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All Forums > Sex Talk > Sex Talk Forum Page 20 > Girlfriend wants to be dominated, need tips
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Nesruk
Member

58 Posts
9/09
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 1:37AM
Hey ya'll! :) As the topic says my girlfriend wants me dominate her but I'm not sure what she is expecting. We've gone through a bit what she finds as turnoffs: faceslapping, anything that has to do with her butthole (:( ), not too much dirtytalk, can pull her hair a bit, she likes me to force her to cum. Did it last time and she loved it appearantly :p
So, anyone got some tips to what I could do? My plan is to strap her down in her bed with ropes (learnt some knots that are safe and easy to remove), then force her to come with my mouth, fingers and dick, also got clit-vibrator I can use on her, going to buy clothespinns I'm going to put on her and remove when she climaxes, going to buy candles I can drip on her, bought a whip (havent used before but I've read where I can and cant hit), also got a nipple-suction-thingi to make them swell and become more sensitive and lastly a nipple-vibrator (she loves her nipples being played with).
So anyone got some ideas? I'm thinking about making her my little slave and tell her when and when she cant come, then if she doesnt abide my rules I'll punish her with the different things I'm bringing ;) First time I'm doing something like this though so going to go slow:)
Hope for good response!:)
PS. Any tips on how to get her mind changed about her butthole/anal? She thinks its dirty (not in a good way) and doesnt even want a finger there :/
Edited by - nesruk on Sep 21 2011
Rubberhole
Deactivated User

256 Posts
2/10
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 8:31AM
If she has all these restrictions, she is not a true submissive. If you abide, and really have no idea of what you are doing, you are not a true dominant. You guys are role-playing. Other than real pain, abuse, and scat, all is game when it comes to D/S...B/D is something else.
Nesruk
Member

58 Posts
9/09
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 9:04AM
Never said we were following some BDSM-law or something. She wants me to be rougher and discipline her a bit but there are things she doesnt like and that turns her off so why do them? Isnt fun for either party. Never said I was some ultimate-dominator-he-man either so your post is really just unnecessary :p
His Dudeness
All Business

Shut the fuck up, Donny!!
2793 Posts
4/10
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 10:38AM
Sounds to me that your girlfriend has to many restrictions to be fun in the sack. Just stick to the vanilla sex and dump her when you find a more open girl to fuck!
SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 11:03AM
Rubberhole, domination does not equal BDSM. And even if that were the case there are still rules and a "contract" between players over which lines will not be crossed.
If that were always the case they wouldnt have seperate fetishes for Daddy's and Lil' girls/brats, master/slave, sadists and masochists. There are HUGE differences.
Nesruk, I don't think you really know what you're doing. You're ideas are all over the place and you need to figure out just exactly what you want from this.
What some people don't seem to realize is the Dom/sub thing can get very tricky with physical expectations from both parties as well as emotional. Discipline can be anything from a spanking to nipple torture. So you really need to clarify these things with your partner.
I would HIGHLY suggest going to a BDSM forum and lurking a bit to find out what this little fetish is really all about before you go clipping and waxing your girl.
Also, telling someone their post isn't necessary is pointless. You came here for an opinion. Just because it doesn't go along with what you wanted from the thread doesn't mean people aren't going to say what they think.
Me for example, I always say what I think........I would tell you what you should do about the anal but you didn't say please.
 
