"Vegetarianism for me is about saying ‘yes’ to things - even meat." - Coupling

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(1) Dating is -like gambling and religion- a form of self-deception. It feeds on anxiety but gives only false hope.

(2) As you get older dating becomes more illusory, as both the probability of mutual attraction and the probability of compatibility in life-style etc become smaller and smaller.

(3) If you date a woman and end up being "friends", this is like receiving the consolation prize for failed courtship.

(4) While MM fiendship is robust and lasting, MF friendship is volatile and transient.

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The thing I like about age is a lot of women (and men) are more grounded and mature. They've gone through their Princess phase and they're no longer looking for Prince Charming, they know we're flawed and they know which flaws they can live with (spending too much time in the garage getting dirty) and which they can't live with (liars, cheats, greedy, self-centered, etc).

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Then this is what you do ...

When she goes to the W.C., confidently go through her purse and find her little book where she keeps all her girlfriends' phone numbers. Confidently copy out all the ladies' names and numbers you find in there, then, obviously, hide your copy for later perusal. Confidently replace her little book where you found it, and when she returns from the W.C., confidently act as if nothing has happened (just pretend that you are Tom Cruise, super-duper actor, full of confidence 24/7/365 & 1/4, although everyone in the world knows that he is a complete asshole).

If nothing in the way of sex happens between you both that night, then make good use of your confident-o-so-confident thievery skills.

Call her girlfriends, one by one, as any man of confidence would do, ask them for a date, and see what happens from there.

Women love a man full of confidence (i.e. an absolutely narcissistic asshole).

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Unfortunately, the way many girls were raised in the 1950s, there are going to be a lot of Cinderella Complexes out there.

I'm giving it a rest for a couple of years. Or maybe 3 or 4.

It still can be fun to find a partner whose company and conversation you like. Many things like holiday travel, for example, can be more enjoyable as a couple. That came out sounding really lame, but you probably get my drift.

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You say 'there is no physical attraction between us'. The way you put it, suggests that is on both sides. So all that can leave for both of you is the objective of friendship.

And that's what that small talk, MSN messages,'not earth shattering stuff', is all about. I'll bet that is all you are really doing with your pals - and it is enough. So, if it ain't enough with this woman, then really you might as well admit that (a) an ongoing friendship with her is not a starter and (b) that if your still thinking about it, then really your holding out for a shag and she just ain't interested. So my advice is - delete the phone number from your phone - now (and that other bit of paper with the details so you don't get tempted later) - and move on.

Z.

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It's probably just the luck of the draw, or perhaps that the girls I met back then were all university students with a wider and more positive outlook on life.

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She and I got along really well. We liked each other's company. The conversation was always pleasant, never a quarrel. But in the end we had too little in common, and we could not agree on the terms of our friendship.

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