Document as much of it as possible. Every time he shows up where he shouldn't, mention it to somebody so there is a string of witnesses. If he does anything at all that could be reported to police, do so to start the paper trail.
This way, if he gets worse, you have everything layed out for a restraining order. Better to be ready.

Consider a reasonable self defence course. A real one and not one of those that merely make you feel better without teaching you how to fight and get away.
Be more observant. A lot of crime (robberies, purse snatching, & worse) happens to people who could have avoided it if they were more in tune with their surroundings.
If you think he will try something more physical, consider getting a [http://www.packing.org]concealed carry permit. I don't know where you live, but there are different hoops to jump through with this one. There are also different moral and eithical issues to consider. If you go this route, you should get training in safety and usage.

[Link]

Lori Lust

lori lust

[Link]

Frankly, though, you'd do well to contact some reputable organizations instead of seeking opinions on a largely anonymous porn board . To be fair though I reckon Croy has handed you some of the best advice possible (baring the gun angle , but that's all down to personal preference) . The very best advice , and something you may already follow , is to be wary and try not to provoke him .

Fuck , I just love guys that give my gender a bad name ...

[Link]

advice? a friend of mine was being stalked once & she had a higher profile than normal so the investigators suggested she use a code phrase in her business transactions & that anyone without this phrase was a phoney. her agent had one that was considered 1st tier & everyone under had a 2nd tier phrase - for example, photographers, stylists or editors. it was odd to some, but after the quick explanation it was understood & they all helped this girl out by implementing this.

also visit a private investigator for info on how to protect yourself on the web. there are all kinds of privacy protecting software out there & a good p.i. would be able to figure out whats right for you.

getting a dog is agreat idea for personal home security & they make great life-long friends. hope this helps.

Edited by - kataboom on 8/12/2005 11:36:31 AM

[Link]

You need to find out in your state what laws he's violating (sounds like a few from your description) or may violate if he goes another step or two too far, as well as what your legal recourses to deal with him (you don't want to accidently violate the law yourself dealing with this guy).
You should find this out *first*, before you hire a PI.

There are two reasons for this. One, you will be able to hire the best PI for the job (you probably need one with heavy duty computer skills) and be able to tell him specifically what you need in order to report your stalker to law enforcement, get an injunction or restraining order on the guy, or slap a lawsuit on his ass. Two, with good legal guidance, you will know how to collect evidence in such a way you can use it in court and keep him from using the counter-argument that *you* are stalking *him*. May seem unlikely, but it happens more often than you would think.

If money is an issue, you may want to ask around for a lawyer. Usually someone knows some lawyer friend who would give some free/cheap advice or at least give you a good reference to a colleague. Don't be afraid to ask (very politely) what it will cost and negotiate the fee or payment options. Lawyers are often flexible in their fee structure and you don't need a top-shelf lawyer for advice on this kind of case.

The only thing that isn't clear is the nature of this guy. Many stalkers will get scared off at the threat of a lawsuit, arrest or say, exposure of their activities to their boss at work or family. Sometimes you have to act on the threat. Others will step up on their activities or go underground then return. Alot of things may happen and you have more of an insight into what he's likely to do more than any of us.

In any case, record EVERYTHING this man does in stalking you. Document and save. Write notes. Get witnesses. And talk to people more knowledgeable and trustworthy than some strangers on an internet porn board.

Good-luck!

[Link]

You need to sit down and write out things you both did together and tried to figure out what you are doing that is making him stalk you .

Have you told him the relationship is over?

Have you change your telephone number?

Have you giving him back the personal things he gave you. That will tell him its over .

I am not sure if he lives by you, but maybe you need to stay away from place's you both been together, or if you take a certain way each day , maybe its time to change that too.

I am not saying to change your life , because of him, but you need to also sit down and determin what am i doing to have my ex stalk me? Why is he not getting the message?

I think those are the best things to do to fix what going on with your ex.

I am no shrink but it isn't all his fault.

It aways take two to tangle, but you also have to relize that I am doing something to make him contiune this nightmare.

