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All Forums > Sex Talk > Sex Talk Forum Page 65 > i need help, giving her an orgasm.
AuthorPost
reverend
Member

the church
15 Posts
10/00
Posted - Oct 18 2000 : 12:53PM
ok, im new here. im really going to open up tho so please no bashing me or anything. i am so frustrated with this and i dont understand.

ok. i have only made love to one woman, my current significant. we have been seeing eachother for about a year and having sex for a little less than that. before that i had been with females but never had sex. we partook regularly in oral sex and other things but never went all the way becuase, well the girl i was with at the time didnt want to, and i respected her for that.

on to the problem. we have been having sex for almost a year, and i have never given her an orgasm. i dont understand. she tells me not to worry because it is just her, she tells me i am wonderfull in bed and that i am the best lover she has had, and also that she has NEVER had an orgasm with anyone. she also does not masturbates. im wondering if that is part of the problem, but we've talked about this and it just doesnt do anything with her. she even has a toy but doenst ever use it unless we are together, she claims this just doesnt do it for her.

i take my time, i carress her body, i treat her like a woman, but as much as i try i can not get her to climax. this is so frustrating for me but she just keeps saying dont worry about it somethings wrong with me (her). there has to be SOMETHING im missing. she cant even get one by riding me or riding me with my stimulating her clit, or even by oral sex for long periods of time.

now i KNOW that i am good at oral sex. this is one of the things that frustrates me. a friend a while back asked me for pointers on oral sex because he had never done it before. i wrote him a long guide to it and he was giving his girlfriend orgasms with my teqniques the next day! his girlffriend even thanked me profusely. other ladies have read what i wrote and they said that they almost came just READING this stuff... that i pinpointed everything they love...

im at a loss why i just cant my lady to cum, orrally or through sex. i feel so bad that i cum and she doesnt. is it possible that some people just really have a hard time cumming? is there ANYTHING i can do? ive tried EVERYTHING.


-the reverend


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Pablo
Member

CA USA
72 Posts
11/99
Posted - Oct 18 2000 : 1:58PM
My suggestion would be to seek professional help.
There may well be a problem which is causing this. Hard as it may be to face a doctor with this, I think it is the best way to go here.

There was a thread here a couple of weeks ago regarding FDA approval of a device to assist women with sexual dysfunction. Here's the title of the thread, it is a page or two back: FDA Approves Sex Toys Don't know if that will help, but it may have some good information for you guys

Best of luck to you - sorry I have no quick answer.

Edited by - Pablo on Oct 18 2000

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Oneloa
Member

848 Posts
2/00
Posted - Oct 18 2000 : 3:52PM
First, I think the ladies of the forum can answer this much better than any of us guys can. But, I thought I'd throw my 2 cents in as well.

Some women do have a problem letting go enough to have their first big O. But, once they do... look out. I heard that this is kind of common in young women. I think she needs to be able to give herself an orgasm to understand her own body. That way she'll know how much or little stimulation she needs in order to cum. Just a couple of thoughts.

BTW - Since you wrote that great road map to going downtown, perhaps you should share it with your fellow ADTalkers in another thread. There's no such thing as too much knowledge regarding sex. We've talked a lot about how women can give better BJs, now it's time to help out the other side.

- [ invalid url ]

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Janitor
Retired

Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service.
6409 Posts
11/99
Posted - Oct 18 2000 : 4:05PM
hi reverend

a lot of women have trouble having orgasms - i'm sure the fact that she doesn't masturbate doesn't help. first, i hope she knows that it's not just her. second, you may be putting too much emphasis (thus pressure) on her orgasm. third, get her to masturbate with you - if she can't bring herself to orgasm then she may need professional help. it's very difficult to have an orgasm thru penetration if you can't have one thru clit stimulation.

it's not you - don't feel badly.

