A lot of people say that porn actresses and actors should tell their parents that they are in the adult film industry. The sooner they reveal their occuptation, the better it will be. I honestly do not understand this viewpoint. If their parents have a serious issue with porn or their children being in porn, how is revealing it as soon as possible going to make it better?
Because they will find out eventually, and it's better that you tell them up front, rather than lie to them for months or years, only to have them find out about it from someone else.
yah with the internet these days especially, there is noooo hiding it. if u do porn people will find out, including the people closest to you.
i do not understand these girls who get into porn and seem to have no conception that it puts them on permanent public display. it is impossible to keep it secret, it is no longer some underground thing. once they sign the release ther image is going to be widely distributed in 100 ways. ways that will still be out there long after they retire from the biz.
there are girls who fully know this and love the attention, it appeals to their exhibitionism & vanity, and they are mentally okay with it...maybe even proud of it. but it seems there are also always girls in the biz who don't have their head in the right space about this, like they havent thought it through.....
so basically if the girl has not even figured out how to tell her parents, she is prolly not prepared to deal with the other consequences of doing porn. it will save everyone a lot of grief to deal with these issues head on, sooner instead of later
Both Popdog and Knocko hit the nail right on the head.
I've worked with far too many girls who shot for me only to have it cause them trouble down the road either with their parents, friends or significant other.
Even before I start running the camera, I sit the girls down and tell them in gruesome detail how doing this can potentially cause problems for some, but almost all don't care and just want the money. Then, it's either a month, half a year or 3 years later and I'm getting calls/emails asking to have the content removed. By that time, the damage is done.
As others said, it's just ridiculous to think that if you do porn in the age of the Internet that nobody you know is gonna see it. The better looking the girl is, the higher the odds somebody she knows will come across it.
It's just better that the parents and family know it so they don't get ambushed with it when it's the furtherest thing from their minds. I mean, for me, if someone came up to me and said "Hey man...did you know your daughter (If I had one) does porn? I wouldn't care. It wouldn't bother me. But I'm not the kind of person who gives a shit. If I had a grown daughter, she could do whatever she wanted and it wouldn't be a big deal. A lot of these girls have parents who do care. If you care about your parents, you don't want them to be ambushed and embarrassed if they go to church or whatever. You want to warn them ahead of time so they know to be aware that people will probably find out.
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deepudicks Deactivated User
If The Good Times Did Not Last Then Believe Me Me The Bad Times Shall Also Passs 100 Posts 2/07
Posted - May 21 2007 : 8:18AM
In some avenues ignorance maybe bliss but believe me this certainly isn't one of them.The more ignorant the loved ones the harder they get hit below the belt and very few can take it like mature adults...not when it is their loved child who is in the trade...Being told that your daughter/wive/sweetheartsister is screwing around liberally is enough to shatter the peace in the family but being handed over evidence of their bedroom skills in public is even more shattering.
While it is difficult for parents or family to come to terms about the harsh reality...it is even more shattering and nerve wrecking for the starlet to stand up to her family and break the news like"Hey Dad/Mom...Know What...My Latest Movie Is Out In The Supermarket...Do Check It Out On Your next Trip"
If that isn't bad enough then imagine the cardiac arrest ur mom or dad cud get on seeing wallsize posters of their child doing unmentionable things and the poor folks still scratch their heads and wonder...hey this slut has an uncanny resemblance to our child...
No matter which way you look at it...the situation is absolutely a losing one and stinks...No wonder everone wants to brush it under the carpet hoping tommorow shall be another day!!!
But telling them up front will damage the performer's relationship between their parents. How is telling them up front going to prevent this relationship from being less damaged? I am not trying to attack you , but I really don't understand why it is so important or even an obligation to tell your parents what you do, when you don't want to.
