Porn & Marriage

Author	Post
simon33333 All-Star Member 828 Posts 9/09	Posted - Aug 21 2010 : 10:34PM Let's say i have a girlfriend and we are seriously talking about getting married. She says the porn has to go. XXX-rated movies. Lots. Lots of time and effort in getting them, the money to buy them, a fortune. If u love me, u will get rid of the porn. 2 decades of good stuff. Has anybody had a this problem, heard of others. No Jokes, not giving it away. Thanks for any help in advance. Topic Moved by - Flash on Aug 23 2010 [Link]
Roxy Raye Member www.roxyraye.com 82 Posts 7/10	Posted - Aug 21 2010 : 11:09PM simon33333 wrote: Let's say i have a girlfriend and we are seriously talking about getting married. She says the porn has to go. XXX-rated movies. Lots. Lots of time and effort in getting them, the money to buy them, a fortune. If u love me, u will get rid of the porn. 2 decades of good stuff. Has anybody had a this problem, heard of others. No Jokes, not giving it away. Thanks for any help in advance. Click to expand Try these steps in order: Step A- Introduce your porn into the bedroom with the two of you. She might need some warming up to the porn. Sometimes women just want to be included in your fun too! Step B- Hide the porn Step C- Throw the porn away or Find someone that will accept you and your porn :) [Link]
Arditti Member 529 Posts 5/07	Posted - Aug 22 2010 : 12:17AM If your gf is strongly against porn, I recommend that you rent some space, put all your movies in a warehouse or give them to a friend you can trust. You won't be able to get such a collection in 5 or 10 years from now if your marital status changes and you become single again. Don't get rid of your collection because you could regret your action sooner than later. If youre still happy with your wife in 5 or 10 years, it will still be time to clean the warehouse. [Link]
Hardware All-Star Member Your other left 14594 Posts 3/02	Posted - Aug 22 2010 : 12:37AM Obviously, your girlfriend feels that porn will negatively impact your marriage. The question is, why? Three possibilities come to mind: 1) She will have to compete with your porn collection for your affection, 2) she will have to perform sex acts she isn't comfortable with, 3) she will be stigmatized by friends and/or family for having a husband who watches porn. There are probably others that I'm neglecting. At any rate, if you don't know what her problem is with your porn collection then I don't see how you're going to resolve the issue. So, talk to her about it and take whatever steps are appropriate to allay her concerns. Oh, and no, I never had that problem. When I had a girlfriend I didn't tend to watch much porn. When I did, we did it together. Generally we either laughed and laughed or didn't make it through the whole movie. Either way, it wasn't my porn, it was our entertainment. [Link]
HeyNow Oblivious Gold Star Hey! 5965 Posts 1/03	Posted - Aug 22 2010 : 1:15AM Simon, either storage or can you bear to toss away covers and cases to get your DVD collection down to a manageable size? Plus record your VHS onto DVD? I'd think you'll get all kinds of responses here. A couple of older topics with a whole variety of replies: Wife wants to dispose of Porn Collection? and My wife is killing me over my porn! [Link]

Kelli Member NaughtyNews.Network 220 Posts 8/08	Posted - Aug 22 2010 : 3:23AM Anyone who is that closed minded about sexuality is going to have a lot of other problems that might hurt the long term viability of your marriage. I would say this is probably one relationship you might want to reconsider. [Link]
Dynamic Member 18 Posts 7/10	Posted - Aug 22 2010 : 12:41PM i agree with some of the posters here, maybe have a think about the relationship, why does it bother your partner so much? does she look at it negatively? is it something you could slowly get her to appreciate and accept and then be something you can both enjoy? my gf's in the past have accepted it and actually liked it as it was something we both enjoyed and some have said similar as you have been told and then slowly got into it and liked it when i say liked i meen stuff that is quiet passive as compared to some of the real hardcore stuff, was sex something of a taboo subject for her during her up bringing? [Link]
