She has a VERY pretty face but her body is FAT.She is very nice ETC but I'm having a really hard time picturing having sex with her not sure I could perform as fat girls are a turn off but I really like her as a person. Would it be in bad form if I told her that if she loses say 40 pounds I will date her ? I do NOT want to be mean but THAT is how I feel.I wish she was not fat.
Responding because I had a situation where I was in love with a woman who married and moved away. One day years later I get a call "Hey, lets get together for dinner. I'm back in town and separated pending divorce. We meet at her mothers place and Whoa," 40lbs? 50lbs? how about 90lbs (2 kids)and horny as hell. We had never had sex due to her relationship so this would be it. I opted out in view of a previous situation when her future husband drove around my street block for 2hours when he found out she had a crush on me. I would have punched it out back then if he got the nerve to confront me but now to fight over his wife? The mother of his 2 kids? Good to see you sweetie. Hope everything works out. Tell your mom it was nice seeing her again. I'll get the check for dinner. There is a movieShallow Hal that takes on this subject but I don't know what to tell you. Would you really date her if she lost the 40 lbs? Would you dump her if she put them back on? I've heard that tv shows do fat suit undercover operations to expose how people treat the obese differently. Bottom line: There are guys into waifs and there are guys into whales so it might also help to tell her about the many online sites where she can find her soulmate etc..... I have a friend who also has friends who swoon and cow-tow whenever they see or are around larger built women. So, that would be her mission. To meet "them" instead of making you into them.
Do yourself and everyone else a favor and tell her what you told us. My guess is she won't like you anymore. Look. It's none of my business, really if you're that shallow and this is your preference but as someone who likes girls of all sizes, I find your commentary here offensive. Frankly, to answer your question, you should politely decline. Or that's what I would do if I got an offer from someone I wasn't attracted to. You don't have to go into why or be rude about it.
What timescale did you have in mind? It could take her two years, or never. What do you do in the mean time? She's gonna keep coming back and asking "am I thin enough yet? Move on, it'll get too messy! As someone who only likes petite to average sized women, I can sympathesis with you on this.
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NewRomancer Deactivated User
under THEIR avatar 738 Posts 7/08
Posted - Aug 3 2010 : 12:07PM
It's a total d-bag move, to even consider telling her any such thing.
Thanx ALL on the advice.I did tell her how I feel VERY gently I'm not a mean jerk & I did tell her plenty of guys would love her the way she is.At first she got a bit upset but said she would lose the 40 pounds. If I was with a thin girl and she was great but gained 40 pounds I would not dump her but would encourage her to lose the extra pounds.
Thanx MUCH on the advice.I was very gentle about it all,the thing is she kept asking me out,we are friends and get along really well but when she asked "tell me why you won't date me ?" I had to tell how I felt.I like her,I think if she lost the extra pounds she would be SUPER BEAUTIFUL I know it's shallow but I simply can not get excited about being with a fat girl in a romantic/sexual way. At least now she knows and she starts her diet today.
^ Wow, I hope you're not playing with fire there! Like, she's dieting and working out for you, while you're playing the field.....I hope you don't have a bunny-boiler on your hands (see the film, Fatal Attraction).
YEA I thought about that but after I broke up the engagement with my EX I have been in a pretty bad place,somewhat suicidal,so I figure maybe it's my turn to get a break.She seems like a sweet girl but I've said that before only to be soul raped.As DYLAN says,"It's life and life only."
This has totally unfair written all over it! If she agreed to lose weight, you should agree to be her BF! You should be working together, going for healthy meals and supporting her. The reason she is "fat" is probably, in part, down to feeling unloved, I don't see anything has changed. TSTF, I think you should re-think your position; either she's losing weight for you, as your GF, or let her get on with her own life, without you.
Here's a funny way to look at what you are doing. She loses the weight.She's great looking and gets hit on everywhere she goes now. It comes down to her now telling you "you need to come up with 4 more inches like the guys I want to be with, because just as you said, the size really matters". There were a few TV episodes Seinfeld and 2&1/2 Men that dealt with the "upper hand" revenge theme. What I'm saying is that it works both ways and you are setting yourself up perfectly for it.
