Big Ass DP - review by bono-one| Author | Post |
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| Nesruk Member 58 Posts 9/09 | Hey ya'll! :) As the topic says my girlfriend wants me dominate her but I'm not sure what she is expecting. We've gone through a bit what she finds as turnoffs: faceslapping, anything that has to do with her butthole (:( ), not too much dirtytalk, can pull her hair a bit, she likes me to force her to cum. Did it last time and she loved it appearantly :p So, anyone got some tips to what I could do? My plan is to strap her down in her bed with ropes (learnt some knots that are safe and easy to remove), then force her to come with my mouth, fingers and dick, also got clit-vibrator I can use on her, going to buy clothespinns I'm going to put on her and remove when she climaxes, going to buy candles I can drip on her, bought a whip (havent used before but I've read where I can and cant hit), also got a nipple-suction-thingi to make them swell and become more sensitive and lastly a nipple-vibrator (she loves her nipples being played with). So anyone got some ideas? I'm thinking about making her my little slave and tell her when and when she cant come, then if she doesnt abide my rules I'll punish her with the different things I'm bringing ;) First time I'm doing something like this though so going to go slow:) Hope for good response!:) PS. Any tips on how to get her mind changed about her butthole/anal? She thinks its dirty (not in a good way) and doesnt even want a finger there :/ Edited by - nesruk on Sep 21 2011 [Link] |
| Rubberhole Deactivated User 256 Posts 2/10 | |
| Nesruk Member 58 Posts 9/09 | |
| His Dudeness All Business Shut the fuck up, Donny!! 2793 Posts 4/10 | |
| SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11 | If that were always the case they wouldnt have seperate fetishes for Daddy's and Lil' girls/brats, master/slave, sadists and masochists. There are HUGE differences. Nesruk, I don't think you really know what you're doing. You're ideas are all over the place and you need to figure out just exactly what you want from this. What some people don't seem to realize is the Dom/sub thing can get very tricky with physical expectations from both parties as well as emotional. Discipline can be anything from a spanking to nipple torture. So you really need to clarify these things with your partner. I would HIGHLY suggest going to a BDSM forum and lurking a bit to find out what this little fetish is really all about before you go clipping and waxing your girl. Also, telling someone their post isn't necessary is pointless. You came here for an opinion. Just because it doesn't go along with what you wanted from the thread doesn't mean people aren't going to say what they think. Me for example, I always say what I think........I would tell you what you should do about the anal but you didn't say please. |
| Nesruk Member 58 Posts 9/09 | |
| SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11 | As I said, you're ideas are all over the place. Do you really want to dominate this chick? And moreover does she really want to be dominated? What kind of dom do you plan to be? Master with a slave or pet? Daddy with a baby girl, lil' girl or brat? The reason I recommend establishing this is 1) it's not all about whips, spankings and hot wax. That's just rough sex. 2) you will have clear cut rules to follow and punishment and rewards.See that? That was my way of dom'ing you. And you went for it because I have something you want. You apparently have something she wants too. You both also might be switches. Meaning either of you can switch from sub to dom role. You need to talk about that. As far as anal goes, alot of anal virgins are afraid of pain (which there will be some at first), giving up a little control of the situation to their partner, or maybe she's afraid of being embarrassed by it. Good sex is really ALL about communication. My motto is Say what you mean and mean what you say be polite about it or get the fuck out of my bedroom. Talk to her about it. If she knows you're willing to work through it with her she will be more likely to co-operate. If you're REALLY going for the sub/dom thing, you could use it as punishment. Some do that and punishment is not supposed to be fun. That's why it's called punishment. Otherwise, how important is anal to you? If it's not that important, drop it. If it is she needs to know that and she needs to know that's it's not all about her needs because you're supposedly going to be the dom. Subs are supposed to please the dom as much as they can. So you prove to her you can be trusted not to truly hurt her and she agrees to anal. You need to start out with some anal play first. Now there are some anal enthusiasts here who would disagree with me over what I'm about to say but this is what works for most women I talk to. 1) You need to go slow. Start out with something like.....eat her out, get her really worked up, lube your finger with her juice and stick your finger in her ass to the first knuckle. You will feel two little tight bands on your finger. Those are sphincter muscles and they need to be gently stretched. Worm your finger around a little bit and thrust gently. The sharpest pain you feel from anal comes from these muscles being stretched too quickly because their job is to keep the