While there are many good meaning people on many internet boards, without really knowing to whom you're talking, you can get misinformation. Your relationship with your wife is too important.

Yes, after hysterectomy many women have alterations in sex drive and sensations related to orgasm. If it was a hysterosalpingooophorectomy (where the tubes and ovaries are removed as well) estrogen levels will drop, probably decreasing sex drive and arousal further. Additionally, any chronic disease can decrease sexual interest. Depending on your wife's age, hormone replacement may be indicated, but you'd need to review your case with a physician to see if its best.

Of course, there are many people with chronic diseases and after hysterectomy that enjoy sex. One other thing to consider is depression. Usually, diabetes and an almost year old hysterectomy wouldn't throw off sleep like that. Depression can. And it can put the whammy on sex drive.

So, talk to your wife and let her know how you feel. Ask her if she's depressed and what you can do to help. See a doctor and make sure everything is optimized. And good luck.

Myk

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This sounds tough, but let me recommend a book for you - mentioned on this link.

I have only seen excerpts from it, but am about to order it (I plan to rejoin the book club at www.qpb.com - they have it there). You can check reviews, and also buy it at amazon.

Have you seen this book about natural hormone replacement therapy? You can link from there to other books on the topic. They will recommend progesterone cream - and recommend that you get a good one.

A good, natural progesterone cream, which I use, is made by Emerita. They also make a phytoestrogen cream. You can also look into phytoestrogens from soy and from flax seed. There's a lot of info now about using flaxseed oil for omega 3's as well, but the oil is expensive and goes rancid very quickly. It's cheaper to buy golden flaxseed at the health food store, and run a couple of tablespoons through a coffee grinder each day. That way you get the fiber and lignans as well, all fresh. I take mine with a bit of milk (Rice Dream, actually). It tastes similar to cream of wheat or wheat germ. A perfectly pleasant, nutty flavor.

And, if she needs a prescription estrogen, there is one form of estrogen - estriol - which is safer than the others.

I would be happy to give more info if I knew which direction you wanted to go with this. But, for starters, actually having sex seems to make women hornier, and it keeps them healthier and their hormones in better balance. But it is cheap and easy to try a tube of Pro-Gest and some flax seed. It may take 6 or 8 weeks to see if there's a difference.

Email me if you want (click on the envelope above).

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Myk

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Perhaps it's depression. That would not be surprising, a hysterectomy is a tough blow for a womyn's sense of well, womynhood.

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It wasn't depression in her case, it was hormonal, because once she talked with the doc and they changed her prescription, her sex drive magically reappeared, stronger than it had ever been before. I had trouble keeping up!

But during those 40 years in the desert, it was a real dark place in our relationship and I almost did *very bad things* during it. The thought of having an affair or hiring an escort became so strong, I hated myself and felt so helpless and frustrated that I was the one suffering depression! Glad that's over. I'm pretty much manic all the time now...just call me unipolar! (I'm not poking fun at bipolarity, please believe that; humor=defense mechanism).

Hormone therapy is such a tough call, though, due in no small part to what you've already been told here. While I can't advise you what to do one-two-three (*POOF* - DONE!), obviously something must be done. This won't just magically go away like I used to wish it would.

The things you cite, sleeping all the time and lack of sex drive, unfortunately do sound like depression. What worked for me was drug-free, I never took antidepressants; it was the company of really good friends combined with activities that gave me a sense of accomplishment and self-worth.

I had to force myself to do them sometimes, but ultimately being productive and getting lots of positive reinforcement really shook those blues away.

Does your wife have any activities that she enjoys or used to enjoy that she's given up on? Maybe you could buy her something for Christmas to help her get motivated again and interested in things and enjoying herself.

Any authors she enjoys? Movies? Stocking stuffers. Any hobbies that could take her mind off things, building ships in a bottle, cross-stitching, exercise? How about a trip to the craft store, or a membership to a gym, and you go with her?

Challenge each other, have fun together, go out of your way to make her feel special -- that's the main one, and get her re-involved in the process of being joyfully ALIVE!!

Even if she's not depressed, the things I just mentioned certainly can't HURT. What you CAN'T DO, under any circumstances, no matter what, is make her feel bad about you just told us. DON'T DO IT!! I gave my wife a hard time about the sex drive issue, and it made her feel awful; it's the closest we ever came to breaking up and man, lemme tell ya, there's just no good that can come out of that kind of confrontation.

So you must come at it indirectly, and be persistent! You will both reap the rewards.

I know it's hard when you feel left out and unappreciated to really lay it on thick: flowers, compliments, love letters, and no pressure at all to have sex -- but that's my advice, and I'm sticking to it.

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