Nesruk
Member

58 Posts
9/09
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 11:28AM
His post wasnt constructive and wasnt relevant to what I had written so yes, it was pointless. Could you pretty please with sugar on top tell me what to do about anal?:)
SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 12:18PM
Maybe he was popping off a bit but yes, it was relevant because I don't think you know what you want out of this whole thing.
As I said, you're ideas are all over the place.
Do you really want to dominate this chick? And moreover does she really want to be dominated?
What kind of dom do you plan to be? Master with a slave or pet? Daddy with a baby girl, lil' girl or brat?
The reason I recommend establishing this is 1) it's not all about whips, spankings and hot wax. That's just rough sex. 2) you will have clear cut rules to follow and punishment and rewards.
See that? That was my way of dom'ing you. And you went for it because I have something you want. You apparently have something she wants too. You both also might be switches. Meaning either of you can switch from sub to dom role. You need to talk about that.
As far as anal goes, alot of anal virgins are afraid of pain (which there will be some at first), giving up a little control of the situation to their partner, or maybe she's afraid of being embarrassed by it.
Good sex is really ALL about communication. My motto is Say what you mean and mean what you say be polite about it or get the fuck out of my bedroom.
Talk to her about it. If she knows you're willing to work through it with her she will be more likely to co-operate. If you're REALLY going for the sub/dom thing, you could use it as punishment. Some do that and punishment is not supposed to be fun. That's why it's called punishment.
Otherwise, how important is anal to you? If it's not that important, drop it. If it is she needs to know that and she needs to know that's it's not all about her needs because you're supposedly going to be the dom. Subs are supposed to please the dom as much as they can.
So you prove to her you can be trusted not to truly hurt her and she agrees to anal. You need to start out with some anal play first. Now there are some anal enthusiasts here who would disagree with me over what I'm about to say but this is what works for most women I talk to.
1) You need to go slow. Start out with something like.....eat her out, get her really worked up, lube your finger with her juice and stick your finger in her ass to the first knuckle. You will feel two little tight bands on your finger. Those are sphincter muscles and they need to be gently stretched. Worm your finger around a little bit and thrust gently. The sharpest pain you feel from anal comes from these muscles being stretched too quickly because their job is to keep the body water tight.
As you move your finger in further with GENTLE thrusting, she might feel like she has to poop. Talk her through it as you continue to stimulate her in other ways (play with her breasts, lick her ect). Keep reminding her to relax and that feeling will go away. Keep encouraging her by telling her how hot she is for doing this, how hot it's making you, ect. Praise, praise, praise. All of this will help override the different sensations she might be feeling that would make her reject it.
My personal favorite is a modified shocker. He sticks his pinky in my ass, his index and middle finger in my pussy. And instead of using his thumb on my clit, he uses it to open my lips while he sucks on my clit. His other hand is either lifting my hips higher or playing with my boobs.
SHIT! Hang on, gotta go masterbate.............
Anyway...........what can I say? I married a guy who can multi-task.
Make sure you keep things well lubed because your ass does not self-lubricate like a vagina does. Dry anal can be very painful and it can also tear the rectum if you're not careful.
Give her at LEAST one killer orgasm with your finger in her butt. You can do this with cunnilingus or during vaginal sex. But don't be surprised once she comes down from it if she tells you to take it out NOW. Because when we have a really good orgasm from anal play some of us become hypersensitive and need a minute to recover. When that happens, whatever is in her ass, becomes VERY uncomfortable.
Then she will associate that type of orgasm with anal and she might get more adventurous. If you fuck it up, she may never let you touch her ass again.
Keep in mind it may take awhile for her to get to the point where she will allow a penis or toy. But it can be done.
Edited by - sexshopgrl on 9/21/2011 12:19:23 PM
astroknight All-Star Supporter
Questionable Moderator

Tastes so good...
4187 Posts
11/99
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 2:36PM
A BIG +1 for what SSG said with a few added notes:
In addition to checking out a few forums, there are some great instructional DVDs that are very couples friendly to help you find some of what you want. Nina Hartley has plenty of great ones from Adam & Eve (including several bondage / domination) type ones, and [ invalid url ] as jessica does a great job of making anal fun and approachable for beginners, and my review compares it to many of the other instructional anal releases out there. Also, offer to let her play with your ass. If she takes you up on it you'll be a much better anal lover for her as you'll learn a few tricks (both good and bad) that can make all the difference in the world.
As for your plans...
Don't pick up clothespins, they're too much pain for most starters. Pick up hair clips instead. Also make sure you have the right type of candles, as the wrong kind will burn like hell and if she doesn't want her hair pulled too much odds are she isn't going to want to feel like you lit her on fire. Finally, as it sounds like she isn't a big fan of pain, go with a paddle instead of a whip or just start with a good spanking before moving on. It can take some good practice to give a good spanking, and until you can do it right with your hand or a paddle you probably don't want to move to a whip. Again, check out a few forums and videos to learn the right technique. I'd also suggest that with how fickle it sounds like she can be that you watch them together since the most important thing in both rougher / bondage / fetish play as well as the anal action is communication and that communication can start very well watching something sexy on a subject you both want to explore.
In addition to checking out a few forums (and definitely go through page after page on this one), t
"I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten
Edited by - astroknight on 9/21/2011 2:37:24 PM
Nesruk
Member

