serious problem. I'm not even sure _I_ respect my opinions as a reviewer.

Anyway, it's complicated--about as complicated as trying to explain to someone why I find a particular girl attractive, and why I find another perfectly pleasant looking girl anything but. As much as I'm able, I try not to analyze that kind of stuff anymore. So with that in mind, I'll just write my reviews. Other people can determine whether they are valuable, or useless. It's not for me to figure out.

I DO know that, as a consumer, I don't use reviews as a selection tool anymore. I don't need them, and when it comes down to it, I'm better off without them. I'll read some of them for entertainment value, or because some of ADTs reviewers really have some insightful and well expressed opinions about things, but that's about it.

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure if I were an adult movie producer / director that I would want to read too many critic's reviews of my work either. I guess I respect those that do, but on the other hand, I respect those that are just trying to do the very best they can, according to their own sensibilities, even more. There's a great dirth of that kind of commitment to craft in porn, but I have faith that it's out there--to what degree is all in the eye of the beholder.

I may cite directors like John Stagliano, Andrew Blake, Tony Comstock, Brandon Iron, Joey Silvera, and Jake Malone, and even Max Hardcore. You may cite someone entirely different--and we'd all probably be right.

Like I said--it's complicated.

Edited by - MLyons on 1/5/2007 3:14:15 PM

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On the other hand, I never know what I'm gonna like until I actually see it. I've read glowing reviews more than a few times and positively hated the movie when I saw it. People have different standards and different ideas about what makes a good movie. Just because a guy reviews 20 movies a week, I don't consider him an authority on what's gonna do it for me.

I look for basic info in a review. How's the picture quality? Is the lighting and sound pretty good? Other than that, I can't really count on anything anyone says to be just my cup of tea (even if it sounds like it from reading the review).

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My two cents, based purely on a few observations and a lot of speculation: there is a smattering of companies represented in the online community who actually listen to what the consumers and the reviewers have to say and make changes based on feedback and constructive criticism.

There are people involved on both sides of the camera who care about the quality of their work from a technical perspective.

There are a few people fucking for a living who actually enjoy it and are good at it and whose joy in the act of creating erotic tension through tease and dirty talk or just flat out fucking and sucking and loving it is a real turn-on.

And then there's everybody else.

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Even looking at most of these, I'm like, are you serious??

[affiliate link removed]

Edited by - Drew Black on 1/5/2007 9:38:38 PM

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1) Who is the stud(s) that the girl is doing the scene with.
2) What sexual positions will they cover during the scene.

For example, I love the cowgirl position, so if a scene doesn't cover this, I probably won't buy the DVD.
If I don't like the stud, I probably won't buy the DVD.

I usually don't rely on reviewers to tell me how good a scene is, because I find that I disagree so often that it's better for me to rely on my own judgement of the girl, the stud, the director and the company.

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Assuming reviews make that much of a difference, have any reviewers had approaches made by stars/directors/cronies in order to influence the reviews they write?

I'm talking bribes, overtures, gifts (other than the screeners themselves) or (ahem) sexual favours maybe?

Have any reviewers had any amusing responses from stars or directors or companies pleased/unhappy with reviews?

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I've had, eh, maybe two insiders that got quite testy with individual reviews that I've written, or things I've had to say about their work. I don't think it's appropriate to mention names, but one particular person was very upset that I gave his movie 2-1/2 stars when he claimed that no review of any of his movies had ever been that low. He went on for a couple of emails about it, even though I never responded to him. He really went whole-hog in presenting evidence that would discredit me, including defending a particular male talent that I didn't really care for at all. When it comes down to it, reviews are about personal opinion.

I've always tried to go out of my way in reviews to repeat again and again how whatever I write is just my opinion, or my taste. Your taste may vary. It took me a while to get over what he said to me, because I'm a sensitive person, but I did not respond to his emails. I re-read my review and decided that it spoke for itself. Even though all he was able to see was the bad stuff, there was plenty of good stuff in there too. I think that was an example of someone taking what I wrote, and in some cases what he THOUGHT I wrote, but didn't, far too seriously. I guess he just needed to get it off his chest.