I told my parents right away, before my first layout for Hustler came out. I was always told that there should be nothing that I did in life that I was too ashamed to tell my parents. I told them because I wanted them to know that I wasn't doing it because some guy was beating me or shoving drugs up my nose or in my arms making me do it. I wanted them to know that I was making a conscious decision. Did it make it better? Maybe. I mean my mom is a Methodist minister and she definitely wasn't planning for her straight A student daughter to graduate high school at 16 years old and while attending college to start doing porn. But knowing the truth and hearing it from me directly, and not from some outsider definitely made it easier to swallow. It also prepared my parents for all the people that would later say, "Do you know what your daughter is doing?" as if to shock them... instead, my parents could say, "Yes, We do. She's fine. Thanks for asking."
Isn't the best way to tell your parents that you're a pornstar by first saying you have cancer then wait a few seconds and tell them you're actually a pornstar instead. That way they will be glad you don't have cancer and will accept you're a pornstar more easy.
Exactly, I am so glad others are saying what I want to say.Nope because woman are confused and men are the pigs, allegedly!Exactly, because most people do not want to believe it. Maybe it is because of the fear that their daughters will do porn. I really can not say.
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Kimball Deactivated User
65 Posts 2/07
Posted - May 22 2007 : 5:56PM
MMMMMM, this is an interesting topic, because no parent is going to be okay with their daughter's choice of profession no matter what they say. The real question is how selfish are these little sluts that they want to hurt their families in exchange for Stardom and a few bucks. Can you imagine the kind of reaction current Red headed Hottie Vixen's parents and family had when they were presented with a copy of her edition of 10 Man Cum Slam. She starts out saying, "Hi! I'm Vixen, and today I'm going to blow 10 guys and swallow their cum!" She goes on to say that, "I'm from Minnesota and I'm a preacher's daughter and I fucked in the bell tower during my father's sermon." Or, what kind of reaction they would have, after being presented with a copy of the Joey Silvera flick with her on her knees, 5 or 6 black guys cumming in her mouth and on her face as she begs for it. Doesn't make a difference how they find out. The only difference is that if she is truly hell bent on putting them in an early grave she could tell them in person and laugh at them as she's telling them that she is calling the black dude, "Daddy" as he's pasting her face.
This is such a typical response to this topic. My question to everyone is, what ever happened to unconditional love?! I feel for the majority of the posters in this thread if they can't imagine their parents still accepting their choices as an adult even if they don't approve of the choices they make.
My parents weren't thrilled about my choice, but they still love me regardless.
Thats what's MOST important. My parent's haven't watched my movies - aren't interested in watching them. But they are glad that I am happy, healthy and living a life that makes ME happy.
~*~ Sinny ~*~
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Kimball Deactivated User
65 Posts 2/07
Posted - May 22 2007 : 6:14PM
Sorry Sinny, but I don't buy it. You say yourself, that they weren't thrilled with it. I'm sure that's probably an understatement to say the least and I'm sure in private they broke down and cried and wondered where they went wrong. And, no matter what you say, I'm sure that they aren't bragging to their friends about their porn star daughter the same way they would if you were say, attending Law School or something like that.
Just because a parent isn't happy with their child's decisions doesn't mean they stop loving them. Think of all the mother's that accept the collect calls of their sons in prison or murder and take the long bus rides and drives to visit them in obscure little towns all over this country... A parent's love is (supposed to be) unconditional. Were my parent's unhappy with my choice? Intially, yes. Did my mother cry and wonder what she did wrong? Yes. Did she have some solace in the fact that I was a stong individual that made a choice I ws proud of? Absolutely. Had I NOT told my parents and some loser "friend" came through the door pointing fingers and waving a DVD they would have had the compounded shock that would have worsened the blow. My parents aren't by any means liberal. But I haven't been excommunicated, I'm not forbidden to go to family functions, they didn't stop me from seeing my younger siblings and they didn't try to take away my kids. Stuff like that happens when parents think their kid is being victimized and doesn't have control of their life. When they imagine that their daughter has been forced into porn by some guy or drug use - it makes them think so much worse. In this day and age, people hide the things they are ashamed of... By not hiding it from the people that are supposed to love you most, your parents, you are acknowledging that you are in control of yourself, your life and your body. My parent's and I are extremely close and while I don't sit and talk to them about my scenes, I do discuss things like licensing agreements and contracts and investments and financial planning. They have seen some of my softcore glamour pitcures and are amazed at how I look in the images. They have also seen some of my fine art photography (behind the camera,) and have given me opinions on the work. My parents have actually asked if I'm going to start directing now that I am older. They ask questions that they feel appropriate and I give the answers that I feel are appropriate. They aren't likely to disown me - and I felt confident that they never would. I made that call 14 years ago when I first started doing porn... so I guess I was right from the very beginning.
