thanks for your insight! Maybe I am not banging the wrong gender, maybe I am the wrong gender! I have just had a sex change with a spork, two sticks of butter and a vise, turned my penis inside out into the worlds most succulent clit and am ready for the big leagues baby! Email me for some pics!

Truth be told; I am a crazy wacker and to actually considering holding off for over a week would cause serious withdrawls. (How bout just switching to the left hand?) I have a gf who I have to fuck every night out of the kindness of my heart because refusing this would make her feel strange. Believe me I have tried. I am easily aroused also and cannot hold back...As for the self-esteem issue, Momo, I agree. It is much easier to pop one off on a girl I could care less about or is not of the prettiest sort. The prettier and more inteligent a woman is, not to mention the more I like her, the more I have to imagine porking their mom... whoah, too much info right there, sorry.

I read somewhere online the social belief is in full effect that if a girl doesn't cum, its a mans fault, but if a guy doesn't cum, its the guys fault again. The majority of girls I have been with have no prob with me going down on em for 30-45 minutes but give em my weenie and they magically think it will explode after 1 minute like their last bf. It doesn't and although I admit its probably my fault, I think most woman think they are so amazing,as in, 'the nerve of this guy not cuming from my diamond pussy! he must of been molested.' The last part of this I have been told many a time, as other things said even crueler have also have been swung my way. This is why I prefer one night stands (read my post elsewhere on the dangers of anal sex) to long relationships because it is much easier to blast on a stranger than someone who you trust. I will try not wanking, but from personal experience, this doesn't change anything. In fact, my sex drive goes down if I don't wank at least every other day.

The biggest problem is that pussys don't feel that gr8, once your in it for five minutes I feel so bored; but I luv women and the way they look; I try to focus on the face. Stickn it in the ass or mouth is gr8 but jerkn in the face is the best (like i said, i prefer to focus on the face.) I suffer from the money shot syndrome.

I am a broken man. Thanks to porn and early sexual experiences with girls in my life, I think I am doomed to marathon sessions of no release. I would really like to hear from other guys on here who might suffer from this.

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This is interesting. Is it that you go limp while inside a woman after a while or do you just continue to stroke without orgasm?

This might sound strange, but how about taking a couple of weeks off with the gf. Give her some oral sex, but other than that just talk and be romantic. Just try and change the dynamic of your relationship. Remove the focus from sex and place it more on caring and non sexual intimacy.

RoccoFan
The Madman Cumeth!!

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Ok, so no it doesn't sound like anything of the sort, but it does remind me of the famous Seinfeld episode 'the contest'. Basically if you're in the contest and you come, you're out. We should organise something like that around here, if enough people are crazy enough to enter.

Some sort of handicapping system might be needed though. Young guys with sexy new girlfriends (for example) would have to be at a distinct disadvantage in something like this...

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Throw in some amateur psychology...
It may be that the "extremely nasty" things that turn you on are a form of revenge against those women who've hurt you.

I don't think your not enjoying sex is physical at all. And I don't think it's anything you can just cure. Do you have close women friends? That's a good place to start. No one should feel pressured to have sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend. If you do the problem is in the relationship, not the sex.

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In reading your post P-Knuckle I felt washed over by something very akin to a hatred of womyn.

The way that you refer to them, the harsh way you phrase things, the abrupt way you are approaching the issue..it just all speaks of anger to me.

Perhaps the issues that are manifesting are a result of some deeper conflicts you're having in your view and interaction with womyn.

And just a friendly FYI, most womyn feel responsible when the man cannot cum, not as you have assumed the other way around.

I wish you luck in resolving the problem, and hope you can see my comments as just an honest reply and not an attack.

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I appreciate all the feedback on here as it is very valuable to me and it is quite nice to experience free therapy.

Lunacy, I appreciate your comments. The truth of the matter is, and even with not getting too into this is; I respect and honor most 'womyn,' its the ones who I feel opposite of this that are easier to screw and more fun to get off on. I have a very good friends who are 'womyn' and we have discussed this thing to death. Their verdict is I am a pervert and that is why I am their friend and not a bed partner.

