Then when they tire of getting fucked over by the alphas, they turn to the betas for stability, their sex drive goes south, and betas get fucked again by women that don't fuck!
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| Asmodeus Lord of Lust  az-mo-day-us 6338 Posts 10/01 |  Posted - May 21 2009 : 9:58PMBy Rachel Greenwald Dating study reveals a surprising trend in the type of single men that fail to entice women to continue courtship. "It's a cat and mouse game; puppy dogs don't win." Let me explain. As a dating coach and matchmaker, I've spent the past 10 years conducting some unconventional dating research using a business concept called "Exit Interviews." While earning my MBA degree at Harvard Business School, I learned how candid exit interviews from an employee leaving his company can reveal crucial feedback, empowering managers to get something right next time with future clients and employees. So I thought: why not try this tactic in the dating world? The Dating Poll In one poll, I asked over 100 single women to confess the real reasons they didn't accept a second date with a man. My goal was to help men discover simple mistakes or misperceptions which they could adjust next time with someone new. The women I interviewed came from 23 states and 6 countries, with ages ranging from 21 to 68. Five top reasons emerged strong and consistent, but what was the number-one turnoff? Did it have something to do with the shortcomings of the bad boys, men afraid of commitment, or guys who were too short, bald, potbellied, or unemployed? Not at all. Here, single women define the men they dated who don't make it for a second round of courtship. The Puppy Dog Betsy, a 50-year-old lawyer in Seattle, mused about a guy she dated who reminded her of that "Sex and the City" episode when Carrie was dating Aidan and complained about how he was too available: He didn't do the ever-seductive withholding dance or make her stomach flip. Betsy admitted, "The early stage of dating is just one big game, whether we like it or not. It's a cat and mouse game; puppy dogs don't win." The Incessant Flatterer Emily, a 39-year-old writer from Boston, said about one man, "Eagerness can be flattering, but this felt a little desperate... it became annoying. Also, because it was a first date, [I think] it had more to do with a fantasy about me, than me." Hillary, a 35-year-old magazine editor from New York, NY, remarked, "I went out with him in the first place because he was so complimentary to me. I thought I should give him a chance. Normally I like a man who doesn't play games, but the flattery really became overkill." Karen, a 28-year-old health care consultant in Madison, WI, sighed, "He looked like a sad puppy when I said goodnight." The Edgeless Man Women complained in droves about single men who reminded them of puppies. These guys followed them around and were too eager to please. Men who were "too nice" often appeared desperate or weak. They didn't have an "edge." And their "gushing" early emails with excessive flattery were a turnoff. The Over-Gusher Liz, a 41-year-old language translator from Sherman Oaks, CA, told me about the guy who sent such effusive emails after they met that she "was disappointed to receive them." She said, "I wanted the polite, even enthusiastic thank-you along with a compliment or two, but not the over-gush. I guess I wanted him to maintain a little mystery." Jenna, a 33-year-old graphic designer in Miami, FL, commented: "He was too nice, too transparent... he didn't intrigue me." The Sweetie Emma, a 25-year-old advertising associate in London, described a guy she could have "walked all over." And Shannon, a 38-year-old accountant from Cincinnati, remembered declining a third date with a too-nice guy who came to her office after she got promoted. He spent hours organizing her files and brought her an expensive "congratulations" plant. She said, "He was so good on paper, and I guess I'd call him 'sweet,' but he didn't have an edge." Do Nice Guys Finish Last? As these confessions poured in, I worried whether the old adage "Nice guys finish last" could actually be true. I hoped not, because I personally love "nice guys" (I even married one! And after 16 happy years, let me offer this endorsement: nice guys are the only ones who stand the test of time). But as I spoke to women in more detail, they clarified what they really meant, and I felt reassured. It's not that women don't want a "nice guy" (they absolutely do when they are in a marriage-minded mode!), but rather guys should simply monitor the quantity of their effusive compliments and sweet gestures. Like most things in life, a little bit of a good thing goes a long way, but too much is overwhelming and usually a turnoff. Rachel Greenwald is the author of the new book "Why He Didn't Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date." She is also the New York Times best-selling author of "Find a Husband After 35 Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School." Edited by - Asmodeus on May 21 2009 [Link] |
