Introducing Brandi Swan| Author | Post |
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| Beaumont Livingston Member 113 Posts 9/05 | The only girl that I can think about responded to me after I expressed how much I wanted to be with her. Although she says some nice things, I'm still taking this as a rejection because I did everything I could to make this happen, won't go into what. I think she felt uncomfortable talking on the phone so she wrote me an E-Mail. This girl is special to me though,there really isn't anyone that comes close to her from my point of view as of right now. I'm taking this pretty hard and need some advice to get over it, here is the letter. I want to begin by saying I have a lot of respect for you that you had the courage to tell me how you feel in the first place. Hearing it was a surprise, but extremely flattering. I appreciate that you acknowledge and respect the fact that I am in a relationship because I know not many guys would. Though we don’t know each other too well, you seem like a really great guy. I honestly think you’re gorgeous and as I told you before I did have a crush on you during our newswriting class. Unfortunately we didn’t have the chance to get to know each other better then, and I became involved with someone else. Things may have been different if I wasn’t such a baby and just told you how I felt then, but I believe everything happens for a reason. By saying this I don’t want to lead you on in any way because I think that’s one of the worst things you can do to another person. Like I said before I have been in this relationship for 2 years and things are going really good at the moment, I don’t know what’s going to happen after graduation, but I’m not even thinking that far ahead. I’m the type of person that likes to live in the moment and not stress about things that may happen in the future. I like to make the most of everyday and that’s why I respect you so much for putting your feelings out there for me. Although I think you are a genuinely good guy (not to mention very handsome) I’m sorry that I don’t share your feelings. As I said if I wasn’t in a relationship I’d be more than happy to get to know you better, go out to dinner, and maybe become more than “just friends” but I can’t. I even feel guilty for saying that while I have a boyfriend, but I feel it’s only fair that I honestly tell you how I feel since that’s what you did for me. I’ve been cheated on and had my heart broken in the past and while that experience taught me a lot about myself and helped me grow as an individual, it also made me never want to hurt someone like that or put them through what I went through. Thank you for finding me attractive, caring about me as a person, and having the balls to tell me that you’re interested. I hope we can still be friends next semester. Edited by - Beaumont Livingston on Jan 29 2008 [Link] |
| kataboom master blaster ad astra per aspera 995 Posts 6/03 | |
| MissJanet Member Germany, Europe 110 Posts 3/05 | Maybe you should go out with friends for awhile and let time soften the feelings you now have. From what her letter tells about her characterone thing is clear - you have good taste in women and you treaded her about right. You'll find someone who is available. Edited by - MissJanet on 1/29/2008 4:02:11 PM |
| MissJanet Member Germany, Europe 110 Posts 3/05 | |
| SexyHard Member 673 Posts 6/07 | |
| Kimi Lixx Senior Member 2012 Posts 6/01 | Why do some people seem to think that because they want to pursue a relationship you are somehow obligated to let them chase after you and try to persuade you to do something you don't want? My advice to you is to look somewhere else. This woman does not want you. Some other woman will. If you insist on continuing some kind of relationship with this woman, I would suggest defining it as "extremely casual friendly acquaintance". Someone you talk to when you bump into her now and then. |
| Beaumont Livingston Member 113 Posts 9/05 | |
| Beaumont Livingston Member 113 Posts 9/05 | |
| myk Member 367 Posts 10/02 | |
| kataboom master blaster ad astra per aspera 995 Posts 6/03 | |
| BSD Senior Member San Diego, CA 2508 Posts 11/03 | |
| ntfighter Member 645 Posts 7/07 | |
| Beaumont Livingston Member 113 Posts 9/05 | |
| TheMightyCelestial Member 26 Posts 1/08 | |
| eyeballs a bleeding Deactivated Again 181 Posts 9/07 | |
| ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06 | |
| hanniballs_licktor Deactivated User A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti 46 Posts 1/08 | Then tell the girl you went out and picked up and how much better they were than them. But as your a sensitive caring guy I don't think you would do that, so just take life easy and one day you'll meet a great girl and both of you will feel the same way. And don't over complicate life and try to get too much too soon, you will fall and burn. |
| lilacwine Member "Don't let your lava love turn to stone." 489 Posts 5/06 | |
| eyeballs a bleeding Deactivated Again 181 Posts 9/07 | |
