My new girlfriend “Larissa” came over
from France on Friday where she is working
as an “au pair” (nanny). She is very sweet and
has a lovely character. The kind of woman I
need so desperately to get my life organized.
I love this girl and I know that she loves me.
On Friday night as we went upstairs to our bedrooms,
I prepared the spare-room for her, we kissed each
other in the hall-way.

She expected a reaction from my side, an invitation,
but I stood there as a statue. I wanted to be near her,
wanted to hold her in my arms and cuddle her, had
these wild and crazy thoughts of hot sex but I could
not tell her.

Larissa took my hand and walked with me into my bedroom.
She undressed in front of me, except of her slip and t-shirt
and slipped under the sheets. After I undressed and also
lay down on the bed she embraced me and we kissed.
“Are you nervous?” She asked. Was I nervous? Hell yes!
Not just nervous but scared! This was the first time that
I was in bed with my new girlfriend and her being that
close to my body made me scared.

That night nothing happened. Except of a few small kisses
and a soft caressing of each others arms, neck and cheeks
we didn’t do anything erotic.

Saturday morning during breakfast we talked about what
happened; nothing, and she asked me what had made me
so nervous. Larissa said in true honesty that she had hoped
for a much more intimate night with me...one with sex!

I feel guilty. Not because of the things that happened but
because of the things that should have happened.

I am 34 years, had a (sexual) relationship before, single
again after the sudden death of my former girlfriend,
so there is really nothing to be worried or nervous about.
The last time I had sex with a woman is more than 6 months ago.

Larissa wants me to enter a new phase in our relationship.
She said that our relationship is ready for physical sex.
I explained her about my feelings of guilt and the fact that
I was scared (not to be able to satisfy her) to have sex
with a woman.

She did not take no for an answer and Saturday night,
she seduced me. I was as silly-putty in her hands and
we had sex. She dominated me completely which is
something I need as in daily life I call the shots and
this feeling to be submissive and / or obedient really
turns me on.

Strange thing however was that she got her orgasms,
which was mainly her own benefits, as I was rather
passive in my actions, but I had no orgasm.
I could not come to orgasm. Something inside blocked me.
I have no idea what this is as this is something I have
never experienced before. It is not impotence as I
had an erection and my body reacted to all of her
touching and kisses but…the sex with her did not
satisfy me.

Did anyone of you ever experience a similar thing?
Can it be because of stress that I failed? I told Larissa
that it had nothing to do with her but for a woman
who sees that her (sex)partner can not get to his
climax this must feel weird as well.

What did I do wrong? Was it too soon after the
death of my girl? I have not thought one single
second of her while I was together with Larissa.
Stress at my company? Or maybe it was the anxiety to
fail in satisfying my new girlfriend!

I have no idea why I did not “perform” as I should
have!

Spetz

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