She sounds like a really nice girl, for her to be prepaired to diet for you speaks volumes, however I do feel she needs assurances in return from you in the mean time,,,like say not playing the field. She will eventually resent you for that whether she has agreed to it or not,,,not a great start to a relationship in my book,,,Just out of interest is she allowed to take as much dick as she can get whilst she is dieting and beginning to feel good about herself? Sorry for being so blunt but I feel speaking in those terms brings home the reality of your agreement/predicament. Put the shoe on the other foot, whilst your waiting for her to be your girlfriend and you attempt to put yourself right by her book Tom, Dick and Harry have been up in her whenever it suited, what are the chances it would play on your mind when you eventually become the boyfriend? Just interested.
YEA I think some of you are making great points.I decided NOT to date other girls while she loses the extra pounds and be supportive of her.She is my friend & I like her,no doubt.I'm not a jerk I just don't find fat girls pretty.I REALLY wish I did as they hit on me A LOT !
Not dating girls whilst she is losing weight is a good decision and will gain you respect not just from her but both your families and friends,,,I hope she is all you desire when the weight is lost and you are compatable beyond physical attraction, good luck.
Uhm. Since others have been perfectly honest, let me be as well. Based on what you're writing I'm getting a distinct impression here (I might be wrong but I only know what I read). She seems to want you to be her bf. Not really dating you, but move on to a relationship since thats specifically what you wrote in the topic. Since you asked the question you did at the beginning you're obviously not there. You are at the "maybe dating" stage. It is NOT fair of you to say "maybe" to her while she loses weight. And when she suggested you could date other girls, it appears she is desperate to please you in order to make you happy while you're waiting for her to be "worthy". I suggest you end the whole thing right now because it is not fair to her in any sense. Not put it on hold, but end it, stay friends if you want but rule out any relationship for the time being. You are clearly not in love with her now, and the imbalance between the way you feel about each other won't work.
^ In other words, Run Forest! Run! This is a totally one sided relationship from my viewpoint, and will continue to be so. She is losing weight for you, not for herself. She is giving you a free pass to date others while she is trying to please you. She is placing no real boundaries or pressure on you, until, and this is the kicker, until she meets with your satisfaction. If you choose not to become involved with her at that time, then what? 40 pounds is not easy to lose, and even though she will reap the health benefits, the damage that could be done psychologically if you do not follow through with your end of the agreement could be devastating. She has self esteem issues now, if this does not work out, what kind of issues will she have then? Support her as a friend, keep it platonic, before, during, and after the weight loss. What you have said you are going to do is honorable, but it would be much more honorable to keep it strictly platonic. She has to do this for herself, and no one else. It's all fun and games until someone gets an ear poked out!
I know but I really do like her.She asked why won't you date me MANY times after awhile I just told her the truth.If she was thin I would & I will.I agree it's wrong for me to date others while she is dieting so I'm not.Right now we are just good friends and we both are happy with that.
I've had this probelem too, about 4 years ago I met a great girl over the internet, I never saw a pic of her but she seemed really cool so I went out with her anyway, when I met her I was really taken back by her appearence, not only was she overweight, but not very attractive either, but as we wen't on with the date I found to be a really sweet, nice chick, and fun to be around, I liked that she said I was sexy and all that, but it made me feel awkward that I didn't know what to say in return, thing is I really liked her as a person so I kept going out with her for weeks, driving out of town to see her etc. but she started dressing a little more "revealing" which was kind of embarassing, and when she tried to kiss me and so on I was very uncomfortable, finally I realized I was leading her on and I had to do what I would advise you to do, be honest with her, don't bullshit her and tell the truth without sugarcoating it. I told the girl I was seeing exactly what I felt, face to face, I told her I really liked her as a person and enjoyed spending time with her but I simply did not find her physically attractive, she took it well and thanked me for being honest, eventually she hooked up with another guy and I hope she is happy now. That's the best you can do, some other dude will see past your limits and accept this girl as she is or maybe she will take the iniative to lose the weight and get in shape and have better luck that way, just don't lead her on because it is mean and hurtful even if you don't intend it to be.
Fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round! 1551 Posts 5/09
Posted - Aug 12 2010 : 11:23AM
A family friend has tried to lose weight for years because her husband, (now ex) wanted her to be thin. She took ex-lax in excess and it tore her colon up to the point where she needed surgery just to keep her guts inside her. Only control freaks tell their loved-ones to go on a diet, IMHO. I prefer a voluptuous woman over an emaciated one. Edited by - dogzcatcher on 8/12/2010 11:25:30 AM
^agreed totally, but that's the wrong way to lose weight, besides these people should want to get in shape for themselves and not their significant other, nobody wants an emaciated anorexic girl, but most guys don't want some giant blobby fat woman either, there is nothing attractive about it, and it says automatically that she has low self esteem, which brings about a whole set of other issues, I wouldn't encourage anyone to go overload on laxatives or get liposuction, that's totally bad news, and it isn't that difficult to start eating better and exercising for pete's sake, I want to know how the hell these people baloon up like that in the first place, it's not like I eat the healthiest food and I do drink a lot of beer daily, but I just put a little effort into burning a few calories every day and i've never been able to put on more than 20 pounds ever, a little self respect goes a long way.