screwcap Deactivated User I'm walkin' here........ 1032 Posts 6/10	Posted - Aug 22 2010 : 12:49PM my almost 63 y/o head sez it ain't goona work. If she's not into it....... game over. or if you're really in love with her, give it up, throw it out and make babies, and perhaps in the future she'll come around, but i doubt it. Edited by - screwcap on 8/22/2010 12:54:16 PM [Link]
pat362 Senior Member 10079 Posts 3/10	Posted - Aug 22 2010 : 1:04PM The question you have to ask yourself: Which is more important to you? Your girlfriend or your porn collection. If throwing away your porn colection is a problem simply because you've spent years collecting it and spent so much money. Then sell it. I'm sure you'll make many people very happy with it and get some of your money back. You might even be able to make a sizable profit if some of the stuff you've collected is no longer available. If on the other hand you don't want to throw it away because you want to enjoy it then maybe this is not the girlfriend for you. Storing it isn't an option because you'll have to lie to her when she asks you what you did with it. Sooner or later she'll find out you still have the collection and her reaction is not likely to be one of joy. [Link]
shank Member 119 Posts 2/09	Posted - Aug 23 2010 : 1:50AM I wouldnt compromise on watching porn. Believe me, as a married man a few years down the lane when your wife starts the usual of avoiding sex with various excuses, porn watching will become even more important to you. [Link]
Smiler Grogan All-Star Member the war cry 14790 Posts 1/08	Posted - Aug 23 2010 : 3:20AM Kelli has a very good point. Are there more demands that are being placed on you besides this one? (which you mention here, because, obviously it's on topic) Of course, it does have to be recognized that the majority of women in this country do not approve of porn, and/or don't want to watch it it in any way, shape or form. Many of them don't want to be around the box covers either. Myself, I get away with having a porn collection because: 1) the wife realizes its part of a huge collection of lots of pop culture material: books, vinyl albums, comics, magazines. 2) Most of it, is kept, along with that other stuff in a storage unit. 3) Anything I have at home is not in an original box cover. 4) While she doesn't want to watch it, she knows I've gotten good sex tips from films, things she was unaccustomed to when we met. [Link]
Seijuro Senior Member 1389 Posts 12/09	Posted - Aug 23 2010 : 10:13AM Use Jedi mind control on her. No. You're on ADT so you obviously like porn. You're just going to have to be upfront with her and tell her that you're not willing to part with your collection. I don't like hiding and deception. It's not fair for her to pull the "if you love me you'll..." card on you over something so stupid as porn. That's not a healthy relationship. That's almost as annoying as a woman telling you she doesn't like your friends so you have to cut them off if you want to be with her. Come at her straight about how you feel and surely a compromise can be made. Edited by - seijuro on 8/23/2010 10:35:28 AM [Link]
Janitor Retired Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service. 6409 Posts 11/99	Posted - Aug 23 2010 : 11:02AM If you're really in love with her why do you give a crap about a bunch of movies? Yeah, you could include her, communicate and all that, but when it comes down to it you're talking about material possessions versus spending the rest of your life with someone you love. It should be no contest. [Link]
Kimi Lixx Senior Member 2012 Posts 6/01	Posted - Aug 23 2010 : 11:22AM +1^ [Link]
Harri Patel Senior Member #SDNY he's all yours. -- Michael Steele 5110 Posts 3/03	Posted - Aug 23 2010 : 11:28AM ^ -2 +1 Seijuro "If u love me, u will get rid of the porn" = "this is a trial balloon to see how desperate you are to have a wife, and how easily I'll be able to bend you to my will if we do get married." [Link]

Kimi Lixx Senior Member 2012 Posts 6/01	Posted - Aug 23 2010 : 12:11PM Then just don't marry her. You will make her unhappy. She will make you unhappy. There is no reason to continue waffling on the subject. There shouldn't be battle grounds and control issues in a marriage. She should not give in to you. You should not give in to her. Either you want to do it because her happiness matters to you, or you do not want to do it because your happiness depends on the porn. If your happiness depends on your porn you should not get married. [Link]