| Smiler Grogan All-Star Member the war cry 14790 Posts 1/08 | And I feel ya brah. 12 years ago, I was involved with a great woman when I was 23. Really my first great love. I'll call her Tori in honor of Tori Welles :) She had a 1-year old and was getting out of a bad relationship with the drinking, drugging baby-daddy. We worked together at a dead-end bank job. (We were both tellers) I would talk to her a lot, then we started going to happy hour every once in a while, then once a week, then we started hitting the clubs on weekends and one thing led to another and then Bada-Bing! We dated for a year and a half and I was in heaven. But then I went back to school to finish a languishing degree and maybe make myself into a decent possible heaven. I got a different part-time job and therefore we weren't seeing much of each other and she started to get the impression that I didn't love her as much as I said. She apparently had deep seated insecurities that were coming to the fore. She never sent me a note, but just stopped returning my calls. That hurt more than a note to be honest. The worst part? The sex had been off the chain. Since she had a kid and a roomate, and I had three roommates at the time, we rarely had sex in one of our's pads. Sometimes it was in a motel, but more often than note it was in the back seat of a car. We sometimes spent an hour riding around trying to find a secluded spot, safe from the prying eyes of the county police. Let me just say, I got very familiar with the warehouse districts of the area. And BTW, I never discussed porn with her. EVER. To say those were unbelievable nights would be putting it mildly. And then...pffft! Some friends told me I would get over it, plenty of fish in the sea, blah blah blah, but it hasn't happened. So I'm not gonna preach to you and tell you that you're eventually going to get over it. If you feel that strongly about it that you're talking about it here, I won't attempt to judge your feelings. Twelve years later, I'm married. And a successful accountant. And happy. but I still think about her. Admittedly (and I'm ashamed of this) sometimes while having sex with the current wife. But there's no going back. It happened and it's over. It's something lots of guys and gals just have to live with. Like I said, if you're leaving the door open and she comes back fine. But keep guard, you don't know when her doubts about you might come up again. But otherwise move on. If you don't want anyone else than there's no shame in being lonely. Better to do that then to be with someone JUST to be with someone. Lot's of people do that and they're just wasting time. In time, you will find someone, somehow, someway. "What's weirder, enjoying porn or collecting stamps?" |
| Beaumont Livingston Member 113 Posts 9/05 | Edited by - Beaumont Livingston on 2/1/2008 9:41:28 AM |
| jayo All-Star Member 2117 Posts 7/04 | Cut her loose and look for someone else. Be friends, be friendly, but mentally start looking elsewhere. If you think there's nobody else, you're wrong. They may have a different combination of attributes, physical, personality, spiritual, whatever, than this girl, but there are other winning combinations. If you stay hooked in a stalled situation, you'll just be miserable longer. Easier said than done, I know. Been there, done it, bought the t-shirts. Every time I thought I'd found the Woman of My Dreams and blew it, I eventually found another object of my affection who I thought was the Woman of My Dreams. She was different, but wonderful in her own way and flawed in her own way. Cut yourself loose and give the wounds a chance to heal. |
| cochise Member You gonna pull them pistols or whistle dixie? 238 Posts 12/03 | |
| Beaver Member 137 Posts 11/01 | There are plenty gorgeous women out there man. And if you want my honest opinion about this girl from that letter she is a selfish teasing bitch. She says she doesn't want to "lead you on" but says at least 3 times how she thinks you're "hot" or whatever, and if she wasn't involved she'd fuck you and all that (reading between the lines). My advice is completely ignore her from here on out, and I guarantee you she'll become interested if that's what you want. But if it were me I'd just completely write her off! Good luck, and ENJOY COLLEGE! You only go once! Edited by - Beaver on 2/12/2008 3:46:48 PM |
| Janitor Retired Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service. 6409 Posts 11/99 | |
| nietzsche Deactivated User 5470 Posts 8/03 | |
| conquistador Deactivated User Hellhamster. 2947 Posts 10/03 | Because she was too spineless to just tell you to fuck off because she wasn't interested. She actually bothered to write a long whining email trying not to hurt your feelings. If she cared she would have told you in person something like "I have a boyfriend but I am flattered, thank you for noticing me". Sending you an email of all things was incredibly impersonal bullshit. Real people do not communicate that way and it reeks of drama to bother writing such a thing especially because it created drama for you. This is the modern day equivalent of writing a note and tying it to an arrow and firing it at your front door. Or pinning it to your door with a dagger. If she were a grown up adult type person she would have just told you she was not into you/she has a boy already/whatever else. Doesn't matter. Point was that you were genuine and sincere when you told her you liked her (I am assuming you did not do it by email, if you did I am way off base here and disregard this whole note) and she fired off an email to you. That is what I do when I do not want to talk to someone.What the fuck does that mean? If things "happened for a reason" then why does anything happen ever? I want to know the reason why everything happens. What is the "reason" behind anything in the world? It seems to me that if anything had a choice (reason for happening) then nothing would bother to exist because it would be far to lazy to have come up with a reason to do so. This is bullshit because it is her choice and it happened because she chose it. It did not "happen for a reason" it happened by decision and she is too much of a child to notice that. There is not some kind of mystical "reason" behind what happened. Don't believe the hype. She thinks she was being nice to you, she was not. There is a real reason why when I turn on my stove it gets hot. Electricity is involved, etc. What she means is "I have a bullshit excuse for you but do not want you to think I am a retarded bitch so hopefully this will placate you so the rest of school does not become awkward for us". Also, do nothing but drink booze and read books. And I also wonder if she does anal, and if not, what is the reason? Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why does eating garlic make my breath stinky? There are no reasons. Things are as they are because that is how they are. One hand clapping anyone? Edited by - conquistador on 2/13/2008 9:21:43 AM |
