Yes I am virgin at 21. Growing up I had low confidence around women. I had hard time approaching women I would freeze up get nervous. One day it will happen, I will DO it. But how can I perform well in the bedroom? I just want some tips for an amateur like me thanks :)
Also I tried meeting a special lady at a club/bar in my Area. I live in New Jersey btw. No luck for me. Well I saw this fine shawty and I was little nervous as soon as I was going to approach her it started to rain at 2:00 in the morning, bad luck for me :(
The sex columnist Dan Savage had some good advice a few years ago. It was originally intended for a teenager, but I think most of it's applicable at any age:
Thanks Mister, You know I was an awkward teenager growing up. I wore glasses and braces and I was short as hell, now I am 5 foot 8. I assume girls did not find me attractive looking like a nerd :(
pornography wasn't sex but fantasies of an impossibly hospitable world 12377 Posts 9/07
Posted - Nov 25 2016 : 5:24AM
I found when I was young that women who found me attractive were usually the girls I didn't try to impress and chat up. If I was dating another girl already I think I was more likely to relax around other women and some found that confidence and sense of humour that comes out when you're relaxed attractive. So don't always be on the hunt and be thinking of trying to get it on with a girl, they can sense that and it often is a turn off. Also get involved in something beyond work and school, you're more likely to meet someone who will dig you if you have a shared interest of some kind. Edited by - BlackSix on 11/25/2016 5:24:51 AM
There are plenty of women out there who are also virgins/insecure/awkward. Be reassured by that and who knows? Maybe two awkward and insecure people will find magic together in the bedroom, figuring things out together. Blacksix is right about the confidence thing, but that's easier said than done for sure. I like the advice about going out and doing stuff. There is far less pressure to approach people, and conversation can revolve around whatever activity you are engaged in. This is also a good way to be social in general, and get used to hanging out with women. That should boost your confidence.
Isn't learning supposed to be part of the fun? "I'm new at this and I know I'm not going to be much good at it at first. But I'm willing to put in the time the practice, and you can teach me what you like and what you don't." That argument is going to appeal to someone.
^^If you enjoy the outdoors and are reasonably fit, a hiking club is a good place to start. It's a great atmosphere in which to mingle. Since you're surrounded by ever-changing scenery, there's always something to talk about. I've always thought nightclubs were a terrible place to meet someone. It's noisy, so it's really difficult to make conversation. If I were single and looking for someone, I'd post my profile on online dating sites. Try this: take a decent picture of yourself, post an online profile, disclose that you don't have much experience with women, and say that you'd like to learn about what it takes to be a good boyfriend, I bet you could find a hot MILF willing to be your teacher. I suspect a lot of experienced women might view someone like you as an interesting project, and as long as you don't come across as too needy or weak, you may find some success with an honest approach like that. Edited by - Macko69 on 11/30/2016 1:10:35 AM
You can meet women anywhere really. The issue is your ability to talk to them and ask them out or ask for a phone number or something ....... if you can't do that without fear of rejection, it won't matter where you go. PS- you are only 21..... work on your self, your esteem, your health, and confidence..... one day you will have more sex than you can handle.. there is no need to rush it because you weren't whoring in high school Edited by - A_Fan on 11/30/2016 5:01:46 AM
pornography wasn't sex but fantasies of an impossibly hospitable world 12377 Posts 9/07
Posted - Nov 30 2016 : 10:23AM
What do you like to do? Any hobbies, interests or something you'd like to learn to do? I'd suggest not asking for her digits rights away, have a few friendly conversations and then suggest you go for a coffee together. If the coffee conversation goes well ask her out to lunch, a movie or whatever fits for her.
Yeah I'm awful dancer. Oh hobbies interests well I like to play drums I am an avid music listener. I am a gamer, I am a nerd I build computers. I love tech gadgets. Computers is one of my passions the other would be bodybuilding and fitness. I enjoy working out, Health is #1 priority in life. I love to help people whether helping with tech support or fitness health questions. I am a very health conscious person so i like to research a lot about nutrition. I love to exercise get outdoors. I'm a sports fanatic, Baseball is my favorite sport actually. So yeah that's pretty much all hobbies I can think of top pf my head :)
^ It sounds like you have a few things that would mobilize some low-pressure interactions with women. The outdoors/exercise one seems the best option. See what your local area offers.
Good opportunity to get better. Women (in general) love to dance and men (in general) don't. If you dance, you'll find a lot of otherwise unavailable women who are willing to be a dance partner--even if only for the length of a song. Dancing is attractive to many women. If you can dance--even if you're more willing than able--you'll cut a lot of ice with women (in general). It's just a movie, but I know a bunch of women who reacted to it: Napoleon Dynamite
^ There's nothing wrong with being honest. If a woman likes you she'll be happy to further your education. Just realize that women are individuals, so don't expect them to all like the same things, and don't expect to 'click' with every one of them in the bedroom. PS - Sex is play, so bring your sense of humor.
