I was out Friday night, for the most part minding my own business, and got up to leave when a girl I had met only in passing on another occaision asked where I was going and invited me to join her for a drink.....Fairly innocent, except I was aware that's she in a relationship...I've heard her friends say how lucky she is, her boyfriend surprises her at work with flowers, gifts etc.
To make a long story short, I join her and we start talking when I begin to notice repeated sexual references. One time no big deal, but repeated. A story about how she was out recently with a skirt and no underwear. A detailed story about a recent trip to Vegas and seeing a sex show. A question or comment about masturbating preferences and comments about her breasts.
Was this girl coming on to me ?? Does she possibly talk to everyone like this and it was no big deal ??
In the end, I opted to walk away. I didn't make any type of move and kept my return comments rather generic.
However, I think she's extremely attractive and wouldn't have hesitated, if she wasn't seeing somebody.
A girl I knew had a boyfriend, and was staying at our house and someday after taking a drink she simply came under my blanket and snuggled with me. One thing lead to another and she fell asleep satisfied. I had no problems with it, because I didn't made the first step, it was no intercourse .. just touch and feel where she had some orgasms, but later she confessed me it was hard for her when she came back. She felt like she cheated on him, even if some woman wouldn't call it cheating.
She came to me, so I had no regrets, because I knew she is an adult and made her decision.
But in your case, I don't know, nobody made such a talk with me in public, maybe she just felt in the mood to play with you.
She came on to you without much subtlety. Granted I have seen some more obvious, but it was there.
As for what you should have done, that is you own decision. Honestly, her (and their) relationship is not yours to maintain. You can bet on an end to any friendship though. Morally not the greatest position to be in. "A ring plugs no holes."
I wouldn't say you totally fucked up because you acknowledged that she was in a relationship and that obviously weighed in on your decision.Given that statement, I don't see why this is even an issue.
Yes.Unlikely.If you opted to walk away because she was seeing somebody else and it didn't feel right to you for that reason, you didn't fuck up in the least.
If, on the other hand, you walked away because you didn't trust your instincts about the signals she was sending, just learn to trust yourself.
Either way, one casual fuck isn't going to make or break your life, so don't sweat it.
I think you were right to walk away. She could've just been playing with you; seeing if she had what it takes to attract a guy other than her boyfriend. Maybe she was mad at him. Maybe he was nearby, waiting to kick your ass. Had you gone along with her game, sure you might have gotten laid. Or, you might have been beaten to a bloody pulp. No matter your reason at the time, you made a good call.
Depends on the situation I guess. I kick myself daily for opportunites I've passed up. Although probably less than the kicking I would have given myself had I gone through with it. Don't stress just roll with it, either way.
Good & Evil is merely a matter of perspective, I perfer to call myself... Determined 1229 Posts 7/05
Posted - Jan 31 2006 : 3:44AM
An extremely attractive woman, who you only know in passing, asks you out for a drink...
...tells you tales of naughtiness, voyeurism and self-gratification...
When I was younger, I missed a lot of signs that later I regretted. Did you ask her about her relationship? If her current boyfriend is giving her lots of flowers and gifts, he may be a little insecure. Not too many women like that. She may still be searching.
These situations drove me mad in the past. You curse yourself for doing it, you curse yourself for not doing it. If it was me I'd see it this way - If the chances of seeing this girl again are very slim then just move on, if you are likely to see her again & you really fancy her then test the water before diving in. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Maybe in this instance Steed did the right, moral and honorable thing by walking away, but there were a few missed opportunities to fuck people (literally, not figuratively), in my life that I regret to this day. And most didn't have anything to do with moral dilemmas.
They mostly had to do with me being a clueless idiot. The old, "If only I knew then, what I know now" vibe.
I HATE when women come up to you twenty-twenty five years later and go, "You know, I really wanted you back then and you could have had your way with me, but you were just too stupid to see it." And sometimes, even when I actually read and interpreted the signs correctly, I went the nice guy\gentleman route and didn't act on them.
