"I know that Love Between the Cheeks was supposed to be about people taking it up the ass, but I didn't expect the viewer to be one of those people."

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"Vegetarianism for me is about saying ‘yes’ to things - even meat." - Coupling

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My intuition is pretty good, but I read reviews to be sure there's isn't anything fucked up in the audio/visual department that wood cast Anti-Boner on me.

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Reading reviews is fun (most of the time), and makes me aware of the personal tastes of the reviewers. That's why I can make a buying decision based on both positive and negative reviews, as long as the review tells me what happens fact wise (not saying here it has to be written 'as is').

Only reviews that aren't really reviews IMHO, in that they review movies only partly, or don't give any factual technical /artistic info (I'm thinking 'Peter North/Northstar' related reviews here ...), do I consider of no use.

BTW; of the total consumers of pornmovies, only a part will use reviews to help select their choice. A friend of mine orders simply on cover picture or movie title ... Arguably when more use is been made of the reviews available, the more 'labels-with-technically-crappy-output' will die out.

p_n

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I always find it kind of funny when you write regular praising reviews about a star or director and you usually won’t hear a word from them, but once you write a bad review about them they will be more then happy to say something to you. I am not mentioning any names, but that has happened to me a few times.

However, when I write reviews I try to be as fair as one can possibly be. I always try to list pros and cons. I am not here to spread gossip via a review, it’s about the movie. I’ve given friends bad reviews and they are ok with it. They told me it helps them grow as a performer or director. So maybe in the end, it does mean something. Obviously I didn’t give this a cohesive thought, because I am rambling…..

There is this one star/director who always thanks me with every column i write and in the end that makes it all worth it for me.

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Incidentally, there's a great drinking game you can play with your review of PSYCHOTIC from Anarchy. Everytime you use the word 'dark' you take a shot of Galliano. Here's the conclusion of that review, and if this is all you play to, you'll be pretty tanked!

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"Vegetarianism for me is about saying ‘yes’ to things - even meat." - Coupling

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"Vegetarianism for me is about saying ‘yes’ to things - even meat." - Coupling

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Critique - GET THE BASICS FIRST! This is my single biggest gripe about reviews, when they don't:

Identify the talent*
Give us the scoop on lighting and camerawork

* I know this isn't always possible, but if it isn't, say so! If you can't ID, then describe (more detail is better)!

My biggest problem is when the male talent isn't identified (female talent is almost always identified). I simply am not interested in seeing just any male talent. Btw, don't ask me why there is so much talent at IAFD without photos. You've got to be pretty slack about your job when you won't post a pic of someone who's in a bunch of your vids. And don't get me started about ACTIVE talent who haven't posted their own photos at IAFD...LAZY/STUPID MUCH?

If I'm any guide, porn companies really should release more info about their titles. How hard is it to provide a list of scenes and pics of the talent involved (and preferably, some screenshots so we know positions/outfits - for ex., naked talent is a selling point with me), and throw a link to the page at IAFD?

Other than not hitting the basics, my biggest peeve is when the reviewer doesn't organize his reviews so I can easily find the info I'm looking for. Rog was the first online reviewer I found, and the first I ditched because I have to speed-read too much of his reviews to get to the part I'm interested in (he's also too uncritical for my tastes), though he has gotten better as far as I can tell. After that, my second peeve is when no subjective evaluation is given, just an objective position list - yeah, that's great, but was it hot?

My favorite reviewers are Den (the man's a reviewing machine!) and AstroKnight.

Oh, Diesel, are AdultDVDEmpire's reviews publicly available? I'm not a member there. I hadn't considered until now how many reviews I might be missing out on by not checking the rental sites. I subscribe to XRent and Bush and they only recently added reviews so I hadn't given the matter any thought.

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Yes, readers do have to go through a lot if they are looking for specific nuggets like (Fill in the blank). What is it that you're looking for?

Though I'm curious...how am I "too uncritical" for you? If anything I get blasted most often for being too critical of (again fill in the blank) so I'm curious.

No one has ever accused me of lacking a subjective point of view. :-)

Den is the king, without question, of anyone in this profession. Everyone else is scrambling for second place.

I appreciate the feedback...always trying to get better.

