Anyways, he likes to watch porn, or he must be watching porn to get off? Because those are two different things.

If he is just watching a lot of porn, it doesn't mean he isn't happy with you, many guys just like to look.
Otherwise maybe he just needs to have the visual trigger because he has watched so much porn before.

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If your sex life suffers as a result (like he's too tired to fuck but not too tired to j/o in front of the tv, or he needs porn running while you two are getting it on), something's wrong. You need to talk it out. Maybe with professional counselling.

If you're just jealous or feeling inadequate--don't. Try looking at it as part of healthy diet that requires some j/o time with a favorite magazine or dvd.

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If you mean you still have a sex life where he gets off but he *also* watches porn to get off, I wouldn't worry about it too much. For most guys porn is fantasy and they know that and they know that's only one part of their sex life. It's just the part of his sexuality where he gets to have fun on his own.

Fergus

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Edited by - fergus on 1/19/2007 7:28:50 AM

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Your post is vague about the problem you're having.

If the two of you are having good and frequent sex and you feel, because of that, that your guy shouldn't also need to jack-off to porn sometimes, then you should realize that most men require sexual alone time as well as sexual couples time. It's not a negative reflection on your attractiveness to him, merely his expression of a separate need.

He may also be using porn to experience a style of sex or sexual scenarios that he doesn't feel can be played out in your relationship. Communication and a willingness to experiment might be a solution.

If he can't get aroused/perform/cum without watching porn because he's become habituated to the visual stimulation, he's got a kind of mechanical problem. Lindi's right -- for starters, he needs to lay off the porn for awhile and let his sexuality become re-calibrated to reality and partner sex.

On the other hand, he may be using porn as a way of avoiding you or punishing you. If so, you have a more complicated problem on your hands. Likewise, if he feels that partner sex is too demanding and he wants to get off all the time in a lazy, disconnected way.

The problem the two of you are having may be a combination of two or more of the above -- or something else entirely. I'd begin by telling him that you're feeling inadequate and/or that you miss him. Then try to talk things out.

Good luck!

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Also, I am curious to know if he has a specific genre that he is drawn to.

As a performer in the adult industry, getting paid to fuck, you must know that this complicates your personal relationships all the way around. Nevertheless, your boyfriend needs to learn how to make love to you. I don't know how old either of you are, but boys don't become men until they are pushing 30. Get my drift?

Good luck sweetheart!

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Have you suggested watching together? On the other hand, if you are friendly to each other but the passion isn't there, things need to be worked out. If not, maybe you two make better friends than lovers.

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Have you told him all this? Take a stab at explaining how you feel in just two or three sentences, and see first if he's open to discussing it (he may not be). Try not to get negative with it -- Let him know that you miss some of the things that you like him to do, or more like, "I'd really get turned on if you wouldn't take no for an answer sometimes..." Or whatever.

Or maybe you could take a little 3 day weekend at a resort (or someplace) with no porn. Is there a place with no porn?

Otherwise, things are decaying in your relationship, from your perspective, and you have to decide what you want to do if you can't get things back on track. Because it sounds like he's unwilling to expend a lot of energy on another person.

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Another thing, men are sometimes clueless to how a woman perceives things. The questions you are asking us are the questions you should be asking him! Don't sit back and see if he can figure it out on his own, most men aren't that smart. Being open about everything makes for a much stronger bond. If you allow this to continue to build up, the outcome could be devastating to your relationship.

Edited by - Twizted6 on 2/5/2007 1:20:41 PM

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I can tell if she's clearly not. Otherwise, I make my move and try to get her going. If she responds it's all good. More often than not she doesn't respond, but that's her issue.

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It might be that he isn't okay with you being in porn either. Have you really talked to him about that? How long was your relationship before you were in porn? Early on, people are always in the mood because the relationship is new. Now it isn't so new, so some of that is normal. But maybe he feels like he has to try because you are in porn and maybe inside he feels like you don't want him as much. Let's face it, your profession is a relationship stress-tester.

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I tend to give up easily with women because my observation with them has always been that once they make up their mind about something, they're damn stubborn about it and aren't likely to change it. Men are taught not to push an issue with women from a young age.

So, he may just think it's pointless to try and get you in the mood if you say you aren't. He may not even realize you're open to him trying to get you in the mood.

Then, he could just have things going on in his own mind or with his body that he doesn't feel comfortable revealing to you.

Another thing. Men need masturbation. It's just a male thing. Don't ask why because we don't know ourselves. It just is. It's very odd that he'd rather masturbate than be with you. though.

Anther possibility. Maybe he doesn't want to see you in the same way he does the porn girls. Maybe he'd rather his relationship with you be tender and gentle. I know that I've wrestled with that issue in the past. When I'm with a girl I care about, I'm not all about anal, blowjobs and hardcore stuff. I'd rather just hold her and make love to her. But I still need the hardcore stuff to get off. I just don't want to see her that way or treat her that way because I have deeper feelings for her. That's confusing. I don't get it either but there you go.

Or, it's always possible that he's just a jerk.

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I won't go into all the details but I can't perform with my spouse despite the fact we love each other very much. I'm totally comfortable with her and we share everything but my semen. We are physical though, we hug and kiss constantly, but no sex. Early on in our relationship I worked very hard have a sex life with my spouse, but the problem even defeated 100mg viagra.

I can only perform with porn or with a woman with which I have no emotional connection at all. This isn't helped by the fact that I have severe social phobia. I can only meet people indirectly at first, say through a swingers web site.

I'm very fortunate my spouse (we're really not married) is understanding and lets me loose.

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Am I correct?

WGK

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Substitute his porn collection ( when he's not looking ) To All 100% Vivid titles. Throw in a few Adam and Eve ones too. Get rid of anything that show's D.Ps, and gonzo stuff.

He's so jaded at this point, that you need to fight fire with fire.

Or if all else fails dump the guy. And find one of those young Amish dudes. Whenever they have that festival where they're allowed to go out into the world and fornicate. Hey these guys have never even seen a nipple.

If you just show one of these Amish men one your nipples, they would probably blow a load right there in their pants.

But the key is to make him so sick of watching porn, that he gives up for awhile.

Or take a trip to a deserted island and dissappear for a few months with your man. Watch Globe Trekker for some good ideas on where to go. Your man will turn into Tom Hanks in the movie Castaway.

Another way would be to invite one of your hot girlfriends over for some 1 on 1 female play time. That would turn him on. And if that doesn't work just throw him in the dumpster, and go with the Amish route.

Oh and buy some Jesus statues. Place those all around the bedroom. Especially right next to his porn stash. And put one on top of the T.V. Also get a picture of Jesus where he's staring right down at him at an angle. And that would make him turn off the porn. Hope that helps.

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