this isn't the ideal way to do it. but drew has a lot on his plate so i want to do it in such a way that i don't need him to make any modifications to the database.

look for the template this weekend. i will be borrowing heavily from our current reviewers - hope you guys don't mind

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I agree with Steph (as usual but not always). During chats, in emails, and even in various forums, the regular reviewers here are always encouraging others to jump in and give it a go. Lunacy has started reviewing and I hope everyone notices how great a job she does. I miss Steph's reviews as well as others so I hope some of you will feel free to write a few for everyone's enjoyment.

Don't worry about specific formats either. Have fun with it (read Endorphin's many hilarious reviews for some examples) and don't get too worried that your reviews will be substandard. This site has plenty of room for other styles and if you need help with anything, feel free to post a message here or send an email to one of us. I've assisted with cast identities a few times and others have assisted me. (ADT is known for cooperation more than competition)

Good work Steph-put those others to work!

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For me what will be more helpful than a template - which would be helpful, too - is continued input on porn that people pass around in this forum. Straight, bi, gay, 1-on-1, gangbang, orgy, whatever, doesn't matter. My only two requirements are that you can hear the stars moaning - I hate increasingly bad porn music drowning everything out - and that they are in at least somewhat good physical shape.

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(And thank you HD )

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Voice 1 : Now that reviewers start using a template, does that mean that all reviews will be even more alike now? What if I wanted to pick my own style?

Voice 2 : This is porn, for chrissakes! People watch it to get off. They do not discuss the finer points of anal gapes afterwards. What they want to know is if their favorite porn slut takes it up the ass, and how may times. They'll probably skip all the other stuff. And they are not going to read your highfalutin opinions . Remember what Dirty Harry said about opinions?

Voice 1 : That may be, but what's your point? Why do people read reviews anyway? It is not like a mechanical description of a porn scene is going to tell them about the mood of the scene. Are the actors into it, or are they just daydreaming about what to do with their paycheck, or whatever they think about to escape the boredom? There are hundreds of titles with exactly the same kinds of scenes to choose from. Why would they pick this one instead of that?

Voice 2 : What if it doesn't matter which one they choose?

Voice 1 : Now that I do not get. Does anyone really think like that? If Brick Westwing fucks Aurora Pandemonium in the ass in both "Chicks who dig big fat cocks in their ass" from Sleazoid Productions and in "Night Whispers" from Vapid Video, is it the same thing?

Voice 2 : But those two are not at all the same kind of scene. Now you are being disingenuous . If you pick a title from Parabolic Video which has these actors in it, you will pretty much already know what it will be like.

Voice 1 : Right. They are pretty generic, aren't they? I wonder why that is a good thing, though. Are there guys who have reserved a shelf in their library for the whole Gapeman series, from 1 to 48. I mean, isn't one or two enough to satisfy your curiosity? And why even write anything about it? Who needs reviews?

Voice 2 : Well, if you put it that way...

Voice 1 : Except that people might actually want to know if a title has been botched in the DVD transfer. Or if there are whole fucking scenes cut from them, as Vapid is likely to do. Or they might be slightly interested in knowing that the lighting in the above mentioned Sleazoid Productions title is so bad that you can hardly make out what is going on, and that the camera is out of focus most of the time and shakes so much that you end with a headache watching it. Those kinds of details might actually influence their buying decision.

Voice 2 : Right. But hey, we already knew that. This is porn, you know. This is not fucking art . People watch it to get off. They do not...

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Seriously, though:

What some people might really want to know is how to format the text. The "write a review" page has just this text box for the body of the review. Even a preview option, like the one in the forum, would be nice. I suppose one can use HTML tags in the review text.

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The review submission form accepts straight HTML text. We review and approve all reviews prior to publishing on the site. This not only gives us a chance to ensure that the review is acceptable but we also remove all <SCRIPT> tags and other HTML elements that are capable of undesirable behavior.

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I should clarify that the blank box will still be an option. I will make a couple of templates - one for a quickie review, and one for a detailed review. I will include the html for easy formatting.

Preview option is a great idea!

Hunh, I just realized the submit review page doesn't say 'accepts html' (yes, I'm slow) - I'll change that too - thought it did. And I'll add a little box of basic html like we have in the forum (the markup text window.)

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Voice 1: Every single reviewer has developed their own style and encourages others to do the same. Some of us have gravitated towards a certain basic format so people will be able to find the part they're looking for easier than if it were the single paragraph style favored on a few other websites.

Voice 2: All porn is not created equal. If it were, no one would goof on Ed Powers, mention technical quality in reviews, or bother with nice advertising/covers.

Voice 3: People read reviews for many reasons-including finding out cast members, couplings, length, quality of technical features, extra's, etc....all the way to getting a kick out of funny reviewing styles (like Endorphin and others).

