I'm in a relationship with this girl. W've been together for a little over a year now. After we'd been seeing eachother for about 5 months I stumbled onto something on the computer that lead me to finding out that during the 3rd and 4th month of our relationship she had made 3 porn films. All were B/G scenes and 2 were IR (It's not that they're black it's just jesus...Shane Diesel?! come on, i'm just an average guy, his dick is huge, how do i follow that shit?) I was really pissed and then went through a numb phase then got really pissed again. She explained that she did it for the money, that she was only gonna do 4 scenes, enough to pull herself out of her financial rut. She has 2 kids, lost her job, lost her apartment and they were going to take her car cause she couldn't make the payments. It's all really understandable. I tried to let it go but it kept fucking with my head. I asked her a bunch of questions about it, details about what she did and the like. Eventually I tracked down the movies and watched them to see for myself. Not really as bad an idea as it sounded because the images in my head were worse than the reality. i asked if she enjoyed it? she said no, but in one of the videos she squirted, which isn't anything too special, she does it a lot, but don't you generally have to be enjoying what your doing in order to cum? when does cumming not feel good? I have a shitload of insecurity issues about it and I'm trying to work it out because I sympathetic to the situation she was in but it constantly fucks with me knowing what she did and having the images in my head. The other thing is I'm not sure it was only 3, i've only been able to find 3. Her stage name was Angelica Blew. If anyone has any info on anything she's done video or website wise that'd be awesome to know, especially if she's still lying to me about it, that'd be the breaking point, she says it was only the 3. How do you think you'd react? what would you do?
I would do my level best to disassociate the porn past from the rest of the relationship, and ask myself a few questions. Am I happy in this relationship? Was I happy in this relationship before I found out? Do I think I would've been happy in this relationship had I never known? Do I have any reason to doubt that this chapter of her life is over? Why did she decide to do this 3 MONTHS AFTER we started dating? Lots of people have stuff in their pasts they've done only because they felt they had to. It doesn't make them bad people, and I wouldn't want to destroy a good relationship over it... provided it was a good relationship to start with. Treat "Angelica Blew" like a different person altogether, and evaluate the relationship with the real person I was with. If I can be honest enough with myself in that process, then the answer will become more clear, at least IMO... it's not necessarily a deal-breaker. In other situations it might be, depending on the level of trust I had in her before and after the revelation. The only thing that would bother me about your particular situation is that it happened 3 months after the relationship started... would it bother me enough to dump her? I don't think so, again, if I thought the relationship was fundamentally strong to begin with. If she hid something like that from me again, or I found out that she lied to me about the extent of it, then I'd probably leave... not in outrage or insecurity over the fact that she was doing porn, but because of the basic trust and respect issues that it would bring up. Edited by - TheChimp on 8/22/2008 2:02:29 AM
She only did 3 scenes, according to her story and what i could dig up, i still have an inclination there may be more and she might still be lying about the severity, there could be scenes shot for a website or something that wouldn't show up on iafd and the like. The 4 comes from her telling me her original plan was to do 4 and stop, between the months of october and december, but then i found out about it. Edited by - jieruid on 8/22/2008 2:00:54 PM
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NewRomancer Deactivated User
under THEIR avatar 738 Posts 7/08
Posted - Aug 22 2008 : 2:52PM
I have portrayed all manner of socio-paths and deviants on stage and on film... Thankfully my wife knows that those characters are not me in real life. That's the difference between reality and fiction. Porn is fiction. (friction?) Stop dwelling on it, and do what it takes to get on with your life with someone who cares about you... Is it any different than her having had other boyfriends before she met you? Buck up little camper... ;-)
