It's that time of year again, "let's bitch and moan about reviewer's because we don't want to make a decent effort" time. To assist a few production companies out there, I'll give a few tips that might prove helpful, others can jump in and add their own tips. Here goes:

1) Make a good movie. As astonishing as it sounds, the #1 reason some companies get bad reviews is that they make crappy movies. If you are making a porn version of Gone With The Wind, don't change the premise halfway through because the star has a dental appointment, the director is going on vacation, etc. Feel free to label a movie as a particular genre so people will know what they are getting.

2) Spend a couple of dollars to make sure the production values are at least passable. If a movie looks like a scrambled cable signal, has more grain than a beach, has colors that support the "it was filmed on Krypton" theory, or is otherwise deficient, it's going to be reflected in the ratings.

3) Find performers that WANT to work together. This is porn. Porn is generally about having fun sex which is kind of tough when the cast look at each other like they want to finish up in 10 minutes and wash off the residue.

4) Don't advertise something that isn't present in the movie. This ranges from having the box cover show a full body shot of someone not in the movie to wrongly crediting someone not in the movie to features not present.

5) DVD is the wave of the near future. The only reason people are going to keep their VHS recorders is to copy your movies, just like they always have done in the past. Prepare for the further onslaught of dvd as evidenced by the mainstream experience. You can find examples in just about every store that carries mainstream-the floor space for VHS is shrinking faster than a guys penis when watching an Ed Powers scene. Some companies, like Evil Angel and Wicked are busily working towards the day when, like it or not, dvd is the primary medium for porn.

6) Extra's are not actually "extra". Unless you have a very long movie, extra's are becoming more and more important to consumers. They add to the value of those of us who buy our movies-a growing number to be sure. Most of us like extra sex scenes, outtakes, commentaries, behind the scenes features, GOOD bio's and other such extra's. If you'd prefer to keep the market in a rental mode, at least for your own product, add no extra's and watch your competitors pass you by.

And, to be fair, here's what you shouldn't do:

1) Edit your movies from previous versions without a good reason and without clearly labeling it on the dvd case/all advertising. Edited movie are almost always frowned upon. It's one thing to edit out a person now found to be underage (ie: illegal) and another for no reason other than you saved a nickle on the videotape (ie: 75 minute tapes are cheaper than 90 minute tapes. If you are going to sell shorter versions, at least have the balls to label them as such.

2) Use edited footage as multiple angles. It doesn't stand to reason that consumers want to flip through various angles looking for certain sex acts. It's one thing to provide true multiple angles and another to make them up.

3) Offer "incentives" to reviewers who give good reviews/play ball. Face it, if you have to buy a review, who's to say the "price" won't go up in the future? Further, if someone doesn't have enough integrity to provide honest reviews, who's to say you can trust them at their word? (read up on Gene Ross's site for some examples) That said, I really don't want VHS "director cut's" of gross out movies, signed stuff, multiple copies of movies, hookers, drugs, etc. as a condition of reviewing a movie favorably (unless Steph is providing them).

4) Attack reviewers who are honest. Couldn't it be possible, however unlikely, that the reviewer might be correct when they point out some flaws? Is it so impossible that someone reviewing your movies might not see things the way you do?

5) Dismiss all criticism from outside the industry. Consumers are the lifeblood of any industry. While you needn't try to please everyone, you might at least consider what people say/write about your movies. I'm sorry if some of us don't see the "vision" some of your directors want to inspire but many consumers, myself included, aren't under the influence of illegal drugs so we aren't going to understand what you were trying for.

6) Hold casting calls outside meth clinic's. The result is getting a bunch of strung out looking skanks that no one in their right mind would want to screw, nevermind watch screw on TV.

That's a partial list. Feel free to elaborate on it as you see fit. Continue to send me emails if you wish to discuss it outside this public board.

edited for grammar/more editing probably needed:

Edited by - HoustonDon on Jun 5 2001