Has anyone bein a swinger? Was it hard to make first step? To discuss about it with gf?
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A_Fan Deactivated User
1187 Posts 9/16
Posted - Aug 30 2017 : 6:16AM
Depends on the girl. I learned to bring it up in the first date or two; so if she thinks I am a creep I can move on before getting emotionally attached. But lets say you are involved and in love and want to explore this. A great way is porn. if you already watch porn, it should be easy to ask her to consider it. If you don't watch porn together, then you have to offer to introduce it to your life. Start with some simple MFF scenes that don't have the gonzo things like spitting and prolapses and stuff like that. Just nice simple. Brazzers is a great site to have a membership for this. Plenty of couples friendly scenes with women that are very appealing to other women . You can move up from there, into anal, MMF and group scenes then into harder gonzo. If she is willing to keep upping the sex acts in porn ,then she will be quite turned on and swinging will be a very easy discussion. HOWEVER, dont push it. If you get resistance, put it on the memory shelf and address it again in the future. Too many boyfriends and husbands push it to the point that it makes the women feel bad, or even worse, they do it just to "save the relationship/marriage" and that can just be a mess. I gave up going to swingers clubs because there were too many of these types of situations and it was pretty clear it was driven by the guy and all about him getting to fuck other women with his wifes so called approval. If you can guide it and lead it to be about her needs, and stay away from making it seem like you just want to "Fuck other women", you have a better opportunity. Most women will never do it, or say no. But there are many women who could but the guy doesn't approach it the right way. I have met many women over the years who always had those fantasies, but never did them because they didn't have a man in their life who brought it out of them. I would be their first to do that and so its a good learning experience to learn how to approach this subject. Be bold, but not pushy, don't be afraid to be rejected. Also, "No" often can be "maybe" a year later. People evolve and change. Just never ever push it. You can actually apply some of these ideas to introducing anal into someone's life. A lot of guys just prod and bug their girls, they finally say "ok, ill try it for you", dude rams it in, it fucking hurts, she swears off it forever. It has to be built up and that takes time and patience. and no means no and no means no and no means no...... if you get a no, put it on the shelf for a while. It will kill your relationship if you push sexual things on your partner and she does them just to get you off her back. Edited by - A_Fan on 8/30/2017 6:20:02 AM
Thanks a lot man, very very interesting to me. In my situation we have been together for a long time. I only spoke about this desire one or two times, too ashamed to look like a weird guy. I also told her about porn long time ago and she tried to watch one movie but she found it with too many closeup and just made for boys pleasures. My drive for swinging is different, it s more to see her with other men than me with other women... So this is very difficult to talk about. Maybe throuhh history of other people, or meeting swingers in a non swingers situation, or finding some game or way to have a list of fantasies and see if she likes it... Anyway thanks a lot for your sharing with me, if you got more to share or other advices even in pm, this d be great!
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A_Fan Deactivated User
1187 Posts 9/16
Posted - Sep 10 2017 : 4:39AM
^Really try to release yourself from the shame. Be bold and say how you feel. I understand its more challenging because you are already with this woman and it can potentially be damaging if she freaks out and thinks you are nuts. Try some of my advice about opening up through porn. If she complained it was too focused on the needs of the male, try porn geared for couples or women. There is enough out there for you to experiment. End of the day, majority of people (men and woman) have been programmed to think a certain way about sex and there is nothing you can do to break through it. It may never happen with her and you have to make peace with that and ask if your love is more important. You could , of course, look for an FWB who you can explore this with and not have to approach it with your wife. Of course, you have to make peace with any moral issues you may personally face. It would, however, get you to live your fantasies and not put undue pressure on your wife who you seem to love very much. Finding a swinging couple to be friends with and then go out on dates with them and let their female connect and open up your wife can work beautifully in some cases. I know you want to see her fuck other guys ,but sometimes it is a slow process and other women can soften that shock factor and it is a safe way to introduce her before unleashing the gangbangs :) But always remember, if it doesn't fly it doesn't fly. Don't pressure or disconnect emotionally from her because you can't get it. This fantasy is not worth losing a good marriage over. There are ways around it if you can deal with the personal moral issues. On a humorous note, you could always put on the Grinch movie (the live one with Jim Carrey) and explain to her what it meant for all the people to put their keys in one bowl at the party early in the movie. yes, they put swinging jokes in a family movie... lol if you didn't know, those types of parties are where everyone dumps their keys in a bowl and when you leave, you grab one randomly and go home with the owner of the car (or fuck them there if there is drinking). After you explain it gauge her reaction and ask if she would think that is a fun adventure to try . Its a safe way to gauge her mindset. Edited by - A_Fan on 9/10/2017 4:44:50 AM
Thanks a lot for your answer, this is very kind and it encourages me to just try it, without being too pushy with her. I ll try the porn option, but anyway the key is communicating i guess. Maybe i ll keep some of my fantasies for me though, i guess some are just mine! And maybe also meeting a swinger couples would help. Thanks a lot!
