my question is in your opinion is this a submissive act or dominant act? i often see this in hardcore anal scenes where the rest of the scene the guy is totally dominant and then halfway thru the scene you'll see the chick licking his ass and i always think to myself WTF?? it's a total turn-off for me since i view it as a dominant act on the womans behalf and i'm enjoying the scene from a male dominant POV. any thoughts on this? Edited by - Death Squad on Sep 7 2012 Topic Moved by - Jonny Jay on Sep 7 2012
I don't know why this was moved to porn pool since the question pertained to sexual relationships in comparison to porn. As a kinkster I think that rimming is neither a dominant or a submissive act. It's just a sex act. Oral sex of any kind can be used as a dominant act to either torture and torment or reward your sub. It's also something a sub can do for his/her Dom/me to please or worship. ie, cock worship,pussy worship,ass worship.
^ I hear it a lot from young kninksters (mostly very young or new Doms) who think oral of any kind is a submissive act. It's really stupid and pretty much shows their inexperience in kink and sex in general. Anyway, anyone who would think that has never seen a Dom drive his sub to insanity with oragsm denial because he's got her restrained to the point she can't move an inch and he's eating her pussy raw but he won't let her come. Good times.....good times.... Edited by - sexshopgrl on 9/8/2012 3:50:43 PM
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Death Squad Deactivated User
43 Posts 9/12
Posted - Sep 8 2012 : 4:44PM
alot of the people above are missing the point i'm making. i'll take 1 more shot at this so maybe you can understand. if i'm watching an "anal scene" i am viewing that scene from a point of view where the woman is submissive (at least somewhat) to the male fucking her ass in the scene. then all of a sudden she starts licking his ass and that is a dominant act IMO on the part of the female so it kind of messes up the vibe of the scene. Edited by - Death Squad on 9/8/2012 4:45:28 PM
No, you're watching two people engage in a sex act. That is all. It might be YOUR opinion but that does not make it so. He may be topping her, she may be topping him but that doesn't make what they are doing a dominant or a submissive act.
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Death Squad Deactivated User
43 Posts 9/12
Posted - Sep 8 2012 : 7:42PM
^^^ huh??? if someone is "topping" someone aren't they by nature dominating the other person? i'm confused...
No. I explain topping like baseball. Think of the "Top" as the pitcher and the "Bottom" as the catcher. There is a totally different dynamic involved with dominance and submission. Otherwise, oral is just oral.
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Rubberhole Deactivated User
256 Posts 2/10
Posted - Sep 9 2012 : 9:33AM
Death Squad...are you sexually active or do you draw conclusions and have questions from watching porno flicks...?? There is a huge difference from sex on a screen verses sex with a real person.
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Death Squad Deactivated User
43 Posts 9/12
Posted - Sep 9 2012 : 11:31PM
i am sexually active but i have to disagree with you. if a girl licks a male's ass that is a submissive act IMO on the part of the male. but i also want to say i'm not one of these idiots that thinks it's "gay". even if a guy takes a strap-on from a female i don't think that's gay but it falls in the same category for me, a submissive act where the woman is the top or dominant/aggressive/whatever word you people into BDSM use.
I'd really like to hear you say that to a Pro-Domme who enjoys torturing her subs with rimming. There is a HUGE difference between dominting someone and topping them.
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Death Squad Deactivated User
43 Posts 9/12
Posted - Sep 11 2012 : 1:16AM
"torturing her subs with rimming" kind of makes no sense to be honest since it feels GOOD when a lady licks you there. and what exactly is this HUGE DIFFERENCE between dominating someone and topping them?
"Torturing her subs with rimming" does make sense if you are somewhat aware of what D/s is all about. Think of being chained to a saint andrews cross and having a Pro-Domme do edging (bringing you to the point of cumming and stopping without climax) or tease and denial sessions where the Domme is putting her face and mouth near your cock and breathing on it but not licking or sucking on it...teasing you and the only place She will place her tongue is on and inside your asshole...torturing you by giving you sexual pleasure...just not where you want the pleasure...eventually you realize that by having the Domme do this to your asshole that you are nothing more then a submissive who doesn't deserve to cum but rather deserves to be used as a hole, or a receptacle for other more superior beings pleasure and sexual release...inside your holes. Hopefully that is somewhat of a close description on the "torture" that SexShopGirl was mentioning.
