She just doesn't want to do it. I've tried everything (I think).
We started dating a few months ago, and I tried it one time but she stopped me before I could go more than a half inch in. So I let it be for about three months.
I started hinting at it again about a month ago, just dropping a hint here and there "we should try something new" "I love the way your ass looks in those jeans, I can't wait to get you out of them" and so on. I even stuck a finger up there when we were 69ing a couple weeks ago. And I just finally got tired of hinting and said "I want anal!" But she still says no.
She insists that I'll have to get her shit faced drunk to do it, and I'm uncomfortable with the thought of raping my own girlfriend.
My first suggestion- Back off...(I mean that nicely) No one likes being pressured and if you're worried about rape, be mindful of a little thing called coercion.
I'd also suggest that having sex while being drunk is not rape. I do appreciate your concern over not wanting to take advantage of her though and see that was probably what you meant.
It's tempting to try anal when your drunk cause you'd be feeling no pain, but that could be a bad thing, if you're penetrating her and damaging her she may not know it until it's too late.
Final thought- Some womyn just are not interested in anal sex...sorry. Have you even considered receiving it? Maybe you could suggest that to her first, let it be a mutual experiment.
Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service. 6409 Posts 11/99
Posted - Jul 3 2001 : 8:30PM
dr evil - well, i don't know your girlfried, but when someone says "you have to get me drunk to do it" - it means "i want to do it but i'm insecure about it"
lunacy's right that being too drunk could be dangerous, but i don't think a couple drinks could hurt - and it could help shed her inhibitions.
If hinted to my wife about the same thing and her response was the same. As with most women I know... they get kinkier as the drinks flow. The secret is to give them enough to get kinky without falling asleep. I haven't found that line yet.
When the moment's right... I would use a thin vibrator with tons of lube. Not the thin lube you normally use. There's lube made just for anal. It's thick and super slick (hey... that rhymes). You can find it at Adam&Eve .
Sounds to me like you need to talk to your girlfriend some more. After all she didn't say no. Find out exactly why she stopped you the first time. I have yet to find a woman who was able to simply take something the size of even an average cock up there with out working up to it. The ones I know who have tried describe the event as very painful.
There are plenty of kits out there designed for this very thing with different sizes of butt plugs and such.
Also what type of lubricant were you using? Believe it or not this can make a big difference.
My recommendation is to take it slow. Don't expect to be pounding it into her the first night out. This can be a very slow process. As in weeks/months. Though you are off to a good start with the fingers.
quote lee: "Sounds to me like you need to talk to your girlfriend some more. After all she didn't say no."
quote Oneloa: "The secret is to give them enough to get kinky without falling asleep."
quote Steph: "dr evil - well, i don't know your girlfried, but when someone says "you have to get me drunk to do it" - it means "i want to do it but i'm insecure about it" lunacy's right that being too drunk could be dangerous, but i don't think a couple drinks could hurt - and it could help shed her inhibitions. you should probably start with fingers and toys. i also highly recommend watching the ultimate guide to anal sex for women with her. "
*Rant deleted* Ok, I get it now - you guys ARE joking, right? For a minute, you had me worried!
Maybe I should go back and re-read the post, but I clearly understood her to say "NO" emphatically. This should be 'case closed' not step up the pressure. This is date rape mentality, and brings back bad memories of my first real sexual experience. Like Evil and Lunacy I'm sure, I'm quite shocked.
Outside the 'fear factor' associated with anal sex, there are distinct physiological differences in male and female anatomy 'back there' - the plumbing might serve the same purpose, but men have a prostate gland buried nearby where anal stimulation causes all kinds of pleasurable reactions, in some cases, even spontaneous ejaculation. Women don't have quite the same nerve layout so the physical reward is much less an incentive to participate. Of course, some (many) men consider anal stimulation totally taboo also. I guess it's a macho cultural thing.
Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service. 6409 Posts 11/99
Posted - Jul 5 2001 : 11:49AM
dumblonde - i wasn't joking. there's a difference between "No" and "i'd do it if i was really drunk". i don't know the particulars of the situation here, so i don't know which it is. of course everything depends on the relationship at hand.
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Planet Sex Deactivated User
1951 Posts 6/01
Posted - Jul 5 2001 : 11:59AM
Here's the Planet Secret:
Give her the best fuck of her entire life. Let her orgasm like crazy. Twice. Then, repeat the proceedings until she literally melts like butter.
Wait for her to say "whoa, that was the best orgasm EVER!".
To that, you'll answer "Nah. Bull. That's only half the fun".
She will be intrigued and ask "How so?"
And you'll give her the scientific explanation:
As it was discovered in 1997 by the austrian scientist Viktor Poppenhauser, the vaginal nerve endings from the clit are just the tip of the iceberg; to get the FULL experience of a full blown orgasm, you have to stimulate the root of said nerves - and those roots can only be reached by the Hersche Highway. So, if she can be man enough to stand a couple minutes of excruciating pain, then she'll be rewarded with the Nirvana of all pleasures.
................................ Confucius said: You milk cow, you get milk for free; You milk bull, you get friend for life.
I agree, stop pressuring her, stop asking her. Use self control and patience. When you are going down on her, play with the whole area, front back and sides. This will give you a chance to see if she has issues with anything going on in that region, or just the thought of something going in. Take your time, build up to it, over time (days, weeks, months...) not minutes or hours. You (and she) may find that she likes stimulation in that area. Once you have established that, keep it up and slowly build, maybe a little pressure on the anus, maybe a finger, but this will all take time. She needs to be comfortable and relaxed or this will never happen.
I had a friend whose husband insisted on doing it to her, she complied (although she really didn't want to, she had been raised you do what your husband wants - poor fool) and said it was the worst thing she'd experienced - and he was tiny (or so she claimed). She would never let him near her behind again (shame too, it was a mighty fine little butt).
I had a girlfriend who approached me with the idea, she had read an article and was curious to try it out. The secret to being successful is to stimulate her and build up to it. If you're the only one getting pleasure from it, you shouldn't be doing it.
Thanx for all the advice. But for now I think that I'm gonna back off for a while. We went out of town for the 4th and a a few decent talks. The subject came up, and she said no.
So I figure I'll give it a few weeks before bringing it up again.
On a related note I did talk her into watching a guide to anal sex. But wich one? Nina Hartley's or Buttman & Tristan Taorminos?
Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service. 6409 Posts 11/99
Posted - Jul 5 2001 : 12:44PM
Dr Evil - I haven't seen the Nina Hartley one - but I wholeheartedly recommend Evil Angel's Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex - (click on title for prices and availability at stores.)
Ok I guess I'll give you the full story. We were pretty good friends before we started dating. And when I broke up with my last girlfriendshe was kinda my shoulder to cry on. We've been dating for 6 months now (the longest relationship I've ever had). And the sex is great.
I first tried anal a few months back, and I kinda rushed that. She didn't expect it. So, I don't blame her for saying no that time. I backed off for a while then brought it up again about a month ago through little hints and what not. I stuck a finger up there when we were 69ing a couple weeks ago, and she didn't complain at all.
When I finally got fustrated and told her flat out that I want her ass she told me "No, it's not gonna happen. You're gonna have to get me shit faced to do it." And I'm very uncomfortable with the thought of getting her drunk just to have anal sex with her.
We have talked about it before, and she has had anal sex before. It was a bad expierence for her.
She was at a small party, saw a guy she knew, had a few drinks, went to make out with him, started getting undressed, didn't have a condom, she won't have sex w/o a condom, so he fucked her in the ass with no condom or lube or foreplay. (btw as soon as I found that out I took us both to get tested, we're both fine and we're gonna go get tested every month for at least the next 6 months just for precautions) So it was a bad expirence for her.