body water tight. As you move your finger in further with GENTLE thrusting, she might feel like she has to poop. Talk her through it as you continue to stimulate her in other ways (play with her breasts, lick her ect). Keep reminding her to relax and that feeling will go away. Keep encouraging her by telling her how hot she is for doing this, how hot it's making you, ect. Praise, praise, praise. All of this will help override the different sensations she might be feeling that would make her reject it. My personal favorite is a modified shocker. He sticks his pinky in my ass, his index and middle finger in my pussy. And instead of using his thumb on my clit, he uses it to open my lips while he sucks on my clit. His other hand is either lifting my hips higher or playing with my boobs. SHIT! Hang on, gotta go masterbate............. Anyway...........what can I say? I married a guy who can multi-task. Make sure you keep things well lubed because your ass does not self-lubricate like a vagina does. Dry anal can be very painful and it can also tear the rectum if you're not careful. Give her at LEAST one killer orgasm with your finger in her butt. You can do this with cunnilingus or during vaginal sex. But don't be surprised once she comes down from it if she tells you to take it out NOW. Because when we have a really good orgasm from anal play some of us become hypersensitive and need a minute to recover. When that happens, whatever is in her ass, becomes VERY uncomfortable. Then she will associate that type of orgasm with anal and she might get more adventurous. If you fuck it up, she may never let you touch her ass again. Keep in mind it may take awhile for her to get to the point where she will allow a penis or toy. But it can be done. Edited by - sexshopgrl on 9/21/2011 12:19:23 PM |
| astroknight Questionable Moderator Tastes so good... 4187 Posts 11/99 | In addition to checking out a few forums, there are some great instructional DVDs that are very couples friendly to help you find some of what you want. Nina Hartley has plenty of great ones from Adam & Eve (including several bondage / domination) type ones, and [ invalid url ] as jessica does a great job of making anal fun and approachable for beginners, and my review compares it to many of the other instructional anal releases out there. Also, offer to let her play with your ass. If she takes you up on it you'll be a much better anal lover for her as you'll learn a few tricks (both good and bad) that can make all the difference in the world. As for your plans... Don't pick up clothespins, they're too much pain for most starters. Pick up hair clips instead. Also make sure you have the right type of candles, as the wrong kind will burn like hell and if she doesn't want her hair pulled too much odds are she isn't going to want to feel like you lit her on fire. Finally, as it sounds like she isn't a big fan of pain, go with a paddle instead of a whip or just start with a good spanking before moving on. It can take some good practice to give a good spanking, and until you can do it right with your hand or a paddle you probably don't want to move to a whip. Again, check out a few forums and videos to learn the right technique. I'd also suggest that with how fickle it sounds like she can be that you watch them together since the most important thing in both rougher / bondage / fetish play as well as the anal action is communication and that communication can start very well watching something sexy on a subject you both want to explore. In addition to checking out a few forums (and definitely go through page after page on this one), t "I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten Edited by - astroknight on 9/21/2011 2:37:24 PM |
| Nesruk Member 58 Posts 9/09 | >> Yes and yes. We are in a long distance relationship and we havent as I said earlier done any of this type of sex. But she told me she would like to treat her "like people do in places where the man is the boss and the girl does what he says". Going by that I've told her to act like a nice girl or I'll have to punish her (saying that makes her very horny), I also made her beg me for permission to play with herself (which she did and got turned on by). What kind of dom do you plan to be? Master with a slave or pet? Daddy with a baby girl, lil' girl or brat? 2) you will have clear cut rules to follow and punishment and rewards. >> I tried bringing up that maybe she would have to punish me if I went to hard on her next time I see her but she didnt really bite. Seems only to be into being submissive (so far). I asked her too of what she gets turned on by and only thing she said was being dominated again. As far as anal goes, alot of anal virgins are afraid of pain (which there will be some at first), giving up a little control of the situation to their partner, or maybe she's afraid of being embarrassed by it. Good sex is really ALL about communication. Talk to her about it. If she knows you're willing to work through it with her she will be more likely to co-operate. If you're REALLY going for the sub/dom thing, you could use it as punishment. Some do that and punishment is not supposed to be fun. That's why it's called punishment. Otherwise, how important is anal to you? If it's not that important, drop it. If it is she needs to know that and she needs