By a coincidence of fate, all encounters but one I've ever had, were with ladies for whom I was the first. I wish it were otherwise. The one and only exception opened my eyes to the ladies who know what they want, as far as the encounter is concerned, as well as in life itself.

my 3 pfennig,

Em

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"The lover knows much more about absolute good and universal beauty than any logician or theologian, unless the latter, too, be lovers in disguise." - George Santayana

"To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life." - T.S. Eliot

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Edited by - daviangel on 5/16/2004 9:24:51 AM

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Edited by - PL on 5/16/2004 9:59:22 AM

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"Living Life is not made up of material things"

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Any of these conditions might trigger violent, cruel or anti social reactions in him when he eventually attempts to begin a sexual relationship.

Of course these problems wouldn't necessarily occur in every such individual, but the overall probability seems high to me.

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Most of the guys I've run into who are in their mid 20's and still virgins are choosing to wait based on religion or their upbringing(which is not always religion influenced).Alot of guys are indeed,waiting for "the one".

Hey to each their own,whatever.But don't listen to me,I don't even know how vaginas work!

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-PornoPunK

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That's why I don't have intercourse. I'm not "saving" myself for anyone... I like being sexually adept, but the risk outweighs the benefit for me right now...

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For those of you who are "saving yourselves" for "the one", please let me suggest that in a relationship, sex is only the icing on the cake. No matter how sweet that icing is, it is NOT the cake. Understanding, caring, affection, acceptance, friendship, love and trust are all more important than what you do or have done with your genitals.

To expect that your first time will be a deep, romantic, magical, religious experience with "the one" is to set yourself up for disappointment. If it is the first time for both of you, your risk is even higher. Be ready to show patience and tenderness when things go wrong, and don't become angry if you feel clumsy or inept.

Sex is really not that big a deal. It's a nice, friendly way for two people to get to know each other.

Good luck, either way.

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I don't look down on guys or women who are a virgin at a late age, everyone has their reason. And sincerely, I don't mind, one day maybe they'll go for it, and I don't think they'll regret a single bit their decision when they make it.

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"Living Life is not made up of material things"

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In my cultural sphere of interaction, I have rarely met a man that has obstained from sex into his late 20s or 30s by choice. AS I see it, its usually because they can't get laid and then all of a sudden (usually around 25) they start making excuses like 'no woman is good enough for me.' Even stranger is that everyone I meet who are virgins (and over 25 or so) are addicted/love porno and speak very negatively about women (I have heard much more demeaning talk about women being fat or ugly from guys who are virgins or have not had much sex as compared to those who are sexually promiscuous or have a varied sex life.)

Disease and religion I can definitely see as being viable reasons to wait, as I do have a close male friend who is 30 years old, a virgin, and states its because of christian/ religious reasons. And I really used to buy into his reasoning, but not anymore. I hear how he talks about women, I hear his ridiculous and unobtainable expectations and I just have to laugh. And I also know about his experiences with women. His sexual choices are out of fear of rejection; and without going too far into it, he has coped out and created an illegitimate reason to explain his virginity. About the only thing he does according to religion is to not have sex before marriage, other than that, he doesn't walk the christian line.

As far as a double standard or the cultural difference for women, well, I dated a virgin once; I would never do it again and I would never date a woman who has not had sex. In my culture, a womans' virginity is not a prize; I like women who are sexually experienced, know what they want, and have an opinion based on actual practice. Thats my culture; and as I respect anyone elses' culture as I learned so joyously in my college cultural anthropology class, I would hope my culture is also embraced as diverse and respected as such.

Furthermore, men who seek out virgins I believe largely do so out of fear of being compared to past partners. I would much rather be with a woman who has had multiple partners; that way, if she likes me, I would really believe it as she has something to compare it to. I don't want to live in a Jessica Simpson/Nick world.

If you are a virgin and are waiting for the right woman sexually, my biggest question is how would you know if she was right? What would you compare it to? The pam anderson poster in the garage? Taylor Rains performance in a sex vid? Your hand?