I just don't think getting the lawin·volve will solve this issue. Its you need to take the bull by the horn and STOP it, meaning figure out what you are doing to make him stalk you like this.

this is just my opinion

[Link]

For injunctions/restraining orders, a great resource is Womenslaw.org. I'm guessing you're in CA, so check [ invalid url ]. Otherwise, you can choose from a list of states in the left menu. There's a good link to resources for CA here, to get legal advice.

The reason I recommend going to a lawyer for advice, at least initially, is because you can quickly get an idea of all your options on what you can and cannot do as it specifically relates to your laws in your state. It is not that expensive to get a couple consultations with a lawyer. If you want a cheaper alternative, there are pretty cheap legal clinics that will give you advice (see the resource link above).

If you then know want you want to do and don't mind the research and leg work, you can do the work yourself. BUT, I really cannot emphasize enough that going to a professional initially will save you alot of headaches in the long run. Collecting the evidence, writing it up and going to court for a successful injunction takes work. And you need a strategy on what to do if the injunction doesn't work.

There's so many missassumptions about the law that it's a running joke not to take advice from law students. But I don't think I need to say that the professional route is always the safer bet and unless money is an issue, the one I'd recommend. Keeping in mind of course, I'm just a nobody on a public forum.

Edited by - girlindc on 8/12/2005 1:28:20 PM

[Link]

lawyer + police officer = p.i.

Edited by - kataboom on 8/12/2005 1:35:39 PM

[Link]

I am not sure if she has friends that are friends with him and if so she needs to stop talking about him to those friends .This only give him more wood for the fire. or also remove those friend from her life and find new ones.

I don't know nothing about both of there life's , but she wants to end she need to make up new rules and do it quick, because the long old rules are in place , it going to be harder and harder to make this nightmare go away.

She must be doing something to cause him to act like this.

She might ask him what he want from her but make it clean NO RELATIONSHIP .

You have to remember communcation is the must important part of being a human been.

this is just my opinion

[Link]

Also, like it or not, courts aren't the streets, and courts are where you go for legal recourse. Your best bet is a lawyer. If you are looking for investigative info, then it's a PI. They're NOT interchangeable. Neither are PIs and police officers.

I think it's fine to say whatever we want and we know this is just a public forum. But I wish people would look up the facts first if they are going to give advice on a real issue in someone's personal life.

[Link]

playing it safe i would say she might as well talk to both a lawyer & a p.i.

Edited by - kataboom on 8/12/2005 2:01:46 PM

[Link]

That said, there's been some good advice given here about a situation beyond your control. Go to the police, who will tell you where you legally stand and give you a list of resources -- probably the same given above by GirlinDC.

Consider moving. Yes, I know, that's giving in to him to a point. But move to a place where there's a lot of people around and/or increased security. Make him stick his neck out farther. Unless he's going off the deep end (really going off the deep end) maybe he'll think twice about possibly landing in jail.

[Link]

Kataboom, you ask what 50 lawyers are going to do for her personal safety. Nothing. Neither is a P.I. unless they also double as a bodyguard. That's not their job. The role of a lawyer is to provide a legal recourse to stop someone from doing something illegal. The role of a P.I. is to investigate a person and collect information. If she wants professional protection, she'd get a bodyguard which is way, way overkill in this case. Otherwise, she can talk to a variety of people regarding her personal safety.

A PI is an option as they are often (but not always, so it depends) from a law enforcement or military background. Police officers and self-defense instructors are probably your best bet on self-awareness, protective measures, self-defensive moves and items you can use to protect yourself. I am not crazy about dogs, myself. I have a good home security system, I've learned a few things in my years in the military and I'm an excellent shot with a couple handguns I keep in the house. I don't recommend this for everyone...that would be overkill for most people.

I personally think every woman should take a self-defense course and they'll give you good advice on how to stay safe.

[Link]

Its just not one gender that stalk on this earth.

That sounds so shallow

[Link]

I never ruled out getting a PI. I think they can serve a good purpose without turning them into superheroes. I suggested going to a lawyer first to find out the relevant legal regs and the skill-set she should be looking for in hiring a PI (probably more internet tracking rather than gun-toting) and precisely what she should be looking for to get the evidence to support an injunction/restraining order, a lawsuit, or report a legal violation.

