This is such a bizarre topic. But, I'll wade into the waters. A couple thoughts: (1) Anyone going to any great length to figure out a porn star's real name is a few pills shy of a refill of Prozac. (2) I used to live on Manhattan's Upper East Side. I remember walking out of my building one night and seeing Paul Sorvino emerge from the shadows. Rather spontaneously, I said "Hello" though I did not stop and continued on my way. He replied in kind and that was that. I'd probably do the same if I ever crossed paths with Jenna Haze. I don't think there's any harm in a simple "Hello" as long as you aren't going out of your way to deliver it. (3) Public figures are going to garner all kinds of attention - including that of the unwanted variety. They need to have thicker skins. That's simply part of the price of celebrity. (4) Personally, I think porn stars should probably just use their real first names and a false last name. It just seems strange to me to go through life answering to two completely different names.
This thread kind of befuddles me. Yeah, that’s right I said befuddles. It seems pretty simple, just be respectful. I am sure more people know when to use caution when greeting people in the industry. Then again I live in a tiny Midwestern town so I don’t see many porn stars in the produce section at the grocery store. For me personally I never really say a person’s name when I see them. It’s the standard “Hi, how are you” or “What’s Up Man” type of thing.
Do what I do. I never remember anyone's name, even if I've known them most of my life (people really hate that about me). So, I just say "hey!" and let them do whatever talking they want to do, or don't want to do. That way people always feel comfortable around you, because you've tailored the interaction to fit exactly to their comfort level at that moment, in that place. That's why people like me (except for the not-remembering-names thing). Oh, and I've never met a pornstar, but if I did, I imagine I'd treat it as a no-chance-in-hell situation (in terms of having a conversation), unless I met them for some specific reason other than them doing porn, and therefore had that other thing to talk about. I'd probably have to tell them at some point that I recognized them from porn, just so I didn't feel like I was misrepresenting myself; but only after quite a while through the conversation, and I'd do it in a pretty subtle way. Something like "so, I have to be honest, I recognize you from your work." and leave it at that, ready to say something non-porn-related, and if they wanted to continue talking about porn, then they could do that. I think that sounds pretty reasonable, anyway. Thoughts?
I am not totally sure that not mentioning porn qualifies as being dishonest or as misrepresenting yourself. It's an interesting thought though. I think depending on the situation and assuming I was able to establish some sort of dialog, I may actually not mention that unless of course it's porn-related event or she asks about it directly. I will definitely mention it if it's somebody I've talked to online, like here, for example. Edited by - Zoid on 5/15/2008 8:33:24 PM
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CrouchingBear Deactivated User
299 Posts 5/08
Posted - May 15 2008 : 9:41PM
One concern might be that should you mistake a "civilian" for an actual porn star and then compliment this woman on her sex videos, she's likely to go home and beat the crap out of her boyfriend/husband - "You said you were filming me for only YOU to watch!"
^That's funny. Funny because she actually believed her husband. ;)
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Taylor Von Bailey Deactivated User
2116 Posts 8/06
Posted - May 16 2008 : 12:22AM
It's probably not appropriate to approach a pornstar in public and talk to her about her job. As for calling her by her name and if she doesn't even know who you are it would seem very uncomforable and bothersome for the girl. I would never call her by a name or approach her and talk about her scenes in public. I'm sure a plumber or a doctor wouldn't want to be approached by some stranger and be asked a bunch of questions about their jobs or whatever. I don't really know any girl's real name and I wouldn't care to know unless she would rather it be that way. Anyway, if you're a hot pornstar and you want me to call you by your real name I'm there for you.
That's one of the most awesome things I've read here. To answer the question, the few that I talk to off board, I call them by their stage names. It's more respectful and doesn't step on anybody's toes. If they tell you to call them by their real name, then do that. Just call them by what they want to be called. If there's any doubt on if you should call them by their real name, then don't. That's just not kosher. Like someone else said, if someone wanted me to call them God or Poopy Pants or something else instead of their stage name I would. You have to respect the lady's wishes. They're the stars here, not you/me.