Virginity makes sense when your young; your mentally immature and not fully aware of who you are as a person. Now, if your 30 and are afraid of women, and are not comfortable with yourself, damn, thats a few issues right there that should be dealt with before you ever lay pipe.

Thus, are you avoiding sex out of fear or is this really a choice you are making? There is a vast difference between being a virgin out of choice and then being a virgin because you can't get laid. Harsh but true.

Again, I am not trying to create a flame war and I'm sorry if anyone gets mad from my flawed observations; I just live in 'bizarro world' I guess.

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First of all, I'm not borned in this country. And when I first immigrated here when I was a teen, I had a very hard time adjusting culturally. I'm also very shy and concentrated on my study instead. I was in school for most of my life (to around 30 years old), and since I'm not a smart person, it has taken all my concentration to get to the Stanford University PhD program. (In fact, I studied at Stanford PhD program for 5+ years before I had to admit I'm just not smart enough and had to quit. But that's a long story and I'll leave it for another day). After school, I had to re-adjust some of my priorities. People have tried to set me up on dates and I've used the online-dating to try to find people. But it's still difficult for me to get to know someone well enough to want to sleep with her. You mentioned that it's strange someone would be interested in porn but not the sexual actitvity. Well, I don't think it's that I'm not interested in the sex. I like to think I fantasize about sex as much as the average guy. (most likely more ) But I'm just not interested in doing it indiscriminately with any girl.
I watch porn mostly as a fantasy element and partly to learn something so I would know how to please that special girl when the time comes.

One time, I let someone know I was still a virgin, her response was rather surprising to me. She said that I should just find a hooker and "get it over with." I'm not sure if she's speaking from her own fear of not being intimate with someone but I'm just not that desparate to loose my virginity to some hooker. I would like to experience sex with someone in this life. But if by some circumstances I don't meet any girl special enough, it's not a big deal. Life goes on.

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"The lover knows much more about absolute good and universal beauty than any logician or theologian, unless the latter, too, be lovers in disguise." - George Santayana

"To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life." - T.S. Eliot

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An experienced woman who knows what she likes and is not afraid to say so is a precious delight. Virginity in a woman is merely a correctable nuisance.

I do not regard myself as any kind of expert lover, but I have no fear of comparison. A willingness to listen to your partner and pay attention to her pleasure is worth more than a big pile of athletic expertise. Her previous partner may have done something better than me, but as long as I'm not scared to hear about it, there's always the chance that she might teach me the same skill.

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--

"The lover knows much more about absolute good and universal beauty than any logician or theologian, unless the latter, too, be lovers in disguise." - George Santayana

"To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life." - T.S. Eliot

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Edited by - daviangel on 5/18/2004 10:32:19 AM

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I know that my sexual die is now firmly cast and for many women I would make an undesirable sexual partner; at 16 I would have been a lot more malleable and many girls who would now not match up with me so well maybe would have done all those years ago? Same the other way round; if as you say 'virginity is merely a correctable nuisance' given that you yourself are 'marking the paper' who better to give the tutelage in the first place?

SNP.

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--

"The lover knows much more about absolute good and universal beauty than any logician or theologian, unless the latter, too, be lovers in disguise." - George Santayana

"To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life." - T.S. Eliot

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I have been in the position of educating a virgin only once, and for me the destination was better than the journey, but that isn't necessarily true for everyone.

Much of my enjoyment comes from discovering what the woman likes, and giving her pleasure. It's much more difficult to do that for a virgin. She doesn't know what she likes, can't tell you, and is scared to try most things anyway.

When you do make her happy, she still doesn't know she has the best. She's always left with a little nagging worry that maybe she's missing something. That maybe one of those other, taller, better looking or slimmer guys may have more to offer.

That makes me sound really insecure, though that's not how I meant it. I suspect such things would be far more of a bother to a guy who put a premium on her virginity in the first place.

Apologies for straying so far from the original topic of male virginity.

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