58 Posts
9/09
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 2:43PM
Do you really want to dominate this chick? And moreover does she really want to be dominated?
>> Yes and yes. We are in a long distance relationship and we havent as I said earlier done any of this type of sex. But she told me she would like to treat her "like people do in places where the man is the boss and the girl does what he says". Going by that I've told her to act like a nice girl or I'll have to punish her (saying that makes her very horny), I also made her beg me for permission to play with herself (which she did and got turned on by).

What kind of dom do you plan to be? Master with a slave or pet? Daddy with a baby girl, lil' girl or brat?
>> I guess it would be master/slave? I tell her what to do and she does it, if not she's "in trouble".

2) you will have clear cut rules to follow and punishment and rewards.
>> I'm setting rules that she is starting to follow now so I guess we are on to that. Havent told her how I will punish her only that I will if she doesnt comply. But we've been through what she wont do and what's okey, maybe that isnt really how dom/sub works but she doesnt seem to like just to be punished just to be punished so I'm only doing the things she says she is okay with.

See that? That was my way of dom'ing you. And you went for it because I have something you want. You apparently have something she wants too. You both also might be switches. Meaning either of you can switch from sub to dom role. You need to talk about that.
>> I tried bringing up that maybe she would have to punish me if I went to hard on her next time I see her but she didnt really bite. Seems only to be into being submissive (so far). I asked her too of what she gets turned on by and only thing she said was being dominated again.

As far as anal goes, alot of anal virgins are afraid of pain (which there will be some at first), giving up a little control of the situation to their partner, or maybe she's afraid of being embarrassed by it.
>>She says she has tried it and didnt like it because she says its dirty(not in a good way) and therefore dont want me close to her butthole. Appearantly he also used a lot of time to make her comfortable so dont think that pain is the problem, it MIGHT but according to her it seems to be more about the dirtyness thats a turnoff.

Good sex is really ALL about communication.
>> We communicate very well and arent shy about what we like and dont like so this is no problem.

Talk to her about it. If she knows you're willing to work through it with her she will be more likely to co-operate. If you're REALLY going for the sub/dom thing, you could use it as punishment. Some do that and punishment is not supposed to be fun. That's why it's called punishment.
>> We did talk, for quite a while about it, she went from "no way" to "maaaaaybe" but she's really skeptic and she seems set that its dirty no matter what I do. Not sure if she is that into dom/sub that she would let me punish her with it.

Otherwise, how important is anal to you? If it's not that important, drop it. If it is she needs to know that and she needs to know that's it's not all about her needs because you're supposedly going to be the dom. Subs are supposed to please the dom as much as they can.
>> This is where I'm conflicted, she says she gets totally turned off if I get close to her ass so I think playtime would be over if I tried playing with her ass. Might work if I get her really horny first and get her really into the sub role?

1) You need to go slow. Start out with something like.....eat her out, get her really worked up, lube your finger with her juice and stick your finger in her ass to the first knuckle. You will feel two little tight bands on your finger. Those are sphincter muscles and they need to be gently stretched. Worm your finger around a little bit and thrust gently. The sharpest pain you feel from anal comes from these muscles being stretched too quickly because their job is to keep the body water tight.
>> Seeing as she thinks its really dirty, do you think it would help if I put on a finger-condom? Or might it feel more surgical? And taking it slow is no problem, can use as long as it takes:) Dont want to hurt my cutie:)

