I ended up in bed with a woman whom I didn't find very attractive. She's quite a bit older than me, I would guess 10-12 years. All my previous sexual partners I've found quite attractive, this woman I didn't! She wasn't gross and it was as much to do with her personality as looks. I did it because it was on offer! What I didn't expect was the psychological downer it has put me on. I feel strangely mentally scared by the experience and wish I could wipe it from my memory. Having been sexual active for 17 years, this was a first and the last. Note to self: only go to bed with women you like!!!! I’m not sure of the exact purpose of the thread; as a warning to others, to discuss the topic or simply as a confession.
When I was younger, this happened a few times. Not with women I didn't like, but with women I really liked but wasn't attracted to. Combination of my vanity and my then-PC sense of guilt. It never worked out well. It typically ended or seriously screwed up the friendship that we'd had before. I finally wised up. Glad you only had to make the mistake once to see the light.
A few times. It was still fun and I don't regret it. As a bisexual, I've had both men and women. I don't generally find men attractive (there are some very rare exceptions) so most of my male partners were just convenient sex partners. It's a lot more fun if you can separate attraction from enjoyment and just be happy you aren't sexless.
I'm not sure I even know how many people I had sex with that I didn't fancy. Probably almost all of them. I mean personally, not professionally. Professionally, it didn't matter, and I didn't really even pay attention. I was just there to make them feel good, it wasn't about me.
Very true, and just because I have had sex with someone I didn't like didn't mean I disliked them. Personally as well as professionally I have had sex with a number of people that I was really indifferent about. Sometimes because as Kimi said, it was to make them feel good and sometimes, in the case of those with whom I had a personal relationship with, just to satisfy them. I guess more succinctly, the response would be that I don't think I've ever had sex personally with anyone I really couldn't stand.
"Been there" and also wish I had not "done that". A situation pushed into because I was no longer seeing the woman she apparently envied . She told me "I would see the two of you together and I could tell by the look in her eyes that you were really giving it to her" . Sometimes guys get just as cornered as women when it comes to getting the hell out of there before its too late. Best remedy for all of us is a good memory for bad details .....I guess.
I guess it depends on how you look at it. Different people have different motives for having sex. I had a lot of sex just because the other person indicated an interest in me and I was desperate for positive attention. I got what I wanted from the encounter, and I would assume they did, too. There isn't really anything bad about that, on the surface of things.
^I get what you're saying and certainly wasn't meaning to be judgmental. I've only had two partners -- my wife and a "friends-with-benefits" type of situation that went on for a number of years before I met my wife. So...perhaps I'm not as well versed in the various reasons for having sex as I could be. Again--wasn't meaning to judge at all.
Very open question. Don't "fancy" in which sense? Someone you dislike? Someone you like but don't find attractive? Someone you like but you find unattractive? Someone you really like but would never want to have a relationship with? A good friend? Someone you dislike? Someone you pity? Someone you "should not" have sex with (ex, boss etc)? I'm all for people having sex as long as they take the responsibility for it. I don't have that much experience with casual sex, since I really HATE getting drunk hunting for partners out on the town like most people seem to enjoy. I would like to get casual sex just for the sex without anything more. So as long as I knew that she was up for sex and not repulsive I'd probably be up for it as well. It doesn't take much for me to get aroused and enjoy the act. I have no idea about the psychological downer though, I guess it is difficult to be sure that the other person is not an emotional wreck who really shouldn't be having sex with strangers etc so that's probably always a risk. Not sure what more to add, in theory I'd fuck just about any reasonably attractive girls as long as both of us were focused about the sex and we didn't have to spend a lot of time together before or after the act (which is the part that can really screw it up). Of course, there is no easy way to get just that, but I wish there was. Maybe someone should start some sort of club or resort where you are matched with random people and you leave after the sex... (Its probably been done with bad results but its a nice idea i guess) Edited by - JohnW on 10/26/2009 1:36:08 PM
I don't know if some of us are on different wavelengths here but there is definately such a thing as recreational sex. After all, sexual urges are a physical need and as animals, we respond. When those urges are strong enough it really doesn't make a lot of differnce if we really like the person or not. I doubt there are many of us who have not had sex simply for the physiccal pleasure, notwithstanding any feelings or affection, or lacck thereof, for the person with whom we are having sex. I don't think that this is quite the same as the alcohol initiated casual that JohnW referes to.
Although it's true that different people have different motives for sex, this is by no means always the case. I don't think you're safe in assuming that the other people got what they wanted from these sexual encounters. Among the things that some people want from sex is reciprocity -- the feeling that they are enjoying the same experiences of pleasure, intimacy, and excitement together.
When I thought that was what they wanted I faked it well enough to at least engender reasonable doubt. I was a pro long before I was a pro. I also hurt a lot of people who wanted more than sex and more than physical/casual intimacy.
I lost my virginity in this manner - a one night stand with someone I didn't care for - and it was truly awful! From that day forward I promised myself I'd never go there again and have been good to that promise. I don't have to be in love with someone to have sex with them, but I do have to like and care for them. Sex is many different things to different people. For me, it's about connecting with someone and, just personally, I don't want to connect with someone I don't care about.
_________________________________________________________________________________________ BryanK wrote: ....... just personally, I don't want to connect with someone I don't care about. _________________________________________________________________________________________
Don't know what the Judges say, but I think we have a winner.