bootymeister Senior Member Gravity as Curved Space: Bootymeister's Theory of General Relativity 1589 Posts 11/08	Posted - Aug 23 2010 : 12:21PM ^ -100 Steph's response applies to girlfriends and black books. Store the porn and do not watch it. Also, do not watch any other porn that you do not cuurently own. If and when you feel you must view porn in the future, revisit the topic with your wife. You two must come to an understanding on porn viewing, as you are obligated because it definitely effects sex between you and your wife in more ways than one. Of course, I always find out the girlfriend's position on porn before I reveal my interest. Edited by - bootymeister on 8/23/2010 12:24:54 PM [Link]
Flash Golden Age Classic 11018 Posts 5/01	Posted - Aug 23 2010 : 1:28PM Marriage is a compromise between two people. If she needs you to get rid of your porn and you won't, or if you do you will resent her for it, then this is obviously not the relationship for you. If you store it, at some point, she will find it. And then you are looking at losing the girl you love, along with potentially half of your stuff. In the end, if your marriage is going to work, this is something the two of you need to work out together. [Link]
Rosco Fuji Deactivated User On the licking stick, Mr. Magic Dick! 3309 Posts 2/09	Posted - Aug 23 2010 : 3:41PM Look at it this way, Nicholas Cage sold his prized comic book collecion for millions when he married Lisa Marie Presly and it didn't work out. To put it another way, you're already valuing other people fucking on disk so you can spank it off over actually having sex with someone you love and who loves you. It sounds like you're valuing the effort of collecting porn over putting effort into the relationship, so just do her a favor, cut her loose, and quit wasting her time. [Link]
bootymeister Senior Member Gravity as Curved Space: Bootymeister's Theory of General Relativity 1589 Posts 11/08	Posted - Aug 23 2010 : 4:19PM ^ I agree, in this situation it seems as though she is saying that porn is not acceptable if she is going to marry you. Give all the porn up or move on. [Link]
editorbb Member 363 Posts 7/10	Posted - Aug 23 2010 : 7:03PM Every woman has her views..usually we watch it together so there is no objection but just in case we sort of have an understanding that I am not supposed to jerk off to porn..watching is ok. [Link]
Breeze Member One Smokin Hot Chic 532 Posts 11/08	Posted - Aug 23 2010 : 9:12PM Kelli wrote: I would say this is probably one relationship you might want to reconsider. Click to expand I totally agree with Kelli. Keep in mind this is all advice coming from a porn forum, and I am a bit on the bitter and jaded side of relationships. Not an "angry man," but I like to use the term "Enlightened." The following is merely a ramble, but I DON"T THINK (disclaimer) that it will stop with your porn collection. Next thing you will know, she will be telling you that your wardrobe isn't good enough and you will find yourself buying new clothes that she picks out. Your furniture will not be good enough so get ready for a trip to the furniture store. You are going to need all new kitchen shit. Then if you happen to have a 1963 Ford F-100 with a metal dash going through the restoration process, it will be an eyesore for her, so plan on getting rid of that to pay for your new furniture. Got any friends you like to hang out with, maybe drink beer with, play poker with? Cross that extra curricular activity list. Ever go to a titty bar on occasion? That would probably bother her too. She will introduce you to new friends, her girlfriends boyfriends/husbands. They might be nice guys, but just like you they will probably feel like, "What the fuck happened to me?" But look at the bright side, you could end up a better person with a new perspective on life!!! Get yourself a PT Cruiser with wood paneling and cruise down the local drag, wearing the clothes your wife picked out for you. Oh yeah, and WHAT IS SO SPECIAL about a relationship? Don't get me wrong, I am going through some of the same issues as you are. I met a girl and shit has been balls out crazy with my life since I met her. But marriage is NOT an option for me, fuck that shit. I let that be known right away and up front. I don't even want her living with me and she is ok with that. I still call