As you move your finger in further with GENTLE thrusting, she might feel like she has to poop. Talk her through it as you continue to stimulate her in other ways (play with her breasts, lick her ect). Keep reminding her to relax and that feeling will go away. Keep encouraging her by telling her how hot she is for doing this, how hot it's making you, ect. Praise, praise, praise. All of this will help override the different sensations she might be feeling that would make her reject it.
>> This I will definitely do!:)

My personal favorite is a modified shocker. He sticks his pinky in my ass, his index and middle finger in my pussy. And instead of using his thumb on my clit, he uses it to open my lips while he sucks on my clit. His other hand is either lifting my hips higher or playing with my boobs.
>> Might try out this one:)

Make sure you keep things well lubed because your ass does not self-lubricate like a vagina does. Dry anal can be very painful and it can also tear the rectum if you're not careful.
>> Will do.

Give her at LEAST one killer orgasm with your finger in her butt. You can do this with cunnilingus or during vaginal sex. But don't be surprised once she comes down from it if she tells you to take it out NOW. Because when we have a really good orgasm from anal play some of us become hypersensitive and need a minute to recover. When that happens, whatever is in her ass, becomes VERY uncomfortable.
Then she will associate that type of orgasm with anal and she might get more adventurous. If you fuck it up, she may never let you touch her ass again.
>> Was thinking about eating her out and playing with her butt and making her come that way so guess my plan wasnt too far off.

Keep in mind it may take awhile for her to get to the point where she will allow a penis or toy. But it can be done.
>> This is no problem^^

Thanks for the help!:)

astroknight All-Star Supporter
Questionable Moderator

Tastes so good...
4187 Posts
11/99
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 2:47PM
I'll recommend again the jessica drake anal instructional as there's a very nice section there on non-penetrative anal play which sounds like it could be very important here. Do it right and it'll help her ass relax so that she can enjoy the penetration better...
"I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten
Nesruk
Member

58 Posts
9/09
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 2:50PM
I'll skip clothespins then:) Found out which type of candle to buy too. I'll skip the whip for now (though when I asked her what toys she had she said she might have a whip that she could look for so I think she is up for it). She has said that she can take a lot and doubts that she'll have a use for a safeword (I insist on that though) so I'm not really sure what the thing is, if she likes some sorts of pain and just not others.
Thanks for help!:)
SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 3:05PM

I am just giving you some basics here and they may sound a little discombobulated (I love that word) but hang with me, we'll get there.
When you talk to her about it you need to remind her that the rectum is for evacuating the bowels. The only time they have anything significant in them is when you are having a bowel movement. Otherwise they are empty. There may be some fecal matter here and there but nothing that would be really nasty.
It's not as dirty as people might think. It's just that we've conditioned ourselves to believe that feces= waste=dirty.
In ALL the YEARS I've been engaging in anal sex with husband and past partners, I have smeared my partner maybe twice at the most. And it was exactly that, a little smear.
However, I am extremely hygeinic. Almost to a fetish or obsession itself. I keep my body VERY VERY clean for the purpose of my sexuality. I don't douche very often and I rarely use enemas. But I wash my junk VERY thoroughly. I could go into more detail but that's another thread. LOL
So really the nights hubby catches me right out of the shower, for me, are the perfect nights for anal.
If she's clean she should have nothing to worry about. And it will just be up to you to get her to realize that even if you guys might make a mess of it, it's no big deal. Nothing a few baby wipes can't clean up. Because THE ORGASMS ARE TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!!!!!!
And kudos to astroknight for the advise on the vids, the toys/implements, ect.....I was going to tackle that next but he said everything perfectly.
Nesruk
Member

