| Author | Post |
|---|---|
| sigmatic787 Member 33 Posts 9/12 |  Posted - Jan 14 2017 : 8:49PMI have always had sex drive and arousal issues. I wonder what can make a person more aroused? Or fantasize more?  [Link] |
| Pieps Senior Member Honey, come quick, somebody on the internet is wrong! 9233 Posts 11/13 | Posted - Jan 14 2017 : 9:02PM Time magazine: How to tell if you are asexual. If it's not causing a problem, you don't owe it to anybody to do anything about it. People fall at various places along a scale of sexual drive, and it's okay to be at the lower end. You can google a lot of information about it.  [Link] |
Stanley Moon  All-Star Member 4 Wishes Left 346 Posts 8/15 | Posted - Jan 14 2017 : 9:11PM If you eliminate biology as a cause, you can start looking into things to try and focus your attention or build interest. [Link] |
| sigmatic787 Member 33 Posts 9/12 | Posted - Jan 16 2017 : 12:38AM [Link] |
| Stanley Moon All-Star Member 4 Wishes Left 346 Posts 8/15 | Posted - Feb 11 2017 : 2:38PM This will be long but I'll try to make my points concise. Successful professional writers have something in common--they don't wait for a "muse": they have to write whether they feel inspired or not. John Cleese, the famous Monty Python performer and legendary comedy writer, told a story about Peter Cook, who was also a legendary comedy writer/performer. He said that Cook was a genius and it was effortless, but that in the 1970s when it dried up for him, he was stuck because he never learned how to grind it out like the rest of us. Most people who are young start off with high hormone levels and everything is new and novel. Spontaneous and unwanted erections are common and a problem. But as we get older, that usually fades. The body chemistry changes; things that were all new and exciting are now familiar and shopworn. Often we end up with long-term partners, and even if you're paired up with a goddess, it's the same goddess night after night after night, month after month, year after year. And if the goddess puts on some extra pounds, or loses some elasticity, or drops some pounds, gets banged up--all the things that happen with age--what was once beautiful is now just a representation of what used to be beautiful. There was a recent podcast of "Freakanomic" where they explored Grit--grit being a quality of stick-to-it-iveness, persistence, or long-term interest in something. One of the things you can do to build on that is take something you're interested in (in this case sex) and explore the depths, breadth and nuances of it. So I'll apply this to my case, since I'm middle aged and suffer from a depressed libido for various reasons--biology, boredom, and social circumstances. But I buy into the studies that I read that keeping the plumbing running on a regular basis is good for my prostate and other organs. What I do is I spend a lot of time becoming very aware of how I react to things and what I like. I have a Tumblr account and a Reddit account that follow things that I like, and over time I've honed and refined it to where they give me what I'm interested in. But even then--I know that I'll look at a photo that I know, 30 years ago, would have been prime j/o material, and now I just shrug it off. When I see something that really rings my bell, I mentally remember it, and try to analyze what it is about it that I like. And then I try to find more of it. I also try to keep looking for new things, and not just get stuck in a rut. There's a massive amount of porn out there, but most of it is just small variations on the same thing. It's easy to get into something and just see nothing but the same thing all the time, and think that's all there is. Another thing is being mindful of when I'm at my best. Some people are best at night while other people are too tired from the day. Some people are best in the morning. Some are afternoon. Another thing is just being mindful of what gets me in the mood. Writing focuses my thoughts, and I find it has a positive effect on me. It doesn't have to be dirty talk--even an academic discussion like this will do it for me. Writing this post isn't giving me a hard-on by any means, but it's focusing my mind on sex. The last thing (or things) is back to John Cleese: grinding it out, and enjoying the grind. I try to use what I've learned about myself to get into a good frame of mind, even if I don't feel horny to begin with. And I've also learned how to try and enjoy the ride, not just the climax. For a lot of my life it was always just a race to get to the "good part"--the pop. I've learned that it's the build-up that's the good part--the climax is the enjoyable end. None of this always works. There are times I start things and don't finish. There are times when I just don't want to even start, no matter what. But I do find that it works better on the whole than using my old teenage mindset of just reacting to things as they happen. [Link] |
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| sigmatic787 Member 33 Posts 9/12 | Posted - Feb 18 2017 : 11:13PM [Link] |
| HenryG New Member 4 Posts 2/17 | Posted - Feb 26 2017 : 1:24AM [Link] |
| BlastOff1 Deactivated User I've found the way 10 Posts 7/16 | Posted - Mar 1 2017 : 5:52PM Edited by - Flash on 7/20/2017 5:30:36 PM [Link] |
| A_Fan Deactivated User 1187 Posts 9/16 | Posted - Jul 26 2017 : 2:07AM [Link] |
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