Well, to a certain extent....I would say that people shouldn't associate with "friends" who will turn on them on a dime just because their daughter sucked somebody's dick ( It's only been happening since the dawn of humanity). If those are the kind of shitheads a person associates with, why should anyone give a fuck what they think?
Of course church goers and similar moral types are displeased with this kind of thing. They've been trying to oppress the rest of humanity into abstinence and/or forced monogamy for how long, now? But of course, it's difficult to lead a civilized life without caring what these cretins think because they won't let you. They'll graffiti your house, fuck with your car, whatever. Anything to let you know they're not pleased with your choice of sex partners (or those of your family members). Why it should be any of their business is beyond me but there you go.
Personally...I think we need to propose a law that requires people to just get over the fact that people fuck within six months. Anyone who doesn't gets a one-way ticket into space without a space suit. Expensive, demented and harsh? Yes. Necessary? Absolutely. Good population control to boot. Most everyone in the US would be doing slow motion "2001: A Space Odyssey" cartwheels in orbit within a couple of years.
Edited by - randomprecision on 5/22/2007 7:32:45 PM
It will come out, and that's the first thing i tell anyone considering it. It will get back to your family, and if you think it won't prepare for the grenade to go off. I have a friend her dad found out because his co-worker sent a trailer. Not the way for a parent to find out. It sucks telling your parents you do porn, it sucks more for someone else to tell them.
If a porn performer will "damage" their relationship with mom/dad/family by telling them that they are fucking on camera for money, then the relationship is already on shaky ground. Either you gain acceptance in your family's eyes, or you don't. Hiding/lying about what you do for a living isn't going to make things any better...since when does lying to your family rank as "better" than telling them the truth?
OTOH, performers are adults by legal standards. I wouldn't be happy to find out my daughter was doing porn, but I'd likely be FAR more disappointed to find out she was doing it and ashamed of telling me about it. To find out she was openly lying to me about how she was making her living would be even worse. That means there is no trust between us. Fuck someone on camera for money and I may be upset, but lie to me and I'm devastated. One is a matter of choice...the other is a matter of integrity.
Sinnamon, I applaud both your courage to tell mom and dad what you do, as well as their parenting skills for being able to deal with it. It's not a choice I'd make for my own daughter, but once she hit's 18, it's her choice to make. Lying is also a choice and while there are MANY things she could do to disappoint me, lying to me is the ONLY thing I can think of that would outright devastate me. Anything else I can deal with. But violate the trust component of a relationship and you begin a slipperly downwards spiral that will erode almost any other communications.
Your parents TRUST that you will make decisions that you are comfortable with...that much is obvious. And (I'm guessing) you trusted them enough to know that they could handle the truth.
