by Violet Blue and Good Vibrations


Fellatio -- oral sex on a man -- is wonderful and arousing for some, and a source of discomfort or distress for others. The sensations of your lover's penis in your mouth, and the feeling of giving him focused, concentrated pleasure is unparalleled. But if you're worried or unsure about what to do when he ejaculates, or concerned about your own reactions to his semen, then it's difficult to focus on the sex act -- let alone enjoy it. You just can't tune in to your arousal when all you can think about is him coming in your mouth, and you're not going to be able to give good head. For people who feel this way, it feels like giving head is a no-win situation. And it feels like an unpleasant, unequal sexual exchange in the making.

Indulge with me for a minute what giving head would be like if you didn't have to worry about him coming in your mouth. Free to experiment with the sensations your hands and mouth can give him, you could have as much fun with it as you wanted, and even see if fellatio was a turn-on for you. Perhaps the idea of fellatio is sexually exciting for you, but you still aren't into it, or sure about how you want to deal with his orgasm. Maybe it doesn't bother you at all, but you just don't feel like swallowing every time. The fact is, most men ejaculate upon orgasm, so one way or another it's going to occur -- if all goes well, that is. And there are a number of ways to deal with ejaculation, from not dealing with it at all (and still giving a stellar blowjob) to learning to love it.

There are techniques for seamlessly catching his come and keeping his orgasm earth-shaking, and I'll tell you some of those in a minute (you can find oodles of them in The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio). But first, the best way to start getting around the "coming in your mouth" issue is to tell him that you're really interested in giving him head, but you're not ready for him to come in your mouth. Men know they're going to come just before they release ejaculate -- it's a peak called "orgasmic inevitability," the moment right before he goes over the edge. It's at this moment that he can signal to you that he's about to come, and then you can pull your mouth away so he can come somewhere else -- somewhere you choose, somewhere you feel comfortable with. Just tell him that right before he's about to come, you want him to give you a tap on the shoulder. Any signal you establish is fine, just let him know that you want a little warning before he comes, and that giving you a signal has nothing to do with how you feel about him. It's how you're working on your comfort levels around oral sex.

When he does get ready to ejaculate, you'll know. In most, but not all men, his testicles will move closer to his body, his penis will get noticeably harder, he may have a sex flush (blush) across his face, neck or chest, his muscles will stiffen and he may sweat and shake. His nipples might get hard, and he might involuntarily thrust his penis into your face. If his hands wander to your head and you don't like that, simply move his hands to your shoulders or onto his own body. This is when you should get your signal, and when you'll want to get ready to try your techniques.

Decide beforehand what you'd like to do with his come, so you don't get caught up in the moment and end up doing something hasty, or that you might not like. When he comes, you can pull your hand up the length of his shaft, following your mouth, to catch it in your hand. With this technique you can also use your hand as a shield between his penis and your mouth. You can simply close your mouth and jack him off with your hand, allowing him to come on your breasts, chest, closed lips or cheek. What is most important is that you keep whatever rhythm and pressure you had going up to the point of orgasm consistent -- not harder, faster or softer.

If you want to try letting him come in your mouth, first try having him come in your hand, or elsewhere, and trying a taste to see what you think. This way, you don't risk hurting his feelings with a sour face, or worse, a gag reflex as a reaction to his orgasm. If you feel okay about it, work yourself up to it slowly by having him come on your lips or tongue. Some report enormous success by waiting until the final moment and moving his cockhead into their cheek so he shoots there, instead of onto the sensitive taste buds of the tongue. Others go for the gusto and have him come into the very back of their throats, swallowing it without pausing to note taste or consistency. Another technique is to continue fellating him while he comes, then coming up for a simultaneous gulp of air and a swallow.

There's much, much more to know about his orgasm and what you can do to make it hotter for him and pleasurable for you, too. Learning fellatio techniques, about his orgasmic cycle, how come tastes, to overcome the gag reflex and more can send your -- and his -- experience of fellatio through the roof (or at least make it fun and stress-free). Learn all these things and more in The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio, by yours truly.

Violet Blue is Good Vibrations' Senior Copywriter. Violet is the Editor of the Good Vibrations Magazine, a regular columnist, the editor of Sweet Life: Erotic Fantasies For Couples, the author of The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus and The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio. She reads every book and watches every video that Good Vibes carries, and writes the book and video reviews, in addition to writing educational content and generally making a nuisance of herself around the office. Her pet passion is oral sex -- whatta pet -- and her web site is www.tinynibbles.com.

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Courtesy of Good Vibes Magazine