i found this story on an activist twitter link. i didnt write it but the first parts of it i can connect with. i guess you can ignore the latter parts
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I was addicted to pornography, in every possible way. It was sickening, I would sit in front of the computer screen like an idiot for hours drooling, while watching images rotate. I was sick, by every stretch of the word. At one point, I became depressed and the only thing that I would look forward to was the ease and deceptive simplicity of pornography.
It was difficult for me to build personal relationships with women, because they seemed very complicated compared to the On Demand nature of porn. It got worse and worse, I would sit in my room for hours doing nothing but watching.
One day, it all fell apart. I began to notice how irritable I would become when I was not watching pornography. I began to notice how all my relationships were breaking down. Pornography was isolating me as a human being. It was fragmenting my experience of life. It was weakening my instincts. It was turning me into a reflexive pathetic creature reacting to sexual images on a manufactured screen.
Those who tell you that pornography empowers are usually pedaling it. Those who tell you that pornography is freedom have never sat down in a room for 12 hours attached to a screen.
Then at some point last year, a friend told me to accompany her to a political protest. The excitement, the freedom of hearing people, alive, in the streets, seeing the world differently. The excitement of wanting to be something higher than a consumer of drugs, of stuff, of pornographic images.
Something triggered inside of me, and I have not consumed pornography since then. When I feel that loneliness, that isolation, I contact my comrades to start a new project, a new idea, of attaching this sick consumptive system. Every time I feel alone, I resist, I rebel, I use my mind and spirit to destroy the legitimacy of the broken system.
Since then, I have also met a woman and we are seeing each other. She’s a radical as well and I can say with assuredness that I have never felt better in my entire life. I have never felt more alive, more aware, more alert, more ready!
Long live the revolution!