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A_Fan Deactivated User
1187 Posts 9/16
Posted - Sep 22 2017 : 12:23AM
^porn is an amazing way to bring women into the realm of being sexually empowered and doing more things than conventional programming. If she is willing to give it a chance. Couples often dont realize how much fun they can have watching it together, until they try. Even if the end result is "hey honey, i just really only want you and nobody else"; you have a nice thing watching porn with her which is a great benefit to the marriage.
Jealousy on either parties part will torpedo the relationship quicker than you can say "OMFG What are you doing?" So if you go into this you have to be 5000% comfortable with the idea of your girl getting drilled by some other guy while you watch. Same thing with her. PK Edited by - PK101 on 9/24/2017 12:31:11 PM
yeah, i think i would be ok with that and to be honest it s a big fantasy to see her drilled by other men. However i don t know how she will react with me being with other girls. Maybe i should start with first thing as i am more than ok with it. However the porn movie idea seems the softest way to introduce this topic, or meeting a swinger couple but it s not that easy to find. Thanks all for sharing your experience on it.
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A_Fan Deactivated User
1187 Posts 9/16
Posted - Sep 25 2017 : 2:40PM
Just have an MMF then and go with that goal in mind. Start with MMF porn on the soft scale with female friendly performers and see what happens. (if you chose to do the porn route). MMF porn with girls like Asa, London, Riley, Romi, etc are very good (not their hard gonzo scenes but more low key scenes from their back catalogs.). If your wife is not into anal, those performers should have some MMF without anal, or oral only, in their catalog. Those are the top 4 I would pick to introduce a woman to group porn, but there are many more that would also work. Asa's insatiable series is a great way to introduce women to harder gonzo because of all the interview parts before and after each scene. Women just fall for her when she is talking about exploring her sexuality. VERY female friendly and helps women understand the power women have doing this kind of sex and how truly great it is. if she is enjoying this journey and you want to view larger gangbangs together (Asa's Insatiable series gets up to 5 I think) , Riley's new gangbang release from JJ is a very good entry point. If she is enjoying this journey through porn, she may be interested in trying having another man in the picture. Of course, if after all this she says somethig like " this turns me on so much, but i really only want to have sex with you baby".. then just treasure that and your love and keep it to porn . Not everyone , even if they love the porn, can have sex with someone other than their spouse no matter how horny they get. Just enjoy wherever this journey goes. Edited by - A_Fan on 9/25/2017 3:29:12 PM
i will try to introduce her to Asa series, i must find the way to...but let s give it a try. I m a huge fan of riley too. I think i must find series where she could get interested in the males actors. Thanks a lot for your answers and help on this!
on my side i like It takes 3 from Adam and Eve but maybe too much for a start. Lily Labeau is beautiful in it.
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pornboy69 Deactivated User
3855 Posts 9/13
Posted - Sep 27 2017 : 10:33PM
3^Asa Akira Insatiable series is the best gonzo series ever made in porn. It works for several things...
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A_Fan Deactivated User
1187 Posts 9/16
Posted - Sep 28 2017 : 2:35AM
If Riley is one of your go to girls, then she is great for this......Female viewers fucking love Riley Reid. Definitely someone you should consider to introduce her to even just MMF porn (dont need to jump to gangbangs right away). Her Pizza scene on her website is a really good intro to gangbanging and the recent Gangbang of Riley Reed, even though it is technically hard gonzo with double anal and a lot of guys, is just super female friendly if the woman is ready to see a gangbang flick. Again, you can't make that her first porn. Riley, and the others I suggested, all have extensive back catalogs for anything you want. And as the other guy echoed, Asas Insatiable trilogy is the greatest gonzo series ever in my opinion. ANd, with the interviews in between the scenes it is very appealing to female viewers as she really helps explain the feelings and thoughts behind the sex, and helps to break down the myths of it being dirty or wrong for women to fantasize this way. A lot of Mason's films have great interview pieces with the girls and they are just awesome. For all of us, porn is a progression. Start somewhere basic and move up the ladder. I love my double anal, but my porn journey started with BG vaginal scenes long ago. Everyone will have a ceiling, and at some point it will be "this is my limit" and the person will stay in that zone. The fun part is finding out what that limit is. Start small and listen to your wife, and just let her drive the bus as you go along and see where it goes.
Edited by - A_Fan on 9/28/2017 2:36:11 AM
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A_Fan Deactivated User
1187 Posts 9/16
Posted - Sep 28 2017 : 2:37AM
Feel free to PM me with any questions or comments, its nice to talk and share with people.
Really thanks a lot guys, i watched Asa insatiable and this is a very sexy movie, totally think i d fantasy to do with her, although i m a bit afraid of the impact of first scene of gangbang on her, but i ll try to figure out a way to share this moment with her. Maybe i will start with something more soft, a simple MMF in a swinging atmosphere, i must find something. Anyway asa is splendid in it, and Mason is such an amazing Director! and thanks a_fan, as soon i find out how to i ll pm you with questions.
