DenverDon

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To address your topic, almost anything that becomes a total obsession, be it porn, sports, or even work (workaholic) could be a reason to seek therapy or help.

If things achieve a balance in your life with other interests and needs, then having a very strong desire for one particular activity is not bad. But the key word is balance.

I do become somewhat concerned though, if someone would become obsessed with porn - as an example - but has never experienced sex in real life. That could be a concern for when or if the person actually ventures into attempting to establish a relationship. A lot of communication between the individuals would be pretty well necessary to make sure it doesn't slam into a brick wall.

DenverDon

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I love women so much. Pornography is an excellent way for me to collect and catalogue a library of beautiful women performing nasty acts.
Once I see a box cover or read about a gorgeous lady performing a nasty act, normally through an ADT review. I have to, or try to own that particular title.
Am i addicted? I don`t think so. I think I have a deep passion for pornography. I am an Aficionados, as are so many of the ADT members.

SAMURAI DAI

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SAMURAI DAI

p.s. English was never my strong subject at school. I hope that you get an impression of what I am getting at, at least.

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Many, indeed I would think nearly all, successful politicians, businessmen, musicians and scientists are thoroughly obsessed with what they do.I think obsessiveness is actually part of the human condition.

An obsession is only a problem if it is unwanted or restricting in ways that impact negatively on your life. You hear of these crazies who compulsively wash their hands raw dozens of times every day, or become prisoners of a compulsion to clean or organise.

My view is that you should treat your obsession like smoking: enjoy it or quit it. To indulge and feel guilty for doing so is the worst of both worlds.

SNP.

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For other people it may be also that porn is just not a hobby you typically discuss with friends and family so you find somewhere you can.

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I have a love/hate relationship with porn. I don't agree with much of society's popular view on sex and sexuality, and I find much of porn biased, one-sided, and offensive (Read: society and porn are warped, I'm the one that's healthy.) I'm quite selective in what I choose to acquire and view. My motivations for watching porn may or may not be the same as yours, but I do watch a lot of it.

Millions of people watch porn. Why is it that the number of people on a forum like this is only measured in thousands, and the number of people actually posting are a fraction of that? I didn't even know this site existed until I stumbled on it in a search result a couple of weeks ago. Some people are content with who they are and where they are at. Fewer people question things and look to expand their horizons, especially in the area of sex. I think -lunacy- got it right in saying that porn is just not a hobby you typically discuss with friends and family so you find somewhere you can. This also applies to deep conversations on sex and sexuality. Our current western society is still quite inhibited (and homophobic) about sexual expression.

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Isn't there a triangle of needs or something which suggest the first need is heat and warmth, then food and shelter and then sex (or something like that)?

SNP.

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I think I have confused this heirarchy with a lecture I heard from the abrasively outspoken zoologist Richard Dawkins. Dawkins discussed the order in which these things are required and sought (heat and warmth should have read heat and water, ha ha, I only just noticed that).

SNP.

Edited by - Sir Noel Plum on 4/8/2003 7:19:51 PM

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Yesssssss!!!

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Edited by - Bob on 4/14/2003 1:36:28 AM

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I had a conversation the other day with Andrew Blake. Blake told me how when he shoots a subject he has to be completely obsessed with her. That obsession comes through on film.

I think any good pornographer is going to have some level of obsession in them.

--
Kevin Moore
www.stunningcurves.com
kevin@stunningcurves.com

Edited by - kevin moore on 4/14/2003 2:21:56 PM

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You and I are in absolute agreement that IT IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM for someone to choose to engage in any activity (including something like watching porn that, in and of itself, is good) to the point where it becomes unhealthy, because the excessiveness of the behavior interferes with one's living a whole and balanced life -- or worse, where one experiences a complete (or significant) loss of control to the extent that no "choosing" appears to be going on at all.

One seeming point of disagreement with you, and it's a relatively small one given that we're not engaged in group psychotherapy in these forums, is my feeling that using the word "addiction" too loosely can lead to the point where it loses any specific meaning outside of "excessiveness" and "out-of-controlness" -- problems for which mental-health professionals have a wider variety of diagnostic and therapeutic constructs, depending on the particular behaviors and contexts.

About twelve years ago, my wife and a former couples therapist that we were seeing (both of whom dislike porn) had ME convinced that I was a "sex addict" because I watched porn often. As I still harbored a lot of shame and guilt around sex at that point in my life, I allowed this label to be imposed upon me and, at their insistence, I began to attend Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) meetings. After a few months, however, I realized that I had not been watching porn excessively, that porn had not interfered with my ability to function well in my work, that porn had not led to economic instability, and that porn had not resulted in any collateral "acting out" on my part.

On the other hand, most of the people in "the program" had intractable problems that THEY wanted to deal with, such as infidelity to spouses (whether through affairs or with prostitutes) or even more serious problems, such as child molestation and "flashing". These problems had led to terrible damage to innocents, legal sanctions, divorces, losses of jobs, economic ruin, etc. Whether even my fellow SAA members' destructive behaviors constituted "addictions" remains an open question that I'm not going to address here.

However, I stopped going to SAA meetings. That did not solve the relationship/sex problems in my marriage, which my wife and I are still hard at work on. Ultimately, though, my wife and I changed therapists and agreed that OUR relationship/sex problems were bi-lateral problems and that I was not the "identified patient" in the relationship.

None of this is to say that the frequency with which I watch(ed) porn and the reasons I watch(ed) porn did not (and do not) require scrutiny -- far from it.

As I wrote in an earlier thread,

Your having started this topic is great, the questions you have asked are significant ones, and you have caused me to think hard -- so I'm respectful of and grateful to you. Thanks!

Edited by - Bob on 4/14/2003 3:42:30 PM

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That's a really nice thing to say! Thanks, bro!

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