LATE
Rog

Rog Reviews

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For example, I noticed fairly often you'd state a performer's character's name, then you'd refer to the performer by the character's name from then on. This seems a bit silly, since no one gives two shits about the character's name; makes it more difficult to figure out where my favorite star appears (that's how I choose films; I follow female talent). A bigger problem is that you'd give a sort of running commentary of the film, so to get to the sex you'd have to essentially scan the entire review. My favorite way is the way many (most?) ADT reviewers do it, with subsections for each scene with highlighted titles so I can skip the rest and get right to what interests me.

Not that I think reviews of porn with plot should skip the non-sex parts - I couldn't give less of a shit but others surely want that stuff reviewed. You can still put that in between the sex sections. As I said, I think I've noticed you getting better with this, with at least separate paragraphs for the sex scenes.

The uncritical part was just a subjective thing, nothing you can really do about it; you just seem to like more porn than I do. It wasn't all that fair, since almost all reviewers do ('cept Patrick Riley). Again, it's been a while, but I think we have very different opinions on what constitutes "pounded". :)

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It isn't so much that your tastes seem to be similar to mine, it is that your reviews follow the same formula. I know exactly where to look in the review to know quickly if it is something that we would be interested in (important when I only have a very limited time to browse & not be worried about the banner ads).

Anyway, thanks for making the inital sorting process easier.

RT

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"Vegetarianism for me is about saying ‘yes’ to things - even meat." - Coupling

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By the way, do reviews only get posted for DVD's that have a recognised US retailer? I'm guessing 'no' given that Shot-at-home stuff gets reviewed. I'm planning to review some Nexxxt Generation and Dennis Black Magic stuff soon as Drew kindly provides some webspace for screenshots.

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Astroknight fails on one account...

...so he is pretty good by ADT standards.

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When I review, I tend to write what's in it for me. I also review in the manner in which I watch porn. I write extensively about what I liked, and I state specifically where I fast-forwarded and why. I have specific pet peeves that I always point out (quacking bj's, male talent not listed), and my scores for "male looks" are high if there's one of my fave hotties in the cast. Also, I'm clear that sometimes I'll score a movie very high, due only to one particular scene. I find that, with my particular tastes in porn, one incredibly good scene on any disc makes that disc worth watching. I'm so accustomed to having entire DVDs repulse me that one incredibly hot scene can "make" a movie for me.

I tend to focus more on tone, than on listing specific acts. What I look for is chemistry between performers, and I try to describe that. That's what Astroknight does too, and that's why I always read his reviews.

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I used to include pictures, but I don't for a few reasons. For those who have wondered why, I'll let you know here. First, all the code in my reviews is done by hand. No front page or anything else like that. Drew helped me out with a nice little gallery thingie, but that went by the wayside with all the new obscenity crap. If I was going to do pictures, I wanted them to be GOOD pictures showing the action.

Which brings me to the second thing, that the pictures made my reviews take half or a third again as long to write and put together. When I saw something I liked that I thought was worthy, I'd pretty much go frame by frame through the action to get the shot I wanted. There were many times I'd have over fifty shots from a movie and have to go through all of them to find the five or so I wanted and some of them were darn tough choices.

Now it would be much easier with the pictures limited to softcore stuff, but to me that's just something for a performer i.d. There's plenty of other places to get that, with the IAFD, EBI, and Empire coming to mind immediately, which means that I'd be pretty much wasting my time because it's already been done. Pictures are objective and basically the same no matter who puts them up. Reviews are subjective and add a hell of a lot more. I've bought or rented countless movies due to reading a review. Not once has a picture influenced me one way or another. All it did was catch my eye, and with the net that's not going to happen. All I see pictures in my reviews doing is holding me back from getting more stuff reviewed.

"Vegetarianism for me is about saying ‘yes’ to things - even meat." - Coupling

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Cal444
Somewhere thinkin

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I'd like to think that some folks in the industry are reading my reviews and saying "Oh yeah, good point, maybe we need to pay better attention to what we release". But I also know that there is the inevitable collection of producers, directors, and studio executives who are saying "Where does this loser get off telling US how to release videos? We were grinding out titles before this jerkoff was born!" To them the only review that matters is their financial statement, so that's the only audience they pay attention to.

