It's not cheating, as long as you've told your wife exactly what you've told us. And as long is it doesn't matter to you if she has the pleasure of being impaled on someone else's pole. No cheating there, either.
My wife and I have a clear understanding. None has the right to have a relationship outside the marriage. However, it is totally ok for me to see prostitutes from time to time provided that I always use a condom. She considers escorts to be professional, brief, and harmless to our daily life harmony. She, on the other hand, will not stand the idea of me exchanging any type of email, text message, or chatting with any female whatsoever. She is also uncomfortable if I go out to dinner with my female colleagues or assistants, so I gladly take her with me on such occasions whenever possible.
Well, people decide what they're comfortable with I guess, but this seems really bizarre to me. I couldn't imagine my wife being jealous of casual friendships and conversations, nor being okay with me paying for sex. I just find it hard to wrap my brain around.
That is unusual. Potential problem with escorts is the possibility of developing intimacy you cannot get with you wife. Would your wife have a problem if you paid an escort just to talk?
Jealousy has nothing to do with cheating, in my opinion. Jealousy is a pseudo-emotion that is a result of insecurity. Your wife wouldn't get jealous because she isn't insecure. Honesty and communication equals security, security kills jealousy....
Jealousy can't kill security. Jealously only exists when there is insecurity.
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Kensington Chapp Senior Citizen
Mine is the biggest. 610 Posts 7/07
Posted - Jan 28 2008 : 6:38PM
Meh... I'll agree to disagree. I'm a stubborn bastard.
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tittysucker86 Deactivated User
florida 218 Posts 2/07
Posted - Mar 10 2008 : 7:59PM
i HAVE THIS FRIEND DOUG WHO IS A FAT SLOB. HE HAS A FRIGGIN HOT WIFE NAMED CARY. HOLY SHIT I WANT TO FUCK HER. IM NOT AFRAID OF DOUG KICKING MY ASS. ITS HIS WIFE IM AFRAID OF, AND TURNED ON BY HER AT THE SAME TIME. HER FATHER ARTHUR LIVES WITH THEM. THE OLD MAN WOULD PROBABLY RAT ME OUT TO DOUG. CARY WOULD PROBABLY LET ME FUCK HER IF I TOOK HER SHOPPING AT THE MALL AND BOUGHT HER A PAIR OF $400 SHOES.
Yes, porn is cheating if you don't tell your wife. You're hiding it because you think she might not like it. She might not like it because she probably has an expectation that you fulfill your sexual desires with her only.
If you hide a few aces up your sleeve while playing cards and use them, it's cheating. If you add or modify a part on a racecar that gives you an advantage outside the rules, it's cheating. If you spit on the ball before pitching it in baseball, it's cheating. Essentially, all of these are doing something outside of defined boundaries. So cheating (sexually) in a marriage would be doing anything outside of what had been decided upon beforehand with my significant other. Other people may have different ideas of what is cheating, but like previous posters have stated, the person being "cheated" on will ultimately decide what is cheating.
I've decided to appreciate and accept that jealousy fucks with security. It silently invades one's system of precious security. Ah, but this is only as effective as one allows. Invite it to feel alive, to remember that stinging stimulation. Jealousy and security should meet every once in awhile. I just recently experienced this, and thank fucking god, I needed it!!
^^^ I love the fact that you have an open enough mind to let your experiences really sink in and inform the on-going development of your opinions. This isn't your first demonstration of this attribute, but it's a really good one. It is an exceedingly rare quality, I think.
Thanks so much Bob. You know, this is why this forum is so unique and so special. Knowing that a fellow ADT'er can recognize another's positive qualities, and put that appreciation into words, it's love...
For anybody with a confused look on your face...it's from the TV show King of Queens. Funny post. No more with the all caps face. "You should've never trusted hollywood..."
This topic is very interesting to me. I have a raging debate going on in my head as to whether I should tell my girlfriend that on my next trip to Amsterdam I intend solicit the services of prostitute(s). I realy would like discuss it with her as I really feel like I need to do this before we get married. However, I suspect that if I do this, it could effectively kill the entire trip. I've gone to Ams before with her blessing, but just didn't have sex with any pros. Now I got an itch that I really need to scratch bad. It's hell being cursed with this thing.
there's no such thing as an "emotionless act" done with intention by a human. "uncaring" is an emotion (or set of emotions). As in "I know being with this prostitute will hurt my wife but I don't care." "Lustful" is an emotion. As in "I'm so horny for this hooker that I will buy her even though it will hurt my wife." The old canard that going to a hooker doesn't count as cheating because "there's no emotion involved" is as stupid as saying taking money out of your wife's wallet isn't stealing because she's not looking when you do it.
I am currently involved in the only relationship I haven't cheated in. It's been 8 months. I never made it this long before. Of course, I never actually tried not to cheat before. It helps that I don't even want to cheat this time.
to go back to the initial question, I don't think it's too hard to believe that 70% of men and 60% of women have cheated at least once in their lifetimes. What I don't get is that whenever they do these studies, more men fess up than women do. But...why aren't the stats for men and women ever equal? Because...who are the men cheating with? One would assume that cheaters cheat with someone who is the same sex as their partner...so why do the surveys always show that men cheat more?
I would guess that all married people aren't cheating with other married people. Single people aren't cheaters. So more married men get some on the side than married women. That pretty much goes along with the information that seems to say that women have lower libidos than men in general. I'm also guessing that women lie about it more.
well, Kimi I wouldn't go that far. I mean 60% of women have cheated, so a 10-percentage point difference doesn't make men look much more "higher-libidoed" than women cheating woman: http://www.joost.com/38hjxe2/t/Cheaters-Lavette-Marcus#id=38hjxdn Edited by - Gabriella Cuntez on 12/11/2008 10:31:33 PM
This is the core of it to me. The feeling that something intimate has been (or is still) going on behind your back. You feel left out and, cheated. It doesn't even have to be in a relationship. It is a shitty feeling regardless if friends or colleagues do it to you. Knowing that something had been going on could, I think, hurt even more than if your partner told you he/she had a shitty one night stand while being out drinking. That does not mean I would approve of the latter, I probably wouldn't. Edited by - JohnW on 12/13/2008 3:24:32 PM
Well as a married cheating asshole, let me tell you my side. Prior to getting married I told my "wife" that I would cheat on her. She came up with these rules: No fucking my ex wife, No fucking her friends, No fucking her co workers, and no fucking my co workers. We made a pact, till death do us part and we will live up to that, I make no misrepresentation that I am single and will never take my wedding ring off under any circumstances. I love my wife, and she loves me, why I don't know. I am a complete asshole and my wife stands behind me. At one time we discussed having a girlfriend move in with us, things just didn't work out and my wife wasn't opposed to it.
Oh brother! When you factor in all of the nebulous BS i.e. "significant other" (is this just a non-committed 1:1 relationship?) what is considered cheating (emotional commitment) it can be stretched to encompass nearly everyone. In light of those parameters the numbers a re WAY too low. Those defining cheating have got to lighten up. Because you have a date with someone or you confide something personal to them mean you have an exclusive lock on their sexual commitment.
Posted - Jan 23 2008 : 12:18PM