myself single even though I'm really not, it's a fine line and our list of shit that is "ok" to do continues to grow. I found out the hard way it's not okay to sleep with her friends, oops. Hey, she brings a cock hungry single girl over to my pad to party and decides to go to sleep, wtf am I supposed to do? If it was a test I failed miserably, after that night she gave me the choice of seeing her friend or her. I chose her. We click so well on every level, it's hard to find a person like that. Her friends are off limits to me. I can make that compromise. I'm not sure if it was revenge or not, but after that she slept with some other dude. But it didn't bother me. Because I totally don't want to stop seeing this girl. She thought I would. We do some really crazy shit together sexually, trust each other enough that we are totally honest with each other. That is all good. I am still free to date and so is she. Hey, I'm no fine catch. If she finds her "ONE." All the more power to her, I have a two year plan then I am blowing out of this popsicle stand. My two year plan "just happens" to coincide with her plans and maybe that is a compromise too on my part, because my two year plan is totally wide open. But I gotta have a plan and direction. Now I do. What she does in two years is up to her. Like I said, it's been crazy for me this last year and a half or so. Do you mind telling us how old you are? Everything I said is coming from a guy with two ex wives. Edited by - breeze on 8/23/2010 10:06:19 PM [Link]
His Dudeness All Business Shut the fuck up, Donny!! 2793 Posts 4/10	Posted - Aug 23 2010 : 9:22PM My advice is to dump her and move on. She already wants to change you. I know I couldn't be happy if my significant other did not allow me to be myself. [Link]
Harri Patel Senior Member #SDNY he's all yours. -- Michael Steele 5110 Posts 3/03	Posted - Aug 23 2010 : 11:09PM Breeze wrote: But look at the bright side, you could end up a better person with a new perspective on life!!! Get yourself a PT Cruiser with wood paneling and cruise down the local drag, wearing the clothes your wife picked out for you. Click to expand And don't forget to stop at Bed, Bath & Beyond to pick up the duvet covers. Whatever the fuck those are. [Link]
His Dudeness All Business Shut the fuck up, Donny!! 2793 Posts 4/10	Posted - Aug 24 2010 : 12:00AM ^LOL [Link]

ZeroCool007 Senior Member I'm going to stab you in the throat with a spork!!! 1048 Posts 12/06	Posted - Aug 24 2010 : 1:33AM simon33333 wrote: Let's say i have a girlfriend and we are seriously talking about getting married. She says the porn has to go. XXX-rated movies. Lots. Lots of time and effort in getting them, the money to buy them, a fortune. If u love me, u will get rid of the porn. 2 decades of good stuff. Has anybody had a this problem, heard of others. No Jokes, not giving it away. Thanks for any help in advance. Topic Moved by - Flash on Aug 23 2010 Click to expand lay it all on the line...tell her that while you enjoy your smut like any normal deviant, it'll never replace her in your life...plus, bring up the fact that she probably has some sort of fantasies that she'd like to bring into the relationship and that you'd be willing to explore them... [Link]
WardqueenJanine Member 914 Posts 2/08	Posted - Aug 24 2010 : 6:33PM 'Shouldn't be an issue. When my first husband and I divorced we had to negotiate the split of our porn collection. It containaed a lot of classic stuff that was not readily available. [Link]
Smiler Grogan All-Star Member the war cry 14790 Posts 1/08	Posted - Aug 24 2010 : 9:15PM To put it another way, you're already valuing other people fucking on disk so you can spank it off over actually having sex with someone you love and who loves you. It sounds like you're valuing the effort of collecting porn over putting effort into the relationship, so just do her a favor, cut her loose, and quit wasting her time. Click to expand That's quite a broad assumption. A person can't enjoy porn and a stable relationship? [Link]