Well said ! I'm far from a healh nut but a few years ago I wanted to lose 15 pounds all I did was cut my food intake by half & I lost the 15 pounds & years later I never gained it back & I too love beer,pizza,ETC
So much is hinged on a woman's weight, I think you're best off just leaving it alone. You could really damage her emotionally. If she's not your cup of tea, keep looking.
lol! Man, people must be really dumb. There's a multi-billion dollar market for diets, pills, work out regimes and quick fixes...no one must have noticed how easy it is.
Wow - this is an old thread. What happened? Did she lose the weight and all went well? Or did it all go pear-shaped?
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earthwindfire Deactivated User
257 Posts 10/12
Posted - May 28 2014 : 1:55AM
Why is it offensive. Do you have any idea how many women (and our dear porn ladies too) want their man to be fit or good looking and would not date a really fat guy. It is all part of the human experience; most people are into looks first and then delve into the human being if the attraction is there. Without that first attraction, the deeper explorations don't generally happen. Most don't admit it, but please don't get too high on your horse there, he is not doing anything that most people don't do themselves; women included. Being really overweight as a man or a woman, makes it difficult to find partners and people to date, that is just the reality of life. Edited by - earthwindfire on 5/28/2014 1:56:56 AM
Whilst I'm not a tub of lard, I sure could do to lose a few stone. If I had some hot girl giving me the incentive to stop eating so much shit and work out more, and in return she'd go out with me - I'd welcome it. :) Edited by - davebowman on 5/28/2014 7:40:22 PM
My first husband was overweight when we met, and got heavier during our marriage. His weight never mattered to me, and he was pretty heavy, not morbidly obese, but more than "just a bit" overweight. His weight, and physical attractiveness overall, had absolutely nothing to do with why I went for him in the first place or why I divorced him. My current partner is overweight, although he was quite thin when we first met. I was also quite thin back then. I've put on 35 pounds since we met, and he's put on about 40. His weight has absolutely nothing to do with how attractive I find him, or how much I love him. I wouldn't avoid dating someone (assuming I was dating) just because they were fat. If I like someone, I like them, no matter how they look. For the record, many people have considered me to be a "hot chick", especially when I was a bit younger than I am now.
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earthwindfire Deactivated User
257 Posts 10/12
Posted - May 29 2014 : 8:42PM
You are in the minority there. You are keeping your head in the sand if you think men and women don't matter about someone's looks in the dating world. Marriage weight is different because you love them and so you accept the gains. Dating scenes are still about what you see, and that is just that.
I didn't say appearance didn't matter at all in any way. I said that weight wasn't a significant factor in forming/maintaining relationships with men for me. My first girlfriend was "solidly built" when we first met in jr. high school. Probably what guys call "thick" or "chunky" these days. (I was thin to the point of emaciation.) All during our teens and early 20's she got a little chubbier, but not very much more than that and I stayed crazy in love with her and her body. Then she became very obese - VERY obese. The last time I saw her (6+ years ago) she was so heavy it truly felt like a physical pain for me to see her that way. I'm not kidding, I felt actual pain to see the woman I had loved in that condition. While I still felt all the emotional attachment to her that I have always felt, I felt no physical attraction to her at all. I'm quite certain I can love someone that is obese, but I do not know if I can be physically attracted to that person. I don't know what that would mean to a sex life with such a person, since I often have sex for reasons that don't really have much to do with attraction and physical things - something I know is true for many women (and probably men). I know that dating is particular situation that often relies heavily on first impressions to catch the attention of a partner. If you can't get their attention you don't have a chance to display your positive characteristics and move further into a relationship, etc. I know that physical attributes are generally what is presented for that first impression, at least in my culture in the USA. I know that I don't tend to be that strongly influenced by most physical attributes, which may be unusual, but certainly not as unusual as society seems to promote. I know other women, including my own daughter, who chose their partners for reasons other than physical attributes.