I guess I should have at least trusted my instincts enough to put the ball in her court. I could have asked about her relationship or even taken it a step further and just said "I'd like to fuck you".............I might've gotten smacked in the face but this idea of playing the what-if game really kind of sucks.
What you feel is a wistful longing, not regret. My only regret even remotely related to this is not noticing Pagoda's attractiveness and sensuality sooner.
"Wistful longing" is what I feel when when that saucy vixen with the full breasts and lusciously phat bottom, from down the hall, swishes her way past my desk on her way to lunch every day. "Wistful longing" is what I feel when I look at the screen and watch Katja Kassin work. (Or maybe that is "demented fantasy").
"Regret" is that girl in Honolulu who took me home with her, and who wanted desperately to give it to me, but in my mind was too drunk for me to take advantage of. And then she was pissed at me in the morning cuz nothing happened.
Regret is my 25 year acquaintance who told me 2 years ago that she really wanted to fuck me 25 years ago. I kinda knew that she dug me then, but I didn't think it was at that level. I didn't act, cuz I figured I was just in the "friend zone".
There are others.
Believe me, I know from "regret" and "wistful longing".
I do expect to see this girl sometime soon. It's anybody's guess what her mood will be.
Pissed off because I didn't react to her.
Embarrassed because of what happened or didn't happen.
Friendly but cautious.
Still horny and ready to fuck.
If I had to guess, I'd probably go with friendly but cautious. If that's the case I will ask her about her boyfriend and then see where it goes.
It sounds like many of you have been down this path with very mixed results.
A few years ago I made the decision to have a fling with a very beautiful married woman. While it was an absolute blast for a while, I couldn't keep my feelings out of it and it seemed like I always wanted more. It became a very empty feeling......................On another occaision there was a girl who essentially wanted a fuck-buddy and that went on for quite a while and it was very platonic and never more.
I guess it depends what's going on in your life and what direction you want to head off to.
From your last post, I gather you've had some bad experiences with ill-defined relationships and that that contributed to your recent diffidence.
My two cents:
Keep focused on your own sexual and romantic goals, short and long-term. Try not to fall into relationships you don't want or hang around in ones that have turned bad any longer than kindness and honor require.
Don't spend too much time trying to read girls' signals.
If you feel like kissing a girl, go for it; she'll probably help you figure out the rest. If she doesn't, do what you'd like to do with her next (within reason) and see where that takes you.
Keep going until you want to stop or she wants you to stop.
When a woman is bringing up her boyfriend she is either: Telling you she is not availible. This is obvious because she brings it up for no reason and/or keeps on asserting his existance in a positive light. Bitching about him. Because you are a hapless listener that can't politely walk away or stop her. Telling you she is pissed off/irked at him and wants to fuck around. This may be a short term thing and who knows what tomorrow brings. I don't feel like listing consquences.
If she brings up her crotch/breasts in a sexually positive way, constantly bringing your attention to them, the green light is on and the flag is being waved. NASA, we have lift-off. Along with this, slutty/easy/rique references are also there to egg you on. She is leading the horse to water. Playing with her hair is also meant to get your attention, unless it is that hair-twirling on a finger while thinking or hair chewing thing. Ditto arching her back constantly unless she has a stiff back. The other loosening gestures or other signs will tip you off (pepper spray).
I can't help you with the 'fucked up' judgement, but I will say there is a lot of skanky sex to be had if you want. Often with stunningly (physically) beautiful women. So don't beat yourself up for it.
But if you have issues reading some signs, you can laminate the rest. Maybe make a flow chart. I seem to remember some forum poster was good at making flow charts.
Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service. 6409 Posts 11/99
Posted - Feb 2 2006 : 10:25AM
it makes it easier for us to know upfront too. you don't necessarily need to say i'd like to fuck you, but make it clear and let the chick decide what to do with that. we like it when guys want to fuck us even if we aren't going to fuck them.