If you don't break the rules, you'll never have any fun! 717 Posts 10/06
Posted - May 22 2007 : 7:42PM
I suppose I'm a bit different than some of the others. To quote Kathy Bates in "Fried Green Tomatoes"..I'm older and I've got more insurance...Quite frankly, I can't think of too many parents who would be "OK" with their daughters or sons going into adult video. I didn't come from an abusive family and I'm not trying to "get back" at any of them for some sort of real or imagined bad life. I'm an older women who now has the chance to do something I've always wanted to do. Am I going to tell them? No, it would break their hearts and I'm not going to do that. If it became an issue then I'd deal with it. But in the middle of a family gathering I'm not going to say.."Oh, by the way, I just did a really hot interracial gang-bang..could you please pass the ham??" In their lifestyle, it's very unlikely that they would have any inkling of what I do during my off-hours. So I'm not going to create a problem where one doesn't currently exist.
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Kimball Deactivated User
65 Posts 2/07
Posted - May 22 2007 : 7:48PM
Sinny, you make some very valid points and seem to be the exception to the rule. Unfortunately, on the broadscale, I'm sure that everything that you say didn't happened to you, does happen to the vast majority of young women who do enter porn for whatever reason.
I can understand why it can be difficult for porn stars to tell their parents about their career choice. You know, the stigma that's forever attached to porn. But then again, it's their right to do that for a living, and nobody can take that away from them.
If your son got into porn, would you react the same way? If your daughter got into porn and did only lesbian scenes, would you have the same type of reaction? I seriously doubt it.
Secondly, you are infering that perfomers especially women should not to go into porn because their parents disapprove. Why? It is ultimately their life? Suppose your daughter likes to get assfucked by 10 guys on camera, why should she listen to your objections? She enjoys the sex and the money. You may not want to believe that she enjoys it but it is possible.
Suppose I(a man) WANT TO BE FUCKED BY 10 women. I am no more a slut than the daughter who wants to be fucked by 10 guys. I noticed that we only mention women as if men do not fuck for money. It is patently clear that they do.
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Clam Digger Deactivated User
Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good. 2268 Posts 1/05
Posted - May 24 2007 : 4:13PM
It is not about unconditional love. It is about disappointment and fear. If my son was found guilty of robbery my wife and I would still love him, but we would be disappointed in him and would fear the consequences that would face.
Now I do not look a performers as criminals. Hey I am a fan. But I always wonder about the successful ones, like Jewell, Stormy, Kylie, Devinn and perhaps yourself ( I really have only recently become aware of you). These are people who I suspect could have had very successful careers doing something else. It makes me wonder if they new then" what they know now would they have chosen the same road.
But clam why should they or I see porn as an inferior to other things. I would choose porn over many occupations even those that paid more!! Let's see, CEO, construction worker, waiter, busboy, garbage man, plumber, janitor etc. Don't get me wrong I respect those jobs but I certainly would not prefer them over performing in porn. If I can perform in porn I would see it as a pretty good career in terms of personal satisfaction and money. Men make $500 a scene. Do 5 scenes a week, that is pretty good money.
The problem is society has a problem with it, starting with the parents!
When it comes to porn critics always point out the most prestigous professions as better than porn: doctor, lawyer, scientist. How come this is not done when our children pick non-porn professions?
Sinnamon, you are the kind of person that makes this industry look good. You are smart. Very smart. You're kind. You're funny. You're SWEET. Plus, Questlove had you on his top list on MySpace before he became too cool for top lists!
Liberal or not, there's nothing wrong with doing porn as long as it's what you want to do. There are of course very few parents who want their daughter to become a porn star, but a grown woman who likes to make whoppee in front of the camera has the law giving right to do so. Why is this even a discussion? Damn near everyone loves porn. If your daughter decides to enroll in the wonderful world of sex on camera, then that dad should support his daughter in all the business sides of the industry and keep his yap shut. Why? Because he has a big stack of porn in his closet behind some easy to find place. What's up with dad's and not hiding their porn well?
There's not as many dark places in porn as it used to be. The industry is truly a better place to be and strong women like Sinnamon only benefits from it. Sinnamon, you are respected and when you decide to go behind the camera instead of in front it, you'll probably receive praise there, too! No matter what you do, you'll make a bucketload of money. You have a swagger that no one can take away from you. You are one of the Queens!