I don't claim to be an expert at any of this stuff. I'm just a consumer just like anyone else here. I just happen to express my opinion and can only hope that others pay heed to them.

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I have to say, for all the AVN ratings and Rog's of the world, two ADT posters, astro and Crucifixio, write the best porn reviews on the web. Period.

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I never really tried to break down my process here in "public" when it comes to writing reviews (I wouldn't dare call myself pretentious as a reviewer but I was conceited way before I ever put a pen to paper!) but I will say that I love writing for ADT because it affords me the opportunity to say what I am really thinking and really feeling about a movie regardless of who it may offend, what company I might piss off, etc. without a limit on my word count or the comparisons I can make or how positive or negative I can be about the product. Restrictions suck and ADT doesn't have many, if any. It's a freedom I enjoy and plan to exercise for a long time.

If it's one thing I stress to performers and directors, though, is that while a great many people in the business do apparently read the reviews here at ADT, don't take any review, positive or negative, too seriously. It is, after all to reiterate what Zaye Man has already said, only the opinion of one person (all fans) regardless of how much you agree, how much "credibility" or writing ability that person has.

As for why I do it: I write because I like to share what I enjoy. It's no fun for me to write a bad review (unless it's really, really bad). I'd rather tell other fans about something they should go out of their way to get their hands on. I'm not trying to change the industry, but if a performer or director changes something because of me, hey, that's a bonus.

I write the reviews I'd want to read as a fan. They tell who's working with who, what they did, how they looked doing it and some humorous asides or brief history if I can help it to further familiarize the reader with the talent. A simple laundry list of the "acts" performed and other "raw data" does me no good. It doesn't tell me if the performers are into what they're doing or even what they looked like in that particular production; there's no personality in a review of that type. You don't even have to watch a movie to write that sorta review -- just get a pencil and pad and push fast-forward. Who does that serve exactly?

Edited by - Crucifixio_Jones on 7/14/2006 12:41:08 AM

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If I had any criticism, it's that you tend to focus on what you like, whereas you could argue that a more complete reviewer looks at everything, good and bad, but let's face it, why would any of us willingly waste time analysing the bad stuff if we can help it? Astro's dedication is above and beyond any call of duty. Plus, I like that you enjoy what you enjoy CJ, and that that becomes infectious.

A question though CJ: how do you manage to make your screenshots look better than those of anyone else? (Except maybe the picman.) Do you resize, reformat, all that jazz?

I also wanted to ask: what kind of aspects of porn films are missing from the reviews produced by the regular ADT reviewers? We know screenshots and sexual-act-listing is appreciated, as are opinions on tone and technical/sexual quality. What isn't catered for?

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It was actually picman's reviews that inspired me to use screenshots in my own. Plus, I got tired of describing how people looked. Why waste more keystrokes typing when you can just show the reader? I'm lazy.

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Great.

Good to see Astro and CJ getting love.

LATE

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Cal444
Somewhere thinkin

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They have some similar qualities that I think are important:
Easy to read
Consistent format

This is not to discount the information conveyed in the text. Of course it is what we are reading for.

But - if that info is hard to read, lots of readers might never struggle through to get it - they just move to another reviewer.
Paragraph breaks, - grouping together somehow of info - is a huge item. These three reviewers all do it.

A consistent format makes a reviewer easy to get used to. Read a few reviews, and you know what to expect and where to find it in future reviews. This is great if you are not in the mood to read every last word, but maybe in a hurry and just skimming.
All three of these reviewers are consistent.

To whomever mentioned Crucifixio Jones reviews - thanks.
Somehow I'd overlooked his - probably got in a rut. Had a look at a few and obviously I like them.

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Why I do it? I guess writing gives me something to do with my hands while I watch the movies... With my reviews I guess I try to do it all. I'm picky about what I want to know, and I want to know all the little details about the overall DVD. I want to know not just what the movie's like but who does who right down to the guys. I want to know the running time of the movie and I want to know what the extras are and what they're like. I've also been lucky enough with the reviews I've written to have run into a lot of class acts in the industry (as well as a few bums). Those class acts changed my reviews a bit because I know that some of them do care about improving their products. "This sucks" does nobody any good as a review. "This sucks because ___________ and it could be improved / fixed by __________" to me is a winning review because it lets whoever reads it can tell what the reviewer's tastes are and how those tastes match up to their own. It also gives the people who made the movie and DVD an option on how somebody thinks they can improve their product.

