I am a 32 Year old black male. I was born with a physical disability called spina bifida also I am 5'3" tall. I don't think I am the most attractive guy in the world but I feel I am pretty not close to being the most unattractive guy in the world. But I could be delusional about my looks. I am not overweight I am skinny I weight weigh 145. I take care of my physical health. All my life I struggle with getting women to like me as a romantic interest and let alone a sexual interest. I am usually caught up in the friendzone which sucks sooo much! I don't even try to get there, I am just such a trustworthy and friendly guy that I make friends with women so easy and they tell me all their relationship problems and all...well you all know how the friendzone goes. I am sick of being there I want to fuck fuck women have sex, make love to them and not just be in the friendzone without getting any pussy. I love porn and I think porn is amazing but after always watching so much and maturating when my dick is hard, I really want to fuck.
First of all, Shelby, don't let anybody tell you you'll go blind. Honestly, unless you catch yourself tying things to a ceiling fan and then to yourself to test out how high you can make yourself feel, there's no shame in wanking. Let's get that down and made clear right now: What you do with yourself is perfectly healthy. Wanting to love women, or just love anyone and make love to them, is proof that your disability is limited. We're all wankers here. We love watching women fucking, we love watching them orgasm, and we lust after their bodies. Butts make my world go round. In a forum like this, we can admit this to each other without being scowled at or dismissed because we're somehow creepy. We're uninhibited by some social stigma placed on our libidos. We love porn because we're healthy.
For a number of reasons I won't go into here, but which cannot be helped, I have never been a particularly attractive man myself. As a young guy, round about the time of the Grover Cleveland administration, my "friend zone" was chock full of girls. Dear lord, did I ever hear a truckload of their relationship problems. They could tell me everything, because I looked safe. "Why don't guys like me? I'm beautiful, aren't I?" Um, yes. "If you weren't... the way you are, wouldn't you like me?" I like you now just fine. In fact... "Then why doesn't a real man like me?" I heard that a lot.
What you might not want to hear, but what's the real truth here, is that you're actually doing the right thing. You've got to get them in the friend zone first. You have to be the best man you know how to be. You have to turn up the romance a thousand percent. Blast it through the walls, full volume, lay it on thick. If you're capable of a dance move, do it. What a great many women have no idea they need in their lives is someone who adores them and will lay down their lives for them if needed. Before I found the love of my life, there were girls in my friend zone whom I made very happy just by being Mr. Nice. Then I laid it all on the line, because I was never the fellow to hold back. And I lost more often than I won. It was pretty painful stuff. "You were just using me all this time." Like you weren't using me? "Okay, you let yourself be used by me, isn't that the same thing?" So I did what you wanted, and now that's my fault? A great many girls will reject a man who is everything in the world except six feet tall.
The good news there is, that gets them out of your way fast enough. As astonishing as this may be, you may find someone who is absolutely everything in the world you want in a woman. Everything. Nothing held back. And who genuinely believes she couldn't possibly be anyone's dream, because that's what she's been told by her family or her peers. A woman who can see past whatever deficiency you've been dealt and who can truly see you for the man you are. And can love you, and make love to you, because you make her feel like the world was made for her. This can happen.
But it only happens from the friend zone. I mean this. She will see you and realize that who you are, and what you mean to her, make you sexier than what she's settling for. She will see you as the real man.
Of course, then, you'll have to have that talk about what to do about your porn habit. But that'll be a good problem to have, won't it?
To sum it up: Don't settle. Never let yourself give in and take up some stray just because you think no one would ever see you and love you at the same time. Aim higher. Turn up the heat and the volume. Strut everything you've got to the fullest extent that you can. If you're in a wheelchair, make that chair do cartwheels. The very fact that you aim high, will turn some people on - not a majority, surely, but the right people.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but are you upfront with the women from the start? Do you tell them you are looking for a sexual relationship, or do you befriend them hoping that they will fuck you? Because if you befriend them hoping they will fuck you, that's rather shitty. I'm not sure how you would feel if you found out your guy friends befriended you because they wanted to fuck you. If you aren't, be honest from the start about what you are looking for.
I tend to play it safe and I befriend women because I am a good friend and good human being. I just look around at how many women friends I have and wonder since i am so good at making friends why haven't I found someone to fuck?
That's probably not what you wanted to hear. At one level, that probably sounds like, "Keep up the good work and eventually it'll all pay off." And our moderator Flash's warning isn't entirely wrong: Women tend not to look first into their own friend zone, for fellas they'd like to have casual sex relationships with. They want to be free (sound familiar?).
While you could conceivably join some type of casual sex club, you'll probably find that most of the people you meet there actually would not be your first choices for casual sex anyway. (And when the girls in your friend zone found out, what would they think of you then?) What it sounds to me like you want is rewarding sex that fills you up with a zest for life and a healthier respect for yourself. The one way to reach that point is through romance. Romance is a tool that can help women transcend the friend zone into the next zone. And yes, it takes work, and you've got to lay it on thick. You'll have to be honest and open, and not hide your desires, and oh boy, you will get rejections, but not from everyone. And the women who see into you will be the ones who will make love to you because this is what they desire, and suddenly you're not exerting so much effort.
So yes, what I'm saying is, there's no real way around that mountain for men like us except over the top. Aim high anyway.
I know exactly what you mean about the friends-zone. I made this mistake years ago and you just end up as one of the girls and a sounding board for all their problems and hang-ups. There are all kinds of dating sites, but perhaps your best option is to join some kind of club or group with a mixed membership which caters to any interests you may have. Then when you meet someone you like, you have to signal that you are interested in a relationship, but without looking needy or desperate. A big smile and a sense of fun always helps. It may be difficult at first, but you'll discover that there's someone for everyone. Once you meet someone, you'll find more women taking an interest in you, which doesn't seem fair, but life's like that. And never give up - you still have most of your life ahead of you. Good luck!
Hey man, thanks for being so open - it takes guts to share like that, and you're definitely not alone. First off, you're clearly self-aware, honest, and you care about your health - that's already a strong foundation. A lot of guys, disabled or not, have felt stuck in the friendzone or frustrated with dating, so your feelings are totally valid.
Women are drawn to energy, not perfection. Work on your mindset - confidence doesn't mean arrogance, just being proud of who you are. Own your story, including your disability. The right women will respect that authenticity.
If you're always the friendly guy, it's easy to slip into "just a friend" territory. Practice subtle flirting - light teasing, playful compliments, making your interest known early so the vibe doesn't settle into platonic.
Try dating apps where people are open-minded or even dedicated to disability-inclusive relationships (like Hiki, Gutsy, or Whispers4u). Also, consider events, forums, or groups where sexuality and disability are discussed openly - there are communities out there where you'll feel seen and desired.
Not because anything is "wrong" with you, but because a good sex-positive therapist or dating coach can help you reframe limiting beliefs, build sexual confidence, and develop skills for dating success.
If emotional connection isn't required right away, and you're seeking sexual experience, seeing a professional might be a valid option. In many places, there are sex workers who are experienced and compassionate working with clients with disabilities - it's not just about the act, but the connection, validation, and confidence it can build.