[Link]

I disagree that this is purely a case of cyber stalking . If the individual in question has repeatedly visited the home of the thread starter and damaged her property that is sending a clear signal to me . And no , I don't mean that he wants to physically harm her , I'm not looking to turn this into some hysterical situation . But it's clear that simply hiring someone to check his internet records and visiting a lawyer will not be the right call . VISIT THE POLICE .

Guard dogs are good against opportunist burglars , and strangers in general , but for someone who is obsessed and puts their mind to it they are less effective .

[Link]

Yes. It always two sides to a story. It was this woman I
fell in love with. She pursued a relationship with me for
awhile before I finally got involved with her. Well, I
ended up falling head over heals for her & when she got
bored with me. She dumped me like I was trash.

I was extremly nice to her & we never argued about anything&
even gave her multiple orgasms EVERY time we had sex. She
decided that she experimented with me & it was time to move
on. Even after we would spend alot of time together
becoming friends, working out togther, etc..... I was
excited about this girl & she just turned on me in a very
cold-blooded way.

I never thought it would be a day in my entire life when
I would slash a lover's tires. I did it to all four of
hers. Enough where they had to tow her vehicle. I sent
her a text that if I ever saw her again...she will be
confronted.

She doesn't run at a very popular park here in town any-
more because she might run into me. Her whole jogging
routine is down the toilet. She has to run somewhere
else.

Call me a stalker BUT you don't fuck around with people's
emotions & heart. That can be a dangerous game. If all
you want is to fool around, state that from the beginning
& don't lead people making them believe it's much more.

It's been a few months & I still hate the bitch. I'm at
ease knowing that I did fuck up her routine a bit. Phony
bitch.

That's why when I read this post I was like "Yeah. It's
Two Stories To Every Side. What Did She Do To Him"???

[Link]

ok seriously though - all males should just suck it up & walk away. if you have confidence in yourself, you know the world is filled with beautiful women who all have the ability to love. we are all humans. if she doesnt want to be with you, then move on.

[Link]

Backup all you docs and wipe your system and the way down to the master boot record and reinstall everything - have a tech do it if necessary - if he has ever had access to the system when you were together I am almost positive he has something installed to snoop on you.

If he did not have direct access, it is a little more difficult to get into your system and take it over, but anyone with some skills can slip something in via email.

Be on guard - install spyware and trojan detectors and sweep your system daily. If this is all portugese to you then hire someone who knows about it that you can trust to set you up and show you how to sweep your system.

This is ditto for all on the forum with jealous ex's that moonlight as computer geeks - if you knew just how easy it was to capture everything you do on your system...right down to chat... you would immediately put your system under a microscope.

[Link]

Getting the police involved it totally appropriate if laws are being broken.
Having to change addresses, phone numbers, etc. is totally unreasonable. These are not things you do when you break up with normal people.

[Link]

Make sure your friends know. If you do change your address/phone number, they are not to give it away to anybody, these things get around.
Check the locks, windows, and doors. Anything that can be easily broken or gimmicked needs to be changed or reinforced. If you can't do this yourself or don't know somebody you really trust to do it, have it done by a professional.

Don't make the mistake of thinking the guy is harmless. These guys escalate.

Lori/Lee O: guns are always an option of last resort, no matter what.

[Link]

<cuckoo> <cuckoo>

[Link]

Lori Lust
www.lorilustxxx.com

lori lust

[Link]

Lori lust

www.lorilsutxxx.com

lori lust

[Link]

Lori Lust
www.lorilustxxx.com

lori lust

[Link]

She has calls my boss and tried to get me in trouble .

She even cut a roots of a small tree in my backyard so she can look into my window. I even re seeded the tree three times and she keep on knocking the tree down. Then I got feed up and called the police and told she was trespassing on my land and I told the police i had a witness across the street. I told the police also i am tired of her harassing me and said i am nice person and I could threw her ass in jail for trespassing, but if she leave me alone then i will not file law suite against her fat ass!

This has been going on for at least 4 years . She will even sit by her front window, shade wide open in the mornings and hang on her window to watch me leave for work and she'll even sit on her front step. smoking and drinking coffee and will watch everybody coming in and out of my drive way and stair them down.. This d**e is a looser.

