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All Forums > Sex Talk > Sex Talk Forum Page 39 > Need sexual inspiration
AuthorPost
Lancer
New Member

3 Posts
12/05
Posted - Dec 25 2005 : 11:02PM
Hi,
I have been married 11 years. My wife and I have an enjoyable sex life but it has gotten to be routine after so many years. I have never had a problem getting an erection until recently. I find myself not getting as turned on as I used to.

We are conservative sexually compared to the stories I am reading on this forum. We have viewed adult movies in the past but very little. I am not even sure that is what I am needing. Just trying new things in bed would be nice.

Being a man, I am open to most things sexually. Her on the other hand is not. We do enjoy giving each other oral pleasure and trying different positions in bed. That is about the extent of our sex.

I love talking dirty, which she will at times but isn't into it. When she does it turns me on.

What can I do to spark her interest and break down some walls. Give me some ideas for change.

Lancer

lindi
Senior Member

12345
3205 Posts
9/02
Posted - Dec 25 2005 : 11:36PM
What do you do with her when you are NOT having sex? Do you play a little, kiss her neck, laugh together, hold hands, hint around at having a little fun later, things like that?

Could age or health be a factor in the erection problems?

DenverDon
Benevolent

Firmly Embedded in Depravity
5914 Posts
7/02
Posted - Dec 25 2005 : 11:39PM
I don't know if you always do it in the bed, after you both have prepared for sleep. If that is the case you might try:

The couch in the living room. Sometimes just a different location in the house can help.

Try getting her turned on before you enter the bedroom, in the kitchen or some place. Don't wait until you have entered the bedroom to try and get things going.

Some thoughts, anyway.

Lancer
New Member

3 Posts
12/05
Posted - Dec 26 2005 : 12:02AM
Yes, lindi. We have a good relationship. We hold hands an laugh together. I could work on improving that though.

I don't think it is a health issue but is possible I guess. I think it is more of a mental game than anything.

Yes, Denver. Mostly we have sex in bed preparing for sleep. You make good points. Little things like that can change things up.

Lancer

EagleSpirit
Member

Somewhere Doing Something Stupid
439 Posts
7/03
Posted - Dec 26 2005 : 5:29AM
I would suggest getting Crazy and insane, spice it up with some dares, challenge her to an orgasm contest. Ask her how many orgasms she thinks she could have in one night, involve some toys. She might like it.
 
newgirlontheblock
Member

15 Posts
12/05
Posted - Dec 26 2005 : 11:58AM
From my experience (married 18 yrs.), I'd say start with focusing on her--not just in bed. Send her sexy e-mails, give her lots of compliments, tell her you can't wait to be with her. Then, keep focusing on her in bed. Show her how much her happiness/satisfaction means to you and maybe she'll feel more inclined to try new things.

lindi
Senior Member

12345
3205 Posts
9/02
Posted - Dec 26 2005 : 1:29PM
Keep checking back here and giving us feedback. Start with outside the bedroom, but also, you'd be surprised how far your own enthusiasm will go with her. Yesterday we were about to unwrap our presents when my husband decided to tease me a little and imply that he wouldn't take no for an answer (in a lovely way). The presents had to wait. Make her feel irresistable, and she will warm up. It's not an overnight thing, but give it a couple of weeks of your attention, being subtle, but nicely focused on her, and it builds on itself.

When you get your own enthusiasm up, and hers goes up in response, check back and let us know, then you can work on getting some spicy ideas.

Starting slow might seem less exciting, but it makes a better and more lasting foundation for revving things up.

croy
Platinum Member

Discovry
4574 Posts
3/04
Posted - Dec 26 2005 : 9:44PM
Shake up the routine - not the sexual routine, the whole routine. Do that stuff together that you've (plural) always talked about doing but found that life got in the way.
Adventures in life carry over.
Re-discover each other. Take time to clean up and go on 'dates'. Remember when you two first met and everything about the other was new and you couldn't wait to discover more?
Fun and spontaneity just happened.