to know that's it's not all about her needs because you're supposedly going to be the dom. Subs are supposed to please the dom as much as they can. 1) You need to go slow. Start out with something like.....eat her out, get her really worked up, lube your finger with her juice and stick your finger in her ass to the first knuckle. You will feel two little tight bands on your finger. Those are sphincter muscles and they need to be gently stretched. Worm your finger around a little bit and thrust gently. The sharpest pain you feel from anal comes from these muscles being stretched too quickly because their job is to keep the body water tight. As you move your finger in further with GENTLE thrusting, she might feel like she has to poop. Talk her through it as you continue to stimulate her in other ways (play with her breasts, lick her ect). Keep reminding her to relax and that feeling will go away. Keep encouraging her by telling her how hot she is for doing this, how hot it's making you, ect. Praise, praise, praise. All of this will help override the different sensations she might be feeling that would make her reject it. My personal favorite is a modified shocker. He sticks his pinky in my ass, his index and middle finger in my pussy. And instead of using his thumb on my clit, he uses it to open my lips while he sucks on my clit. His other hand is either lifting my hips higher or playing with my boobs. Make sure you keep things well lubed because your ass does not self-lubricate like a vagina does. Dry anal can be very painful and it can also tear the rectum if you're not careful. Give her at LEAST one killer orgasm with your finger in her butt. You can do this with cunnilingus or during vaginal sex. But don't be surprised once she comes down from it if she tells you to take it out NOW. Because when we have a really good orgasm from anal play some of us become hypersensitive and need a minute to recover. When that happens, whatever is in her ass, becomes VERY uncomfortable. Keep in mind it may take awhile for her to get to the point where she will allow a penis or toy. But it can be done. Thanks for the help!:) |
| astroknight Questionable Moderator Tastes so good... 4187 Posts 11/99 | "I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten |
| Nesruk Member 58 Posts 9/09 | Thanks for help!:) |
| SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11 | I am just giving you some basics here and they may sound a little discombobulated (I love that word) but hang with me, we'll get there. When you talk to her about it you need to remind her that the rectum is for evacuating the bowels. The only time they have anything significant in them is when you are having a bowel movement. Otherwise they are empty. There may be some fecal matter here and there but nothing that would be really nasty. It's not as dirty as people might think. It's just that we've conditioned ourselves to believe that feces= waste=dirty. In ALL the YEARS I've been engaging in anal sex with husband and past partners, I have smeared my partner maybe twice at the most. And it was exactly that, a little smear. However, I am extremely hygeinic. Almost to a fetish or obsession itself. I keep my body VERY VERY clean for the purpose of my sexuality. I don't douche very often and I rarely use enemas. But I wash my junk VERY thoroughly. I could go into more detail but that's another thread. LOL So really the nights hubby catches me right out of the shower, for me, are the perfect nights for anal. If she's clean she should have nothing to worry about. And it will just be up to you to get her to realize that even if you guys might make a mess of it, it's no big deal. Nothing a few baby wipes can't clean up. Because THE ORGASMS ARE TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!!!!!! And kudos to astroknight for the advise on the vids, the toys/implements, ect.....I was going to tackle that next but he said everything perfectly. |
| Nesruk Member 58 Posts 9/09 | But you do get really awesome orgasms from it? From only anal or anal combined with clitoral stimulation or something else? |
| astroknight Questionable Moderator Tastes so good... 4187 Posts 11/99 | "I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten Edited by - astroknight on 9/21/2011 5:15:36 PM |
| SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11 | You see part of it is the anatomy of women. We can have three or four types of orgasms whereas you guys only get two. There is clitoral stimulation, penetrative stimulation, g-spot stimulation and anal stimulation. Some chicks can even orgasm from nipple stimulation. The reason we are the lucky ones is because the clitoris and the nerves that branch off of it are like a wishbone. Think of the tip of a wishbone as the part of the clit you can see. The "legs" branch out back towards the spine, straddling the vaginal canal and rectum. So as something is thrusted into those orifices you're stimulating those "legs." That makes us feel full and feeling very full adds to the orgasm. That's why some women like DP, butt plugs or anal beads. For me, it actually takes a combination of things. My absolute favorite is a butt plug, doggy style pounding. He puts his hands on my ass to grip with and uses his thumbs to make quick little presses on the butt plug. Or I reach back and work it myself. He traps my legs inside of his (makes me feel tighter along with the plug inserted) and pounds the pussy. Sometimes he'll smack my ass, paddle me, use the crop, ect. OR he might pull my hair. When I'm ready to come, I touch my clit and it's a done deal. I wreck the bed,we share a sweaty cigarette and go to sleep happy. Oh yeah, that's another thing I totally agree with astro on. Never ask her to do something you won't do yourself. |