Honey, come quick, somebody on the internet is wrong! 9233 Posts 11/13
Posted - Dec 11 2016 : 1:02PM
The fitness angle looks good. Think about things like rock wall climbing and organized group hikes, or some sorts of classes through Parks and Recreation. Things that involves people in groups, things that women like to do. Volleyball on the beach. A 5k run fundraiser. Yoga classes. Tournaments. Throwing frisbee in the park. Whatever. Even organized tours or camping trips. You are college age. There may be some campus activities that don't require you to be a student, or some classes you'd like to take. Daytime games and classes break up with people just about ready to go grab a snack or a coffee. Don't try too hard. Don't only talk to the women. Don't go into predator mode. Go to enjoy the activity, and just be open and friendly. It may be the *guy* you're talking to who invites you along with his group to an after-event. Do a lot of things you have genuine interest in, let your normal, un-exaggerated enthusiasm show in a relaxed way, and you'll have exposure to a lot of like-minded people. Also, all that healthy food. Make sure you have a few tasty quick recipes. A quick, fresh guacamole that you can whip up on the spot, or hummus with juicy sliced tomatoes and bakery bread. At least a few nice things in your kitchen ready to go. It's not a must, but I was mighty impressed with my (then 21 year-old) now-husband when he brought his fruit salad, and it was made from a whole pineapple that he cored and chopped, oranges, bananas, and a coconut that he drilled, drained, scooped out and grated. You don't have to do stuff like that, but if healthy food is one of your interests, pursue it, and let your interest shine (without drawing attention to it). The sex will take care of itself. Don't do anything the way they do it in porn. : ) Edited by - Pieps on 12/12/2016 12:39:37 PM
Everybody started off like that. Women don't have to worry about how long they "last," but there's still a lot of fumbling and bumbling going on, and figuring out how to do it. A hell of a lot of people say sex sucked while they learned how to do it. It's like playing a musical instrument: you're bad at first and then you get better. It amazes me how many men think of women as being intolerant of inexperience. Yes--some are, but most of them, if they're going to want to have sex with you, are going to be willing to put in the time and effort to get you up to speed. A lot of this is what your goals for getting laid are. If you want a one-night stand, then yeah--you're going to be judged negatively (unless the woman has a breaking-in-a-virgin fantasy). If you're looking for a longer term relationship where sex is part of it--then any woman worth your time and attention is going to want to work with you. A lot of men who fear women see them as domineering, demanding and close-minded; some are, but most aren't. Most women suffer from the same fears and insecurities that men do. You think you're afraid of being judged in bed, or how you look in the mirror? If you really want to practice, go somewhere like Nevada where prostitution is legal and pay for lessons. But otherwise do yourself a big favor: consider what you've got to be an asset instead of a drawback. Look for women whom you think are worth your time, attention and affection--not just some pussy.
Dude, let me tell you something. Many women will find this a turn on. If you get to the kissing or bedroom stage and you say to her that she has a beautiful mouth and seems like she would be an amazing kisser, and you want her to teach you how to kiss, she'll probably cream her pants right there. If you are clearly headed for sexual stuff, and you tell her you are a virgin and need her to show you what to do, again she would probably love it. Granted, you would need to gauge the situation and the kind of person she is--she would need to be experienced and confident. But, faced with this situation, all the women I know would have their eyes bugging out at the prospect.
pornography wasn't sex but fantasies of an impossibly hospitable world 12377 Posts 9/07
Posted - Dec 12 2016 : 3:44AM
Lots of great advice here. In terms of being any good in the bedroom, don't sweat it too much and just remember that women love sex as much as men, go down on her and find her clit. To paraphrase Woody Allen, oral sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.
So true the way men treat women in professional porn is so abusive. The men are too aggressive slapping women in face etc it's disturbing to me. The porn I like to look at is amateur porn or homemade porn that is the best porn to watch :)
Bullshit. Slap her on the ass when you're done and ask her, as long as she's up, to make you a sandwich. Chicks love that. Edited by - stanley moon on 12/14/2016 12:08:19 AM
I ♥ the male gaze (and Palestine). 8737 Posts 11/13
Posted - Dec 14 2016 : 4:02PM
What you see in professional porn is a performance, and in any case some people like or even love aggressive sex and may enjoy being slapped in bed. Nothing wrong with preferring amateur/homemade porn though.
I tend to be very hard on myself. I beat myself up by thinking I'm a loser for not losing my virginity yet unlike other people who have lost their virginity. How I can stop beating myself up is by not comparing myself to other people that would help :)
Is beating yourself up for being a virgin helping you? If it isn't then why are you doing it? The fact is that you, like many young men, have got the cart before the horse. You want to gain confidence by successfully wooing a woman, but you can't successfully woo most women if you have no confidence. So, go work on your self-confidence by doing other things. Challenge yourself to master some physical activity. Why? Because, in the beginning you're going to fail. Then you will have to decide whether you're going to quit, or you're going to get back up and work harder. If you want to be the kind of man most women find attractive then you're going to get back up and work harder. You're going to prove that it takes more than a little setback to make you quit. You're going to prove it to that little voice of doubt that's in your head. When you do, surprise - you'll gain confidence in yourself. Challenge yourself to talk to more people. It doesn't matter what the subject matter is, the point is to get used to carrying on a conversation with people whom you know almost nothing about. Get used to paying attention to what the other person is saying, instead of just carrying on conversations with yourself in your head. Once you realize that you can succeed at something when you put your mind to it, and that you can overcome the inevitable setbacks that occur in any enterprise, once you can interact with people you don't know, you'll be ready to start on a relationship. Note that I said start on a relationship. Relationships are ongoing things, you can't just 'score' and run a victory lap. If you aren't going to stay engaged and keep working on your relationship with a woman then don't bother getting started. Of course, you can do the one-night stand thing, but that turns out to be pretty shallow, so I don't recommend it.