If one can't deal well with being recognized, porn or any public arena is simply not the right career path. As far as the name goes, Sandy has it right. Use your real first name and a fake last.
Thank You ever so kindly. ___________________________________________________________ "There can never be too many beautiful women Hypnotized for our pleasure."
Pagoda, I know this response is out of the blue and late but I wanted to respond to it because I think your post here really brings the heart of the matter into sharp focus and it's worth discussing. I think, perhaps, a big part of the problem is exactly what you pointed out. A lot of men (maybe most) just have no frame of reference. Many of us just don't know how a woman feels if a particular guy gives a little too much unwanted attention. We spend most of our time trying to figure out how to get women to even notice we're alive so we just don't get it when we pay a woman a compliment and she seems offended or something. It can be hard to relate. Stalking is a strange thing that isn't well understood. I'm not even sure all stalkers realize they're freaking the object of their obsession out. It could even be that most of them are harmless but their persistence and their behavior just scares people. There are a lot of delusional disorders. It doesn't necessarily make someone dangerous but I completely understand why it's disturbing. The sad thing is, they probably don't understand why it's disturbing. Perhaps the most disturbing thing about it is they are usually pretty normal and you often can't spot them right off the bat. That is, they generally conduct themselves (as you said) in a cordial manner and they don't usually behave strangely or in any way that would seem immediately threatening. It's only later, once some kind of switch flips in their head that they begin to show their true colors. And indeed, there's a fine line between flirting and stalking. And usually, the line seems to be drawn between whether or not the advances are welcome. But that isn't always the case either because some women actually don't mind being pursued while others do. These are people who have issues with the line between appropriate and inappropriate anyway so they're easily confused. Now I'm sure there are some stalkers who know exactly what they're doing and they get off on knowing their prey isn't interested and is, in fact, freaked the fuck out. But I think we're getting to the point to where a lot of men are just confused. We don't know how to act anymore because it's gotten to the point to where expressing any interest at all makes us feel like a stalker. Obviously, traditionally, the male has been the one who is supposed to make the first move so it can be a big question mark if you're a shy guy and you see a woman you like but she doesn't seem to notice you. Is it OK to talk to her and let her know you're interested or will she think you're creepy? A lot of us are nice guys who would never stoop to stalking. The problem seems to be that women have so many men making passes at them that they're bound to have a few bad experiences here and there. Clearly, the guy you mentioned was way over the line and one can only guess what his issues were. I just hope the fact that those few guys are out there doesn't lead to things getting to the point to where a man can't flirt with a woman without freaking her out. Because we're not all like that. I'm sure you know that but I'm just saying. Having said all of that. You do have a point. If I was a woman, I wouldn't want my last name (or any highly personal info, for that matter) available to the general public. I did have a girl stalk me once. I wasn't scared of her or anything but it was just uncomfortable. Anyway. To comment on the overall topic of the thread (again), I can imagine that porn girls probably get all kinds of truly creepy fan mail so their desire to remain somewhat anonymous is perfectly understandable. Edited by - randomprecision on 5/16/2008 9:12:01 AM
Here's how I handle these sort of celebrity situations, both inside and outside of the porn world - and before I begin I can honestly tell you I have never, ever had a single problem or awkward moment with anyone by following what I think is a simple, common-sense approach to dealing with celebs of all types: First off, I am a personal friend of my all-time favorite Playboy Playmate, who has been working in Daytime television for the past eight years. She and I had written back and forth a couple of times before I met her in person at a fan event. I've visited her quite a few times since. I'll not say who, but it's not that tough to figure out, especially when I tell you her birthday is one week from today, and I'm pretty sure the studio where she works will be expecting my usual birthday bouquet to help brighten her special day. Anyway, by going to see my friend at various public events, I've also gotten to know many of her co-stars over the years. I am on a first-name basis with a lot