Don't have sex with a hooker, then. You cannot really care about someone that you just met. Personally, if she is attractive, single and disease-free (and preferably likes wearing handcuffs), I don't really have a problem having sex with someone on a one-night stand deal. I have also been single my whole life and use condoms religiously (don't want any kids from these "relationships".
When I was younger I used to do that just to get some action I must admit I really did hate the drive when I had to drop off, it consisted of silence and lots of thoughts and a lot of guilt knowing the chances of seeing the person again was extremely low but the BS I had said in the first place weighed heavy on the mind.
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Clam Digger Deactivated User
Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good. 2268 Posts 1/05
Posted - Jun 24 2010 : 8:34PM
Maybe I have misinterpreted the OP, but I have taken the "don't fancy" part to mean someone who is "unattractive", sexually. As for me, I have never been able to have sex with a woman who didn't excite me. Even if a "woman" was "hot", from my POV, if she acted indifferently, it would really be a wood killer for me. But hey, that's just me.
One of my first girlfriends was not particularly attractive, but kinky as fuck. During the entire 4 months of our relationship I fancied her best friend. Even though she was a pro in bed, I didn't really enjoy it. The main problem was, I had a shot at her best friend first and didn't go for it... WTF was I thinking... Edited by - drom on 7/9/2010 7:19:47 PM
Unattractive, surely there must have been some attraction?? What is the point if you aren't attracted to them in some way. I tend to like the princess by day, slut by night woman. But at the same time I get turned off if she isn't "into" me in some way. I haven't dealt with many pro's but the ones I have dealt with all seem to like me.
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Clam Digger Deactivated User
Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good. 2268 Posts 1/05
Posted - Aug 1 2010 : 6:50PM
Should this be considered a classic case of pussy envy?
Unless I find the girl pretty I would rathr just put on a DVD and wank away.Also older women are a HUGE turn off and OF COURSE fat ones. Quality>Quanity. THAT said... If a girl looked like Taylor Swift even if she was a horrible human being ( you know like a nazi or something ) I would still have sex with her but after eating her pussy I would just go home and not see her again.
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Clam Digger Deactivated User
Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good. 2268 Posts 1/05
Posted - Aug 2 2010 : 8:40PM
Everyone looks good at closing time.
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ekarth Deactivated User
211 Posts 1/10
Posted - Aug 18 2010 : 1:36AM
when confronted with such situation just close your eyes while banging and imagine its Sunny Leone! When you turn off the lights doesn't who the woman is.
Hi Blossom, I'm not speaking for Bobcat absolutely not but I can relate to what he is saying, it's not the fact that you don't fancy the person or even that you have fell for their seduction both points don't necessarily have to be there to wan't to have sex with the person. From personal experience over 10 years ago I may add as I don't do that kind of thing anymore, sometimes you go out to have sex almost regardless of who that person is simply because putting it crudely 'you just wan't to have a fuck' and fancying them does not come into it. From talking with male friends in the past many a time we talked about whether we fancied certain girls sometimes we said we did sometimes we said we didn't but there was an extra question about the girls we didn't fancy and that was 'but is she fuckable?' and I kid you not most of the guys would say yes about 80% of the time i'm guessing the other 20% was the girls they would struggle to get an erection with due to not finding them attractive at all. I must say as easy as it is to say you would have sex with someone you do not fancy the after effects (for many guys I guess it's almost immediately after they have ejaculated) are pretty awful and as I have mentioned in an earlier post the guilt sets in; as deep down you know it ain't right it almost feels like shame and that feeling stays with you through the awkward conversation that follows, the getting dressed and then the eventual departure and for some time afterwards too. It is not a nice situation to find yourself in and there's only so many times you can do that to be honest, i'm sure those who have been in similar situations would understand however I am aware there is a heartless lot out there who could not give a shit and Bobcat obviously is not one of those.
I agree, I don't get you? You didn't kiss this guy? And this is where guys go wrong, most guys are pussies when it comes to rough sex. I'm not saying all, but from every story I have heard or read in real life, most guys are SO uncomfortable with themselves they should be ashamed. There is a lot more to "rough sex" than the mechanics. It takes a mental bond to really ravish a woman. Of course that is strictly my opinion. To bite a woman in the right place, to smack her ass when the time is right, to literally squeeze it real hard until she shakes. Very few porno movies do rough sex justice.
Only just saw you question, don't look in at this thread much, as it opens up the wounds! I was away on business and staying in a hotel. I didn't know anyone else who was there and felt lonely, so went for a drink in the hotel bar. I got talking with this women who was in a similar position to me. She was flirting with me and I played along, just for the company. I hadn't had sex for a week or two, or a wank for that matter and us guys get horny if we don't! I'd had a few drinks, she asked me back to her room, so I went along with it. I never wanted to fuck her, it just happend. Like I said, I thought it wouldn't be any big deal and I had nothing to lose. I didn't know it was going to fuck up my mind, Even now I bitterly regret it. I've done lots of sexual stuff people would regard as morally wrong and it doesn't weigh on my mind one bit, this does :(. Jonny jay summed the rest up, pretty well, I couldn't have put it any better. In the post after yours.
Innocent Girlfriend Rewards Him With Pussy - review by Captain Jack
Posted - Oct 17 2009 : 4:37PM