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-lunacy-
Senior Member

1081 Posts
4/00
Posted - Oct 18 2000 : 6:48PM
here's the link Pablo was referring to..
Click here

and Welcome to ADVDT revrand

It's true, orgasm for womyn is not as natural and without thought as it seems to be for men. I came only 3 times in 8 1/2 years of sexual activity. (aside from manual stimulation)

Please do not feel to depressed that you cannot give your S.O the Big O, it probably really is just her.

She needs to explore her sexuality, learn to touch herself , then teach you from there.

Maybe you should invite her to the forum.. Ananimity can be a great way for us to ask the things we never could or would before, and it may just loosen her up. Sounds like it would be healthy for her.

It is not uncommon for young womyn to take some time to discover sexual pleasure. I have a close friend that is a very sexual creature, loves her man dearly, and can make herself cum, but has the same problem as your S.O.

Hang in there, and try not to take it to heart. Keep in mind also that for us, often, the intimacy, touching and kissing is almost the best part.

Edited by - -lunacy- on Oct 20 2000

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biggun
Member

outthere
67 Posts
7/00
Posted - Oct 18 2000 : 9:48PM
rev--quit having sex with nuns!! j/k. seriously, i completely understand what your woman is going thru. i, too have a hard time climaxing with ANY type of stimulation event hough my partner was more than generous and skilled. the problem rested within me. yes, not making her have an orgasm as a goal or a reason behind doing stuff (do it to acheive a closeness or togetherness instead) will help take some of thepressure off. but, the key to it all is that she has to be compfortable in her sexuality. i had a very religious upbringing and was taught that sex essentially is wrong and that girls who enjoy sex are evil, bad, or dirty. to this day, i cannot acheive the big O thru self masturbation :eek: which sucks. maybe counseling or gettnig her to realize that enjoyng sex is not bad would help. check her background out--was she raised in a religious household? any possibility of neglect or emotional or physical abuse? these are all possibilities to why she is having problems. good luck and keep us posted!
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reverend
Member

the church
15 Posts
10/00
Posted - Oct 18 2000 : 10:36PM
thanks for all the responses so far, having never posted anything like this before i was worried what the response would be, was worried i would be critisized or ridiculed or something. after reading the responses i feel very good and, thank you all :)

pablo thanks for the info.. i think what you are talkinga bout is that suction cup thing for the clit? i read about that in playboy... im not really sure if that is the problem, casue she gets aroused and all....

oneloa as for giving her self one first... i know i've thought of that myself, and we've even talked about it and she's thought it was a good/valid idea even, but i guess she tried it and just really it did nothing for her.. i dont know, oh just cause you asked, ill post my "manifesto" hehe

stephdunn as for pressure on the orgasm, i dont think thats the problem, cause really i dont. i mean its gotten to the point where i dont expect it and i never really mention it, but then every once in a while i just think, damn i really wish i could do that for her, to feel that, and for her to feel as good as im feeling, ya know?

lunacy thanks for the advice, im glad to here we arnt alone in this... maybe it will come with time. ill keep trying and hopefully one day something spectacular will happen, believe me i do realize how important foreplay and kissing and things is, i take my time in that area.

biggun , as i said already, the orgasm has never really been the goal, well when we first started, but ive since learned :). we have also talked about her past and things, there doesnt seem to be any abuse or anything... oh and its definately not her attitude towards sex, she loves sex and loves having sex with me, sometimes wants it more than i do... its just the O thats the problem.

thanks again everyone, i hoe i get some more responses, maybe some more insight, i guess one of the big problems is we will have sex, and sometimes it seems like no matter how long i last she wants to keep going, either we go till she gets sore or i cum, i would like for us both to finish together i guess. :(

sadly,


-the reverend

Edited by - reverend on Oct 18 2000

Edited by - reverend on Oct 18 2000

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-lunacy-
Senior Member

1081 Posts
4/00
Posted - Oct 20 2000 : 6:35PM
I can tell you honestly, the fact that you care, are considerate and are trying to help her . I know, will mean more than you can imagine to her.
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All Forums > Sex Talk > Sex Talk Forum Page 65i need help, giving her an orgasm.

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