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All Forums > The Porn Pool > The Porn Pool Forum Page 824 > My reviews - they suck!

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dumblonde Senior Member 2352 Posts 7/00	Posted - Dec 13 2001 : 8:53PM This month I've got at least one mediocre review up, so look forward to more really crappy reviews soon! Got a complaint? Get in line! My reviews aren't helpful. Too fucking bad. I'm about as funny as a pay toilet in Taco Bell. Deal with it! My screenshots look terrible. Who cares? My reviews are too long. Like I give a shit. Steph even told me, 'Girl, your reviews SUCK.' Get over it. I don't give a blow-by-blow account of sex acts. yawn Thank you very much. [Link]
-lunacy- Senior Member 1081 Posts 4/00	Posted - Dec 13 2001 : 9:06PM quote:Thank you very much. Click to expand Oh no, thank you! [Link]
BIGmike B-I-G-m-i-k-e 2335 Posts 3/01	Posted - Dec 13 2001 : 9:06PM There not that bad are THEY? At least you got screenshots in your reviews, I'm too lazy to do that! SO DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT! ---BIGmike, over and out!--- Edited by - BIGmike on Dec 13 2001 [Link]
professorwolf Member The Fringe, USA 90 Posts 7/00	Posted - Dec 13 2001 : 9:11PM Your reviews are the most entertaining reads out there. Keep up the "crappy" work. professorwolf [Link]
Meridian Member 155 Posts 8/01	Posted - Dec 14 2001 : 6:48AM I can never ever understand those all reviews that just describe all the various dirty deeds and positions. They’re like a written commentary of a diving competition - minus the score cards. They miss so much. ‘A half pike followed by a three point twist’, blah blah blah and you can’t even tell if they like any of it or not. How interesting. I imagine all these readers poring through the lists then recoiling in horror: “You mean there’s only a 30 degree range of rotation in the R/C cowgirl pig poke position?!?!” (please forgive the obvious lack of familiarity with some of these technical terms…). Or do they add up the number of body parts that are simultaneously probed and that’s the score out of ten? I guess these lists are for those people who only get turned on by certain people doing certain acts but thankfully I’m a lot more easy to please.. Dumblonde always offers her opinion on the general tone of the movie, for example: ‘If you actually enjoy this genre, please seek help immediately.’ And the attractiveness of the participants too: ‘Perhaps duct tape over the camera lens would have been an improvement.’ Of course there's always discussion of the plot... ‘I liked the fact that there was no stupid dialogue and plot to fast forward through.’ And let’s not forget the technical aspects either! ‘Audio/Video: It played in my Toshiba set top. This normally is an automatic 5 stars alone.’ Nice and simple. What’s not to love? Who can fail to be impressed by insights like these? It could possibly sound like I’m being critical there and making fun of some of her efforts but that's not the case at all. I’m a big fan of fun and her reviews are always that. Here are a few quotes I enjoyed: ‘That night she has an extremely erotic dream, however. Her new friend Samantha is in it, as well as a couple of half-man, half-animal life forms, commonly known as porn actors. But when Ginger says "Come on, hold me, I want you closer", her husband must have thought she said "Flip me over and pound me doggy-style". Sydnee's the president of a large company, who prescreens male job applicants by the length of their dick, not their resume. So, what's the problem, I wonder? Could be someone turned her in with some bogus sexual harrassment charges. This seems to be a great place to work, though it's unclear exactly what they do here besides masturbating, fantasizing, and fucking around. I'd be putting in overtime, too! When it comes to murdering someone or getting your rocks off, of course he chooses murder, that's a no-brainer.’ I like her style. It’s good natured, believable, honest and I’d probably still read her stuff if she started writing about cereal packaging. If people want to argue that she misses certain details or aspects that they personally happen to be after well I’d either disagree or argue that the glass is a lot more than half full. Get over it. [Link]

Janitor Retired Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service. 6409 Posts 11/99	Posted - Dec 14 2001 : 8:31AM DB - I think my exact words were more like "You SUCK cock and your reviews do too!" Meridian - nice collection of Blondie quotes :) [Link]
astroknight Questionable Moderator Tastes so good... 4187 Posts 11/99	Posted - Dec 14 2001 : 3:43PM I agree that they suck, in a good way kind of like Inari Vachs does. If you're feeling so bad about them, I recommend you go get a well deserved spanking from Naughty Nav. [Link]
dumblonde Senior Member 2352 Posts 7/00	Posted - Dec 15 2001 : 8:33PM Well, thank you guys. I must say I don't think I've ever been quoted before, without it leaving a dental impression on my derrier! That's a nice feeling Meridian, and I only wish I COULD get a job writing ads for cereal companies quote "db - i think my exact words were more like "you suck cock and your reviews do too!" lol! yeah, sorry for misquoting you steph, i thought it was something like that. i just love it when you talk dirty! quote "db - i think my exact words were more like "you suck cock and your reviews do too!" lol! yeah, sorry for misquoting you steph, i thought it was something like that. i just love it when you talk dirty! quote "db - i think my exact words were more like "you suck cock and your reviews do too!" lol! yeah, sorry for misquoting you steph, i thought it was something like that. i just love it when you talk dirty! quote "db - i think my exact words were more like "you suck cock and your reviews do too!" lol! yeah, sorry for misquoting you steph, i thought it was something like that. i just love it when you talk dirty! [Link]
Endorphin Luminary 1185 Posts 3/00	Posted - Dec 18 2001 : 1:15AM Blondie, I recently read your review of Handjob Hunnies 2 and it was so moving that it made me want to get a handjob right away. I find your reviews to be sensual, erotic, fascinating, articualte, chocolatey, savory, and downright tastey. Then again, maybe I am just hoping such flattery will get me into your pants astro, Naughty Nav likes that idea. Still Campaigning for Inari Vachs Can I sing 2 U while U bring urself 2 joy?, I'll go slow at first, while u quench ur thirst --from Mellow by Prince Endorphin's ADT Lair FREE THE WEED [Link]
Flash Golden Age Classic 11019 Posts 5/01	Posted - Dec 19 2001 : 5:04PM Actually I like your reviews. I don't have blow by blow accounts of sex acts in mine either. Keep up the good work. [Link]
HoustonDon Member Houston 561 Posts 11/99	Posted - Dec 23 2001 : 9:23AM I love Blondie's reviews. It's obvious that she tells it like it is and doesn't waste your time about it. If anyone doesn't like her reviews, they can feel free to "change the channel" and read someone else's opinion. I might return to my roots with regard to reviewing and have a contest with Blondie as to who tears the deepest. Blondie, feel free to post some of your detarctor's emails (you can leave their name off if you want to be a sport). Go get 'em! [Link]

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