It's torture if she tells her sub not to come or if she forces her sub to come when the sub doesn't want to. The dynamics between dominants and subs is much more complicated than it is with tops and bottoms. As I said before a top is like a pitcher in baseball. He or she is the one giving the act in the scene. The bottom is like a catcher. He or she is receiving the act the scene. The object is mutual pleasure between two partners who happen to share the same kink. Sometimes tops and bottoms will do some role playing with dominance and submission but not because they have a "need" to do so like Dom or sub have. They do it because they have mutual trust and it seems like a good idea at the time. So if a top licks the bottoms ass, they're doing it because 1) they like licking ass and 2) their bottom likes having their ass licked. Usually in a Top/bottom scene both partners maintain a certain amount of control whereas in D/s the Dom/me is in control. In dominance and submission the submissive hands themselves over to their Dom not only for the Doms pleasure but also because they receive pleasure in doing so.They have a need for it. They both get pleasure from the mind fucks involved. Such as telling your sub, "Don't you dare come without my permission." Their relationships are more involved. Some have 24/7 D/s relationships, some are just play partners. Even when they are not in committed D/s relationships Doms have a lot more responsibility with their subs than tops and bottoms do. In either relationship communication about desires and expectaions is KEY! And for vanilla's (non-kinky people) the act of rimming is not different than cunny or felatio. It's all about their state of mind. My husband licks my pussy or ass whenever he wants because he knows it drives me fucking crazy and makes me come......HARD. It doesn't make him anymore submissive than I am when I'm sucking his dick or letting him fuck me. Edited by - sexshopgrl on 9/11/2012 4:38:18 AM
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Death Squad Deactivated User
43 Posts 9/12
Posted - Sep 11 2012 : 9:38AM
i don't even know how to respond to this, so much is wrong here. first of all how could a sane person (and i want to stress that word sane) actually ENJOY pain or torture? you talk about dommes "teasing" men and not allowing them to cum. that makes absolutely no sense since the best/most pleasurable part of sex is usually the orgasm. why would you NOT want to orgasm? i've actually heard about this before something called a "ruined orgasm" and just hearing those two words literally made me feel sick and light-headed. who in the world would want a "ruined orgasm", besides isn't that dangerous to do to your body to stop/prevent the orgasm from occurring right when it's supposed to occur, that sounds horrific. Edited by - Death Squad on 9/11/2012 9:40:46 AM
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Death Squad Deactivated User
43 Posts 9/12
Posted - Sep 11 2012 : 9:58AM
as a somewhat perverse sexually open-minded person i truly find this BDSM stuff a complete turn-off and very disturbing/disgusting. first i'll just start out with the classic leather mask you always see. how in the world is that arousing NOT seeing someone's face? it's almost like something more out of a horror film than erotic film seeing a creepy black mask. sexshopgrl could you explain the difference for me between a woman or man that enjoys hurting people sexually and inflicting pain on them, and a rapist who enjoys seeing his victims in pain? this is what's so troubling to me about BDSM is that it tries to normalize extremely deviant sick fetishes and label it "BDSM" or "kink". another question i have is aren't most people who are into BDSM survivors of sexual abuse as children? BDSM i think is a warped psychological way of dealing with past traumas by either being completely in control (the dom) or totally submissive (the sub). another question i have about this CBT thing is isn't that damaging and dangerous to do to genitalia, and why in the world would a sane person enjoy this activity? another horrific BDSM thing i've heard of is called "crush" videos. this is where women crush insects and sometimes even small animals to death under their feet. this is just beyond anything i can comprehend and the people who are into this should be killed as fas i'm concerned (hope i'm allowed to say that). a few more questions for people into BDSM. do people who enjoy BDSM ever just enjoy "normal" sex or are they only into weird gross dark stuff? like just plain oral and vaginal sex, or is that too normal for them? and these pro-dommes (who by the way just seem bascially like sexist man-hating women who use BDSM as a way to hurt men) do they ever get fucked or give blowjobs or is that too "submissive" for them to ever do? lastly how common are these long-term D/s relationships and does the sub person truly have no rights i.e. he/she can't leave the house and is a total slave to the dom person? the reason i ask about this besides my sheer curiosity is i'd like to know where can i find one of these sub women who will cook for me every day, clean for me every day, submit to me sexually, listen to what i tell her to do, all the while she enjoys it. i really need to find one of these women to have as my "slave/gf". where can i meet one? for the record i am very attractive and in shape and in my mid 20's so it's not like i'm some fat creepy old guy : ) one more question for BDSM people, are there generally more submissive women or submissive men in BDSM or is it more like 50/50? the reason i ask is there seems to be 90% pro-dommes and very little dom men, yet my experience with women is most of them (i'd say around 70%) are at least somewhat submissive sexually so i'm confused as to why there are so little dom males in BDSM or ami missing something here? Edited by - Death Squad on 9/11/2012 10:11:40 AM
I not even sure I know how to address this little piece drivel you've just written. You are obviously NOT an opne minded person or you wouldn't have posted this. Being open-minded does not require you to embrace this sort of lifestyle. It does however require you to accept about why people might enjoy BDSM You reak of ignonce and intolerance so why should I waste my time answering? In one fell swoop you've managed to call us rapists, abusers,creepy, insane,gross, among other implications you make. So to answer one of your questions....yes, you are missing something. Why would you want to find a sub or slave when you find them so disguisting?