RandomPrecision Senior Member Enjoy! 8175 Posts 3/06	Posted - Aug 25 2010 : 2:03AM simon33333 wrote: Let's say i have a girlfriend and we are seriously talking about getting married. She says the porn has to go. XXX-rated movies. Lots. Lots of time and effort in getting them, the money to buy them, a fortune. If u love me, u will get rid of the porn. 2 decades of good stuff. Has anybody had a this problem, heard of others. No Jokes, not giving it away. Thanks for any help in advance. Click to expand Why are you asking me? If it was me, I'd dump her. But I don't want to get married anyway. Porn is part of my life. Always has been and always will be until I can't get it up anymore. Anyone who's going to be around me has to accept me the way I am. I'd never ask anyone to give up something they enjoyed and anyone who's going to do that to me is just being a jerk. Ideally, a girl who hates porn would drop me as soon as she finds out I like porn and we could both be on our way. Edited by - randomprecision on 8/25/2010 2:05:33 AM [Link]
HeyNow Oblivious Gold Star Hey! 5965 Posts 1/03	Posted - Aug 25 2010 : 4:55AM RandomPrecision wrote: Ideally, a girl who hates porn would drop me as soon as she finds out I like porn Click to expand Plus that avatar. I'm cracking up just looking at it. So wild-eyed crazy. [Link]
jakejd4949 Senior Member 2938 Posts 8/06	Posted - Aug 25 2010 : 7:09AM WardqueenJanine wrote: 'Shouldn't be an issue. When my first husband and I divorced we had to negotiate the split of our porn collection. It containaed a lot of classic stuff that was not readily available. I can see the headline in the paper , "Divore for Local Couple Turns as Custody Battle for Devil In Miss Jones Rages On" . Love to see that on Judge Judy. Seriously , tough problem- my wife knows I like porn , she will watch a little bit with me , I used to have a large collection (since about '83 , most I got rid of since I can get almost all of it online , hotmovies.com and the like . [Link]
DrBellows Member "I'm not a Doctor, but I play one on TV" 29 Posts 2/09	Posted - Aug 25 2010 : 8:01AM Assuming you know her pretty well by now, you should also know some of the things she cherishes more than others. Name something of equal value (or greater) that you won't be able to tolerate. Something concrete and not just long talks with her mother. What else does she demand about? A friend of mine canceled her wedding years ago when she discovered that no matter what demands she met her fiance would only escalate it to something else. The nearer the date the more control he would impose on her. In addition to questions like "why was that guy smiling at you" everywhere they went. Is your future father-in-law a "Honey Do" getting constantly hen-pecked? I also notice some people mimic their parents relationships as a form of stability and direction. Did she just turn 21 and now she feels the need to establish herself as an adult? As in a mother Teresa syndrome to make the world a better place now that she can. Personally, I don't think the porn is really the issue. It just can't be that simple that she would go all or nothing based on only one item of contention. ________________________________________ "I'm not a Doctor, but I play one on TV" ________________________________________ [Link]
duefuss Member Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious - Brendan Gill 723 Posts 4/09	Posted - Aug 25 2010 : 8:03AM Hardware wrote: Obviously, your girlfriend feels that porn will negatively impact your marriage. The question is, why? Three possibilities come to mind: 1) She will have to compete with your porn collection for your affection, 2) she will have to perform sex acts she isn't comfortable with, 3) she will be stigmatized by friends and/or family for having a husband who watches porn. There are probably others that I'm neglecting. At any rate, if you don't know what her problem is with your porn collection then I don't see how you're going to resolve the issue. So, talk to her about it and take whatever steps are appropriate to allay her concerns. Oh, and no, I never had that problem. When I had a girlfriend I didn't tend to watch much porn. When I did, we did it together. Generally we either laughed and laughed or didn't make it through the whole movie. Either way, it wasn't my porn, it was our entertainment. Click to expand My 65 year old head likes this answer. If porn matters to you and you can't sit down with your intended and discuss at length why you like it and why she doesn't and then come to some kind of resolution that you both can live with, it's a sign to me that your life together will not survive the HUNDREDS of other more serious conflicts that WILL arise over the coming decades. [Link]