Life is very strange when it mirrors pornography; I am not bragging about this as it is depressing...Have you ever been to a swinger club? Have you ever fucked 3 different women in one day? When you were in 5th grade, where you locked in a closet and touched by 3 girls (and it felt good?) This is only a short list of what I consider my 'luggage' as 'baggage' seems too kind of a descrip. Once again, I am not bragging about these things. My male friends think its cool, (its that fred durst bs mentality) they don't understand that I fuck because it is my addiction and porno-style money shots to these situations is only befitting. But take my lifestyle and then try to have a gf and it becomes problematic.

'Perhaps the issues that are manifesting are a result of some deeper conflicts you're having in your view and interaction with womyn.'
--------Lunacy--------------

-Well, lets discuss my view of women and interaction with them. Have you ever watched Nacho:latin psycho (evil angel.) Thats about my mentality sexually. I can also be like Lloyd Dobbler from 'say anything' but this is to my friends who are girls and ends quickly when sex enters the arena.

'This might sound strange, but how about taking a couple of weeks off with the gf. Give her some oral sex, but other than that just talk and be romantic. Just try and change the dynamic of your relationship. Remove the focus from sex and place it more on caring and non sexual intimacy.'
--------Roccofan-----------

I am 26 and so is my Gf. We have only been seeing eachother for 2mnths. The more I care and the more nonsexual intimacy that goes on, the more I dislike and prefer not to be sexual with her (or any other girl for that matter.) Yeah, we talk for hours on end, this weekend we spent 34 hrs together without being apart and had sex twice which was sweet and nice and blah blah. When I mix non-sexual intimacy and respect with hardcore sex (which I enjoy) it ruins everything. I guess if I see a women as anything else other than sexual, it turns me off. This needs to change...

On a strange note, I hit the local library for some books on this; one in particular, 'Disorders of Sexual Conduct,' had 3 case studies of this paticular problem. Guess what, all three relationships ended, 2 of the 3 because the girl gave up on it in therapy. The book really didn't help my notion of problem solving as 65% of all the case studies ended in failure or non-solutions to the problems. (many different issues not related to my thang.) Believe me, most chicks would rather not put time into something like this, its a really wierd thing for them. (why not find someone who is not so broken.) I guess I will continue to have this issue. But I am workin' on it. And my gf is real cool about it...

It all comes down to my past history and this thang we luv on here- PORN! Pornography only embraces what I am talkn about. I had a past gf who made me throw away my porn, (i had three garbage bags full of stuff,) and admitedly, while I missed the porn, things kind of changed. But sex actually got worse as it got more nice and lovey dovey.

Thanks for the posts, I appreciate it! Keep em rollin...

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...it is much easier to blast on a stranger than someone who you trust...
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If you can only enjoy sex when you have no respect for or intimacy with the other person involved that suggests you
believe there's something wrong with having sex. If its bad, only bad people do it, right?

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P-Knuckle wrote:
...When you were in 5th grade, were you locked in a closet and touched by 3 girls (and it felt good?)...
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As a matter of fact, yeah, something like that. Does the fact that you included "and it felt good" indicate that you think something was wrong with it? Shouldn't it have felt good, or shouldn't you have been with 3 girls? Would one girl have been OK?

What I'm trying to get at here is what's the twist? Everybody is running around in a body that demands sexual gratification whether they like it or not, what's different is the "voodoo" we wrap around our sexual behavior to make it acceptable to ourselves. For some people, that marriage. For others it's...something else.

You've only offered a few clues, so this may be totally off base, but it sounds like you feel badly about your sexual self because of that early experience and you've wrapped some major voodoo around sex to try and make it impossible for that sexual self to repeat that "mistake."

Course, I could be full of sh*t.

Hardware

"Remember crew..you're only where you think you are!" the Pagfeek Papers

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Hardware wrote-
'If you can only enjoy sex when you have no respect for or intimacy with the other person involved that suggests you
believe there's something wrong with having sex. If its bad, only bad people do it, right?'

Problem is, the stuff I enjoy doing in bed to women is the stuff that those who are full of self-esteem and intelligence stray away from. I guess its my fault for liking to cum in their face (yes, in real life it does happen.), have anal sex, and talk like a filthy pig; (I enjoy other things too but am self-censoring myself.) These things can happen in relationships, and intially, some women enjoy it, but as things linger on, they usually want something easy, quick, and marginal. I can't have sex and just go through the motions. I have always been made to feel guilty by women in relationships that something is wrong with the way I have sex. The only women I have been sexually compatible with are not ones who would date me or that I would date.

