What I have learned from watching Porn

1. Women wear high heels to bed

2. Men are never impotent

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with semen.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy f##ks.

11. People in the 70’s couldn’t have sex unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.

14. Men always groan “OH YEAH” when they cum.

15. If two men are having sex with one girl, they will always give each other a high five, and the girl will never be disgusted.

16. Double penetration always makes women smile.

17. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend wont bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriends mouth.

18. There is a plot

19. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

20. Nurses suck patient’s cocks.

21. Men always pull out

22. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before f##king the both of you.

23. Women never have headaches or periods.

24. When a woman is sucking a mans cock, it’s important for him to remind her to “suck it”.

25. Assholes are clean

26. A man ejaculating on a woman’s butt is a satisfactory result for all parties concerned.

27. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trousers and find a cock there.

28. Men don’t have to beg.

29. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.

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