No reason to be confused, you are clueless, and that is cool. First off, a girl who rims a guy, hmmm, that is enjoyable, I suggest you find a girl who will rim you. As far as masks go, I don't get it, are we talking porn or real life??? Masks provide a certain amount of anonymity, which can be hot under the right circumstances.
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Death Squad Deactivated User
43 Posts 9/12
Posted - Sep 12 2012 : 5:49AM
thanks so much for answering my questions. i was actually hoping to possibly be enlightened about BDSM a little bit but i guess you think i'm too close-minded (i may seem that way because i admit i have a flaw in being provocative and blunt in my language, not just on the internet but in real life). however i am genuinely curious and more open-minded than i may seem so if you don't want to answer my questions that's fine, maybe someone else here who's into BDSM can help me out. hope i wasn't too offensive but i do genuinely find alot (not all) of BDSM to be gross and disturbing. Edited by - Death Squad on 9/12/2012 5:50:29 AM
The best people to answer your questions would be people who have experience with this type of lifestyle. However, it's not a good idea to write a diatribe about how disgusting and repellent you find this lifestyle if you'd like them to enlighten you. No one wants to be judged. You've made gross assumptions about people involved in BDSM. (this coming from someone who isn't into BDSM or DOM/SUB activities)
Seems to me that the subversion of gender roles and gendered sex acts that BDSM often reflects is at the heart of the OP's disgust. That would explain why female doms are man haters, the masks (which in pop culture have come to symbolize submissive men) are silly and off putting, but the OP would like a female slave and enjoys watching porn where he feels the woman is submissive. This would also explain why being rimmed can only be seen as a submissive act, and why top/bottom must be the same as dom/sub. Being penetrated or having an orifice stimulated is feminine; penetrating that orifice is masculine. Feminine is submissive, masculine is dominant etc.
Since I ws encouraged to post this scenario, we'll make it a game to see if anyone can figue out who's who. A male and two females are in bed together after a particularly intense scene. We'll call the two females A and B and the male C. A is lounging against some pillows smoking a ciggarette and chatting with B and C. B and C are curled up together next to A, flipping through Tv channels. C starts nudging B down his body. B tells C to ask for what he wants to which he replies, "I want you to suck my cock." B then tells C to ask politely to which he replies, "Please suck my cock." B tells him he's a good boy which makes A giggle and she agrees. So, B sucks C's cock and eventually A joins in on her own accord. Who's the Dom, who's the sub and who's the Switch? Bonus question; If the group had just finished an intense scene, could this scenario be considered "after care?"
^Here's my guess. I think B is a Switch because she asks C what he wants (her being submissive) and then tells him to say please (her being dominant). I think C is the Sub because he's doing what B is asking/telling him to do. I'm guessing that A would be the Domme because she's the only one who wasn't told what to do and she just joined in the action when she wanted to. I have no idea what "after care" is. Edited by - matchmaker on 9/13/2012 1:55:15 AM
After care is the time the play partners in a scene use to help the others come down from the scene. The type of after care given depends on the relationship dynamics and the type of kink invloved. For example someone who has just been flogged would probably require more after care than someone who just did suspension play.
Interesting reference, a scene eh? LOL, maybe A and B drained C beyond comprehension both physically and mentally, So A is the sub, C nudges B down, A asks C what he wants, and C replies " Please Suck My Cock" so B giggles and obliges, A also giggles and says..."I don't get the privilege of asking," C might think I like girls who like to suck cock, then A joins in in the cock sucking and C is in heaven once again. Maybe a better reference would be B playing with C's ass as he fucks A while B is using an icicle dildo on C's ass, or A eating C's cum out of B's pussy while C fucks her. One can only fantasize and who says Algebra is never needed?? Aftercare can go on lol, over an extended period of time. There is a difference between two horny chics and one dick lol, I don't know about you all, but C has his work cut out for him lol, holy smokes. I am gonna say that A is sub, B is switch, C is Dom, but just my opinion.
^ But you will agree that after care isn't always about blankies, cuddles and bottled water?? B also has the privilage of telling C, "You're not my Dom. I don't wear your collar....SIR!" Edited by - sexshopgrl on 9/13/2012 2:51:53 AM
^^I was originally thinking that SexShopGrl scenario was hypothetical. After your post, it may not be now. Would you picture SexShopGrl as A or B? Edited by - matchmaker on 9/13/2012 2:51:35 AM
LOL Sex Shop Girl, I absolutely agree with you, where did this notion come from? I witnessed this aftercare thing years ago in a public dungeon, where after a "scene" a sub was wrapped in a blanket and comforted, there is a time and place for comfort imo. Sometimes after a "scene" a sub needs to be left quivering on the floor feeling used and abused. Aftercare can come later.