As for why I review low rated movies, there's several reasons. First, I can't watch the same thing all the time. If all I reviewed was gonzo porn I would have burnt out years ago. There's just too much of it that seems to be made to watch one or two scenes and be done. There's nothing wrong with that, and in many ways it's something to be commended, but I need variety. I also make it a point to try new things in life, and that's spread into porn. Nobody grows by doing the same thing over and over and over again. That spreads into the studios too. If I see a studio I haven't tried yet and there's a star or two in one of their movies who I really like or a director who's worked well for me in the past, I'd frequently check out the movie just to check out something from somebody new that has somebody I know I can rely on. I'm a small business type of a guy, so no matter what I do, I'm always willing to give the "small guy" a chance.

Reviewing "questionable" DVDs also helps me keep things in perspective. I take the 2.5 star rating being an average movie pretty seriously. If all I review is stuff from companies like Evil Angel and Jules Jordan for gonzo stuff and Wicked and VCA for feature stuff (just to pick out four companies which seem to be pretty universally agreed on for their quality), it's pretty tough to say what an "average" release is like. Hell, there are times I'll review stuff from companies I know are going to have plenty of problems just to see if or how they've grown.

Finally, there's time when reviewing movies you have a good idea are going to suck are just good for the soul. They give you a good outlet to vent, and as a reviewer that gives me a new challenge on how to be creative. To me there's no competition on which I'd rather read in a review between "This movie was boring" or "This movie put my dick to sleep". It's the little bit of sugar that helps the medicine go down.

"Vegetarianism for me is about saying ‘yes’ to things - even meat." - Coupling

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Who stars in the film.
How many scenes in the film.
Who did what to whom. Is it outdoors, on a couch, in a bed, on a staircase, where is it.
Did the participants change positions and partners, if so who and how. Describe some of the action please.
Is it well-filmed, well-lit, and is the sound OK.

Guys like Den are excellent for the basics but I prefer the narrative style like bono-one, astroknight, LSB, MLyons, Toosh Shei, The Pocketcomb Pimp, NuTTY BuDDy, and Roger T. Pipe among others. My apologies to anyone who feels left out. Rancho Carne's stable of reviewers are hit and miss, sometimes it's good and sometimes it's not.
I miss Speelie who used to write about some of the other films a lady was in that might have been directed by the same guy or paired with the same partner. A guy named Gabriel Nine was good too. So was a guy named aybesea.

I like praise that's well-deserved and criticism if it's warranted. Some guys like Patrick Riley are/were too negative so that didn't work well, for me at any rate. Some reviewers kiss butt too often and one guy used to gush all over John Leslie's work when I had problems with some of the backlighting that marred some of his scenes IMHO and some of the herky-jerky camera work that I found to be annoying.

Reviews are a tool I use in making my decisions. And always remember...

One guys trash can be the next guy's treasure.

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Thanks bigfoot...anything specific that I find repulsive, but you dig so I can make sure to point it out for you?

LATE

Rog Reviews

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when i was doing all the purchasing for my chain, however, i never read a single review. one industry publication has reviewers who never even insert the dvd or vhs into the player. i know, no big surprise. some of the independent reviewers simply use the title of reviewer as a ploy to obtain free product from producers.

the reason reviews (positive or negative) never were a factor in buying is because the reviewers didn't know my customers. while the reviewer and consumer may share similar likes/dislikes/fetishes, the consumers have a different priority: many are like comic book collectors. they have their favorite brands (marvel/dc) and performers (superheroes) and will spend their money on a particular performer's product or genre.

example: adult video aficionados deride or bemoan performers like lacey duvalle or michelle maylene for a lack of heat in their scenes. even if the assessment is correct or fair, SO WHAT? the consumers with the comic book collector mentality WANT to acquire their product because of the pretty girl appeal.

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Overall I do find reviews help me make decision if I am deciding to choose to buy a movie over another when they both seem appealing to me.

Reviews are gold alone because many write what the actual scenes contain rather than just pairings. I find that really helpful.

I hope people continue to write good and detailed reviews.

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