taylor_swift_tasty_feet Member 367 Posts 1/10	Posted - Aug 25 2010 : 11:01AM I always let girls know I like porn before I date them.Some girls like porn and some will tell me it's OK by them if I watch porn but they are not into it.Porn has never been an issue in my life. [Link]
WardqueenJanine Member 914 Posts 2/08	Posted - Aug 25 2010 : 1:26PM jakejd4949 wrote: WardqueenJanine wrote: 'Shouldn't be an issue. When my first husband and I divorced we had to negotiate the split of our porn collection. It containaed a lot of classic stuff that was not readily available. I can see the headline in the paper , "Divore for Local Couple Turns as Custody Battle for Devil In Miss Jones Rages On" . Love to see that on Judge Judy. Seriously , tough problem- my wife knows I like porn , she will watch a little bit with me , I used to have a large collection (since about '83 , most I got rid of since I can get almost all of it online , hotmovies.com and the like . Click to expand It was pretty easily resolved. We each had interests is specific genre's so it was divided up pretty much along those lines. The Judge Judy type scenario you describe would be pretty funny though. [Link]

lunacyagain Member Somewhere between Heaven & Hell 33 Posts 3/06	Posted - Aug 30 2010 : 9:48PM Saki has a bunch of porn too. I did have a hard time with it at first but I've adapted. It's just entertainment. I don't like his checking out web cams and stuff, that seems more personal to me but porn, eh. [Link]
Rosco Fuji Deactivated User On the licking stick, Mr. Magic Dick! 3309 Posts 2/09	Posted - Aug 31 2010 : 3:23PM zarinafan wrote: To put it another way, you're already valuing other people fucking on disk so you can spank it off over actually having sex with someone you love and who loves you. It sounds like you're valuing the effort of collecting porn over putting effort into the relationship, so just do her a favor, cut her loose, and quit wasting her time. Click to expand That's quite a broad assumption. A person can't enjoy porn and a stable relationship? Click to expand I didn't say that; but in this case, this situation is basically the girl or the porn not both and the OP is hesitant to give up the porn based on previous cash and effort acquiring it. [Link]
soragesum Member 78 Posts 3/10	Posted - Aug 31 2010 : 9:57PM She's telling you to give up porn? Turn and run as fast as you can! Think about this... how much happier would you be in a realionship with a woman who you could watch porn WITH.. and show her all the stuff that turns you on and explain to her why.. and she actually gets turned on by it and equally shares with you all her kinky fantasies..and you each work at making the others fantasizes come true times 1000. Think about being in a relationship like that... now do you still want to be in a realionship with this woman? DON'T SETTLE!!!!! Y nudd tiy! [Link]
Rosco Fuji Deactivated User On the licking stick, Mr. Magic Dick! 3309 Posts 2/09	Posted - Sep 1 2010 : 10:19PM soragesum wrote: Think about this... how much happier would you be in a realionship with a woman who you could watch porn WITH.. and show her all the stuff that turns you on and explain to her why.. and she actually gets turned on by it and equally shares with you all her kinky fantasies..and you each work at making the others fantasizes come true times 1000. Click to expand Or instead of watching porn, you can just actually communicate those needs. [Link]
duefuss Member Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious - Brendan Gill 723 Posts 4/09	Posted - Sep 2 2010 : 8:29AM soragesum wrote: She's telling you to give up porn? Turn and run as fast as you can! Think about this... how much happier would you be in a realionship with a woman who you could watch porn WITH.. and show her all the stuff that turns you on and explain to her why.. and she actually gets turned on by it and equally shares with you all her kinky fantasies..and you each work at making the others fantasizes come true times 1000. Think about being in a relationship like that... now do you still want to be in a realionship with this woman? DON'T SETTLE!!!!! Y nudd tiy! Click to expand Human relationships are a tad more complex than buying a car. If they aren't in your case, you, not to mention anyone you have a relationship with, have a much bigger problem than the OP has. [Link]