I hear you, i do, and you make sense newromancer. Here's my 2 issues with it. Yes it's different than past boyfriends because she sucked their dicks and fucked them while she was with me, we were living together, i let her move in with me cause she had no place to go, not before me. If she did it before me then i really wouldn't care as much and it's not like we have an open relationship, which then I would've been whatever about it, but she made it pretty clear she wanted an exclusive you only fuck me relationship. Also it's on DVD, so it's out there and if one of my porn loving friends or someone else recognizes her it's really embarassing for me. You say it is fiction and i agree to a certain extent that it is, but in the porn industry of today there are seemingly a plethora of girls who love doing it, who love sex and generally get off on it. My issue lies there in. Coupled with all the lieing, this could be something she genuinely enjoyed doing and with this prior experience could possibly do again, which i am not okay with. I'm of the belief in order to save face soley in front of me she'd be willing to tell me whatever it is she thinks i want to hear. Like i said if the relationship was open, fine then i know it's not going anywhere and therefor wouldn't have invested said emotions, but it's not and it's past the point where I'd accept it becoming that. She says she doesn't want an open relationship. I'm just not sure what's genuine and what's not I want to give her the benefit of the doubt but she's not really given me any reason as to why i should. I still have this feeling there's more that she's not telling me, like she did more and if that were the case then i'd have to leave her as she'd still be lieing about it and if it's not the case then she's telling the truth. It's just so hard not knowing
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NewRomancer Deactivated User
under THEIR avatar 738 Posts 7/08
Posted - Aug 22 2008 : 4:26PM
I spaced on the fact that this happened while you two were 'together'... Seems to me that the root issue is trust.... and it's my experience (Ha! what a load) that the only way to deal with that is to tell her you'll give her your trust, and if she breaks it, she loses it, and let her decide what she's going to do. You can't MAKE someone be trustworthy if they don't want to be. It also wouldn't be fair for you to demand that she chose between this and you, IF this turns out to be something she does in fact want... This is going to sound really pithy, but maybe you aughta spend more time talking to her about it, than posting about it on a message board filled with strangers... After all, this may be viewed as breaking a trust as well... Be honest... be genuine... be CALM! and discuss everything you've posted about with her... Hopefully the two of you can work it out together. Either way, this will work out for the best. Relationships always do. On the embarrassment factor, well... That's your ball of wax to decide what your reaction is going to be... You can either be embarrassed, or you can revel in it... it's your choice and your choice alone. Best of luck (except that in my experience, there's no such thing as luck.... )
I've talked about it with her to death. This was a last ditch effort to see if my reaction was all that irrational. What really bothers me is just not knowing. Originally she said it was only 2, that's all i found out about. then a month or so later i found out about a 3rd one, so she was still lieing. I really just want to know if she's still lieing or not. I came to this message board first because a lot of people here have fairly extensive knowledge on porn and A) could offer me info I don't already have and B) perhaps offer insight into something i'm vaguely knowledgable about at best. Thanks for the replies
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NewRomancer Deactivated User
under THEIR avatar 738 Posts 7/08
Posted - Aug 23 2008 : 12:40AM
For what it's worth, in my experience, a person that will lie to you once, will lie to you over and over and over.
Only three movies are listed on www.iafd.com. Although this is not gospel it is an excellent resource. So the number three is believable. I found it hard to believe that the movies could be made, released and you find them on a shelf with a month to a month and a half though. That part of the timeline is questionable. Edited by - phatbasey on 8/23/2008 2:19:58 AM
She filmed them in october and november. I have no idea what the turn around from shoot to shelf for porn is. I just think there could be more. iafd doesn't list scenes shot for websites. Thanks phatbasey, anything you know that helps is greatly appreciated
I'm really sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you were pretty disappointed by the betrayal, and rightfully so. I'm not sure how you're going to deal with it, but if it happened to me, the relationship would be over. There are plenty ways to make money that don't include having sex with other people - it sounds like she made a convenient excuse. She could have found another part-time job to cover her expenses. And even if she were drawn to quick cash from something in the sex industry, she could have stripped or escorted where it would be a lot less public. The fact that she chose porn, where the record of her indiscretions to you will never go away, says a lot about her character. I'm not in your shoes, so I'm not in the position to offer you advice, but if it were me, I would get as far away from her as I could and never look back.
