1) No one likes a Domly Dom. Be humble and recognize what you don’t know. Arrogance causes injury. Injuries cause bad reputations.
2) Start with skills you have,build on them and be confident in them.
3) Don’t go buy a ton of biker leather. You’ll look like an idiot and people will laugh at you. If you are interested in the Leather community there are reasons and rules regarding what to where, when and why. Otherwise, dress according to club rules. If jeans and t-shirts are okay, then that is all you need.
4) Please don’t try to be a bad ass. This too will get you laughed at. There are people in the kink community that would scare the living hell out of the Devil himself and you won’t know who is who. Some of those people will seem very sweet and unassuming. And some of the more intimidating people really are sweet.
5) Want to learn some new tricks? Don’t be afraid to ask. Just make sure you wait until a scene, aftercare and clean- up is finished. Most Doms and Tops are more than happy to show off their toy collections and share what we know and have learned from our own experiences.
6) Be polite. Do not assume that you can condescened to another Dom/Top’s partner. Even if he/she is a slave, that does not make them YOUR slave. Submissive and slaves are people too and they deserve politeness and good manners. Which brings me to another point…
7) KNOW THE RULES OF YOUR CLUB. Some groups are very laid back and people simply observe basic manners and other groups are high protocol. Learn the difference and learn which type of group you are dealing with.
8) Play with people with more experience than you. Those experienced in the scene will know bullshit when they see it. Don’t let your alligator mouth override your hummingbird ass. Don’t get your ego involved when someone can get hurt from it. Play with someone experienced who can give you feedback. Co-Top when you are exploring a new kink. Be someone’s assistant until you feel confident about your new skill. This is where finding a good mentor who shares the same kinks as you comes in handy.
9) Never be afraid to ask for someone to monitor a scene with someone new… or any time. Most dungeon monitors, Doms and Tops won't mind. You will also earn a good reputation in the community for knowing your limits. Plus, if anything happens, you have a witness to the fact you were being careful.
10) Don’t max out your credit card buying toys. There is no reason for this. Some toys look really cool but they can get very expensive. My favorite toys are pervertables you can find any store like bamboo spoons, ping-pong paddles, chip clips, clothes pins, etc. A really good duffle bag can be used as a toy bag. You will soon discover which toys and supplies are a must-have.
Basic Negotiation 101:
-What are you looking to get out of this scene?
-What are your hard limits?
-How much sexual contact is allowed?
-Do you have any medical concerns I need to know about? Past injuries, bad back, poor circulation, medications, etc.
-Can I leave marks? If so, where?
-What kind of toys do you like?
-What is your safe word?
-Are you able to verbalize during a scene? Do you need hand signals if you get non-verbal?
-What type of aftercare do you require?
You are going to make mistakes. Grow from it. Learn to own up to it, apologize, and find out how to prevent it from happening again. Ask for feedback after scenes from observers, your bottom, other Dom/Tops, etc…. And learn to take constructive criticism. If you injure someone, show compassion and do your best to make it up to them.
Want to be black-balled from a club or black-listed in the community?
-Play high or drunk.
-Fail to acknowledge safe-words.
-Push or break your partner’s hard limits.