Yes, its true, I have had great difficulties cuming since I started having sex at the age of 17 (I'm 26 now). While this problem is more salient when I'm having sex, it does happen once in a while that I have these difficulties when I jerk off as well. And its not as though I can never cum when I'm with a chick, but most of the time I can't. I'm convinced that its a psycological issue, that is, since I haven't cumed in the past, I get scared and stressed that I won't cum now, and as soon as that thought cums (tee hee) in my head (tee hee), I know its not gonna happen and I soft. This issue really is the suck as my balls end up hurting like shit, I don't orgasm, and I feel sexually inadequate vis-a-vis the chick.
Contrary to the impression you might get reading ADT, sex is consiquencial, and as such can be a source of stress. Consider consulting a professional.
Also, talking about it in a context where you feel safe (anonymity helps) may provide some solice, if not actually solve your problem.
Lastly, all kinds of people have all sorts of fucked up problems regarding sex. Sometimes it's helpful to remind oneself that you're not the only one who's sexlife is not Penthouse Letters perfect.
I've had it too for years. Believe me, its not a problem dude! I tell my friends and they all go "you lucky git"! I usually do cum but only when i force myself (tightening the muscles).
I do tell the girl when I'm with them because some girls feel they are not doing enough to please me. Okay so sometimes its a big relief when I do finally cum, but who cares dude! All the partners i've been with say they actually enjoy it because it makes out for a longer session :)
[Link]
Pericles Deactivated User
36 Posts 3/04
Posted - Apr 1 2004 : 11:26AM
I care. I fucking hate it.
I should also have mentioned that I've been taking Paxil on and off for years now, but since I can cum when I jerk off, I doubt that's the reason why. Also, looking at some of the sites suggested above, I'm definetely a perfectionist, and considering how much porn I jerk off to, I see sex as a perfermance when I fuck. Don't know how I can get out of this rut. Discuss.
maybe years of overporning have worn away some of the nerves that used to activate your gasm. I think that's the case with most of the porn guys who have to jack themselves every time because no woman can get them off anymore. I hope by the way that this wasn't an april fools i can't cum topic, because lord knows i'm a fool all month long.
Pericles, I'd think this would be easier to deal with if you have a regular partner, somebody easygoing and playful who can be relaxed about it. That way you can relax too, and get away from the performance idea. Sex is an everyday thing - like food or conversation. If one conversation sucks, or one souffle falls, so what, you laugh about it and do it again tomorrow.
When I was 17 I was worried about if my hands were in the right place and if I was making the right move (am I supposed to move my hands up his back to his neck now? Or not?). If I remember right, I was kinda stiff. At 47, I know that there's no right move (some guys like their dick pulled down and back, and some don't - you just try it -- gently -- and see), they are all right moves. Just goof around and relax and play and fumble and tease and experiment. I know you can't just get the idea of sex-as-play from other people by osmosis, but hopefully the idea will implant.
It's like running around chasing a friend with a squirt gun - it doesn't matter if you go one way around the couch or the other, or if you decide to hide or not or scream or not. It's done on impulse. And if somebody goofs, you hopefully collapse in a giggling heap and enjoy that too. If you can let loose and enjoy whatever happens, that's a big plus.
I can't say that this will put an end to your delayed orgasm, but it should help at least with your reactions to it.
paxil will definatly inhibit that function! everytime ive taken any type of anti depression/anxiety medication i had the same problem. thats the most common side effect!
It definately sounds like it is an issue with the SSRI you take. I took Sertraline for six months and it had the same effect. Even when I stopped taking the tablets it took a while for normal service to resume.
These types of issues are always, as Lindi suggested, so much easier to deal with in the context of a loving relationship, or with understanding sexual partners. Just know that when you find the right girl, stuff like this will not get in the way of the really important things... And you'll find ways together to overcome the problem.
