With children ages 6-3/4 and 2-1/2, my wife and I haven't had spontaneous sex for . . . well, for about 7 years (yikes!!!). So there's never any question these days about "stopping" anything to put in the diaphragm. When my wife and I make love, we have to plan it in advance -- which creates some problems of its own (but that's another thread in and of itself) -- and putting in the diaphragm is just something my wife does before we start things going. We tried doing it as part of foreplay awhile back, but it didn't seem very foreplay-ish to either of us, so we cut that out of our repertoire.

My wife reports no discomfort with putting the diaphragm in or leaving it in place, or even any particular awareness that it's there. It's only the very rare, odd-angled thrust from me that has caused her mild pain, and this just requires a quick position adjustment to fix.

As far as toxic-shock syndrome goes, that's not a problem if the diaphragm is taken out within 24 hours; luckily, my wife's recollections of the previous day's lovemaking always remind her to take the diaphragm out. Actually, she's been much more forgetful about taking out her last tampon at the end of her period (that is, when the spotting has stopped), which poses a far greater toxic-shock risk.

We've used a diaphragm as our primary means of birth control for all 17 of our years together. Neither she nor I ever liked the feel of condoms much. As for "the pill" -- back in the ancient days (the mid-80s!!!) when we started "doing the nasty" together, there were many reports of "it" (in its then-available form) not being so safe for a woman's health. Neither of us wanted her to take any health risks for the sake of sexual spontaneity, so we started with a diaphragm almost from the beginning and haven't changed course since.

Back to the issue of spontaneity for just a beat, our only spontaneous sex-play right now is foreplay -- stolen kisses and quick squeezes and caresses. That in itself can be very sexy and often leaves me short of breath -- but it's not up there with the stories that you and Drew have to tell, Steph ).

Our kids have been the greatest joy in our lives besides each other, but children (especially more than one) are a HUGE hindrance to a couple's sex life and a major irritant to a romantic relationship in general. If my wife and I had not had 10 solid years together before we had our first child, we probably would not have made it as far as we have -- and as many of my posts have doubtless telegraphed all too clearly, we're still fighting hard to keep it together.

So my advice to any couple thinking about having children is this: Make sure your relationship is solid before you have them, because they will sorely test the strength of your commitment to each other. I wouldn't trade my kids for anything, but for almost any important thing in life there are trade-offs.

(Gee, now THAT was more info than you two gals asked for wasn't it? Oh, well, brevity has never been the soul of my . . . whatever.)

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Edited by - Bob on 6/29/2003 4:59:22 AM

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They can be difficult to remove,though, even after you've gotten the hang of it.

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