Guess I'm the only one here who would be thrilled to death if I found out my partner did porn. Assuming it wasn't something she felt "forced" into, of course. A lot of guys would kill for a GF like this...but they always seem to wind up with insecure/jealous guys, don't they?
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conquistador Deactivated User
Hellhamster. 2947 Posts 10/03
Posted - Aug 26 2008 : 11:22AM
^^^ I would be much more accepting about it if she was honest. But the woman in this story comes off as the kind of GF who should be killed.
That's the main point for me. I wouldn't object to a girlfriend doing porn, but lies and deceit are a total deal breaker. A relationship can only be built on trust. That is probably even more important if one of the partners wants to work in porn. Once the trust is gone, it's all over.
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NewRomancer Deactivated User
under THEIR avatar 738 Posts 7/08
Posted - Aug 26 2008 : 1:36PM
"Once the trust is gone, it's all over." Or put another way, to paraphrase a cliché... Lie to me once, same on you Lie to me a second time, shame on me... So I guess I'd have to ask, why would one feel a compulsion to spend time with someone who has lied to you?
I like George Bush's version: "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —President George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
The trust is pretty fucked and because of that I'm having a really hard time believing her when she tells me stuff about it, like there were only three. I'm willing to forgive but the hardest thing is not knowing if there's more out there which would mean she's still lieing to me.
A friend of mine, who by the way isn't a pornstar but has done some nude photography work got married, and on her wedding night actually had sex with more than just her husband. I thought that was kinda cool.
Another thought: so this girl who you have been with for 4 months needed to do porn on the side because she had financial problems and she couldn't talk about it to you first? Where have you been? Didn't you know that she was in trouble? Why didn't she feel that she could tell you about her problems? That sounds like the most random relationship ever to me. And not only from her part.
she hid her finacial problems from me and told me she quit her job. I never suspected she was in such dire straits financially. I asked here why she didn't come to me first and tell me what was going on and she said she was embarassed. I don't know why she felt that way she couldn't really explain it to me. She's also generally a very untrusting person. I really didn't know the extent of her trouble at the time, after she lost the apartment I let her come stay with me and after that to my knowledge all was well.
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NewRomancer Deactivated User
under THEIR avatar 738 Posts 7/08
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 8:30AM
I'm surprised you're looking for excuses to stay in this relationship.
This all sounds so fucking dysfunctional. The answer is very obvious. Dump her! 1 - It's obvious you don't trust her (is it 3 or 4 videos? You think there's more than she let's on) and she doesn't trust you. If there's no trust in a relationship, there's nothing. Unless you simply want a Fuckbuddy. 2 - That fact that she was fucking other guys while dating you (regardless if it was for work) and never discussed it, shows she's deceitful and sneaky. If she did it once, she'll do it again. 3 - She sounds like a fucking flake with no brain. Three kids and porn is the only thing she can do to make money? Find someone with a brain. Get out and move on.
Wow! Very interesting, just found this forum, Jieruid failed to notify me about. First of all to start from the latest comment, for your information I do have a brain get your information correct I have only 2 children of which are from the same dad who was my first that I lost my virginity to and was in a relationship with for 9 years. I am very much smart and I had a great job for 7 years ok. Jieruid and I started dating at the end of july 07. I was working at my place of business a very respectable job and for over a year was being harrassed at the same time was dealing with a shit ass relationship of 9 years and well I had broke out of the relationship and got sick and tired of being harrassed at work. My mistake there was not covering my ass and getting a job first before quitting. I had enough confidence that I would find a job quickly which because of our shit ass economy I was unable to. I even went to my old boss and begged for help and my job back at that point I was already replaced. My family was not there for me and they are all broke asses as well. Oh yeah and by the end of sept. jieruid was living with me. by oct my funds ran out and i basically was losing everything i had. I did not go to live with him cuz he did not have a place of his own led alone a job. He was living with his mother. he discussed my issues to his mom and she allowed me to stay there with them. Dont get me wrong he did help me by talking to his mother about my situation and i am/was very appreciative. I also tried to apply for welfare and was denied it. So, i really did all that i could