In 'Los Angeles Plays Itself', Thom Andersen observes that Los Angeles is among the most filmed cities in the world and yet, rarely is ever the the subject of a film. Tits are the LA of porn. Almost always in the picture, but rarely the center of the action.

Let's face it, there aren't a lot of titfucking films and if one accepts that 90% of male-oriented porn is about where you want to stick your dick, that can seem awful strange. If your jones is getting sucked off, there are dozens and dozens of hot blowjob discs for you. If you love ass, there are like an infinity. No, wait, that leaves out Rocco Siffredi. Make that an infinity-and-a-half. Even foot fetishists get a better shake. But if you're craving cleave, you're out of luck. Tits get the shaft. Or no, they don't. They don't get zip.

This is even true of tit-oriented titles. DVDs featuring busty chicks show them sucking and screwing six ways till Sunday, but rarely do they show them getting fucked between those two reasons that made you buy the disc. Even titles that explicitly reference titfucking often don't deliver. You would expect 'Holly Body Is Titfucked' to be a tit fetishist's dream. Holly Body? Titfucked? Could there be a more enticing premise? Well, sure enough, she does get it between her boobs, for about two seconds. The rest of the rather rushed sequence focuses on straight intercourse. The genius with the dollars and the camera obviously preferred her snatch. Now Holly does have a hot pussy and legs and ass and feet, but dude, if you only had her for the hour, shouldn't you have spent every moment focusing on that which makes her most desirable? Since, you know, you kind of admitted as much on the box?

So, why are there so few great titfucking scenes and no great titfucking lines? Well, to be honest, it probably isn't the easiest thing to shoot. There are three indespensible factors. First, you need a great set of tits. Obviously they can't be too small, but they can't be too big or the dick gets lost. They can't be too soft or they wind up looking like marshmallows, but they can't be too firm 'cause they won't press together well. Oddly, silicone doesn't seem to be a factor. Ruby and Angelica Sinn might not have the most natural looking tits but, man, do they fit nicely around a cock. Speaking of which, a nice prong is a must for a good TF scene. Nothing demoralizes like the sight of limp dink, unless it's attached to a pendulous belly. Yeah, we know, the temptation is too strong. It was your money and lust that made the film possible, you just couldn't help putting yourself or your drinking buddies in the picture. Hey, it's understandable. We don't expect you to shave your back or go on Atkins. But please, couldn't you have at least popped a Viagra? Thirdly, if you've got the right tits and cock you've got to do them the honor of filming them properly. There are only two or three setups that work well with a titfucking scene. Use them.

So, admittedly, having three out of three factors functioning in a porn flick is pretty remarkable, but not unheard of. Given the vast amount of product being released odds would favor a greater presence of good titfucking action. But it doesn't exist. However, there is one series that has begun cracking the ice. Tittyfuckers, which currently runs to 7 volumes has some of the best titfucking action on disc. Sadly, it has some of the worst. Most of the volumes are so-so or utterly forgettable but the ones worth getting are Nos. 2 and 4. 2 in particular features some great action with Maya Devine, Alexis Amore and a sequence with Tease Nightly that is to die for. Until some XXX director with the passion and talent of Russ Meyer [god rest his soul] comes along this series will have to do.

So Gainsbarre, what are all the good scenes on the Titty Fuckers series?

So glad you asked.

* Indicates highlight of disc.

Vol. 2

Maya Divine
Alexis Amore
Kennedy
Tease Nightly*

Vol. 4

Kiki D'Aire*
Selena Del Rey
Anastasia X
Cherry Mirage

Vol. 5

Zana*
Caramel

Vol. 6

Ruby*
Raylin

Gainsbarre

Edited by - gainsbarre on Oct 2 2004