Like I said before, though, I can totally understand how it could be very difficult to read critical reviews of your work--especially something you've put your heart into. I guess that's just the nature of it, though. You make decent porn, it's going to get reviewed. It must be a constant battle not to take those opinions too seriously. I understand--I really do. Unfortunately, my loyalty isn't to the producers, it's to my own sense of taste. Whether that's useful to anyone ELSE or not is a question that I can't answer.

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As for studios, stars, and performers, about the only influence it has over me is to check out more of their work. If somebody cares enough to drop me a line they'll often get an e-mail back from me wondering what some of their favorite movies are so I can hopefully check them out. If it's technical complaints on how a studio does a DVD and they say that they're going to be working on them, I'll almost certainly check a few more of them out over time to see if they really do improve them or if they're all talk, and there's a chance that there will be comments in other reviews about them making improvements on their DVDs.

As for hate mail, yes, I have received a few of them that were fun. I had one director, who I'll leave nameless, stating that I should be maced and who apparently was trying to track me down due to some of the comments I made about him and his movie. He sent several e-mails about what a bastich I was, and I actually kept them around to amuse me. Sadly, I think I accidentally deleted them...

Some of my favorites, though, have been by the fans. I've had a few couples e-mail me thanking me for my reviews and how they've helped them explore their sexuality a little more watching movies I've reviewed and asking for further recommendations. Those are easily the best e-mails, and I've actually kept a few of them around so that when I find something else that reminds me of those couples that I can e-mail them to check those movies out.

"Vegetarianism for me is about saying ‘yes’ to things - even meat." - Coupling

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Now I've also started writing reviews.

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Okay, there might be viewers who will buy *any* movie with Wanda Curtis in it, for instance. Even if all she's doing is walking a dog in the background of the tease for someone else's scene. In that case, they won't care about a review.

There will be testosterone overloaded young guys who don't give a shit which girl is in a movie or what they're doing as long as they're naked and there's at least one cock involved. They won't care about reviews.

But I think most viewers want more info than just knowing one star is in the movie somewhere, or that naked chicks get boned. And good reviewers can definitely provide more objective info than just technical elements, running times, and scene pairings.

Maybe this depends on what you mean by 'technical elements'. I really appreciate reviews that go into a fair bit of detail about scenes. I like fairly hardcore porn - anal, DPs, multiple partners - but I don't like gagging, choking, drooling blowjobs. I don't like slapping and throat-grabbing. I hate head-stomping. I don't like cumfarts, cum-gargling or most other cum circus tricks, although I do like facials and other general cum-splattering, although the full cum-glazing of a face is too much for my taste - I still like to see that beautiful face. Etc.

My tastes in these things haven't changed in years, so I really appreciate it when a reviewer tells me that the scene does or does not have various specific elements. I have been saved a few thousand dollars over the years by knowing ahead of time that movies had too many elements I'd dislike. It won't matter to me whether or not the reviewer likes things I dislike, what's important to me is whether or not the reviewer describes things well enough that I can decide to buy or not.

There's plenty of subjectivity that I find interesting, too. I don't enjoy seeing women passively endure hard sex, but like seeing them enthusiastic about it, so I appreciate comments on that but take them with a grain or sack of salt - one reviewer will say that a girl is really getting into a scene when another says she just looked like she was constipated.

Lighting, sound and other production aspects aren't very important to me, in that as long as they're good enough that's fine. But when they're rotten, they can ruin a scene, so I do want to know if they're really awful. I don't care that much about extras, but it's good to know if there is extensive BTS.

But to me the most important stuff is what I reliably get from Astroknight and Bono and several others in the ADT archive - comprehensive description with a sense of humour and appreciation. It's fun to read, and means I don't waste money or wanking time on porn I won't like.

Fergus

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