I can't deny it, I'm a sucker for stuff like this! I decided to combine two of these gag items into one review, because, well, how much can you say about a cake pan shaped like a dick, and an ice cube tray shaped like a dick ? (I'm starting to see a pattern here) So, let's start with the...
Ice Cube Dicks *1/2 star, and it's melting quick
Oh how cute! I thought when I saw these. Ice cube trays in the shape of -
you guessed it - dicks! Of course I had to have one, and for $2.95, I had my choice of the 5 naked ladies, 5 little dicks, or 1 big dick. Well, not being
a size queen, I chose the 5 little dicks. Besides, I couldn't imagine how
that 1 big dick would ever fit in a glass or an a - never mind.
The actual plastic tray is only about 4"x 6", with very shallow indents, and the ice replicas it produces are very thin & fragile, so plan on at least half of them breaking from the jump. When filling, if there's any water still in them after that long walk from your sink to freezer, that's a plus. If they don't melt before being put in a drink, you're lucky. If you're thinkin of something like this for a bachelorette party, plan on starting the process about two months ahead of time, to have enough ice. This is a case where I'll have to admit -
bigger would have been better.
Cup-Cake Dicks ***' 3 1/2 stars
I bought this at the same time, and again had my choice of one big one or
6 smaller ones, like cupcakes, or maybe cupdicks. heh heh
I got really bored one night, so I thought about testing this out - but right away I had a problem. I didn't have a clue on how to make a cake from scratch. Feeling this could be a major factor in my little "bake-off" results, hence lowering (admittedly unfairly) the final rating of the cookware, I rumaged around in my cupboards for something I could bake - perfect! One of those Jiffy boxes for cornbread muffins that cost about 10 cents, or at least did when I bought it a while back :) This was more like it. You don't have to be JuliaFuckinChild to whip up a batch of these puppies! I poured the contents of the box into a mixing bowl, but only after giving it a few good whacks on the counter, to break it up a little. It's also easier to spot any petrified weavils this way. So, I prepared the muffindicks pan with a lube like Pam or WD40 or something, because it said to line it with those paper cup liners, but I don't remember my local Safeway stocking any like was called for here. So, I baked'em for 10 minutes, let them cool, and they did indeed pop right out, looking like 6 well-formed, if somewhat jaundiced, dicks.
Now, feeling my culinary skills already being taxed to the limit, I didn't even attempt to frost them with anything, plus I wasn't sure just what kind of frosting goes on cornbread, I think chocolate, although I didn't have any around, anyway. Here's where someone could get really creative, however.
I could picture some chocolate, some buttercream, make it interracial, even putting cockrings on some. And of course, you could always drizzle some white frosting on the tips,hehheh. So, I don't know what else to say about these cupdicks, except they tasted gross - but I'm pretty sure that it's not the pan's fault, I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt, anyway.
And although it's usefulness in the kitchen will be rather limited, ( I know that feeling!) , the $8.95 I paid for it wasn't wasted.....really. Really, it wasn't.
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