Take a nerf football- $2.99 at toyzrus
Get a hole saw smaller than your circumference hard
(1/8"less-tight,1/4"less-virgin,1/2"less-anal virgin)
drill a hole all the way thru the football from point to point
get the zipless freezer bags at the market- $1.99 for 50
get generic baby oil gel- $3.99
take a dowel or drumstick and push the bag thru the hole in the football, grab the tip of the bag and break a hole in it to release air.
fold the bag end over the football and lube both yourself and the orifice.
get yourself hard and enter the nerf from the folded side while you hold the tip at the other end to keep it from slipping. the orgasm is intense! when you're done pull the bag out and throw it out, no fuss no muss.
If you want to get creative drill a hole from the bag tip end underneath your entry hole and half the distance. slip your favorite vibe in, voila!
for the ultimate put the football in a 100 cd cupcake hood
drill a small hole in the center closed end of the hood, thread a screw thru from the inside. put the setup in a variable speed drill, total disclaimer here- be very careful
and go slow! for an in/out sensation adapt the cakebox for a sawzall and put it in a vise cock high. Let me know what you think, guys deserve "fucking machines" too!

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