Now as far as I can tell I get her warmed up for it just fine, 3-4 hours of foreplay. (we go to the park and lay in eachothers arms, tickle eachother, make out, massage, fondle, grope, talk dirty, etc. Then go have a bite to eat continuing the process, maybe a movie.) Then back to her house, or if she can't wait the car. We usually start out with more foreplay before I go down on her. (Now, I don't want to sound boastful but, I was the first person to ever get her off just with oral sex. So, I think I know what I'm doing.) I eat her out for a while, get her really close then start my thing. I can usually get her off once or twice, then I drop a little hint. I either get a "not tonight" or she switches so she's on top and thats usually the end of my anal ambitions for the night.
We do keep a bottle of astroglide around for the long sessions, and me for the hope of anal.
She has agreed to watch a guide, but she's still not 100% willing. I don't want her to do it just for me. I want her to enjoy it too, and I've told her that if it hurts too much I'll stop.
I'm at the end of my rope. But after yesterday, and our talks, I'm gonna give up for a while and try again in a few weeks.
Thanx for all the advice (I'll be coming to you for more), and I'll pick up the dvd's today
This is a super easy one, you need to get rid of her fears of anal sex. The best way to do this is to purchase a strap-on dildo of close to your own penis size, and plenty of lube.
Then you show her that there is nothing to be afraid of, by letting her use the strapon on your ass.
BTW, if this is to extreme, then you really don't want it yhat bad.
DB - No I was not joking why would I be? I will agree with the others in that I do not know the context of the "no" but even you will admit that women sometimes say "no" when they mean lets talk about it some more. After all the whole "you will have to get me drunk first" adds to the confusion on the issue. This implies that she would do it under certain circumstances though I will agree with the whole line of doing it when she is too drunk to say no is rape argument.
All of this leads back to the - Talk to her some more approach. Which he did. This issue definately needed some clarification.
PS I would have liked to have read your rant.
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Planet Sex Deactivated User
1951 Posts 6/01
Posted - Jul 5 2001 : 5:01PM
Tricia will correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that John Stagliano created something called The Hindlick Manoeuver. What is that? You simply lick her anus as foreplay. Do that for a loooong time, and one day she will melt and need something more consistent than a tung.
................................ Confucius said: You milk cow, you get milk for free; You milk bull, you get friend for life.
She's been telling him quite plainly 'NO' for some time now, it does not sound ambiguous at all to me, or that she wants to talk about it some more, although it sounds like she's been very tolerant, so far. That she made one offhand remark about him having to get her falling-down drunk first (probably just to get him off her back about it temporarily) has been siezed upon and given undue importance. Why is it sooo important in the first place? I think Baronca's suggestion is the only fair thing to do here, and I'd be interested to hear if he (Dr Evil) would be willing?
I think you're looking at the extreme here. We're not talking about a girl who has said "No way!", then tell the guy to get her passed out drunk so he can take advantage of her. That's not what I was saying.
Alcohol lowers inhibitions. A drink or two puts most of the population in the mood for sex. It also helps people do things that they've been nervous to try. This person is still aware of their surroundings and they're not being forced.
In the original post, Dr Evil says:A drink or two (which CAN lower inhibitions) does not (usually) make someone shit faced drunk. It sounds to me like this dear lady has said "no" in pretty definite terms. That she has agreed to view the anal videos is a possible sign that the back door is not totally slammed closed but it still sounds like 99 and 44/100ths percent pure negative to me, especially after having read the "clarifying" post.
If Dr Evil is willing to try some anal experimentation himself, maybe, just maybe, she might get enthused enough to try again.
I'm siding rigidly with dumblonde here - anything that smacks even remotely of coercion, including "get her shit faced drunk", smacks of date rape or worse. We're talking real-world, here; not porn fantasy.
youve been given an answer NO , and it is a bad idea to keep pressuring her. one of two things will happen. 1- she will continue to say no 2- she will give in but probably wont enjoy it
although anal sex seems to be high on your list of turn ons ( i imagine youd would not bother asking if it werent) ... i really really suggest you give up on it or give up on her...
which do you want more ? anal sex ? or your girlfriend? it seems that you cant have both, and youre either going to have to find another partner(who enjoys it) or stick with your partner (who enjoys u ) .