Interesting comments people...Hardware, you are not full of shit. I give a lot of thought to your remarks and respect them...

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Please don't take this the wrong way, but I sincerely believe that you should seek some professional help. We all have a "dark side" if you will, by which I simply mean we all have thoughts, desires, impulses that if acted upon would put us outside of the surrounding cultural "norm". As an astute observer of the human condition once put it, at one time the lives of humans were "nasty, brutish, and short". Then came civilization, a set of mutually agreed upon (at least to a point) rules by obeying which we could all to a greater or lesser extent live long(er) and prosper-- those words from another albeit less great and more fictional observer of the human condition.

You don't HAVE to obey all the rules. But you do have to understand and accept that choosing which rules you do or do not obey will have an effect on your standing within the culture or society, which for all intents and purposes means your choices will affect your life. Some examples are clear: if you kill someone and get caught you will go to jail (or be put to death if you live in Texas) i.e. be excised from society. Unless you really enjoy solitude and have a bare cement fetish, I think we can all agree that this would be a negative effect on your life. Some are less clear-- for example if you kill someone and don't get caught. Or if you kill someone in a societally-sanctioned manner, like as a police officer or a soldier. I'm not going to get into this moral quagmire except to say that in the first case stories as old as "The Tell-tale Heart" and as recent as the movie "Bully" portray the mental anguish that even an unpunished crime can cause, and in the second case post-combat mental disorders are anything but uncommon.

Now, even that shit is abso-fucking-lutely black and white when compared with the vast majority of "rules" that govern our social interactions. And once you bring sex into the picture, forget it. Ogling a woman on the street is considered rude or even anti-social, yet that behavior is de rigeur at a strip club. You can ogle but not touch at a strip club, yet in many relationships you can touch but NOT ogle, because she will think you're being 'weird' or she maybe has a distorted body image and your lustful looks make her "feel fat". People are really fucked up.

What I am getting at here is that you have developed some sort of wall between your sexual and emotional lives in order to try to follow the "rules" in letter but not in spirit. I don't know if this was caused by some of the early sexual exposure you mentioned, and I don't know how much of your sexual behavior is cause or symptom. But I do know that you are going to find it very difficult if not impossible to have a fulfilling (on all levels) relationship with a woman unless you deal with this. Don't think I'm being mean or judgemental when I say this, but do you want to end up one of those guys who's married and has a cookie-cutter surface life but secretly pays prostitutes hundreds of dollars on Tuesday afternoons to let him shit on floor and fuck her while she eats it? I don't know you, but I know that this is one possible end result of not dealing with your issues.

You can't do it on your own. You need to have someone you can talk to in a completely confidential and judgement-free arena. That's what shrinks are for. You need to be able to say "I sometimes want to gag a girl and fuck her ass till it bleeds. But not my girlfriend because I respect her too much. The sex I feel is "OK" with her leaves me unfulfilled. Is that wrong?" You can't say that to just anyone, that's why shrinks get paid. On the most basic level I think it is pretty clear that you can attack this from one of two angles-- either find a girl for whom that sort of sex is part of a healthy relationship or deal with your issues to the point where other sexual acts and even intimacy itself becomes a turn-on again. Call me crazy, but I think that option one will be ultimately self-defeating because you will find yourself unable to respect the girl even though she likes the sex. That leaves, um, let's see, oh right option two.

Let me repeat-- I don't know you and I am not trying to be overly judgemental. I almost never respond to these sex talk posts because I think half of them are lies and many of them are inane-- i.e. they make entertaining reading but I don't take them seriously. I am responding to you because I think it is important that you see someone about this in order to vastly improve the quality of your life.

mp

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I am a level 2 sex addict with severe agoraphobia/ anxiety with manic deppression and other obssessive traits. My treatment and group therapy only works for short periods of time and has never helped with the issue on hand we are discussing. Its actually added to the guilt and dysfunction.