think of at the time to try to make due but guess what bills are monthly and i was already months behind and was on the verge of losing it all, so desparate times come for desparate measures. My photographer knew of my dillema and laid and opportunity on the table with an agency, since he not only did regular photography he also did nude photography(no i never did any of that shit). He laid it out as being quick money and a safe way to do so. Stripping someone said yeah fucking right, I am gonna go beg do you wanna dance and fucking look like a dumb ass for chump fucking change, hell no. Plus it would have taken forever to make decent money, strip clubs are not very popular where i am from and only broke mugs go there. I did those specific porno jobs cuz they are the highest paid jobs in the industry. So i figured 3 or 4 would cut me enough money to last a few jobs til i land a real job and no one had to know. I was very embarrassed and am seeking therapy for it currently. I had trust issues before i met jieruid cuz my ex of 9 years cheated on me with 3 of my friends. I was wrong for lying about it, but when he found out I was not only embarrassed I was scared of losing him because at this point i did love him alot and also at the time i was only worrying about my welfare and the welfare of the kids. he sits there all how he may be embarrassed if his friends see it, but he of all people who brought this up, I also risked my kids from possibly growing up and seeing it or there friends as well as anyone I know. So, he is not the only one who can be embarrassed. It can ruin my chances at making a proper living unless i wanna be like pamela anderson or those biaches who get in big by blowing important peeps. Anyway, I once he found out about it, it was done and over with and i struggled until i finally got a job. but here he post this forum a year later, now i am finding out about it 2 years later, something told me to scan my name since he and i are still dealing with this shit. He is finally getting help on this as well as I, in hopes to develop a happy healthy relationship. Any how so much to say about this situation but i deemed it necessary to come on here and defend myself as well as provide the 2nd side to the story so the forum is not so bias. And it is not necessarily true that if a person lies to you once they will lie to you over and over again, I dont follow that trait. yes, it was like james and the giant peach i took one lie and it grew and grew and grew but once the truth was out, that was it. I have been fully honest with him in any and every direction. Oh, yes and thank you to someone who said that a person who had a chance to be with me should be lucky. I am a beauty and i do have brains, I am excellent in bed ask jieruid and obviously you all seen my vids. On top of all that I am a beautiful and intelligent individual who has a very large, sweet loving heart, with alot of love to give. Well, I guess that is all i have to say for now. Very interesting remarks and a lot of you do have some great advice to give with the exception of the one particular person who had nerve to say that I do not have a brain, I guarantee my IQ is much higher than yours. Tah Tah & Ciao for now. -----}@
I love seeing that icon appear after something like that. Produces a chuckle every time. Far too much text in one block. It's so lengthy and unstructured that I don't care to strain my eyes to read it. FYI, A.B.: "I's" are always capitalized when they stand alone. I'm knot curtain, butt eye beleave I learnt that inn turd grade. Edited by - Cryogenix on 7/3/2009 9:04:39 PM
if she did it "for the money," then just break up with her as a monogomous relationship and just pay her for sex. Then u wouldn't have to deal with the boring, frustrating, emotional stress from dating. I'd say you should be able to at least have sex with 3 other girls while still dating her if u chose to continue dating her. It really wouldn't be fair if u guys were dating and she got to have sex with 3 or 4 other guys besides you and you only got her. Did she say hi to you in any of her porns? cuz she needed the money PFT! She must have loved sex. Because there is literally over 100 jobs out there. Even MORE SO to women. Jobs that a woman can get priority over as far as getting hired: Maid, Housekeeper, Secretary, Nurse, that's just to name a few. And they get to move around in that. There's also ticket taker at the movie theater, and all you have to do is stand there and rip tickets, if she is able to stand in one spot for 4 hours. Librarian. Clothes folder (like at Macy's). Cashier. I could go on and on, but I think you get the point.
I don't think I would be so hard to judge her. With the economic downturn and the lack of job security and availability for the Gen X and Y's, I wouldn't blame her for getting into the business. Escorting is illegal and stripping only makes money in big cities. People act irrationally when faced with economic insecurities and everyone makes mistakes. Porn is a blessing and a curse for women today; luckily they can make money legally in a pinch, but it ruins their reputation in the process. She will be dealing with attitudes from many for years to come; if you really love her, you'll accept her, support her and move on.