I am not sure what this D**E is planning next !!!

to add a small not to this. I had no problem with this lady when she moved in, but what made me upset was she took it one step and called my boss . I would of been friends with her, but she seem she need to be recognized in a higher scale for some type of reason.

Edited by - hard4u on 8/13/2005 1:43:03 PM

[Link]

A few quick questions:

1.) Do you have a protective order against him?
2.) Are you documenting everything he does? This is seriously necessary. Printouts of his attacks and the URL and access codes are strong evidence in court. Log everything.
3.) You could sue him for libel, but here's the hard cold truth...being a porn actress, it may be harder to sue in court and win. Certain things could qualify - if he accuses you of criminal acts or HIV+ status or similar - but there's a higher level because you are a public figure and you do do controversial stuff. It's hard to sue a guy, for example, for calling you a slut when slut's in your e-mail account and you do porn. Not saying you are one.
I am not judging here, Lori. I'm just stating the way courts see this stuff.

Do you have any questions I can ask my lawyer friends for you?

Please be well.

[Link]

I hope you're offering your advice freely, knowing that Lori may very well not be interested in dating. Things like stalking make a girl (rightfully so) more cautious about other people.

[Link]

Without going into any real grotesque details, my Mom was stalked when I was a kid. We found dead animals in our car, her car was hit by the stalker's car, and he even smashed a large bay window while I was sleeping beneath it. I woke up with cuts - no scars - and my family was terrified. I was just a kid.

We finally convinced the stalker to leave us alone not through a protective order, but by hitting him with an alumninum baseball bat and aiming a shotgun at him.

I spent about a year in counseling because my life started resembling a slasher movie, where the guy would call and tell me I'd be dead by 16, or show up on our porch, or jump out from corners and tell us how he was going to kill my entire family. Wound up catching pneumonia from the stress. Missed half a year of school, and the only reason I graduated on time is, I was already in the advanced classes.

So I do have some serious empathy for girls who have been stalked, and I've tried to act in a way which is feminist and activist to help prevent stuff like that from happening to other women and kids. Perhaps I am a nice guy. Perhaps I am fighting the battles I had as a kid over again. Who knows?

The complete truth is, I am a lawyer, and I'm working with other lawyers on this internet stalking prevention presentation. It's not done yet, and I realistically don't think it'll be done until late fall because it's a lot of info to assemble. I just asked for an e-mail addy (although if there's dedicated webspace here I could submit it as a help to all the porn girls) so I could send it.

I would like to help Lori - not from any ulterior motive, but just because helping stalked and or abused women is something I've always tried to do. It's a cause I believe in.

Now, as far as dating porn girls, yes, I've asked how one asks out an actress before. I'm friends with two current actresses, and have been friends with/dated strippers and escorts before. The reason I asked is, as I said, I find girls who work in the sex industry to be refreshingly honest and pragmatic. That, as well as their looks, is attractive. The potential for jealousy is short-circuited on both sides - unless you're Lori's stalker - and that's a good thing.(I got stabbed in the shoulder once when I was 19 by a drunk girl who thought - wrongly - I was cheating.)

And point blank: one gets a little sad from hearing about porn actress upon porn actress who has the boyfriend who can't handle the fact his friends saw her in "Sorority Chick Gangbang #145" or treats her like a moron when she isn't, or worse - abuses her, hits her, takes her money, forces her into acts she doesn't want to do, has an addiction, yada yada yada.

Fact is, I know the score...I know it is exceedingly unlikely for a porn actress who's living on the West Coast to be interested in a lawyer in the Midwest. But I asked one day out of whimsy - a sort of "what the hell? See what happens..." - and was unsurprised when nobody replied. If I ever do hook up with an actress, it'd be cool...but that depends on two people liking one another and meeting one another...and I am unsure how or when to do that and not come off like an utter fanboy when I'm not.

(I really, seriously haven't bought a porn DVD or rented one in years...I just have friends who do porn. My one friend sent me one of her movies...and I have yet to watch it.)

So, as far as an agenda...I have none. Just trying to help. Seriously. And I'm sorry for inadvertently hijacking so much of Lori's thread with this.

Hang in there Lori. I hope all is well.

[Link]

When a civil restraining order is issued, someone's liberty is taken away, and courts do not do that lightly.

[Link]