58 Posts
9/09
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 3:21PM
I've actually told her that about the bowels being mostly empty so if she goes to the bathroom before we start it would be minimal amount of any waste. She didnt seem convinced.
But you do get really awesome orgasms from it? From only anal or anal combined with clitoral stimulation or something else?
astroknight All-Star Supporter
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Tastes so good...
4187 Posts
11/99
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 5:14PM
You have a prostate. She doesn't. Your orgasms should be as intense as hers or even more so. Experiment and you can learn yourself rather than asking others. And if that idea seems too far out, dirty, icky, taboo, etc. for you, perhaps you should lighten up on her as she appears to be having those same thoughts.
"I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten
Edited by - astroknight on 9/21/2011 5:15:36 PM
SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 5:17PM
I like it all. Matter of fact, at work they call me The Backdoor Girl because I'm always talking about it.
You see part of it is the anatomy of women. We can have three or four types of orgasms whereas you guys only get two. There is clitoral stimulation, penetrative stimulation, g-spot stimulation and anal stimulation. Some chicks can even orgasm from nipple stimulation.
The reason we are the lucky ones is because the clitoris and the nerves that branch off of it are like a wishbone. Think of the tip of a wishbone as the part of the clit you can see. The "legs" branch out back towards the spine, straddling the vaginal canal and rectum. So as something is thrusted into those orifices you're stimulating those "legs." That makes us feel full and feeling very full adds to the orgasm. That's why some women like DP, butt plugs or anal beads.
For me, it actually takes a combination of things. My absolute favorite is a butt plug, doggy style pounding. He puts his hands on my ass to grip with and uses his thumbs to make quick little presses on the butt plug. Or I reach back and work it myself. He traps my legs inside of his (makes me feel tighter along with the plug inserted) and pounds the pussy. Sometimes he'll smack my ass, paddle me, use the crop, ect. OR he might pull my hair. When I'm ready to come, I touch my clit and it's a done deal. I wreck the bed,we share a sweaty cigarette and go to sleep happy.

Oh yeah, that's another thing I totally agree with astro on. Never ask her to do something you won't do yourself.
Edited by - sexshopgrl on 9/21/2011 5:18:35 PM

 
Rubberhole
Deactivated User

256 Posts
2/10
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 6:24PM
SexShopGirl...there is no sexual contact in true BDSM...these two are role-playing and more into D/S...
SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11
Posted - Sep 21 2011 : 6:48PM
^ I said contract. Whether it's verbal or written I know many people in the BDSM that carry an agreement with their partners in regards to what limits are pushed.
I also think you are wrong in trying to define what constitutes "true" BDSM.
To me that's like saying a 'true" politician will do this or a "true" christian will do that.
I know plenty of people that are into BDSM hardcore that would disagree about sexual contact.
The term itself implies that there is no one right way to do it. BDSM relationships are sexual relationships. By definition, sadomasochism is an erotic paraphilia and is listed in the DSM. Even if you never fuck, the whole point of a BDSM relationship is kinky eroticism. People who say otherwise really worry me. Sadomasochism is sexual. If you take the sex out, it's not really S/M anymore.
You may not see it with Pro-doms because that would be considered prostitution.
I believe that Nesruk is a kinkster and that's fine too. So what other advise would you give besides criticisms?
Nesruk
Member

58 Posts
9/09
Posted - Sep 22 2011 : 1:13AM
I meant for females, not me. I've actually tried fingering myself when I was masturbating and the few times I made it work it felt good.
SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11
Posted - Sep 22 2011 : 4:35PM
^ YES!! If she's willing and you work her up to having one she will be alot more co-operative in the future.
Rubberhole
Deactivated User