Voice 4: Sometimes companies surprise us by releasing a dvd that is either a)much better than normal (yay!) or b)much worse than normal (boo!).

Voice 5: I'm hungry.

Voice 6: Let's go write some reviews.

Voices 1-5 (in chorus): Yeah! Let's go write some reviews! Yippeee!

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Would there be possible copyright issues? I have seen some reviews with pictures, either embedded in the document or as links.

I'd like the reviewer to have, at least as an option, as much control as possible on the formatting of the review. This would mean that the embedded pictures would have to be uploaded someplace before the body of the review is submitted.

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We certainly have an abundance of quality reviewers, and with more joining the
ranks every day, I just wish I had the time to read them all.
How about encouraging some shorter reviews, as well as the more in depth ones?
Now, I don't mean a few meaningless sentences, like "This was hot". "You will love it",
etc., but sometimes a couple of well-worded paragraphs are all that is needed to back
up a certain rating. This too, might encourage more reviews, as I'm sure there are
some who just aren't inclined to get into a big writing project, but have something to
add nonetheless.

You probably have a page somewhere about what is expected in a review Steph,
but perhaps some aren't sure (like me). For instance:
We know that there are some who prefer the "laundry list" type of review, as Reason
pointed out:

1) girl A sucks guy C's cock
2) guy B fucks girl D doggystyle for 2 minutes
3) girl E gets DP'd by guy B & guy F for 3 minutes.
4) girl A takes a facial - points deducted for less than ear to ear coverage.
5) guy B (bottom guy in DP) doesn't move a muscle for 2 minutes -
concern for his well-being ruins the scene for me, damnit!
6) guy B coughs! which unfortunately throws off guy F

and on and on. Personally, I'd rather read the phone book, but acknowledge that this
is what some are looking for. Are these types discouraged/encouraged?

I'd also like to see the running length of the movie made mandatory. I realize this has
no relation to the quality of the title, but it's something I like to know. As this piece
of such basic information is often not available at the online etailer's site, or, if it is, it's
sometimes not accurate, it certainly should be something I can find in a review.

One final thought - I too have been enjoying Lunacy's reviews, they're very well done,
and I agree it would be nice to have more female reviewers. But, as has been pointed
out time and time again, porn is made for men because men buy the porn. OK, fine, I
get it! Occasionally, I've been asked why I don't review DVDs, and I usually give some
flip answer, but the real reason is, I'm afraid my review would be one long rant, lol, and
would this be fair? Maybe my question is more for Luna - what is the workaround for
this problem? lol Do we lower the grading curve to allow for all the facials, etc., and try
to look at it from a man's perspective? Do we limit our reviews to only those we like?
I would imagine you would have an even tougher task in this area, yet your reviews seem
very even-handed and honest.

Thanks to all the reviewers, keep it up! ;)

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* Did you like the sex? Why or why not?
* How was the picture and sound quality? Better or worse than you expected? Any points that were especially good or bad?
* Were there any notable extra features on the DVD?
(etc, etc.)

As far as the "best format" to a review: there isn't one. Case in point: mainstream (Hollywood) reviews come in all sorts of lengths, formats, philosophies, from in-depth features with character analysis to Leonard Maltin's 3-4 sentence reviews. If there was such a thing as the best format, then you'd think that after 100 years of movies, there'd be more uniformity. Porn is even more subjective than mainstream, so I think that "whatever you think is helpful" is about the best answer there is.

To me, as long as you state an opinion and back it up with enough supporting information that it's not just a generic review that could be applied to ANY movie, that's a good review. Ideally, even if you don't agree with the reviewer, you should be able to determine whether you'll like it or not. For example, if the review said, "I didn't like this movie because it had too many anal gapes, and I don't like gapes," then I know what to expect.

As far as brevity, I love short reviews, but it's a fact that a GOOD short review on anything (not just porn) requires a great deal of writing skill. Maybe that's why mine tend to be very long--I have a hard time writing something in 500 words that gets my reaction across. Shortness for shortness sake (or longness for longness sake) is a bad thing if you can't write well. The result is generally something so vague that the reader is left knowing almost nothing more about the reviewed product than they had before they began reading.

Finally, to answer dumblonde's question, IMHO, you should always review to your standards, not to anyone else's. So if you don't like facials and that impacts your review, so be it. Just be sure to SAY SO in the review. If I had to write reviews catered to the "typical porn fan" then I'd be like AVN.

- Saki

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Smartblonde: I'd like to see more women in general, and you and Lunacy in particular, writing reviews here. Write as though you were trying to tell yourself or a small group of friends what you thought about a movie and why. That'd cover it. You make a lot of good points, as usual, to consider though.