| Rubberhole Deactivated User 256 Posts 2/10 | |
| SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11 | I also think you are wrong in trying to define what constitutes "true" BDSM. To me that's like saying a 'true" politician will do this or a "true" christian will do that. I know plenty of people that are into BDSM hardcore that would disagree about sexual contact. The term itself implies that there is no one right way to do it. BDSM relationships are sexual relationships. By definition, sadomasochism is an erotic paraphilia and is listed in the DSM. Even if you never fuck, the whole point of a BDSM relationship is kinky eroticism. People who say otherwise really worry me. Sadomasochism is sexual. If you take the sex out, it's not really S/M anymore. You may not see it with Pro-doms because that would be considered prostitution. I believe that Nesruk is a kinkster and that's fine too. So what other advise would you give besides criticisms? |
| Nesruk Member 58 Posts 9/09 | |
| SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11 | |
| Rubberhole Deactivated User 256 Posts 2/10 | |
| SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11 | Maybe in the 80's that was your experience. You might have been in the know then. But these days it also involves sex. Either because the sub or dom gets sexual gratification from the session/scene itself or because they end up having sex later. That's what makes it a fetish by definition. I know plenty of subs and doms that are partners and will not step out of that relationship. However, they will hook up with play partners for a good beating without "cheating" on their partner. They simply have an understanding with that play partner that there will be no sex. I also know people in the community that have BDSM parties that turn into orgies too. That's just the way it is in 2011. I mean I can't even begin to go into all the different little sub-fetishes that ALL fit into BDSM (including bondage and discipline) and have nothing to do with role playing. Regardless of whether your club allowed sex or not is beside the point. Other clubs do. And they all have their own little set of rules. I had to listen to my girlfriend tell me all about hanging from these hook things while some guy was flogging and fuckig her. She had herself branded once too and this all took place at one of her clubs. It also comes down to what you consider role play. Which really is a whole other type of fetish. So what exactly are you adding to this other than to tell the kinster that he's not a 'true dom' unless he does this or that? Nesruk is trying to figure all this out but you haven't given any suggestions.....or really much of anything else for that matter. What comments you have made come across as criticism. That's the way the OP took your first comment and that's the way I took the one you directed at me. |
| seedfeeder Member My balls are full, who's hungry? 716 Posts 4/09 | Also, I'm confused-I don't know too much here so someone who does (I'm looking at you SSG) straighten me out: K, so the OP is talking about dominating the girl. But tying her up seems out of place-I mean, why would you have to tie a sub up? Don't you dominate her with your presence alone? Isn't what he's describing more like S&M? It's a new fetish for me, so again, I really don't know. We've done the tie up thing too-but it never struck me as dom/sub play. I mean, a sub takes orders, there is not really force-the sub is without free will... so tying seems almost counter productive. Am I way off here or what? |
| Nesruk Member 58 Posts 9/09 | Thanks for all the help SSG and Astroknight:) |
| Rubberhole Deactivated User 256 Posts 2/10 | |
| Nesruk Member 58 Posts 9/09 | |
| SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11 | |
| astroknight Questionable Moderator Tastes so good... 4187 Posts 11/99 | |
| seedfeeder Member My balls are full, who's hungry? 716 Posts 4/09 | However-I would say the label IS important if you are asking for advice. If we or you especially don't really understand what she wants-it's gonna be difficult to really please her. I thought you described more like torture stuff, is that what she wants? To lose control and lose the opportunity to exercise it? And be given mild pain (you mentioned clothes pins I think) and so forth? Anyway, if you describe it (what she/you wish to do) a little better and perhaps leave your labels out, you might get better advice. Just a thought. |
| seedfeeder Member My balls are full, who's hungry? 716 Posts 4/09 | |
| astroknight Questionable Moderator Tastes so good... 4187 Posts 11/99 | "I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten |
| Gore Gore Girl Doctor of the Erotic Arts 7238 Posts 1/09 | |
| seedfeeder Member My balls are full, who's hungry? 716 Posts 4/09 | |
| astroknight Questionable Moderator Tastes so good... 4187 Posts 11/99 | |