| Kimi Lixx Senior Member 2012 Posts 6/01 | How can you not be cruel when you reject someone? Is there a way? |
| conquistador Deactivated User Hellhamster. 2947 Posts 10/03 | Hell, I feel a bit rejected when I smile at someone and get no reaction. It is much better to be flatly reject then "led on" (however you happen to define it). The worst if being ignored. And also I was being a bit harsh in my first post. She was probably feeling screwed up about the situation you placed her in and did not know how to talk to you about it. I know it sounds like something you have heard before but to me getting rejected in a letter like this beats being totally ignored or being dumped after a while. If you are going to dump me I would rather not even bother you, I am long term like that because feeling stable is nice. No I am not married but have been with the same lovely girl for 4 years this month. I know that isn't tremendously long but consider that she was 17 and I was 21 when we started out. |
| RandomPrecision Senior Member Enjoy! 8175 Posts 3/06 | |
| Cornell Lingus Senior Member Carryin', contrarian, libertarian 2982 Posts 1/08 | |
| Cornell Lingus Senior Member Carryin', contrarian, libertarian 2982 Posts 1/08 | Once the guy has engaged in that emotional/romantic gesture to seeking commitment from the woman, the only good outcome from the dude's standpoint can be the woman saying yes. Anything else is crushing failure for him. |
| Clam Digger Deactivated User Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good. 2268 Posts 1/05 | The classy way she handled this makes me think that her soul may even be more beautiful then her looks, which I suppose just makes it tougher to accept. Sex is everywhere, but honor it precious. |
| LubeNLuv Senior Member 1854 Posts 3/06 | |
| Clam Digger Deactivated User Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good. 2268 Posts 1/05 | |
| Beaumont Livingston Member 113 Posts 9/05 |
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| Beaumont Livingston Member 113 Posts 9/05 | |
| TheLoneGunman Member 400 Posts 10/03 |
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| LubeNLuv Senior Member 1854 Posts 3/06 |
I'd be pretty offended to find out that Charles Manson had a crush on me. |
| Clam Digger Deactivated User Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good. 2268 Posts 1/05 | |
| RandomPrecision Senior Member Enjoy! 8175 Posts 3/06 |
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| Kensington Chapp Senior Citizen Mine is the biggest. 610 Posts 7/07 | |
| Kensington Chapp Senior Citizen Mine is the biggest. 610 Posts 7/07 |
One could just say that one is gay. I did that once. I was wearing a kinda flamboyant shirt that a female friend gave me for my birthday and would have been let down if I didn't wear it.. this desperate chick on leave from 3 tours in Lebanon or some place came onto me. I said "I'm gay". She said "No, you're not" I said, "Ah come on, look at my clothes" She left. |
| Cornell Lingus Senior Member Carryin', contrarian, libertarian 2982 Posts 1/08 |
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| Clam Digger Deactivated User Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good. 2268 Posts 1/05 | |
| Kensington Chapp Senior Citizen Mine is the biggest. 610 Posts 7/07 | Mr. Lingus, I think she had a little too much of the old Justin Trousersnake... she was probably passed around like a doobie while on tour. Wait... if she was, she wouldn't be as upfront about being cock-ravenous when she got home.............................. d'oh. ![]() |
| Cornell Lingus Senior Member Carryin', contrarian, libertarian 2982 Posts 1/08 | |
| Clam Digger Deactivated User Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good. 2268 Posts 1/05 | |
| Kensington Chapp Senior Citizen Mine is the biggest. 610 Posts 7/07 | |
| BustdownGal Member 539 Posts 7/06 | Stop. Communicating. Now. 1. Email is not a weak form of communication. It's the same as paper and pen, except more legible. She clearly told you how she felt. 2. Stop communicating now. You say "I'd never stalk her" but you can't even see that you're already acting like one. Don't call. Don't text. Don't email. Don't stand under her window with a boombox. 3. Your passion is selfish and is not based on making her happy. You can't even see this because you're too deep in it. If you were about making her happy, you wouldn't have attempted to start something romantic with a woman who's already in an LTR. Dirty pool, boy. Dirty pool. The best way to make her happy, from what you've told us, is to leave her alone. Is to in no way manipulate her into thinking that "you're cool" with the whole situation. You're not cool. You're in a state of immature love and you're focussed on "winning the prize" and not on starting a healthy relationship. 4. Next time, you'll know better than to ignore girls who like you. |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 |
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