Saki: One of the reasons I try and put a link to other reviews of the movie I'm reviewing is to encourage someone to look at another point of view. You are right though.

Porn Gods: Some of this discussion reminds me of the need that was brought up for a page where a reviewer can describe his/her likes and dislikes-a profile page of sorts-where someone can click to and see that I, for example, don't think Ed Powers is a manly man, or that technical qualities are very important to me whereas others have different biases. Just a thought to consider and put on Drew's long list of "things to do". Which, BTW, he has been doing very quickly of late. (HD cheers for Drew)

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I appreciate and try to acknowledge when the directors take risks and don't do facials or DP in every scene and mention that I wasn't thrilled to see it when they do. (Like in Love's Passion, Veronica Hart really showed an ability and willingness to try something other than predictable pop shots in every scene)

It's a fine line between harping a point, saying " I hate that" again and again in my reviews and being honest about what I thought.

More than anything I have found it hard to say things in a way I won't hurt anyone's feelings. I have a realy cynical streak that really likes to show it's nasty face when I review and it's hard to supress. The more I read other's review's however, the more that is falling away. I am getting more to a point where I can just lay it on the line and no worry about being nice. (As in Private Diary ofTori Welles, she looked and acted like she was strung out and I felt like I had a right and need to say so as a part of my review)

So back to the original point, yes and yes again I think a template of some sort would really be a great help.
I founder often times just trying to decide what is too much info and what is too little.

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Steph, an 'optional' template sounds good. However, one thing I want to point out in general is that people should not feel that they have to live up to standards in order to write a review. I am writing this mostly for the benefit of those who want to write reviews. You have an opinion...express it. You don't need pros, cons, initial expectations, or notes to the DVD producer. All you need is an opinion and some command of the English language. You don't need to know A/V specifications. If you did I would be in trouble. You don't need to start finding men attractive in order to rank them. Like I'm gonna give any guy a 5. Yeah right! You don't need to know the historical significance or what the original version looked like. And if anybody tells you you should have devoted hours of research tell them to send you a check. Hek, yew kan even get away with some tiepos. Don't feel intimidated by the process. Don't feel that by writing one review you have signed a lifelong process to write 100 a year. And don't bother listening to a bunch of people who never bothered writing one tell you that you need to "go into more detail? Tell me exactly how many joints in his finger made it into her ass". Also, don't fear that your opinion differs from others. I don't particularly like strap-ons, but the fact that they are so prevalent seems to indicate that others do. But, then again Ed Powers is kinda prevalent to.

The downside to templates may be that the reviewer feel intimidated. Heck! I even feel intimidated by some of the rankings at times. Plot? When the hell do you ever remember me paying attention to a plot? Guys looks? What do I care as long as he doesn't look like an ogre?

The bottom line: You are under no obligation to review, so why feel you are obligated to review in a certain fasion? If you want to write a review, have fun with it.

Still Campaigning for Alexandra Silk...er..wait...Alexandra Silk is actually cumming!!!!!!
FREE THE WEED

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For those that mention or link to other reviews. How about not degrading the other review or discounting their review in your own?

I especially do not like being called:

"an obsessed fan of one of the performers would see much worth watching"

someone has watched wayyyyyy to much porno and has become a cold jaded granite boulder...

*reaar*

Good Luck to all the new reviewers .. I'll be looking forward to differnt opinions on things..

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PS: If your copy ever breaks, I'll gladly donate mine as a replacement. I thought you had perhaps mixed the volume up with one of the many others you reviewed that day since I had to go back and make sure my dvd player wasn't screwing up (yes, it was that bad).

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as far as pictures go - we do provide free webspace - if anyone wants any please email me. most studios simply ask that you mark the appropriate copyright on the screenshot and don't go overboard by capturing the whole movie.

women - we're not alone in porn not being catered to us - there are plenty of guys who aren't interested in the predominent "style" of porn today. reviews are a great way to say "hey we watch porn and this ain't what we want to see"

while takeo makes an excellent point about a standard style being the easiest to skim through, i think the reviews here have gone far beyond simple shopping tools. it should be fun to write reviews.

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Please feel free to add anything - or let me know if I should change anything. There's no easy way (that I know of) to make the templates "fill-in-able" without cutting and pasting.

Also please keep in mind that I'm not saying that the ideal review would follow these samples. I simply mean them as easy ways to get started.

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Still Campaigning for Alexandra Silk...er..wait...Alexandra Silk is actually cumming!!!!!!
FREE THE WEED

Edited by - Endorphin on Jun 17 2001

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Most do provide pictures, but they're slides (for print magazines.) I don't have a slide scanner or the time to add pics to everyone's reviews. Some companies, like Digital Sin, provide screencaps on their websites. But it's up to the reviewer what they want to include - and what they have the time to include.

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