Honey, come quick, somebody on the internet is wrong! 9233 Posts 11/13
Posted - Mar 25 2017 : 11:53AM
Does that even work? Step 1. Look like young Brad Pitt. Step 2. Have fantastic natural facial expressions, like a look that shows a confident, sly interest with a teeny touch of vulnerability. Step 3. Follow up with a dazzling, natural, enthusiastic smile. Step 4. Don't say anything to fuck that up. That's the only thing I can think of. It might work if you are the one-in-a-few-hundred who can pull it off.
I have to wonder why you would even want to isolate the grocery store as the location for something like that. I guess I can tell you what not to do--do not approach or talk to anyone while they are in the pharmacy or bath/shower/hygiene aisles.
I ♥ the male gaze (and Palestine). 8737 Posts 11/13
Posted - Mar 25 2017 : 4:53PM
^^^Personally, checkout is the only place in a grocery store where I might be open to that. I don't want to be distracted when I'm going through my list trying to find groceries. That said, if a guy I'm not interested in is with me in a line and tries to strike up a conversation, I might become uncomfortable if I'm stuck in the line with that guy.
That reminds me of a bit from the classic movie, Stalag 17. Guys in a World War II POW camp in Germany. The men are all in one compound but there's another compound with Russian women. William Holden walks past the prison guards and goes over to take care of business. When he gets back, a couple of other guys ask him how to do it. Holden says, first you get yourself 200 cigarettes to bribe the guards. Then you get yourself another face.
^Problem with supermarkets is that you know nothing about the person, and they know nothing about you. You don't even know if they're available. I would imagine that any guy's chances of being shot down trying to pick up a woman in a supermarket has to be pretty high. Online dating is the way to go. You know the woman is available. You can learn a little bit about her before you talk, so you can see if you share common interests. She also knows a little about you, so she is less likely to feel uncomfortable speaking with you. Seems like a no-brainer to me, but I haven't gone on a date in over 30 years (married) so I may be out of the loop a little.
Actually, it is a good place to meet women, briefly. It isn't an ideal place to try to pick one up, though. However, if your goal is simply to interact with women then it will do. You can ask about an item if you're both looking at the same selection, or remark on an item in her cart, if you're standing behind her at checkout. Just don't expect it to turn into a conversation. It might, but don't expect it to.
I didn't read through all of the postings, but I did read you workout. If you don't already, set workout goals for yourself. Once you start to achieve them, you are going to feel good. If you feel good about yourself, you will naturally project confidence. I have found hanging out with groups of people (friends)is the best way of meeting women. There is no pressure and if you don't have chemistry with someone you move on. My advice to you is focus on you, working out, and don't game too much. Get a few good pictures together and get on Tinder and Bumble, and start practicing talking to women via text, until you can apply it to in person. Don't lead with your inexperience, but if you feel like someone wants to kiss do it and then say something like that was my first kiss. Worry about the build up. I was scared to make a move when I was 18, so I would just make out until girls were so turned on they would take the lead. Good luck! BTW even though I don't agree with everything that was said, listen to the Black Phillip show. It may help with the confidence.
Don't be ashamed first off. Some just get lucky earlier. I've had a lot of sex for a 25 year old and my advice is to just be as personable as possible. figure out what the person likes and research it, it shows you actually care. Go get coffee as a first date, it's not very involved, it isn't as romantic as dinner but you get to have a long conversation which a movie would ruin. You gotta make the first move. Just count to three and go for it. As far as sex I honestly learned the basics from porn in high school but then adapted to reality because chicks don't want to be fucked for the most part like they are in porn. For your first time just do regular missionary because you will probably cum quickly anyways. If that happens just act like you don't care and go for round two!
I ♥ the male gaze (and Palestine). 8737 Posts 11/13
Posted - Oct 16 2017 : 5:54PM
^That's the problem.
[Link]
WhiteEagle Deactivated User
25 Posts 10/17
Posted - Oct 16 2017 : 6:09PM
Is the truth a problem? You can find tons of info about the fact that being slutty is not completely normal (hypersexuality is a disease FYI) You can even find something about prostitution...
Chloe Temple Interview
Posted - Nov 24 2016 : 4:23AM
Blacksix is right about the confidence thing, but that's easier said than done for sure. I like the advice about going out and doing stuff. There is far less pressure to approach people, and conversation can revolve around whatever activity you are engaged in. This is also a good way to be social in general, and get used to hanging out with women. That should boost your confidence.