| 10000 days Deactivated User Keep on trolling. What a bullshit! Im fucking unstoppable now ... 717 Posts 3/06 | Posted - May 21 2009 : 11:05PM Then when they tire of getting fucked over by the alphas, they turn to the betas for stability, their sex drive goes south, and betas get fucked again by women that don't fuck! [Link] |
jayo  All-Star Member 2117 Posts 7/04 | Posted - May 21 2009 : 11:58PM Rule #2. Don't be yourself, because being You isn't attractive Rule #3. Pay no attention to the contradiction between Rules 1 and 2 A better alternative: Get rich, sleep 'til noon and fuck 'em all. -- Max Shulman [Link] |
| lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02 | Posted - May 22 2009 : 11:43AM I always liked nice guys. But I, too, get queasy around effusive compliments and stalker-ish stuff, which is a totally different matter. That over-the-top stuff isn't about me anyway. It's just about him. As one woman in the article said, "Also, because it was a first date, [I think] it had more to do with a fantasy about me, than me." A lot of guys say, "Oh, you have beautiful eyes." It's a standard line. It means nothing. Something to say when you can't think of anything else. Interchangeable line to be used with any girl. One guy might say it because he's shy and it's all he can think of. Someone might actually say it and mean it. Some guy might use it because he thinks it works. But it's a trash line. You have to read the guy. The stalker-guys they are talking about are not nice guys. They are insecure guys, needy guys, or maybe one of them is Ted Bundy. Insincere flattery is suspect. I like a nice guy. I like a sincere guy. I thinks it's unfair to use the term "nice guy" as a tag for guys who manipulate with insincere flattery, or who live in a fantasy world. They aren't the same thing. [Link] |
| lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02 | Posted - May 22 2009 : 11:50AM "Oh, you're so special. You're not like anyone else that I've ever met. You have the best eyes ever, and you're so good to your mom, and it's great that we both love vanilla ice cream and the color red. It's so wonderful and amazing that you are so wonderful and amazing." Doesn't that make you squirm? Too much of this makes the alarm bells go off. A single sincere compliment here and there goes a long way. Something like, "I had a wonderful time with you today." [Link] |
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| BSD Senior Member San Diego, CA 2508 Posts 11/03 | Posted - May 22 2009 : 12:51PM No.* Uhh, could you say that to me a couple of dozen more times? I've never had a female say that to me. Or anything like that. Could you say it to me first thing in the morning? Please? BSD *P.S. - Okay, MAYBE if I sensed that the female was trying to get into my wallet with that stuff, it might get tiresome. BUT, if I thought she was trying to get into my pants, that approach would never get old. And it would generally work. Smile. P.S.S. - Yes, I am a pig. (By the way, I get what you mean. I'm just joshing you. If I was a girl that would creep me out. But I'm not so it doesn't.) Edited by - BSD on 5/22/2009 12:54:35 PM [Link] |
| lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02 | Posted - May 22 2009 : 2:27PM Well, it sounds very different coming from someone that you actually have known for a while, who is truly appreciative. It really IS that you have to read the person for sincerity, and see where they are coming from. If it's a first date, they aren't coming from anywhere. [Link] |
| Hardware All-Star Member Your other left 14595 Posts 3/02 | Posted - May 22 2009 : 9:15PM Rule #1: Have a life of your own. Odds are that your date doesn't want to have to provide one for you. Rule #2: Neither a doormat nor a control freak be. If you wouldn't want to be treated that way then odds are your date won't, either. Rule #3: Don't try cramming everything into the first date. If you've found the right partner then you'll have plenty of time to sort out the details. In regards to complimenting a woman, the line between a compliment and flattery is very thin; I tend to err on the side of caution. A good way to look at it is that you have already indicated your interest by asking a woman out on a date, so excessive compliments are just an attempt to force the issue. [Link] |