^^Well personally it depends on what I'm doing. I'm usually okay with just having someone keep me from falling off the bed or running into walls when my legs are a little too wobly. The real after care for me comes a few days later when I'm feeling like a whore because I pushed myself into doing things out of my comfort zone and realizing that I liked it. As long as I feel like my partner genuinely gives a shit about my well being and doesn't see me as a whore, I'm okay. The only times I have really experienced a bad crash after something like that was when my partner didn't reassure me that way. In that scene Matchmaker, I would have been B. A was the sub taking a break, B was the Switch and C was the Dom. Edited by - sexshopgrl on 9/13/2012 3:02:09 AM
Well everyone in BDSM has limits. The only exception are slaves. Slaves do not usually have any limits. There are limits and hard limits. A limit is something that is out of your comfort zone. However, limits are usually something a bottom or a sub might want to explore or try just to see if they might like it. For me, restraints are a limit. Their was an instance when I became very anxious in restraints and safed out (I used my safe word)before I went into a full blown panic attack. My Top (my ex) made fun of me and shamed me for it. Hard limits are no thank yous. That's something you do not want to do at all. For me a hard limit would be whipping, caning, beatings, needle play, scat or watersports (poop and pee)among other things.
Also, I want to say that as a Switch I understand that Doms and Tops also need a little after care from time to time. Even if that simply entails thanking them for the scene and showing a little appreciation for the hard work they put into making a fantasy come alive. Depending on the kink, it can take days, weeks or even months to prepare for a good scene. Doms and Tops have a responsibility to educate themselves on what their doing. You don't just read a how to manual. You read, you take classes, you talk to other kinksters experienced in that type of kink. You set up the equipment and take it down. Sometimes subs and bottoms can forget the effort their partner has put into everything and that can make a Dom or Top feel very unappreciated. Personally, I like to show my Top in little ways how much I appreciate the things they do. I might make them goodies or treats they like or get them a toy or supplies I've heard them talking about. And it's actually when my Top (who might also be a Switch or a Dom) will see my more submissive side come out.
I have tried restraints since then. My husband was very good to me and that helped a lot. The thing is, he's not really into it himself and I could tell. So if I want to be tied down I have to spell it out for him and do what is known as "topping from the bottom." That's when a bottom or a sub does something deliberately to manipulate the scene to get what they want. Example; a sub behaves in a way her Dom disapproves of so he will spank her because she's decided she wants to be spanked.
Ah yes, Top, there are so many innuendos that are just crazy, dom, sub, top, bottom. If you are interested in something I think you should explore it. The whole I am man thing is just plain stupid imo, it doesn't have anything to do with being dom or top. In the situation SSG described, the "Dom" "Top" had to say "Please" which may not sound like much to people reading this, I mean if all you gotta say is please for a bj, wooohooo, right? The difference between A and B is that A doesn't have a choice, B does, C recognizes that choice and says please, weird I know.
I've been lucky enough to find a couple of good mentors who have a lot more experience than I do. I have a femdom that is old enough to be my mother and has been in the scene a LONG time. She's a very nice lady (Breeze has met her) and I have a lot of respect for her. She's kind of a mother hen and I like to hang out with her at munches and educational events. I have another couple that are the same ages as my husband and I. He's the Dom, she's his sub but also switches with her girlfriend and they are both sadomasicists. I also have a Switch friend and a sub friend that are good for advice. And then there's Breeze. He and I have become pretty good friends and he is a really good teacher.
You know sometimes you fall off a bike and you just have to get up, dust yourself off and get back on and ride. I spoke of that experience to another Dom once and he said something that changed my way of thinking. He pointed out that I was confusing the asshole ex with the role of a Dom. My ex wasn't simply a Dom, he was an asshole Dom and I shouldn't paint all Doms with the same brush. Once he kinda cleared that up for me I became curious about some of the things that failed with the ex, such as restraints. I'm still not into the whole D/s thing. But there were some kinks that I gave another chance and ended up enjoying.Because C has two roles. He is B's Top only and he's also A's Dom. Do I swing? No. My relationship with my husband is hard to explain. I don't go into it unless I have to. Edited by - sexshopgrl on 9/13/2012 4:09:57 AM
^ As Spock might say if he were kinky....You have been and always will be my friend and partner in debauchery, Captain. Edited by - sexshopgrl on 9/13/2012 4:11:59 AM
Lesbian Superstars 5 - review by Captain Jack
Posted - Sep 7 2012 : 9:14AM
Would you picture SexShopGrl as A or B? 