I disagree... it IS about unconditional Love.. Because after all, disappointment and fear only disappear and move towards acceptance when there is unconditional love as the glue to bring a family back together - no matter what. Regardless of their choices.. we vow to love our children - no matter what. If not, who's to say that its wrong to disown your children because they chose to be gay or lesbian or practice body modification. These are all things that mainstream conservative society frowns on... still.. particularly in certain parts of this country. But as a parent, you are supposed to support your child in their decisions... I agree with your analogy to a point. Where I stop is that porn hurts no one but the person doing it. Robbing a bank or a store hurts many. Some may argue that doing porn may hurt your family and friends - it may hurt their feelings - but ultimately, it doesn't bring harm or injury to them.
As far as the what ifs? Let me put it to you this way... When I was in school, when had a discussion about college being a holding place for bright minds designed to not just crush your individuality - but to make you incur debt so that you are FORCED to go into the work force working for someone else... so that you can't branch out on your own and be independently employed. It forces you to become a part of the "system." I finished my degrees, but after working in my chosen field for a period of time, I found that I was happiest doing just what I love. Living my life...
~*~ Sinny ~*~
mod: please don't quote entire posts when a snippet will do.
Thanks.. I don't try to make the industry look good.. I just try to always remember to be me. That's all I can be...
And yah, I probably chat with Questlove every other day online. We're pretty cool. I love him! I just want him to find the right girl, get married and settle down... He's a sweetie pie. (He is still in my top list however...)
True, no one wants there daughter to grow up to be a porn star. Hell, I doubt if there are many 5 year old girls that you'll here say they want to do porn when they grown up. But the reality is that there are many teenage girls that are growing up watching the two biggest porn stars of our generation... not Jenna and Tera, but Pam and Paris.. and the WANT to be porn stars. What's a parent to do when their 18 year old daughter says, "Mom, Dad, I've decided to do porn." They can cry, pray, but at the end of the day... they can't kidnap their daughters and cart them off to a rehab center for nymphos to brainwash them.
All a parent can do is love their child regardless and be there to support them should they need it. Sometimes, as parents, we have to forgo our own dreams for our children and allow them to spread their wings...
I mean come on... we aren't talking about litle Dahmer's and Manson's here. We're talking about Sex.
The vast majority of porn performer parents accept or tolerate their kid's choice. Some even strongly support them.
If someone is afraid to damage her/his relationship with their parents by doing porn they should not do it! You have to make your choice. Lying just extents an unpleasant time when you live in fear your parents could find out. And they will feel betrayed twice.
Very true, especially about being betrayed twice. My parents seemed far more pissed that they were the last to know. I guess it all depends on the relationship you have with them.
Hot bitches cum filled................. 59 Posts 2/08
Posted - Apr 25 2008 : 9:07AM
Lance close to what I was wondering, how often do parents (mom or dad) find out that there kid (son or daughter) are in porn by the parents watching it? Don't need names just want to know if it is common.
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TheVulture Deactivated Again
114 Posts 5/08
Posted - May 8 2008 : 6:42PM
Good thread. It's more a society thing for me. You're worried about what other people think but essentially it's their problem. I'd like to more openly discuss my liking of watching porn, for example, but you have to be careful. The word is "taboo". But....the age old question....if I had a daughter would I be happy if she did porn? I think absolutely yes, as long as it was safe and her own choice. I'd be a total hypocrite not to. You'd have the slight worry of what others might think and that but who gives a fuck? You have to stand by your principles. I think it's ridiculous the idea that anyone should look down on a female for being sexually promiscuous. Fair play to you SinnamonLove. I'm only attracted to strong, confident women and that goes for porn too. No interest in seeing confused, scared, desperate young women indulging in sex on screen, however good looking they might be. You've got your head screwed on and are doing it for the right reasons. Good for you and hope you have continued success.
Posted - May 20 2007 : 10:15PM
