Saturday night I'm out with the girlfriend of six weeks. I'm 31, she's 23. We'd made out, done a little groping and grabbing, mutual masterbation etc and so forth over the last couple weeks, and finally while driving back to my place she leans over and whispers "I wanna fuck your brains out.". I hit the gas and off we go.
This girl is not shy. We'd been talking about sex since we met, and she was very open about how she feels like she thinks like a guy when it comes to the issue.
Anyhow, back to my bedroom, we're naked fooling around, exploring and it comes time to put the condom on. I roll over and as I go to take it out and slip it on, I give my dick two or three strokes TOPS to harden as much as possible. She suddenly asks "Why did you do that?".
"Um, I don't know, I've always done that. Just making sure I'm as hard as possible."
She replies "I'm not making you hard enough?"
This sets off the most ridiculous five minute discussion I've ever had with a naked woman I was about to make love to. She accuses me of needing self stimulation to make me hard, and thinks I'd be better off just playing with myself. I tell her she's being silly, and I didn't accuse her of the same thing when she was rubbing her clit during foreplay. She says that's different, it goes on like this....needless to say, she gets up puts her clothes on and leaves. I end up having to jack myself off as she suggested.
I have NEVER had this complaint. I've done this same little thing a hundred times in front of every woman I've ever slept with. I've never even heard a comment about it. Did I commit such a breach of ettiquite here? Is she just nuts? she was begging me to fuck her three minutes earlier, and then leaves because I touched my own cock? WTF???
It sounds to me that maybe there was partly a misunderstanding on her side, and partly a degree of sexual insecurity from her end as well.
And I only say that because I used to be just as insecure about these things myself. My bf used to have to pull out during intercourse and stroke himself hard again, and it used to depress me because I thought I wasn't doing a good enough job turning him on by myself. And heck, maybe I wasn't and he didn't want to tell me. I'm also a tad insecure enough to think that from time to time.
But I've gradually learned that these things don't often mean that the man doesn't find the woman desirable. I mean heck, you were fired up and ready to go with this woman. Obviously you found her attractive. But based on the little sexual experience I've had, men and erections aren't anything like you see in the pornos, or read in the romance novels. A man's cock is a part of the human body and sometimes it just does what it does (gets hard or soft when you least want it) and it's not always necessarily the fault of the woman involved.
Er, that is, I hope it's not always our fault. Guys? Please weigh in here.
I was getting ready to howl that she's nuts, but, actually, I'm thinking she's young and not very experienced. Try not to judge through any particular lens.
Are you still talking to her? These things are better discussed when things are cool and nobody's too emotional.
Dude sorry to hear that. I agree that is sounds like she is just inexperienced. Too bad - have you been in contact wither her since? Or is it over?
If she loves you (or likes you only due to the limited time you have been together) then she will be back. Then you can show her the great time you were supposed to and move on.
I'm not sure "inexperienced" is the characterization I would have used.
"Inexperienced" would have been:
"Why did you just do that?"
"To ensure that I'm as hard as possible to put the condom on."
"Oh. I've never seen or heard of that before, but okay. Hop on my steed."
For this chick to take off in the direction she did, given the circumstances you describe, sounded pretty opinionated, judgemental, selfish, and mean to me. Start a fight, put your clothes on, and leave in a huff? And ruin a night that you both had been waiting for? Over this? That's not inexperienced, that's a jerk. Better you saw this aspect of her now, than at some later date when something really important was about to go down.
At 23, I'm assuming she's not a virgin, and is not a complete sexual novice. By your description, it didn't seem like she was. And at 31, she's got to figure that sexually speaking, you've probably been around the block once or twice, and have some idea of what you're doing.
Well, we had a long talk about it on the phone tonight. She apologized. Apparently her previous boyfriend had a fetish for masterbating to completion while she stripteased for him, and then said during their breakup that he prefered doing that to actual intercourse with her. She has a somewhat negative self-image about herself physically because of how she was treated in high school and somewhat in college, (which she shouldn't, she's very cute, with a nice slender body). I understand where she's coming from on that, and I pretty much explained that aside from the logistics of what I was doing at the time, self manipulation during sex isn't so much about trying to stay stimulated as much as it is a sign I AM stimulated and it's a natural reaction for me when I'm horny to play with myself a bit. That should cover my bases if it happens again, I hope......
I think she may be inexperienced for a 23 year old, and has some issues just in general. We are going out again this weekend, so we'll see. We get along great, it's not just a sex thing.
Edited by - patrick riverside on 1/30/2007 12:40:21 AM
You pretty much nailed it there. A dick does what it wants to. A man (at least, not this one) can't make his dick get hard. This is often (much to our dismay) the case when we least want it to be.
There are times when I should be literally rock hard and I can't even seem to get it up no matter what I do. Other times, I barely have to think a sexual thought and I'm more than ready to go.
It has very little to do with how hot (or not) the woman is (in most cases). If the guy didn't want her, she wouldn't be there, most likely.
And plus, men get so used to jacking off. It's the only way some of us have of getting off most of the time. Usually, if I leave my dick alone for a couple of minutes, it goes soft, even if I'm watching something really hot. I don't know if that's the case with all men or if I'm just that jaded. I pretty much have to directly stimulate it continuously in order to maintain an erection. And the more I stimulate it, the harder it gets (generally speaking).
Now when it comes right down to the sex, if I'm kissing her, eating her or fondling her, I'm probably gonna be hard but I might still give the little guy a couple of strokes here and there just to make sure and because it feels good.
I can see why a woman might interpret it the wrong way but honestly, if the guy didn't want her, if she didn't turn him on, he wouldn't have pursued her in the first place.
BSD said:They've been dating for 6 weeks. A wait like that suggests to me that she's not that sexually experienced. Plus, a lot of guys struggle with the condom wrapper and get a bit less than 100% hard while fumbling with it. You'd think that she'd have seen a guy stroke for a second to get a snug fit on the condom.
The tip off is her asking, "I'm not making you hard enough?" It's a misunderstanding.
This is exactly the kind of stuff that people in a relationship have to work out. It's part of the deal.
Next time you tug, just look straight at her and tell her she's so hot, you can hardly wait. That should cover the rest of your bases.
"By your description it didn't seem like she was".
He mentioned they'd had mutual sex play previously. He emphasized that this girl was not shy. He mentioned they'd been unihibitedly discussing sex from the beginning of the relationship and she talks and thinks like a guy. By her own admission. She told him she wanted to "fuck his brains out". Now they're naked and groping.
This doesn't sound like an anxious, semi-virginal Bambi, trembling with apprehension and insecurity to me.
After all that, this guy does something as innocuous as stroke his dick a couple of times and this girl freaks out? Even after he explained what the deal was?
I think things are going in the right direction. Sometimes it is sad that we may have to pay for a girls sexual baggage, whether she is sexually experienced or not. Why can't sex just be sex without all the emotional shit tied into it.
Good luck man - sounds like she is worth waiting for.
Too bad you can't post a nn face pic of her on here.
I think a lot of it is due to her age. The 20's are tough on a woman. It takes years to shed the preconceptions about sex and femininity we're bombarded with from the time we're children. If you add heartbreak and negative sexual experiences into the mix, you've got yourself one confused young woman.