I realize that this is an old thread, but I feel the need to post. "Angelica" was wrong for lying about her line of work, but in her situation I would have done adult films, too -- to feed my children! Thankfully I have never been in her situation (I don't have any children), but if I were and needed money to feed, clothe and shelter my kids I would have sex on screen with 100 different people (whether it be prostitution, adult films, whatever) if that was what it took to support my family! "Angelica's" wrong was not being honest with her boyfriend -- and for that I don't blame his being angry about the situation. I understand the embarrassment she felt for having done those films (although I would not be in that situation -- even if I were female), but she made her bed and now has to sleep in it -- even though I agree with her premise that she had to support her children. That is the way life works.
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kantabcd Deactivated User
167 Posts 5/09
Posted - Sep 12 2009 : 3:58AM
You Definitely should break up this relationship. If she had done it before ur dating started, u could have been consider it. But after 2 MONTHS? If I were u, it must have been broken. She could talked with u, but she didn't. If u love a pornstar as ur wife/ gf, its different then......
I think this would be difficult to tell the other person after just two months in the realtionship and the situation seems pretty complex. Of course I dont know the girl but it sounds like she really didnt want to do it, felt trapped and didnt feel she had a choice. Its hard to tell someone we really like or love these things esp in a society where you already feel judged and it sounds like she had a hell of a lot going on emotionally. I imagine she really wants you to like her b/c she likes you and thinks you are a good guy. I don't see how this indicates a pattern of lying or that it would continue and if you really like her Id say its worth the risk. Sure I could be wrong and she will totally screw you over but that potential is there with anyone you date but the benefits could far outweigh the potential bad. She could turn out to be the most amazing person you ever met in all ways so Id say if you really like her move past this. The sex I wouldnt worry about at all and jealousy and insecurity can destroy anything...its just a damn game our heads like to play. "Was he or she better than me at sex?' There really is no better sex than in a lovig relationship...sounds so lame and cliche but I find its always true. Im sure there are 10000000s of guys esp male porn stars that could 'really give it to my g/f' far beyond what I can physically ....im not a pro lol As Im sure there are many many women in porn that can do more than my g/f 'in that sense' But I really cant see it ever being better, no way, I wouldnt even bother given the chance. Its the love, the feelings, the connection that can lead to the craziest down and dirty nastiest sex u can ever have. i dunno maybe this all sounds lame and cheesy but I really wouldnt care if my g/f did that but feel kinda bad she felt like she had to when she wasnt into it so u know Id just wanna help her with it. if she was into doing it Id find it hot lol but anyways good luck man and I hope you both find happiness peace and love Once you see your nature, sex is basically immaterial
Fair play to her for getting her point across even if it was a little incoherent, you have to give her credit for that, however she has to live with her deceit but unfortunately it looks like her family will have to also. I'm not in support of her at all and would be well pissed if i were her b/f and could not care less how great she is in the sack she would be history, still i will not be taking cheap shots on her grammar it's way to easy and a little below the belt so to speak. Edited by - jonny jay on 9/17/2009 10:27:15 AM
Oh dear, no capital "I" in my text when 'i' stands alone, call the grammar police (sorry) "I" have not adhered to the English language in ADT,,oh please, how pandantic do you guys get? It's pathetic, i am convinced this kind of talk only reassures yourselves of your self inflated superiority complex, come on it really is not good enough and IMO it's just irritating. My grammar is better than yours in ADT, who really gives a shit? Cut this girl some slack.
um...actually it wasn't a joke. the second post i made was to see if anyone out there knew of anymore stuff she may have done besides what i had already managed to find out
if you say so, jieruid.. still, everything sounds fishy to me. no offense to you and all, ok. i've seen this sort of marketing ploy, and it's all business so it's alright. maybe you can upload a photo or two ;)