I'm going to be completely honest swinging isn't for everyone. But bringing new sex partners into the bedroom is always a good idea. Making sure you have full communication is key. You have developed with your partner ways of communicating. Because when love is involved things just get that much more complicated. Jealousy is actually the last thing on my mind when I thing swinging. Because its equal. You fuck that person while that person fucks that person. Basically playing trade the dick. My first advice on speaking to your partner is having the conversation on how much they mean to you and that you want to explore with them sexually. swinging isn't alway6s amazing sex because we tend to read books by there cover. When I say that I mean we think that this beautiful couple is going to be good at sex. I have had moments where I have laughed so hard with my partner about things those people have done. The stories are horrific! Not to mention awkward situations. Maybe talking about going to a sex party is a good way to bring up the conversation. Talk to your partner if they were attracted to anyone they saw at the party. Say you saw that person too. Enjoy them telling you about it. Make the connections, say that turns you on. Knowing they are attracted to other people. Maybe speak to that person about how you find other people attractive. Then start to see how that person is reacting. This means paying attention to their body language and deciding if this is a difficult conversation for them. I normally have conversations like this to lead into foreplay. That way we can talk dirty about it during sex. Making it sexual something that would typically be hard to talk about calms everyones nerves. After you have implemented these tools you should start pointing out attractive people to each other. Saying i would love to watch you fuck him or I would love to see you with that person. These are ways to imply you are okay with that person having sex with another person. Making sure that you are also making that person feel sexy and wanted. This can also bring on a AMAZING roll play as you could play the stranger. This was how I got into it with my sexual partner. The shoe was on the other foot me being the girlfriend. Also its 2017 most girls are basically curious about other girls. Maybe take the having another girl invited to the bedroom. THIS DOESNT MEAN HER BEST FREIND! Such a bad idea! although if they have played around in the past totally ok. Also watching porn where couples have sex and trade is also a good way to show her that its completely normal. Sex clubs are a fun outing as wel to show swingers in action. You don't have to participate just yet but watching and showing your partner that this is something that turns you on. Most sexually active adults that I know have never really experienced a lot in bed. Possibly seeing new people have sex infant of you will strike up a new spark and give you ideas for your sexual appetite! Happy Swinging! Samantha Rone <3
Thanks Samantha and everybody for your help. I realize this is all about communication, especially since i ve been with her for 10 years, bringing this up is not easy. The point is sex and love are different concepts to me but it s not sure it is the case for her. But i m trying to communicate a bit on this and i wait for a proper moment to propose for the porn scene or visiting a swinger club just to look at it without doing anything. And i will not insist at all. It s important to try it as it is a strong desire for me and even if it does not happen i should tell about this desire. I love the idea of pointing out people she would be attracted to, and girls why not, this would be great. In all cases communication and sharing are the keys of couples, not only for sex but for everything.
On the licking stick, Mr. Magic Dick! 3309 Posts 2/09
Posted - Oct 3 2017 : 10:45PM
Be careful what you wish for, it just might come true. I've been there and done that. Ask yourself these questions. 1. What happens if she gets into it way more than you think she should? 2. What happens when you're all naked and the guy's junk is twice as big as yours and her eyes light up? (See #1) 3. Can you handle a guy putting it to her better than you can? (See #1) 4. What happens when #2 and 3 happen often and other women aren't interested in you but she is the star of the show and everyone wants to fuck her and you're left on the sidelines? You then try to complain to her and she says, "hey, this was your idea remember? (See #1) Again, be careful what you wish for, it just might come true.
I think i m ready to try it. Seeing her doing it with others is huge fantasy for me, so if this happens i d be not totally frustrated. Thanks for the warning, i hope your experience of swinging was not completely bad in the end.
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Rosco Fuji Deactivated User
On the licking stick, Mr. Magic Dick! 3309 Posts 2/09
Posted - Oct 5 2017 : 8:51AM
It was awesome! Just relaying some reactions I've seen along the way.
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A_Fan Deactivated User
1187 Posts 9/16
Posted - Oct 5 2017 : 10:38AM
Yep, those are sober feelings and do happen to some guys. It seems the OP is really turned on by it though, so he may no get those insecurity issues. But we know, thinking about it and doing it sometimes aren't the same. I love MMF scenarios. The dick size one is a common problem with men in this scenario. If he is confident in his junk, it won't matter. For me, I love what I got, so I enjoy if the other dude is bigger as it gives a different sensation to my girl during anal and DPs. But yeah, I have been in things like this where the other guy is insecure, loses wood, gets all jealous, etc. The first ever MMF I had was as a single in my early 30s. The guy wanted to see his wife with a guy. While he was not insecure about cock size (I was bigger than him but it wasn't an issue), he did get major jealous on performance as he was one of the "5 minute fuck and cum" types of guys. we had a fabulous time for a while and then he started to get annoyed that i hadn't cum yet, and then it was clear he never wanted me around again. Same goes for the women if you bring a woman on board. jealousy and insecurity, "does he want her more", etc etc. Swinging, threesomes, etc are wonderful parts of a sex life. But, that security about "comparing" one another can kill it fast.