of them, while others I've only met briefly once, but in all cases I use their real names, rather than their characters' names - and I find the celebs appreciate that. Several times, I have been present when fans will try to get the celeb's attention by calling them by their character's name. Often the celeb will ignore those who do not use their real name, or at best they give the fan the briefest of polite acknowledgements. Not everyone working in Daytime uses their given name, but many of them do, even if it's their legally changed name. However, it is very different when it comes to the sex industry. I have met a handful of very well-known stars in the adult arena. I have also gotten to know many girls who are working, or have worked, at a couple of strip clubs in my area. Some of the girls currently working as dancers were friends of mine before they started stripping, so I already knew their real names, while others I didn't know beforehand, but they feel comfortable enough with me that I know them by their stripper name and their real name. In all of these situations, whether I'm at a fan event or just relaxing at a local club, I always address the lady by her stage name, no matter if I happen to know her real name or not...with only two exceptions: in personal E-mails between the lady and myself, or if she and I are completely alone together(and even then I'll say her real name quietly, just in case someone else is nearby and we don't notice right away). Especially when it comes to the big-name celebs in the adult industry, I don't even know their real names - but even if I did, I'd still use their public names while in public every time. I extend this courtesy to well-known celebs I've met, such as Sunny Leone and Tera Patrick, to the local girls who take up stripping to help pay the bills. To do otherwise, in my view, would be assuming too much at best - and possibly dangerous for the lady at worst, should some stalker overhear our conversation and learn personal information about the woman he's fixated on he didn't have before. If that were to ever happen, I would feel horrible, especially if I knew for a fact it was my fault the girl's identity was revealed to the wrong person! Happily, like I said at the start of this post, I have never ever had a single problem with any sort of celeb, major or minor. I don't expect that will change. Sunny's official website: http://www.sunnyleone.com
I think the concern with your approach that some posters have expressed here (both performers and fans) is this: suppose you address a performer by her professional name, and then the person they're with - who has no idea they're in porn - hears the name, says "what the fuck?" because maybe they recognize it as a porn name, and now their secret is out! You've just "outed" them to a new friend that they weren't ready to tell yet, or a family member they were keeping their career a secret from, or whatever. You don't want to be responsible for that either! That's why some posters (including myself above) are suggesting not using either name, and just saying "hi". [edit: used "they're" instead of "their" - I hate it when people do that! I'm so embarrassed! Good thing I can edit my post and no one will ever know... wait I just told everyone. Ah, shit.] Edited by - killbillvol69 on 5/16/2008 4:55:53 PM
Yeah, I haven't. There are about 5 girls in this industry I do generally call by their real names but it's usually at places where most people around knows them by that also so it doesn't matter.
That sort of interest creeps me out. Even if being in entertainment makes you a public person, there is reasonable expectation of privacy. There's a fine line and some fan boys really cross it, like the ones that troll all the porn parties in LA. Edited by - moodyblues on 5/16/2008 10:14:05 PM
Is stalking really that big of an issue? Look at a professional athlete. They all use their real names. The following for professional sports is much more fanatical than the adult entertainment industry. They have certainly learned to deal with it. Even the most mediocre professional athlete is much more recognizalbe than most top tier adult performers and they are able to deal with this every day and you never hear them complaim about using their real names and being nervous about their fans approaching them. Edited by - Rock Z House on 5/17/2008 2:14:07 AM
I think people are getting a little confused with "Big Star" movie and TV and sports and mixing them in with famous porn stars. The difference is that the adult movie profession is still a shadowy profession. Society "looks down" on these people in general; and so to protect their true identity they make up another identity for the public. After their career is over or in private life; they assume they can safety go back and assume their real identity and not be recognized; which makes their life much more pleasant. For the most cases that is true unless you reach a certain level of stardom like Jenna Jameson!
