Someone I knew very well married an American lady a while back so I went over for the wedding. I got a pretty close up view of things and must have heard her and her friends spend hours and hours talking about how great the ring was, and how great the ceremony was going to be (and it was), while he hardly got a mention. They lasted two years. My opinion of American women was lowered a notch and the flood of moronic crap on TV hasn’t raised it any since, many, many honourable exceptions notwithstanding.

Beyond that stunning superficiality is the fact that it seems like around 90% of guys who satisy these criteria, cheat. Offhand I can’t think of anyone who does, and hasn’t. Oh hang on, Tom Hanks. There we go.

At school years ago I went to a party and for some reason made the comment, ‘I could never be dirt poor, and happy.’. And believed it. This nice, quiet girl in the group listening said ‘I could’ within a heartbeat, and I had just about never heard anyone sound so unshakably convincing about anything. I couldn’t get over it and stayed in touch with her. It seemed she had plenty of guys interested in her and the one she really loved had no money. He was getting over some gambling problems. Nobody could really figure out what she saw in him. I remember another guy telling me, utterly sure of himself, that they’d last 6 months, tops..

So her guy went on to university where he got average marks at best, and they had no money for years. He got an average job and they had three kids. She’s never worked but I run into them around town every now and then and each time am in awe of their happiness. It’s like they’re from a different world to everyone else I’ve ever met.

So thanks to her I’ve changed my mind. I could be dirt poor, and happy. It just might be possible.

Never underestimate the power of encouragement.

Edited by - meridian on Jun 19 2002

[Link]

Whatever happens Steph, you're sure to be forever better off than the wretched Ms Jacqueline Kim. She could put a guy off dating for life.

[Link]

"For his outfit I would give him about a B. As for looks, he was cute but on the shorter side and his hair was a little too long......So for looks, I would probably give him another B........A great car, he'll have to get and A for that....... He gets and A+ for his manners and politeness.... Overall general appearance will cap at a B+.................AS for the place we went to, another "A"........ The date kiss gets an "A".........
Actually I think all of would have appreciated how he called me out on my stupid logic of thinking "

Hopefully, he gave you an F for bad grammar AND an oxymoron.

"By the way, as for myself, I get an overall A+ for how damn cute I looked.....I was a BABE. He didn't stand a chance "

Let's see... you spend the night on his couch because you're too drunk to go home, and he doesn't make a move on you?
Another F. Miss Jackie has flunked Reality 101.

"Well, I hope you've enjoyed the day in the life of Miss Jackie Kim and please feel free to comment on my date, my outfit, the kiss, or whatever else. "

It was indeed thrilling, Miss Jackie. I have a few comments for you. First off, you forgot to grade his ass, you bimbo! How can you get a grade point average, when you forget the most important part!

Thanks, Meridian. I couldn't help but laugh, although I know it's really not funny.

[Link]

But being dirt poor is not what it's cracked up to be, either. While it's true money doesn't buy happiness, it does make life more enjoyable. Not having it made me worry MORE about it, unfortunately. It's only in the last 5 years that I've been able to enjoy some comfort and peace of mind, though I work hard for it.
I couldn't care less how much money a guy has, or if his hair is too long, or what kind of car he drives. Jesus. It's hard enough just to find someone who doesn't drive me nuts, isn't involved in a bitter custody battle and bathes once a week. That's all I ask!

[Link]

Meridian wrote:
I have a problem with the obsession typified by shows like The Nanny and Sex in the City that judge potential husbands only by their job, wealth and social status.
____________________________________________________________
That judgement is perfectly valid when the goal of marriage is to advance the family, not satisfy the individual. Had you lived in Victorian England you most likely would have been doing the same. I don't blame the girls for that, but in this day and age there seems to be an expectation that wealth and status are sufficient to make a happy marriage. Where did that come from? What about work and compromise and sacrifice ? At least the Victorians understood that wealth and status represented a foundation, not the end product. You still had to invest yourself in the marriage to make it work.
____________________________________________________________

