I would never approach a girl and ask her for a date without first seeing whether there is a mutual attraction between us. If I see that she is regularly looking at me, discreetly throwing glances in my direction, whispering and giggling with her friends, etc, then I know that I've got a good chance.
A good example was in Croatia just a few days ago. I noticed a beautiful girl kept making eye contact with me and vice versa. Then I noticed that each day she would move her towel next to mine, giggle with her friends, say the occasional thing in English (like "cheers"), etc since she heard me speak it to my Dad and I suppose she found it impressive.
The only problem was her whole family was around her, literally only 1-2 metres away the entire time. Plus the fact I knew that I would only be staying a few days.... A great shame. She really was lovely.
Back during my club-hopping days, guys would come up to me and ask me to dance, or would buy me a drink, or just sit down and start talking, and I had no idea where they'd come from because I'd never even seen them. Being a wallflower myself, I think I attracted shy men. I have a rather bookish appearance, and I was terribly shy and self-conscious back then. I think that like attracts like in a lot of ways. And unfortunately all my girlfriends were just as shy as me, so a lot of times, we'd sit all night at a table by ourselves. Maybe guys thought we were lesbians.
Anyway, I was a prude at the time, and I never went out looking for a potential sex partner. I usually went to accompany my friends, or get drunk and dance. It wasn't until I started working in the video store that I started making conversation and actually flirting with the customers I found attractive. I got asked out so many times that eventually my self-esteem built and I developed the confidence to actually look guys in the eye and use all those girly wiles on the men I found attractive.
I find that even shy girls, if they find you attractive, will glance in your direction from time to time. Maybe not quite so often but they will, nevertheless. If they don't, then I wouldn't bother approaching them.
When I use the word, "girly," I mean "ultra-feminine." For example, I'm kind of a tomboy. I have rather masculine tastes in clothing, decor, sports and other activities. I dislike romantic games and I'm straight-forward, almost mannish in my approach to everything. I consider a woman to be "a girly girl" if she's extreme in the opposite direction. Very blatantly feminine. She dresses utterly feminine, she flirts a lot, and she "plays the game" in the romance department. She uses guile, flirtation and subtlety in her approach to a new man, whereas I'm more direct.
I likely just stereotyped an entire group of women, and for that I sincerely apologize. It's only because I don't understand them. I can't fathom why, if a woman really wants a man, she'll "make him work for it." It makes no sense to me. Fuck mystery. It's overrated. I believe in cutting through the shit and getting to the heart of the matter; any matter. If I'm physically attracted to a guy, I'll go up to him and stand near him. I'll express personal interest in his thoughts and opinions. If he seems to like me, I'll come right out and ask him if he's available. Life's short. I don't have time for all these farcical mechanizations. If that man is THE man for me, I want to know from day one. From minute one. Not after a bunch of hemming and hawing and game-playing. What if he is Mr. Right? The time I spend making him chase me is time I won't get back when we're old and feeble and pray to God for just one more day together.
At least, that's what I thought when I was single and looking for true love, and I still feel that way. Mick's lucky in that he has a brutally honest wife. I don't let anything fester. If he pisses me off enough for me to say something, he hears it immediately. Same as when we first got together. As soon as I knew he had an interest in me, I let him know that I liked him too. We went on a date the very next day and we've been together ever since. I didn't want to have sex right away because I'd been burned by my first love who took my virginity and stomped all over it, and I made that very clear to Mick on our very first date. We dated for a month, in a really sweet, old-fashioned way, and then he left for Thailand on a 6-week deployment. He courted me through love letters and phone calls while he was overseas, and the day he returned to the states, I jumped his bones.
Although we had a courtship that would resemble something from 1942 rather than 1992, I think it worked out well for us.
So no offense to "girly women." A lot of that is conditioning, and a lot of that is simply their way of interacting with men. It's just not my way, but I can be (and have been) "girly" when confronted with a man whom I considered far beyond my reach. You have to understand who Mick was when I met him. I was nervous and unsure of myself around him. I batted my eyelashes. I stood too close to him. I practically shouted, "Notice me, notice me, notice me!" but I was too afraid to make the first significant move.
Eye contact is good Ryan81, keep it up. Pagoda, I love your story, Mick is a lucky guy! We have being tomboys in common as well as cutting the shit and getting right to the point. However, I haven't ever been shy, I was the girl who told the guy that was bothering my girlfriend to get lost. I wouldn't consider myself a girly girl, but I like clothes. Hey, mystery, fuck it, right?
"Don't let your lava love turn to stone." 489 Posts 5/06
Posted - Aug 1 2006 : 1:32PM
Bookish, smart, shy girls (especially w/glasses) "send" me, probably cuz I envision them having a "girls gone wild" side that just needs to be coaxed out.
i get frustrated with myself if i end up talking to a girl that doesn't stimulate me intellectually or have a sense of humour. all i do is make witty comments. i might as well try and pick up in a graveyard. at least i know i'll get a bone at the end of the night. nyuk nyuk.
[an old man dies, a little girl lives. fair trade.]
Chris Rock once joked that a woman knows if she's going to have sex with a man within the first 5 seconds of meeting him. I laughed then, but to this day I wonder if it's true for others? It's hard for me to judge whether its true because some small part of me wants to fuck every single person I meet, no discrimination.
But when all you have is eye contact with a stranger, that shit is hot. I was on the train just yesterday and I had this BOOM! eye contact session with an olive-skinned dude. All I could think was "I wonder what it would take for us to be fucking in the bathroom of one of these stations?" I was making little fantasy plans. Fuck...if that would've been a bar, it would've been over for that dude. When you've got back-and-forth eye-contact like that, you might as well stick a condom to your forehead like a pinochle card and drop all pretenses.
I am such a slut! Why I don't have babies and STD's yet, I'll never know.
BustdownGal wrote:I'm a little confused. In this thread, you posted:Were you speaking hypothetically (i.e., about children that you imagine having in the future but don't have now)?