Or slip stuff in her drink and drop her off in Sturgis.

Pagoda
Senior Member

Thread Killer
1747 Posts
10/05
Posted - Dec 27 2005 : 6:24PM
There is some awesome advice here. I recommend taking all of it. Being a former (and sometimes still) prude myself, I can say that all the afore-mentioned things will go a long way to loosening her up. Honestly, it's no fun being a prude. Judging yourself and others all the time is exhausting and there's no payoff. You have to assure her, and mean it, that there's nothing she could ever do that would lower your opinion of her as a wife or as a mother.

You have to assure her that you want her to be a total woman--that being a sexual person 24/7 is okay. There's no such thing as the madonna nor the whore. She's just a woman, all the time, and you want her to experience every benefit that comes with femininity because she derserves it. You have to give her permission to make a complete ass of herself, and to laugh at/with you when you make a fool of yourself too. Sex is funny. Sex is fun. Approach it as a recreational activity with potential for disaster and hilarity, but also for extreme satisfaction and pleasure. You're in this adventure called Life together.

Captain Cock
Member

NL
172 Posts
2/05
Posted - Dec 27 2005 : 11:29PM
fuck her up the ass.
Janitor
Retired

Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service.
6409 Posts
11/99
Posted - Dec 28 2005 : 3:54PM
Then do it in the morning. Our bodies wake up ready for sex. Guys are hard, women are wet. It's a great way to start the day.

Edited by - steph on 12/28/2005 3:55:09 PM

oatmeal
Meat Popsicle

Seeking Beauty
1738 Posts
8/04
Posted - Dec 28 2005 : 10:42PM
I've read that the morning is the best time for sex... I find the best is when we're both horny.

One, the other or both of you have to make an effort. If you're stuck in a rut try to turn her on. If you don't know how try talking to her about it. If she requires a surprise without being asked how try a date night, making out like you did when you were dating, videos or role playing.

Most important, you have to feel it, use literotica to get your game face on (but keep your hand off your dick and don't dive right in and expect her to be ready)

be her fantasy and/or talk her into being yours. Be the ball Danny, be the ball.

(ps, I'm mildly loaded)

de25ge
Member

yes I'm virilis
954 Posts
11/05
Posted - Dec 29 2005 : 6:09AM
Morning is ok, but some tips:
get your teeth washed and prepare some food and water near the bed.

After 3 hours without a pause, I was starving and my lips were so dry that the girl was complaining I'm hurting her.

croy
Platinum Member

Discovry
4574 Posts
3/04
Posted - Dec 29 2005 : 9:50PM
Help her see herself as beautiful. Long run, she will open up and be more comfortable with her body and therefore her sexuality. And I don't mean by using cheap come-ons.
maya
Member

48 Posts
1/05
Posted - Dec 30 2005 : 12:07AM
So true. A girl needs to be made to feel comfortable for her to truly open up and get wild.
 
Lancer
New Member

3 Posts
12/05
Posted - Jan 3 2006 : 6:56PM
I don't get to check the forum often but haven't forgot. I have read your recent posts to my topic, thanks.

Over the weekend, we took a shower together in the afternoon. We fooled around then dried off and went into the bedroom to take care of business. Very pleasurable.

I agree that making her feel good about herself is important. I don't do that enough. Very good point.

I will write back if anything new happens.

Ryan

croy
Platinum Member

Discovry
4574 Posts
3/04
Posted - Jan 3 2006 : 9:54PM
Glad to hear it is going well. Please keep us updated, I am always curious about the progress of our collective advice.

Next time, take care of buisness in the shower. Or up against the wall (inside or outside) after coming in from a night out, or the couch. For some reason, after your first post, I am equating 'bed' with mechanical and ordinary.

If water is something you both like, consider one of those adult get-away fantasy suites. Check your local paper for health related stories though. That can be fun and you can go at it in the hot tub without people walking in on you.