Dumblonde wrote:
being dirt poor is not what it's cracked up to be, either..
____________________________________________________________
I've been dirt poor so I know that having no money sucks but, having lived in some really poor countries, I'm always astounded by what so many of my fellow Americans believe they must have to be happy. Of course, one of the other benefits of growing up outside the influence of the idiot box, uhh.. TV, is that my standard response to its blandishments is to give it the finger instead of going out and buying more junk in the misguided belief it will make me happy. I think, Miss Scarlett notwithstanding, it would do a lot of Americans good to be poor for a while...give them a better perspective; if not that, then wean them from the boob tube.. please!

Oh well, I see I'm rambling again.

Hardware

P.S. - Dumblonde, I'm not involved in a bitter custody dispute and I do bathe, but there's a 99% probability I'd drive you nuts!

[Link]

But what goes completely over my head is the 'give me gifts' talk. This must be an American thing. There are gifts that get women to sleep with you quickly? What are we talking about here; cars, jewellery? Handbags? I haven't asked around but really doubt that any of the guys I know would consider giving expensive gifts to someone they’d dated once. It seems incredibly tacky. You might as well write ‘if you keep this you know you gotta sleep with me now, right?’ on the card. Or, ‘this is so much classier than cash, isn’t it!’. Small, thoughtful gifts are great, and a modest bunch of flowers is nice but doesn’t anything a little beyond that reek of obligation? Am I missing something here? Maybe I'm more out of touch than I thought I was...

[Link]

Hardware

"Who knows what a far-flung space rube will spring for?" the Pagfeek Papers

P.S. Just because I pity her doesn't mean I'm stupid enough to try and "reform" her.

[Link]

From the article at Salon.com:
_______________________________________________
A lasting relationship isn't indicated merely by the fact that he opens doors and brings home the bacon and accepts an endless stream of demands without complaint. Real love grows from two people accepting each other beyond the confinement of outdated roles and societal notions of what constitutes a desirable mate.
________________________________________________

This was buried in a paragraph in the last page of the posting. It probably should have been highlighted, or put in bold.

I also agree with Hardware about getting weaned from the boob tube, or as one friend of mine used to call it “the electronic fishtank”. I have lived overseas and when I moved back to the U.S. and got my cable package I thought it was wonderful that instead of only two channels to choose from, I could have dozens. After clicking through a lot of the choices, I am astounded at the amount of total crap that is there that is not worth wasting my time on. I recently watched one episode of ‘Elim-a-date’, and that was the first, and LAST, episode I will tune in to.

Oops, I digress. Meridian in her second posting said:
_______________________________________________________
Someone I knew very well married an American lady a while back so I went over for the wedding. I got a pretty close up view of things and must have heard her and her friends spend hours and hours talking about how great the ring was, and how great the ceremony was going to be (and it was), while he hardly got a mention.
_______________________________________________________

I hear you! The ring, or ‘she has great legs’, or ‘a great set of boobs’, is just the icing on the cake. Don’t forget the cake because 20 years down the road the cake is what you are going to wake up to in the morning.

DenverDon

[Link]

Getting back to the thread and I think it's just a whole lot easier for people to describe people simply, in absolute terms. Say 'They're a doctor' and everyone goes 'Ooooh', who cares if his surname is Kervorkian. But say 'The look on their face when they see I've hurt myself almost stops heart' and nobody has any idea how to react to that. It's just weird, not done. Please step back into the box, we're getting a little edgy back in here.

Anyway, I'd also like to briefly announce that much of my lost faith on the topic of American women and marriage has been somewhat restored by some browsing through [ invalid url ], among many others at the brave but often very scary TOW forums (=the other women). It's incredible what sort of lives some people are really living out there. Whole Other World. Just goes to show you the crazy things that can happen to people who are foolish enough to waste any free time being away from their keyboards...

Not too sure why I've started reading that stuff, possibly just another one of those 'tendancies' I guess. All Under Control, let me assure you.

[Link]