| seedfeeder Member My balls are full, who's hungry? 716 Posts 4/09 | |
| astroknight Questionable Moderator Tastes so good... 4187 Posts 11/99 | "I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten |
| seedfeeder Member My balls are full, who's hungry? 716 Posts 4/09 | |
| seedfeeder Member My balls are full, who's hungry? 716 Posts 4/09 | Point being-you have a lot of knowledge, you should try to get a show or at least a syndicated column like dear abby, but about SEX SEX SEX. Seriously, you kick ass. |
| SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11 | They get very upset with people who ask them to switch. To them it's like asking a het to play homo. Not gonna happen with them unless they want it. Period. A switch will have just as much fun as dom or sub. Simple as that. You would have to find out if your wife is willing to try but you may just have to deal with the fact that she may not be a switch. Communication is key. I do not consider myself either. Although I can be very demanding in bed I'm not the dom nor is my husband. I ask for what I want and my husband is free to say no just as I am free to refuse his demands. I mean really, I'm not always in the mood to give him a foot job. Other times he's not in the mood for anal. Those are just our kinks. But we don't want them all the time and we do not retaliate or "punish" if our demands aren't met. A brat will retaliate and the daddy will punish in a Daddy/Brat dom/sub relationship.You are correct in saying you do not have to tie anyone up in a dom/sub relationship. But if both parties are into it, bondage is another way to dominate someone.When someone is tied up, they are at your mercy and that's usually the turn on. A sub's job is to submit or be disciplined. What they submit to is up to the people in that session/scene. This can be as simple as a bare bottom spanking or as complex as toilet and food restriction. Seriously. I find that most people who take part in ANY type of fetish or kink do a lot of communicating first so that everyone knows what roll they are to play and what to expect. IMO it should always be that way. The whole point I am trying to make (and probably could have said better,sooner) is that BDSM is almost a catch phrase for different types of kink. Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism. It does not mean you have to combine all those elements together to have a "true"........well, anything. I get really irritated with people who think that because in the end, they are the ones that either get hurt or end up hurting someone else. Physically or emotionally. I don't care for labeling either but sometimes you have to use labels to get the point across. I used the term "Kinster" because a kinkster likes to dabble in all kinds of kink and fetishes. A fetishist almost takes it a religious level and sometimes they cannot get sexual gratification without that particular fetish. There are SOOOOOOOOOOOOO many kinks and fetishes it's unreal. I consider myself a kinkster. I like trying new things. I like pushing my own limits and challenging myself. My husband is MUCH more conservative than I am but most of the time he's willing to try anything to get the Big O even bigger. I do not in any way consider myself to be a sexpert. I'm not giving any information that cannot be found if sought. I just happen to be very curious by nature and I like to research things. If some people here think that makes me a know it all, then too bad. |
| SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11 | Also someone mentioned (I think it was Goregoregirl) that fucking someone where they pee= ouch. I would think so too BUT it is a fetish. It's called Urethral fucking. I'm not even sure I want to know...... They do have groups for it on Fetlife and if anyone joins my user name is SexShopJulie. |
| seedfeeder Member My balls are full, who's hungry? 716 Posts 4/09 | Another question-so how do you know if you're really either? (sub or dom) or just "role playing"? If you know a site/forum on that topic a link would suffice. Otherwise, happy to hear your opinion. Also would be interested to hear Astro's opinion, he seems to know quite a bit on this topic also. |
| SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11 | I'm not even that hardcore for my kinks and yet I found a few groups that seem nice. I joined one for spanking, one for anal, a fan group for Rocky Horror and a local group. And I didn't take offense to your compliment. I was just saying I don't claim and training or sexpertise. For me sex is also science and if I've said it once I've said it a million times. Me likey science. :) What's funny is, now at the shop I have these regular customers now that are all men. LOL They come in and ask for me partly because of stuff I hear about men from you guys. I sell those Tenga's, Fleshlights and pumps like crazy, the porn, all of it. I tell them what you guys tell me. LOL |
| astroknight Questionable Moderator Tastes so good... 4187 Posts 11/99 | "I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten |
| SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11 | |
| RandomPrecision Senior Member Enjoy! 8175 Posts 3/06 | |
| astroknight Questionable Moderator Tastes so good... 4187 Posts 11/99 | |
| SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11 |
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