I have posted on here because from other people I have met in therapy, they are usually married and struggling in the relationships or very old and have a different life experience. I was wondering if other people who like porn are experiencing these feelings because when I bring it up in therapy (group or otherwise,) their knowledge on the subject of porn is limited. The world at large thinks porn is only playboy and vivid (they have no idea of the depravity that programs some of us.) I was hoping some people would come out of the closet (so to speak,) and maybe share similiar feelings....

Maybe I am the only one with these issues, but I doubt it.

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I am glad you have tried therapy, I am sorry that it's benefits have been thus far short lived. I'll have to go check out that thread. Forgive me if some of my advice was old news to you, you didn't mention any of your diagnoses in the opening post so I thought you were some kid with no clue whatsoever as to why you were feeling this way about women.

Quite honestly, I am not sure what you are asking. If the question is just this simple-- why can't I cum-- then the answer is simple as well: your emotional problems/medical conditions are interfering with the practice of a "normal" sex life. You need to continue working through this via therapy. If you are not on medication already, you might try that for some of the issues, i.e. the manic depression.

I am sure you are not the only person with problems of this sort. But I think that both the porn watching and the inability to come during "normal" sex are both symptoms. Though one may contribute in some way to the other, I don't believe that there is any direct causal relationship between the two.

mp

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I am getting off the subject now; but I have changed my mind from my initial post; I think my consumption of porn has added to my problem. As I stated prior, note that actors in porn also have difficulties getting off with using the hand. to come up with a percentage would be hard, but I would venture to say that 70% of the porn I watch has men finish the act. Also, I have tried to watch 'creampie' vids where the guy comes inside the girls. This is pretty gross for me to watch... even though I hear most 'normal' people finish this way. What is normal to most I feel is very unappealing. I must be crazy...

mag wrote-
'your emotional problems/medical conditions are interfering with the practice of a "normal" sex life'

This is true; but without any real cure for these conditions, I will have to find a solution on my own, or possibly accept my differences and move on. Like I said, this is only a problem in relationships with girls I care about, if I have frivolous rendezvous' with strangers and go back to frequenting swingers clubs, my problems somewhat clear up as what I enjoy is more easier to experience through these outlets.

Sometimes life when it mirrors porn is quite dehumanizing...

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P-Knuckle, only you know why you can't cum because you're the one who had the experiences and made the decisions that led you to this point. Porn isn't the cause, it's a symptom. Sorry, wish it was that easy. You asked for any tips. I'm afraid the only tip I can give you is to know thyself. As magnuspym pointed out, a good psychiatrist may be able to help you discover whatever you've buried inside that's doing this to you, but in the end, it's up to you to heal yourself. From your posts I think deep down you already know this, you just don't want to face that thing, whatever it is.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes, maybe it has some application here:
"God has forgiven you, why haven't you forgiven yourself?"

Hardware

"Remember crew..you're only where you think you are!" the Pagfeek Papers

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Anyway, I don't necessarily look at it as a liability. My current gf loves it when I can give her head for hours at a time. And if I put my mind to it, I can come with her in a short time too.

But anyway, yeah I agree with what's been said. If you can lay off the Han Solo for a few days, and try something new (new position, technique, etc.), it can do wonders for you. Also, I'm not sure if this is a factor for you either, but for me, having sex while I'm drunk DEFINITELY impeded an orgasm. Although every girl I've had sex with who was drunk seemed like a raving nympho, for me it just kind of ruins things. So if you're having sex while you're drunk, you may want to try not drinking before sex. Just a thought.

And also, dare I ask, could it be that you're not asking your partner to perform in a way that you'd prefer as well? I always try my best to do things for my gf. If you'd like your gf to do things for you, don't be afraid to ask. Hope this helps?

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hardware- you just don't want to face that thing, whatever it is.'

I agree, thats part of therapy and life. Its a slow grind, and once I can seize the concept of 'mind over matter' I might kick this problem in the ass.

I appreciate your feedback everyone; I won't be on adultdvdtalk for some time as the climate once again is not to my liking and I am a stubborn goat (this is in regards to other posts, not this one as I luv everyones feedback.)

I have shared some of this feedback with my therapist and group therapy sessions. I do appreciate everyone's honesty with me; Cheers mates!

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