not sisters.. i knew one of them.. but when i spotted her, and she spotted me, i dident know how to handle this.. so i avoided conversation and eye contact. oh man..
DenverDon's right. Girls behave like this all the time in California. Unless you know, it could be anything. Hell, they could be filming gonzo porn and you wouldn't know it. LOL
LOL man... if she's lesbian, do you think she might misake me as gay???? cause you know how gays and lesbians like to band together.
i get mistaken as gay alot.. trust me guys, its not a good feeling
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DenverDon Benevolent
Firmly Embedded in Depravity 5914 Posts 7/02
Posted - Aug 2 2004 : 11:52PM
No, I doubt very much that she would take you as gay.
Gay and Lesbian both have a lot of 'straight' friends and acquaintances. (I use that term with trepidation) Best approach is to simply approach her as a person with a friend, without any sexual connotations whatsoever. It could have a lot more negative impact if you approach her as a lesbian with her lover than a lady with her friend. I think you are reading way too much into something that probably is innocent.
If it turns out that she is lesbian, the fact that you approached her without preconceived ideas of her relationship will go further, and if she is lesbian that's no big deal either.
Yes, you could try that novel idea of just treating people as people and see what happens. The fact that you couldn't even make eye contact would already show you aren't comfortable with women being too familiar with each other. I think gays and lesbians just want to be around open minded people who won't judge them purely for their sexuallity. The "banding together" is just a side effect of that.
no.. i dont give a hoot if she's gay or not.. its just the fact that i avoided converstatino with her becaues i think "i might have anxiety of women when there female friends are around.. if it was 1 on 1, sure i'd have no prob. i had no problem talkig to her in class everyother day at the college i'm going to.. for some reason, i'm starting to develop some kind of anxiety of being about to socialize with women.. so it seems.. what suggestions do you think you can give me?? as for the side effect.. i get mistaken as gay alot by straight peopel as well.. i'm femminen
Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service. 6409 Posts 11/99
Posted - Aug 4 2004 : 8:49AM
that we're not any different from guys. that we have the same anxieties. the only way to overcome social anxiety is to force yourself to be social. making a fool of yourself gets easier every time ;) seriously things always seem worse when you're afraid of the consequences than even the worst consequences happening.
Eye contact. Make eye contact with people when you talk to them. Don't stare them down like a psycho, but hold it for a while. It helps people be comfortable with you. It gives you insight into how they feel. It keeps you from looking squirrelly and and suspicious. They more comfortable others are around you, the more comfortable you will feel.
eye contact! right on.. ok. but for some reason the anxiety i feel sometimes onnce in a while is like preventing me from smiling like i used to.. could this be a result of stress??? also.. with eye contact, is it a no no to talk to women without even looking at them at all??
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DenverDon Benevolent
Firmly Embedded in Depravity 5914 Posts 7/02
Posted - Aug 5 2004 : 2:20AM
lkdg,
It's pretty much a no no to talk to anyone, male or female, without some eye contact.
As I said, you look squirrelly, suspicious, and uncomfortable when you don't make eye contact. These are social killers. Think back, would you have been comfortable with a stranger acting like that?
Was there an inciting cause of this anxiety? Cathartic moment?
HEHE. so the problem is that i wasent like having anxietys with talking to women earlier this year.. i dont know what the hell is going on. i wonder if i need paxil =) hell i cant even talk to a chick without being afraid or being self conscious. maybe its a result of two much porno?
Hey, don't blame the porn. Plenty on these boards watch a whole lot and don't have issues talking to others.
lkdg, do you have this problem with all people, or just women?
On a side note, does anybody remember the Friends where Chandler and Joey get free porn? Everybody was hanging out at their place (formerly Monica and Rachel's). When Monica was describing a possible romantic scene with Ross and Emma, it degenerated into porn terms - getting it on in the cockpit with a stewardess.
well.. this stuff is just starting. i dident have a problem meeting people in general at all. i'd meet new people last smemester with ease, and comfort. but around june i was harreseed at the college library by a group of losers, telling me i look like i have orgazmic sensations while walking and such. i dident bother to acknowlege these fools or look at them once, and it seemed to frusterate them. ever since then, i'm starting to be self conscious of how people perceive me. with this girl who i avoided recently ,i had no problem talking to her last semester, and being comfortable with her. in fact i would talk to her like every other day in class. hell, even when the f'n teacher was doing lectuer =). but the other day when we saw each other, and i avoided her, i dont know whats going on.. its like my ablility to socialize has gone down the drain along with my self esteem with people. i dont even like to focus on peoples faces anymore while in public. i dont look down on the ground or anything. i'm somehow becomeing very self conscious of how people perceiving me. i'm not a basket case or anything. lol
There it is. You are young with the fragile self esteem that comes with it. When these guys gave you some trouble, for some reason you let it get to you. I can't think of solutions off hand. Can you think of anything you can do where people must interact and do so in a friendly manner?
i want to do porn!!!!!! it would help me overcome this fear of women right now and people in gerneral ???? maybe?? hehe j/k. maybe a different job that involves interaction with people.
In your mind, what are you afraid will happen if you look a woman in the eye? How about people you've known a long time, like relatives and friends? What part of the world is your college in? Is it the same area as where you are from? I'm kind of interested in how you would describe your high school experience, especially socially.
what part of the world is your college in? west coast. california. is it the same area as where you are from? yes. i'm not afraid what will happen if i look a woman in the eye. i'm only concerned of how they will perceive me as a person. first impression as well. people i've known along time, i feel comfortable around and have no problem sociallizing with them as well as relatives. my high school experience. i was very sociall with the guys. dident really worry about what people though. got along pretty good. i wasent all popular and shit though. but i had no problem getting to know people. i never talked to women though. flat and simple. very anti social with women back then. for some reason in college i 've talked to women more then men instead.
If you are worried about the impression that you are making with women, then you really have to start looking them in the eye. Lack of it makes a poor impression. Confidence also works like nothing else. Hopefully the real thing, not that loud bravado that kids have. Of course, with women/girls of that age, they may not be able to tell the difference. Most should be able to tell the difference between arrogance and confidence though. Side note, given that you are from California, use the Spell Check. Just a pet peeve. Capitols wouldn't hurt either. Generational thing.
Another thing to consider is there are girls walking around right now feeling the same way you do. They are nervous and shy and having the problem of making new friends, dating and adapting to a new situation.
I never try anything. I just do it. Wanna try me? The truth is just an excuse for a lack of imagination.
but over here in the UK, u newver see 2 girls holding hands (if there are, im not looking hard enough) so if u see 2 girls holding hands over in the UK, expect they are gay. but if they are young teenages, or "girls" then they are probabally just good freinds
Regards & Thanks, ShiWarrior - - BIG Breast Fan - -
Lunacy Note- From personal experience, it could really be either. I've held hands with my girlfriend and I've held hands with my gal friend. You'll just have to use your imagination.
Oh, and by the way. Being gay is nothing to be ashamed of, you should just ask. "So, how long have you been together?" and you'll get, "x years..months..." or " oh, we're just friends." Mystery solved.
Thats reassuring to know lindi. personally though, i think you are one of a dying breed, unfortunately.(I think it is good that there are women of all orientations, its just that i somewhat feel it is a bit sad that hetero females seem to be becoming rarer and rarer these days).
maybe the exposure of lesbians on the mass media has caught on like the flu?? It's gotta make you wonder if lesbianism on tv, news. etc has an influence on women "trying new things"
Posted - Aug 2 2004 : 9:53PM