Ivory
Sex Object by Proxy

"We all want our time in Hell."
647 Posts
8/04
Posted - Jan 4 2006 : 4:00PM
A lot of people really love to do the scenarios in these Laura Corn books: 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex and 101 Grrreat Quickies.

There are some really fun-looking sexual board games, too. They sell them at Spencer's Gifts and of course sex and lingerie shops. My husband and I bought the game "Fetish!" while Christmas shopping at the mall, but haven't yet gotten around to playing it. (Note to self: play game soon.)

Do you both like sex toys? These are exciting times to be living in, sex toy-wise. The assortment and high quality of toys available online is just amazing! Silicone, pyrex, steel, acrylic, elastomer...wow.

How about lingerie? If your wife likes to wear it, do you ever treat her to some (in the colors and styles she prefers) as a surprise?

Do you ever set up her favorite music in the background? Woo wee, just remembering the time a few months back that my husband did all my favorite things to me while we listened to Tool's Ænima album...HOT!

How about some different lighting? Candles might be a cliché, but they are sexy as hell. One candle gives a certain mood, a dresser-top full gives quite another. How about picking up a green lightbulb to put in one of your lamps some night? A little sleazy, but in a very good way.

BTW, I've been married (almost--just three more weeks to go) eleven years too!

Pagoda
Senior Member

Thread Killer
1747 Posts
10/05
Posted - Jan 4 2006 : 9:35PM
Ivory
Sex Object by Proxy

"We all want our time in Hell."
647 Posts
8/04
Posted - Jan 4 2006 : 10:36PM
I dunno, sounds like you thought they were sexy as hell!

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.

Pagoda
Senior Member

Thread Killer
1747 Posts
10/05
Posted - Jan 4 2006 : 10:58PM
Oops, I meant it's not cliché if you use candles like that. Heehee.
Twizted6
Senior Member

Good & Evil is merely a matter of perspective, I perfer to call myself... Determined
1229 Posts
7/05
Posted - Jan 5 2006 : 12:50AM
I love that album, might be my fave. I'm gonna put that on my "To-Do" list!

Thanks for the idea, Ivory.

PS: How the hell do you top "Track 1"?

EagleSpirit
Member

Somewhere Doing Something Stupid
439 Posts
7/03
Posted - Jan 6 2006 : 4:01AM
You might want to try a little bondage, one thing my wife and I do is write dirty stories to each other over the internent via email. Our goal is not to please each other but ourselves and see how the other responds. She writes her fantasies and I write mine. The best thing we have working for us is that we both want each other other to be happy and comfortable. We have a "No Limit's" fantasy session, which means anything goes. We both encourage each other to explore our fantasies. What this has to do with bondage? I'm not sure. But there are many things that we cannot do willingly without feeling strange. We make a list of things that we absolutely will not do, and I mean absolutely, we don't think about PC when it comes to our lists, we just think reasonable and sane. My list generally consists of No Scat, No Animals, and no Children.
Anything else goes. Her list is generally the same aside from a few minor additions.

The whole key is keeping an open mind. You don't own your lover and your lover doesn't own you.

It's not unnatural for a woman to want to get fucked by multiple guys and it's not unnatural for a man to not want to fuck other women.

The difference between sex and love comes with understanding. Encourage your lover and she/he will encourage you. Love is all about encouragement, sex is all about fantasy and making it come true.

Never at anytime do you "own" your lover unless he/she wants to be "owned"

Respect your lover and true love will follow.

de25ge
Member

yes I'm virilis
954 Posts
11/05
Posted - Jan 6 2006 : 5:29PM
Isn't it uncomfortable for movement sometimes or when bricks of wax brake of from your body?
Pagoda
Senior Member

Thread Killer
1747 Posts
10/05
Posted - Jan 6 2006 : 6:13PM
No, not to me. It's 100% pleasant all around. I receive about 99% of the wax. Mr. P likes pouring it, and I like feeling it. Works out well for us.

It is, however, kind of a nuisance the next day. You find bits of wax everywhere, on your body and all over your house. But it's worth it.




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