| jayo All-Star Member 2117 Posts 7/04 | Posted - May 22 2009 : 9:47PM [Link] |
| Hardware All-Star Member Your other left 14595 Posts 3/02 | Posted - May 23 2009 : 1:29PM [Link] |
| jayo All-Star Member 2117 Posts 7/04 | Posted - May 23 2009 : 3:24PM The other solution would be to join groups, but I've done that in the past and I don't like it. So that puts me back at square one. FwIW: I don't do the clingy stuff, and I'm not an idle flatterer. I was thinking about this when the thread first started: I think I've only been on a date once where I was an unknown. The usual is to go out with people who already know me and have at least a basic familiarity with my personality, so there won't be any earth-shattering revelations. [Link] |
| Hardware All-Star Member Your other left 14595 Posts 3/02 | Posted - May 23 2009 : 8:36PM [Link] |
| Jacco All-Star Member "liable to deprave and corrupt" 2673 Posts 5/04 | Posted - May 23 2009 : 8:37PM Jacco [Link] |
| RandomPrecision Senior Member Enjoy! 8175 Posts 3/06 | Posted - May 24 2009 : 2:02AM I think it probably all comes down to nerves and anxiety. Most men get nervous when they're trying to get a date with (or are on a date with) a woman they really like. Ladies, when you get really nervous and anxious (not just a little), what do you do? I don't know. I find it hard to sit still, hard to focus on anything other than whatever is occupying my mind at the time. If I'm totally focused on a beautiful woman who has given me a chance, I probably am going to follow her around like a lost puppy not even realizing it. I think men are often afraid they won't be aggressive enough. Or they'll get just a little aggressive, she gets turned off to the point to where he can clearly see she's getting turned off but he doesn't quite understand why and becomes more aggressive trying to keep her from slipping away. He might even realize what his mistake was and try to apologize but by that point, it's usually too late. That's one thing men generally don't get about women. We don't understand why there's no going back or second chances once we blow it. Our brains don't work that way. We think we can apologize and wipe the slate clean. Generally, in the male world, small psychological transgressions and nitpicky things don't usually result in being completely disregarded the way they do when you're trying to court a woman. Edited by - randomprecision on 5/24/2009 2:06:52 AM [Link] |
| Bobcat Senior Member 1490 Posts 2/08 | Posted - May 24 2009 : 2:19AM [Link] |
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| Kimi Lixx Senior Member 2012 Posts 6/01 | Posted - May 24 2009 : 11:02AM If he was good enough looking for one date, he's good enough looking for two - unless something else is wrong. It might be true that a woman will put up with more wrong things as a trade off for a man she feels very physically attracted to, but I imagine there is a limit on that, too. (1 wrong thing for every point above a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10? I dunno...) Just so we all agree we aren't talking about emotionally damaged women who accept abusive relationships - something I think too many men believe is some kind of "bad boy" mystique or "alpha male" behavior pattern. It's not. [Link] |
| Bobcat Senior Member 1490 Posts 2/08 | Posted - May 24 2009 : 3:45PM [Link] |
| Janitor Retired Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service. 6409 Posts 11/99 | Posted - May 27 2009 : 4:20PM Every person has reasons they into or not into a guy/chick. Most have complexes about their parents that feed their desires. Most have insecurities stemming from shit that happened in high school. There's no general answer for why some of us are married and some haven't found a partner. Of course too needy isn't going to win a second date. Most people don't want a dependent. They want a partner. [Link] |
| matthew Member 79 Posts 6/04 | Posted - Jun 14 2009 : 3:58AM [Link] |
| rexthedestroyer Member 16 Posts 10/08 | Posted - Jun 27 2009 : 10:37AM And for the guy who thinks that women value looks more than men. I really wonder what world you live in. I have buddies that compartmentalize womens looks by their body parts. Ass men, breast men, thigh men, etc, etc. It might be a stereotype, but men are much more visual than women. I am not looking for a mother. I am looking for a woman who makes my dick hard when I see her naked. I broke up with my ex girlfriend because she gained weight and I loss my attraction to her. Guys are more likely to pull that kind of shit than women. [Link] |
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