My suggestion would be to start a very slow process of working up to what you are interested in. There are a number of very thin (under 1/4 inch diameter) bullet style vibrators on the market. Buy one and use it for foreplay for clitoral and eventually anal stimulation. A good next step is to try oral sex on her while using the bullet on the perimeter of the anus. For my wife this added quite a bit of pleasure. Slowly move from there to inserting the bullet.
Another good step is to have vaginal sex while the vibrater is inserted in the ass. This can significantly enhance the sensation for both partners. From there you can try progressively larger vibrators and perhaps some day have anal sex. You need to be realistic about how long this will take. It takes a very long time to get over the natural response of tensing up when the anus in penetrated. You should think in terms on months of working up to anal sex rather than a few drinks. If you go that route you can expect to be done with one attempt.
You may find that she does not find any of these things pleasurable in which case anal sex is not likely. You might find that she really likes them and you are on your way. Anal play has really enhanced our sex life but anal sex really has not. Its one of those things that sound great, looks good on film, but can be more trouble than its worth in real life. It takes a lot of foreplay, very slow insertion, lots of lube, and at a moments notice may become painful for her.
For my money a little bullet buzzing away while we have sex is far better than anal sex itself. Good luck.
Boy I'll tell ya, after re-reading this thread I would seriously suggest that if you'd like this relationship to continue you lay off.
A girl should only have to tell you no once, not two, three or four times. She is not interested in anal sex, she has made that clear. As far as the "you'll have to get me drunk" comment, I really think you are latching onto that as some kind of ray of hope when it was not intended that way. Sometimes it's just easier to say something openended rather than feel like a bitch and just say no outright.
October had it right; Either she is gonna keep telling you no (my addition here) and then tell you to get lost.
Or she is going to finally say yes to shut you up and hate every minute of it and eventually you for coercing her into doing something she didn't want to.
All you're doing is insisting on having your way regardless of her obvious discomfort with the idea and I can tell you if it were me, I'd have shut you down the second time I had to tell you.
I typically try to rein it in when offering advice to forum members but I have to be honest and say I am shocked at how selfish you seem to be about this. I just can't imagine if you truly care for this girl that you would be so insensitive.
seee told ya all..(Actually i think blondy told ya all first)
no meaaaans no! who knows.. maybe if you lick her ass enough to give her an anal orgasm she may unlock the backDoor... but don't count your Ass on it...
Your 3 biggest obstacles about convicing her of anal sex are
1. IT's dirty 2. It'll hurt 3. That's what gays do
All three are pretty significant hurdles to overcome. The key is not to watch a bunch of porn with girls with asses the size of drain pipes taking big cocks up their bung. The key is to work a finger in there first and get her used to the sensation of her ass as an object of sexual gratisfaction.
What I did my g/f to convince her was to bring a wet wash cloth, a tin of warm water and some Neutrogena soap gel and washed her hole while massaging her lower back and then with a bit of lube worked the tip of my finger inside (trim those nails!) and as she became accustomed I'd work it to the knuckle etc. Or I'd finger fuck her ass while I'd eat her pussy. Long story short over time, it took quite a while, she allowed me to ass fuck her. It's still a raather rare part of our fucking but on the occasions when we have lots of time it is great.
I've always loved her ass (she thinks it's too big) so anything that make me admire her more is part of the battle overcome
Torris
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Planet Sex Deactivated User
1951 Posts 6/01
Posted - Jul 18 2001 : 10:44PM
Found a nice Anal Sex Guide at http://www.viceland.com/global/htdocs/sex_guides2.php
................................... True love is like Coke in green glass bottles. They don't make it anymore.