256 Posts
2/10
Posted - Sep 22 2011 : 6:24PM
SexShopGrl...what criticisms am I waging? Actually, you are the one that comes across as a sexual expert on topics near and far. I am saying that the original OP and his woman are role-playing. From what he describes, this is how I view it. As for the "true" BDSM, I speak from experience. In the mid 80's I was involved in that scene as a novice participant and it wasn't for me. The reason. NO sexual contact was occurring. Nor allowed at ANY time. This was not a couple, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, etc. This was a club of Doms and Subs, males and females on both sides of the specturm, etc. Was I turned on ( as you said it is like foreplay), yes. Very much so. Was there contact. NO. I hooked up with a female I met there and we did our own thing away from the club, in our own way. It was more role-play for her and I, and it was foreplay. We "played" together for about 2 years or so. Are there BDSM groups that include sex. I'm sure there are. Are they hardcore, like the group I experienced. I think not. When it comes to sexuallity there is no right or wrong, good or bad. To each his own.
SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 1:25AM
As I said, the comment about "true" BDSM is what I had an issue with.
Maybe in the 80's that was your experience. You might have been in the know then. But these days it also involves sex. Either because the sub or dom gets sexual gratification from the session/scene itself or because they end up having sex later. That's what makes it a fetish by definition.
I know plenty of subs and doms that are partners and will not step out of that relationship. However, they will hook up with play partners for a good beating without "cheating" on their partner. They simply have an understanding with that play partner that there will be no sex. I also know people in the community that have BDSM parties that turn into orgies too. That's just the way it is in 2011. I mean I can't even begin to go into all the different little sub-fetishes that ALL fit into BDSM (including bondage and discipline) and have nothing to do with role playing.
Regardless of whether your club allowed sex or not is beside the point. Other clubs do. And they all have their own little set of rules. I had to listen to my girlfriend tell me all about hanging from these hook things while some guy was flogging and fuckig her. She had herself branded once too and this all took place at one of her clubs.
It also comes down to what you consider role play. Which really is a whole other type of fetish.
So what exactly are you adding to this other than to tell the kinster that he's not a 'true dom' unless he does this or that? Nesruk is trying to figure all this out but you haven't given any suggestions.....or really much of anything else for that matter. What comments you have made come across as criticism. That's the way the OP took your first comment and that's the way I took the one you directed at me.
seedfeeder
Member

My balls are full, who's hungry?
716 Posts
4/09
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 2:34AM
Interesting thread. SSG you mentioned "switch", I think I'm a switch, but my wife is sub only I think-damn good at it too. Just recently I discovered the switch part, that I want to be a sub too. Any suggestions on how to work her into it?
Also, I'm confused-I don't know too much here so someone who does (I'm looking at you SSG) straighten me out: K, so the OP is talking about dominating the girl. But tying her up seems out of place-I mean, why would you have to tie a sub up? Don't you dominate her with your presence alone? Isn't what he's describing more like S&M? It's a new fetish for me, so again, I really don't know. We've done the tie up thing too-but it never struck me as dom/sub play. I mean, a sub takes orders, there is not really force-the sub is without free will... so tying seems almost counter productive.
Am I way off here or what?
Nesruk
Member

58 Posts
9/09
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 6:21AM
Well in my (and my gf's eyes) the tying up is part of the domination. That way she cant resist anything I want to do with her and I am in full control. Also I myself havent "branded" what I and her are doing as anything at all, all I've said is that she wants to be dominated and I'm looking for tips on how to do it. I'm not trying to fit into one niche or category, we're just doing what turns us on and whats fun for us, not what someone like Rubberhole says we have to do to be "proper submussive/dom".
Thanks for all the help SSG and Astroknight:)
Rubberhole
Deactivated User

256 Posts
2/10
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 8:28AM
Nesruk...I don't wish to beat this death, and it's getting to that point. You contradicted yourself with this last post. You tie your woman up so she can't resist what YOU want to do, but you won't engage in anal play ( something you want) because SHE doesn't want it. WTF?? You guys are ROLE-PLAYING. This is not a case of true submission on her part, nor dominance on your part. Just enjoy what you guys are doing and forget about putting a title to it. But if you must, its role-playing.
Nesruk
Member

58 Posts
9/09
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 8:41AM
You should really learn how to read Rubberhole because I JUST wrote a post where I said specifically that I AM NOT BRANDING WHAT WE ARE DOING AS JACK SHIT, you are the one trying to put labels and rules for everything. You seem to consider yourself a BDSM-expert so you might have heard of a thing called hard-limits? And that is what anal-play is for her currently. Also, the fact that I say I'm dominating my girlfriend doesnt mean that we are slaves to the (apperantly extremtly strict) rules of the "domination"-part of bdsm.
 
SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 9:19AM
Seed, I promise I will answer tonight when I get home from work.
Pinky promise.
astroknight All-Star Supporter
Questionable Moderator

Tastes so good...
4187 Posts
11/99
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 10:45AM
Rubberhole, you're not really adding anything here so I'd suggest you move on from this thread.
"I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten
seedfeeder
Member

My balls are full, who's hungry?
716 Posts
4/09
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 11:38AM
Nesruk-Personally I'm not trying to label you, and as you saw, you inspired a question or two of my own since you hit something that is a bit complex.
However-I would say the label IS important if you are asking for advice. If we or you especially don't really understand what she wants-it's gonna be difficult to really please her. I thought you described more like torture stuff, is that what she wants? To lose control and lose the opportunity to exercise it? And be given mild pain (you mentioned clothes pins I think) and so forth?
Anyway, if you describe it (what she/you wish to do) a little better and perhaps leave your labels out, you might get better advice. Just a thought.
seedfeeder
Member

My balls are full, who's hungry?
716 Posts
4/09
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 11:49AM
LOL words of wisdom.
astroknight All-Star Supporter
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Tastes so good...
4187 Posts
11/99
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 12:14PM
Proper communication is always important, but wanting "to be dominated" leaves an awfully wide berth and to argue semantics on something that can evolve as much as sex does isn't exactly the brightest. This isn't arguing about whether "my girlfriend wants me to fuck her in the ass" actually means fucking her "in that place where she poops or pees" and the argument is more reminding me of my 90+ year old grandmother trying to argue modern day medical procedures because she was a nurse 40some years ago...
"I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten
Gore Gore Girl All-Star Supporter
Doctor of the Erotic Arts

7238 Posts
1/09
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 12:19PM
Ouch!
seedfeeder
Member

My balls are full, who's hungry?
716 Posts
4/09
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 12:47PM
Who are you talking to astro?
astroknight All-Star Supporter
Questionable Moderator

Tastes so good...
4187 Posts
11/99
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 1:05PM
Fairly general...
"I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten
seedfeeder
Member

My balls are full, who's hungry?
716 Posts
4/09
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 2:56PM
That's good, cuz I'm obviously trying to be helpful and so talking to me that way in this thread would be fairly rude :)
astroknight All-Star Supporter
Questionable Moderator

Tastes so good...
4187 Posts
11/99
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 4:32PM
I know you are and I think your switch comments are a great addition to the conversation. I partially wanted to clarify for everybody that there are some areas that are not cut and dried in their meaning to people which is why I tried to make the example as stupid as possible...
"I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten
 
seedfeeder
Member

My balls are full, who's hungry?
716 Posts
4/09
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 5:05PM
^thank you for clarifying and also for your additions as well, I plan to look into the suggested vids, etc.
seedfeeder
Member