Pro athletes have the cash to protect themselves from overzealous fans. I have seen areas in clubs roped off for pro basketball players and their friends and anyone who approaches gets stopped by either club security or a designated member of the player's entourage. For performers, it is different, they do not have Jenna type security details (why do you think she hates strange people touching her? she's had enough in the past!) and people do approach, say inappropriate things, and often try to touch. If you are ever friends with a performer, go to a club with them, they are are recognized and approached, there will be times where you find yourself pulling people off of them (literally), putting yourself between your friend and the stranger, or grabbing your friends hand to get away to another part of the club.
people who i meet trough porn/internet call me by my pornname, even if they know my real name. i mean i lived together with andrea 3 months before he started calling me by my real name, i still call him andrea... if i see pornpeople that i know in a public place i will say hi, but if they are in company never in a million years will i talk about gangbangs, just a simple how are you is just fine in my eyes. people coming up to me because they recognise me is fine, usually the question is excuse me are you terri summers? or somehing like that, if im not with my family or something i say hello, or if i have time we chat. when im with family i pretend i have no idea who they are talking about:)
Does it actually work? I mean, in most cases. Because I can imagine there will always be someone who will persist and say something like, "Strange that you're not her. I know for sure I saw you in tropical anal sluts 3 or whatever.. Are you sure you're not Terri Summers, the pornstar? I think you are." This can probably create quite an awkward situation.
neah that never happened, as i am an actress i can look quite shocked and make a nice drama of it, which usually has my family or friends laughing or turning bright red, as my family and friends know what i do, but just i dont think i should rub their noses in it, as its not their chosen job for me to say it nicely;) the guy just get shy, or turns red, but never insist:)im sure they can take the hint;) what also works is ' i hear that a lot, i should see a movie of this girl!' then they tell me how great terri is:) i sound a bit mean dont i? but i never make anyone feel bad, unless yes when they talk about how they prefer me bald, or if i can suck them like i did in so and so... those questions i think you should keep them for porn meetings... Edited by - terri summers on 5/18/2008 11:05:48 AM
There are a handful of performers who use their real first names. I would think a false first name would help you differentiate between yourself and your porn persona to keep your sanity in check. Well depending on how different your work persona is from your real self. I've never met a porn star. If I ever saw any of them out and about, I wouldn't approach if the only reason was to say, "uh huh. Hi, I fuck and/or masturbate while I watch you perform sex." Forget about the porn star, that makes ME uncomfortable. I'm with the group who says don't use any name. If for some bizarre reason I felt compelled to approach, I would probably say something like, "Hi. Are you in movies?" They'll know what you're talking about.
I think it all depends on the situation and what the woman's stage name is. I do a lot of mainstream parties in Hollywood and I've made quite a few friends with ladies who do adult videos with that being said in a party or networking setting where there are a lot of mainstream connects if I introduce her to people I'll introduce her by her real name (but, I would have already established that with her). If we are at an industry event that she invited me to then her stage name gets used and only that name. It we are out and about with some of my friends having a drink and her stage name is something like Kandee Licks (just using that name as an example) then I'll introduce her to friends by her real name. If it is somewhat of a more normal stage name then she'll get introduced by her stage name unless she tells me otherwise. If I see any of my lady friends who are in adult out in public I'll say hi without saying any name at all give them a hug and tell them I'll call them later. If I see a lady that I may notice from a film that I don't know and she doesn't seem busy. I'll approach her with my business card hand it to her tell her I promote parties in Hollywood and to feel free to contact me when she wants to come out and party. But, I don't say her name or ask if she's been in any movies.