My balls are full, who's hungry?
716 Posts
4/09
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 5:48PM
SSG: By the way, have you seen that show with the old lady discussing sex? Talking about dildos (visual aids included) and so on? K, well it's nuts-who the FUCK wants to learn about sex from some old hag?
Point being-you have a lot of knowledge, you should try to get a show or at least a syndicated column like dear abby, but about SEX SEX SEX. Seriously, you kick ass.
SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 6:25PM
I'm trying to think of a way to explain this......
Some people can switch, some can't. I have a few people I talk to on another forum and they will flat out tell you not to expect them to switch. They are either dom or sub and they have no desire to change that.
They get very upset with people who ask them to switch. To them it's like asking a het to play homo. Not gonna happen with them unless they want it. Period. A switch will have just as much fun as dom or sub. Simple as that. You would have to find out if your wife is willing to try but you may just have to deal with the fact that she may not be a switch. Communication is key.
I do not consider myself either. Although I can be very demanding in bed I'm not the dom nor is my husband. I ask for what I want and my husband is free to say no just as I am free to refuse his demands. I mean really, I'm not always in the mood to give him a foot job. Other times he's not in the mood for anal. Those are just our kinks. But we don't want them all the time and we do not retaliate or "punish" if our demands aren't met. A brat will retaliate and the daddy will punish in a Daddy/Brat dom/sub relationship.
You are correct in saying you do not have to tie anyone up in a dom/sub relationship. But if both parties are into it, bondage is another way to dominate someone.When someone is tied up, they are at your mercy and that's usually the turn on.
A sub's job is to submit or be disciplined. What they submit to is up to the people in that session/scene. This can be as simple as a bare bottom spanking or as complex as toilet and food restriction. Seriously. I find that most people who take part in ANY type of fetish or kink do a lot of communicating first so that everyone knows what roll they are to play and what to expect. IMO it should always be that way.
The whole point I am trying to make (and probably could have said better,sooner) is that BDSM is almost a catch phrase for different types of kink. Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism. It does not mean you have to combine all those elements together to have a "true"........well, anything. I get really irritated with people who think that because in the end, they are the ones that either get hurt or end up hurting someone else. Physically or emotionally.
I don't care for labeling either but sometimes you have to use labels to get the point across.
I used the term "Kinster" because a kinkster likes to dabble in all kinds of kink and fetishes. A fetishist almost takes it a religious level and sometimes they cannot get sexual gratification without that particular fetish.
There are SOOOOOOOOOOOOO many kinks and fetishes it's unreal.
I consider myself a kinkster. I like trying new things. I like pushing my own limits and challenging myself. My husband is MUCH more conservative than I am but most of the time he's willing to try anything to get the Big O even bigger.
I do not in any way consider myself to be a sexpert. I'm not giving any information that cannot be found if sought. I just happen to be very curious by nature and I like to research things. If some people here think that makes me a know it all, then too bad.
SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 6:30PM
I meant to mention......Sue Johanson is the older lady that hosts Sex Talk. She is really straight up about sex and she cracks me up.
Also someone mentioned (I think it was Goregoregirl) that fucking someone where they pee= ouch. I would think so too BUT it is a fetish. It's called Urethral fucking. I'm not even sure I want to know......
They do have groups for it on Fetlife and if anyone joins my user name is SexShopJulie.
seedfeeder
Member

My balls are full, who's hungry?
716 Posts
4/09
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 8:23PM
thanks for the reply. And personally I think you know enough to be on a show or have a column-it wasn't sarcasm-it was sincere. Regardless-delivery is everything (thus my lack of interest in Sex Talk), you got the right delivery-bet you're a hell of a saleswoman.
Another question-so how do you know if you're really either? (sub or dom) or just "role playing"?
If you know a site/forum on that topic a link would suffice. Otherwise, happy to hear your opinion. Also would be interested to hear Astro's opinion, he seems to know quite a bit on this topic also.
SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 9:22PM
Go over and check out Fetlife. It's kinda like the Facebook of the BDSM and Fetish.
I'm not even that hardcore for my kinks and yet I found a few groups that seem nice.
I joined one for spanking, one for anal, a fan group for Rocky Horror and a local group.
And I didn't take offense to your compliment. I was just saying I don't claim and training or sexpertise. For me sex is also science and if I've said it once I've said it a million times. Me likey science. :)
What's funny is, now at the shop I have these regular customers now that are all men. LOL
They come in and ask for me partly because of stuff I hear about men from you guys.
I sell those Tenga's, Fleshlights and pumps like crazy, the porn, all of it.
I tell them what you guys tell me. LOL
astroknight All-Star Supporter
Questionable Moderator

Tastes so good...
4187 Posts
11/99
Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 11:41PM
I "borrowed" the keys to the ADVDT Wayback Machine when HeyNow wasn't looking, so here's another spot to add a little more to the sub / dom conversation with top and bottom. This thread reminded me that there's not just sub and dom, but also top and bottom...
"I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten
SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11
Posted - Sep 24 2011 : 12:41AM
I can dish it out as good as I get. So what would that make me?
RandomPrecision
Senior Member

Enjoy!
8175 Posts
3/06
Posted - Sep 24 2011 : 12:58AM
This will not end well......
astroknight All-Star Supporter
Questionable Moderator

Tastes so good...
4187 Posts
11/99
Posted - Sep 24 2011 : 1:00AM
Trouble.
"I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten
SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11
Posted - Sep 24 2011 : 10:38AM
Probably. ;P




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