The difference should be obvious. You're talking about the difference between a guy who throws a ball around and a woman who performs a wide range of sexual acts on camera to be distributed all over the globe. It's just a given that some very disturbed people will see it. Not everyone knows there's a difference between fantasy and reality. As in - Some porn fans don't realize that for most of these girls, it's just a performance. They're not ready, willing and able to fuck anyone and everyone who makes a pass at them. If they wanted to fuck every man on the planet just for fun, they'd be doing that instead of porn. They're paid performers and the woman you see walking down the street may not be (probably isn't) the same woman you see in porn. They are people. Just like everyone else. Are you the same person at home as you are at work? Most people aren't. Why would porn performers be any different? Edited by - randomprecision on 5/19/2008 2:56:36 PM
Patience is a virtue, but who wants to be virtuous? 4283 Posts 4/00
Posted - May 19 2008 : 3:39PM
Random - Yes, and I'll take it a step further. For probably over 99% of the girls in the business, they're going to be here for less than 5 years. That means that once they're done with porn, they probably still look pretty much like they did when they were a performer. Now they want to go to a normal town and have a normal job. Unfortunately, a lot of people wouldn't be very accepting of a chick who did porn. At the very least, they might snicker behind the girl's back. In some cases, they might discriminate against her. Or, they might think that she's still a whore who will do anything for money. If the girl is reasonably normal looking without porn makeup, there's a decent chance that by having used a stage name, she can pass herself off as no more than maybe the girl who looks a lot like that porn chick. Savoy - At porn events, I don't mind if a guy tells me that he 'enjoyed' one of my scenes. It's pretty flattering. When I did scenes, I certainly hoped that they'd be hot enough that if a guy was watching it, he'd get a hard dick from it. If not, then I wasn't doing a very good job. ;)
A bloke at my former job managed to find out the real name and address of a porn actress . He stalked her mercilessly for 2 years. He met her at a convention and she made friendly conversation which he mistook for personal interest. He called her 5 times a day, basically camped in front of her house. She got scared and called the police. He was really angry about that, since he was a fan and made her rich by buying her movies he had the godgiven right to own her. And she wanted him, too, was only to shy to admit it. He was fired after he began to show hardcore porn pictures of his woman to customers in our office calling her his girlfriend. He was so scary, totally nuts. I accidently met him some years later and guess what, he started talking about the girl again, still was obsessed with her, but now singing a different song about his anger and frustration about her "ruining everything, leaving him without reason, treating him bad, blah blah". I can very much understand that a woman in the porn industrie takes precautions for her security, and that she gets upset when her real name is out in public.
So say for example.. I was in Times Square in NYC as were u.. Im with a friend or 2 and ur with whoever ur with. We crooss paths ..I recognize u, U notice and realize I recognize u but didnt make attempt o come up to u ..Would u @ that point smile and gesture a little wave or hello..as u walk by .... ?
Cause I can probably tell u that is w/ what u said in ur post above..the next time a 'fan' saw u @ an event they'd bring it up . ps..Terri Summers is Gorgeous ..pass it on ...
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CrouchingBear Deactivated User
299 Posts 5/08
Posted - May 19 2008 : 5:19PM
This thread has obviously devolved into a bigger issue regarding anonymity. The concept of a "stealth whore" is rather oxymoronic though, is it not?
I still want the OP to answer these questions posed by wheat last week. If we read the OP's comments, it seems the girls have told him their real names in private, and then gotten angry when he used their real names in private. random porn girl who goes by some name that isn't Jennifer: "Hi, my name's Jennifer." magnyc: "Hi Jennifer." random porn girl who goes by some name that isn't Jennifer: "How dare you say my name!" I feel like he needs to fill us in on how it actually went down.
No more so than anyone else whose name and private info can be obtained through legal (or semi legal) means. If there's a person you know and you want to get some info on them, you generally can. But it would be an invasion of their privacy, regardless of whether it's legal or not. Just because it's legal doesn't mean it's ethical. Whether some fans can get their heads around it or not, even porn girls do generally expect some kind of privacy. I can assure you that if you go digging into anyone's personal life, they're probably not going to like it whether they're your next door neighbor, a Hollywood celebrity, a sports figure, a politician or whom ever. People just kind of expect others to have some manners and use some discretion in order to make up for any deficiencies in privacy laws. If you wouldn't want someone doing it to you, don't do it to other people. Maybe there's some girl who works at a local store and goes by a nickname. Her nickname is on her nametag but you want to know her real name. So you ask her and maybe she tells you. Now whether she says so or not, you might assume there's some reason why she goes by a nickname so it wouldn't be polite to just use her real name indiscriminately. In porn, it's easy as hell to figure out why a girl would want to be addressed by her stage name. It's not necessarily that she wants to be "a stealth whore". But she's trying to at least keep her personal and public lives as separate as possible and that should be perfectly obvious. Edited by - randomprecision on 5/19/2008 6:26:19 PM
canadian, you just decribed the most common situation, that is actually what happens most of the time, and yes i smile back, maybe wink or say hello, depending on who you are with as well;) and i dont really hide my real name, but i prefer terri! dont even like my real first name...and terri is short for my second name:)
That's one of the many reasons you're awesome! From my experiences, a lot of porn people I know don't really mind having their "real identities" known. All of the girls I know (most of whom no longer act in movies) go by their real names in public and don't try to hide their legal identities. Also, it's not like it's only people in porn who are using pseudonyms in their work. Just look at all the famous personalities in Hollywood who create fake names to act under.
Patience is a virtue, but who wants to be virtuous? 4283 Posts 4/00
Posted - May 20 2008 : 1:47PM
^ Yup. A lot of times, coming up with the stage name is just to get a more marketable name. Would a girl rather go by her real name of Jeannie Smith or a cool stage name like Jenna St. James? For me, it was a combination of safety and that I hated my maiden name (and then my first husband's last name). When I worked at a strip club for the first time, none of the girls there were allowed to use their real first names. Inside the club anywhere near a customer, we weren't allowed to tell customers our real first names. That way, if someone called for us at work and they knew our real first name, it meant they most likely knew us in real life. So anyway, I had to pick a different first name, and although I wanted to be Rebecca, Tricia (actually Patricia on the first night) was picked for me. But for quite awhile at the Evil Angel offices, if a person called asking for Tricia, that meant they either only knew me from the business or from when I was a performer. If they called asking for my real name, that meant they knew me. It was an awesome way to prioritize phone calls on a business level. New receptionists would always be confused though, cause we have three people here who used to be perfomers. :) Not to mention all the directors' real names. Dana DeArmond is a VERY cool name and could easily sound like something purposely picked as a stage name, if that was the case.
Stagliano calls Rocco by mistake Rocco instead of Dario in Face Dance. It's during the big orgy scene. Somebody calls Ed Powers Mark by mistake in Big Boob Boat Ride 1.
dude, i seriously lucked out. i mean, its original and people think that i came up with it myself, which makes me seem smart! on the down side, when people misspell, mispronounce and all around butcher my name, it makes me sad, because its my real name... in a way i feel like people should make an effort to say/spell it correctly. DAY-nuh DEE-AR-mond
See this is good to know in case it ever happens... Now I know I wont be embarrassed for feelin all giddy if I ever do see u ... ha! Gigiddy Gigiddy Gi-Ga-Dy!
Certainly understandable at a porn event, but I was thinking outside of work - say on a Tuesday night at Blockbuster. In general I'm more into letting people be, particularly if they are grocery-shopping or trying to have dinner somewhere.
I've always found it a bit disturbing that iafd lists girls' birth dates. Seems like a birthdate is just another piece of information that a stalker could use. For example, a stalker knows a girl's real name and does a Zabasearch for that name. Zabasearch may list five people with the same name, but also gives the month and year they were born, which may be part of a property record. The stalker matches the iafd birthdate to the date on Zabasearch, and presto - he has her address.
I actually overheard the real name of a pornstar and poster on ADT at Erotica L.A. a few years back. But because I got the utmost respect for her and any other pornstar who's real name I actually happen to overhear or know already, there's NO WAY I'd ever call them by their real names or reveal them unless they were cool with it.
^Oh, now EBastard, that's just teasin'! You know that someone's gonna post now and say something freaky like "Was it [insert porn girl's name here]? You have to tell me her real name! Just PM me!"
I totally agree. But that is how Peter set it up back in the day, before there were all these databases where you could easily find people on the internet. I doubt it was intentional on his part or the people who coded it at the time, because back then, the only place for porn info was RAME. Public info databases like the one you mention came much later. New girls coming into the business should make up a different birthday for public consumption. Edited by - moodyblues on 5/26/2008 5:11:29 AM Edited by - moodyblues on 5/26/2008 5:13:44 AM Edited by - moodyblues on 5/26/2008 5:34:55 AM
